Alyssa POV:
I managed to get special approval to sit my statistics and human biology exams early. I don't have an exam for my criminal justice class which I am thanking the university gods for right now. I didn't cry after I got home, like I usually would've, instead I drafted an email to my lecturers saying that my father was severely sick and I had to go back to Australia early to see him and asked for special permission to sit the exams early.
I one hundred percent believe in karma which is why I said my father was sick and not my mother, because I don't know my dad anymore, and even if I did, after everything he put me and my mom through he could use a little karma sickness.
I got approved for stats and bio but not psychology, Mrs. Delany was very apologetic but said that due to the popularity of the class and that the exam was only two days away she said she couldn't approve it without proof that I needed to return home immediately. I took what I got, not wanting to push my chances instead saying my dad was stable for now but that I will still be going back to Australia early.
Luckily I had bought a flexi-flight which meant I could change the time of the flight with forty-eight hours notice, and that's exactly what I did. I am now going home in two days, the evening after my psychology exam.
**********
I sat both my human bio and stats exams today and now I feel an emotion... exhausted. I crawl into my bed at seven. Mera isn't back in the dorm yet so I text her asking if she can stop at the dining hall and grab me something to eat for dinner. My eyes flutter closed against the pillow, even though I should definitely be packing my bag. My mom was so excited that I was coming early, but she knew something was off when I told her that night after the diner issue, she always does, but she also knows time and place, and knew a facetime at midnight was not that.
I hear Mera come in through the door and my eyes pop open at the prospect of her having food for me. She's holding a take out box from the dining hall.
She honestly is one of a kind.
I sit up in bed and take the box from her, hearing my stomach rumble immediately once the smell hits my nose, burger and chips.
"You're amazing, you know that?" I muffle the end of my sentence because I am busy shoving fires into my mouth at the same time.
Classy stuff, I know.
Mera sits down on her bed opposite me and I feel her eyes on me. She's giving me the look, the look I have become all too familiar with. I can feel her energy shift as she's about to ask me about something I definitely do not want to talk about.
"I don't want to talk about it." I quickly stuff another handful of fries in my mouth so she cant pry any information out of me.
"Alyssa, you can't just run away." She crosses her arms over her chest using her body language to scold me along with her words.
I swallow my mouthful then sigh, looking down at my incredibly interesting burger and fries "Mera... I just don't want to talk about it because I'll cry."
I am not one hundred percent sure I'll cry, but there is a high chance, considering I have shut everything off and tried to push away any mention of what happened. I'm scared to open up and break the seal on the dam that is my emotions, afraid I'll drown myself in the inevitable flood.
"He was asking about you."
This catches my attention, James sent me a good morning text this morning like he usually does if he wakes up before me and when I didn't answer him by lunch time he sent another, then I started to get phone calls. I've turned my phone off because the temptation of answering him is too high and I don't want to give in to him.
"When?"
"He was asking Luke to ask me and then he stopped me outside the library today."
"And what did you say?" I really hope she didn't tell him why I'm not talking to him. I cant face talking about this, it's making me feel sick.
Mera sighs then straightens her shoulders, "Look, I didn't say anything, I just told him it's non of my business, but I really hope you guys sort this out because I hate being in the middle." She creases her eyebrows together but softens them when she catches me noticing.
She shrugs her shoulders but I know it must be annoying, and I feel bad that she is constantly being the messenger or getting put in the middle. I drop my food down and join her on her bed and give her a hug. "I'm sorry, I'll leave you out of it from now on okay."
She leans her head against mine, "Thank you, I don't mind when you need someone to talk to, of course I'll always listen, but I just don't like being the messenger."
"I understand, I'm sorry I've been putting you in the middle it's not fair."
Mera places a kiss on top of my head then points at my dinner, "You better finish that, or I will."
I laugh at her and pulled the container onto my lap to share with her because of course I would share with her.
I kept my phone off all night, it was actually refreshing except I didn't think about the fact that I need an alarm. I sit bolt upright and frantically try to turn my phone on to check the time, my psychology exam is today and I'm flying back home tonight too.
Fuuuuck
My phone is so slow to turn on but when the melody play saying it's on I catch the time, it's ten-forty.
Man I must've been exhausted.
My exam starts at five past twelve, so I still have enough time to have a shower and attempt to pack my bag.
I managed to fit a good amount of stuff in my suitcase and I have it all set for me to go when Kat picks me up this afternoon. The anticipation is starting to kick in, not for the exam but for the fact that James will be there sitting there in the same room as me.
On my way, I am again bombarded with texts and missed calls from James, part of me feels horrible for ignoring him, he seems genuinely concerned about me and I don't want to put him off his exam, but the other part of me is still hurt, he has been lying to me, I've never lied to him, and trust is a big thing for me.
I get to the exam class room just as they're letting everyone in. There is a line and an invigilator is checking all our student ID's to make sure no one is cheating or sending someone in to sit the exam on their behalf. I'm fourth in line when I hear him call my name, my stomach immediately seizes up with anxiety, I don't look in his direction.
Just ignore him, you're almost there, he can't talk to you inside Alyssa.
Of course he would make it to me before I make it to the invigilator.
"Alyssa!" He sounds out of breath.
"James." I keep my tone even, and I am using everything in me not to make eye contact with him, but James doesn't let that last long.
"Look at me Aly, what's going on?." He places a gentle hand on my cheek and turns me to face him and like every other time I feel the tingles, the electricity, the fire and I hate it, I hate that he can still affect me like this even after I know what he's done.
What do you know he's done?
Lie....
I'm next in line, and I hold his eye contact until I am called next. I place a gentle hand over the one he has on my cheek and bore my eyes into his. "I saw you at the diner."
I don't know what possesses me to be so gentle and calm with him, but I am. I don't want to scream and yell.
His face doesn't register at first but after a couple of seconds I see the flashes of recognition in his eyes and his eyebrows knit together. He doesn't get the opportunity to say anything more as I hand my ID to the invigilator and walk through the doors to the exam.
James sits on the opposite side of the room from me which I am thankful for because the last thing I need is him distracting me through this very important exam.
I thought I would be more distracted but I am doing good, there have only been a couple of question's that I am not one hundred percent sure on but that's fine, I'll never know everything. I go back through all my questions checking I've answered everything and add a few more answers here and there. I've finished within the window that allows you to leave early. I raise my hand and my paper is collected, as I exit I catch someone else raise their hand in my peripherals and I snap my head in the direction knowing that was were James was sitting. The invigilator is on his way to James so I pick my pace up trying to put as much distance between myself and him.
I hope he actually answered all of his questions, and didn't just blow his grade because of me.
Even my subconscious still cares about him. I'm outside, my legs working overtime trying to get me back to my dorm, to put a solid wall between me and him.
"Alyssa! Wait!"
No, no, no, please no.
I don't turn, I pretend I don't hear him, but I do hear him, I hear him getting closer as he calls out to me again. My chest burning from the hurt he makes me feel. It hurts because he lied, but it hurts mostly because I do still care, more than I want to, and it hurts hearing him still calling after me.
"Aly sweetheart, I can explain."
He's a few feet away now, I can hear how close he is, then I feel his hand on my shoulder and stop me. I keep my head down, afraid to look into his golden eyes now that we are alone.
"I can explain, please." he's slightly puffing from chasing after me.
"James, I don't have time for this, I'm leaving in a few hours."
"Leaving?" He's thinking about it while I don't answer him, then he clicks.
"To Australia? You weren't supposed to go until next week."
Again, I don't answer him because he knows basic math and can add up that I am leaving early because of him. He reaches for my hand, and the pain in my chest intensifies with his affection.
"Don't" I pull my hand away from him and clutch it against my chest like it was just burnt.
"I'm sorry Aly, it's not what you think, please let me explain."
My shoulders slump as I sigh and connect my eyes with his. "You have two minutes."
"But, I need more than two minutes, Aly, I can't, it's too long of a story."
"Too long, or too many lies you have to explain." He looks hurt with that comment, but it can't compare to the pain I feel swelling in my chest. I've been holding back the tears for days now, but James is the current that is too strong against the dam I've built and breaks the walls I've put up. I feel the familiar sting of my tears at my eyes, and my breathing quickens as I lose control of my emotions.
I pinch my eyes shut with force trying to banish the tears. I open my eyes and he is still staring at me.
"Dont cry-"
I cut him off, I can't stand being here in his presence. "Time's up."