Author's note
A change of pace, I guess haha. I've been thinking a lot about plots with trigger warnings in the songs some of you recommended but this one, it made me think of a little bit fluff one so, here you go!
---
“Little by little
Our memories piled up
I will always keep them
As they were.”
---
[ Year 1990]
You were the best thing that happened in my life.
I remember being so lonely when my father passed away. He was the one who taught me everything. The person you knew and loved; he was the one who influenced her.
He taught me the necessary things in life. If there's a Mama's boy then you can say that I am the Papa's girl.
Papa was the person who was closest to me. He was art himself. Everything he did, I was there. In every stroke I paint, every word I've written, and every song I have sung while plucking my guitar; he was the reason for it.
He introduced me to the magical world of art.
Nothing could've prepared me for his death. This may be a bit exaggerating but, my whole world crumbles apart. My mom and brother were good to me, we were the best family I could've asked for but without my father... I couldn't imagine being myself.
The house reminded me of him. I feel sick to the stomach that I couldn't eat. I imagined the world without him; it was not the same world he introduced me to. The world full of colors I used to have has now turned monochrome.
But you know what? It was the last day of his funeral when I met you. High school was only days away and father and I promised each other to make lots and lots of art.
It may be the stupidest thing I did in my whole entire life. Your father passed away too but you know what pissed me off the most? You weren't even crying but you were doing the opposite. Smiling.
I hated that gummy smile of yours the first time I saw it. Everyone must've been so exasperated when I began loving it a few months after. They even doubted me. I could remember laughing my ass out that day when I told my best friend the truth.
One stare I laid on you for the first time was full of hatred. How could you smile when your parents wouldn't ever wake up anymore? How could you laugh when the person who was there for your whole life is now gone?
I approached you that time and I didn't regret coming to you and scolding you in your face. Remember the first words I said to you? It was a question, rather. A rude one. Looking back, I can only giggle on the old me who was broken and just want something to distract my broken system.
"How can you laugh like that?" I asked with dead eyes, my voice cracked due to crying a few minutes before. I can say that I asked that question to you in a louder voice than my normal one as everyone on your side was looking and mine was too.
But I didn't care about those things for a moment. I was so desperate to be answered cause I wanted to know I was better than you because I cared for my father more than you do.
Your smile never faded in your face. I wanted to rip it all up cause it was making me insecure. I don't know what you've been through but we have lost the same person in our life. And I would never forget the words you respond to me.
"It's because I love my papa. He won't be happy seeing me cry."
All I thought was that your answer was "BULLSHIT." I didn't know I uttered it out loud. I love my father too but I felt like my whole world has been crushed because of his death.
I left the funeral with everyone staring at us.
It was supposed to be the first and last meeting but... I found you crying at the rooftop, in my new school — or should I say, ours, on the first day of class at lunch. All there by yourself.
I didn't know we were going to the same school and maybe, the most embarrassing things I have done in my life, was all because of you.
Instead of consoling you, I closed the door as if I had seen nothing. I don't know the reason why you're crying but it pisses me off so much that you can cry like that for other reasons when you can't even shed years for your late father.
Another super embarrassing thing then surpassed the other. I left you crying all alone there and pretended like nothing happened but for some reason, I was thinking about why you were there and how you ended up in that situation.
But you know what? I still hate you. So I still ignore it.
It was gym class. I didn't know that after a day of seeing you crying, we would encounter each other again. Our class was joined because it was needed. The teacher was introducing the things we needed to know as freshmen. But I kept glancing at you.
And still, you were wearing that gummy smile and no traces of last time's agony was written on your face. It made me wonder why and how and the universe must've been so good at teasing that we were paired up to do some warm ups.
You could've initiated the talk. You could've explained why you were crying. I was expecting you to do that but like what I did when I saw you at the rooftop, you pretended like nothing happened and I had no choice but to introduce myself first. I admit, you're pretty popular. Maybe because you were a foreigner. A pretty one, I admit.
As I went home, the room where my father and I used to make art has been locked for days now. Only my father and I went there as mom and my brother aren't really into art. And that room was where the best memories in my life took place. I just sighed.
How could I do what I love again when the reason I have loved those things was you?
---
A month had passed and I was still the gloomy version of myself. Our meeting was just the same. Not until I saw you on the rooftop again, but this time, you're eating your homemade lunch all alone.
I don't know what's gotten into me but you looked really lonely. I don't know why but that time, I sat beside you, maybe because I was lonely too.
Silence was everywhere between us. I admit, I was pretty shocked to see you there all alone. You were one of the popular girls. Even seniors had crushes on you but you're still alone.
No words were uttered. Only the chewing of foods was heard.
And then, you left. I stayed there, wondering why. We were engulfed with silence but I felt comfortable.
I wouldn't ever think that our lunch time would become "our time" with us being with each other in comfortable silence and you know what's the most unexpected thing?
We became each other's pillars months after I started opening up to you. And you did too.
Before I could've even known how much time had passed, we were hanging out like friends. I came to know you more.
You are a person who doesn't want to be seen as weak. And I don't mind showing that side of you to me. I was relieved, to be honest. The way you talked about your father like he was everything to you... makes me feel guilty for asking you that question in our first meeting.
But you didn't mind it, you even said that it made you cry the whole night cause I slapped you with the truth that it's okay to cry. It's okay to show sadness.
One thing led to another. We knew each other really well in secrecy and before I knew it, I was already wary of you. Not in a bad way but... a pleasurable way.
We were just teens and I was having a huge crush on you after you made me sniff that new expensive perfume of yours in your neck. Yes, your neck! You must've been crazy for doing that to me.
And then, those embarrassing things I did to you before, were replaced with happy memories as my feelings grew and grew.
I was already back. The Chaeyoung before when my father was still alive was back. The room that has been kept locked for months has been opened with my new paintings, songs, and music.
You have colored my life. You made me love art again cause I always think of you when I make something new.
And then it came. The heat of the moment. At the rooftop. You were laying on my lap, eyes closed and I can't help but to taste that luscious lips of yours. Maybe I was just bursting with feelings that I couldn't help myself.
To my surprise, you caressed my cheeks as you led our kiss deeper.
Our love story started at that moment. Or maybe, our lover-relationship did.
Every time we met in the hallways, you would always make me blush by brushing your hands onto mine in just mere seconds. You would smirk. You could just touch me anywhere and I would be electrified.
We kept seeing each other more and more. I wrote songs to you, I sang for you, I painted you. I did everything I loved with you. And you were the center of everything I did.
But you know what's the odd thing in our relationship? Only Dahyun, my best friend, knew. And yours was Sana. Cause they were dating too.
And girls dating girls is a huge taboo in our time.
That's why, everytime we spent time with each other, even those treasured memories were added more and more, we never failed to remind each other that we will always be inside our closet and we prepared ourselves for the worst.
Then, it happened. I always knew you were rich. And you were already engaged when I saw you again at the rooftop, crying.
I can't help but to cry too. It was for business. You have just turned 18.
I know we expected it to happen and prepared ourselves for this but, it still hurts, seeing you walk down the aisle with a man whom you barely knew as you flashed me a gummy smile for the last time like what you did when we first met.
But I can see all the emotions behind it. And I would never, ever, hate that smile ever again.
I love you, Mina. I uttered you those last words before I left the church. I wouldn't bear seeing you share those lips I love with another and worst, your future.
And now, I'm strumming my guitar in the room full of art, where my father and I's memories tooks place but now, it's not only him I kept in my heart but also you, Mina.
Singing the last song I made for the girl I loved and always will, I find myself crying in the middle of those humming.
Faded memory for us
You can always take me away
With a good memory
Even if our time
Is running out
I promise, I’ll keep it
So we won’t disappear
This is for you
“I would never lose myself again, cause you made me find it. So this is for you, my love. For you, I would be strong and keep the memories we made. I hope you do too.”
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Author's note
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