A/N: Chapters with sex scenes would have stars at the beginning of the chapters title.
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There are things you remember when you're laying on your bed at seven am in the morning, surrounded by five teddy bears and one mouse plushie on your lap while you stare at your ceiling.
You remember that you liked to sleep in between warm bodies and wake up with different scents and sounds around you.
You remember that you liked to hear the sounds of doors closing and opening with loud voices ringing through the rooms in the hallway.
You remember you liked the noise made when you're seated at the table when you had breakfast with the people you thought were family.
You remember... That you never appreciated that, until now.
"It's been five years," My hand brushes Hailey, as I keep looking at the intricate designs on the ceiling.
There's light coming from the window behind me, making shapes on it while everywhere is completely quiet, the only noise being the sounds of birds chirping on the tree next to my window. "Things like this, you grow to get tired of it."
I raise her up, smiling at her. "One of the reasons I'm still sane is because of you though. I'm not sure how I would have survived on my own."
That's if you consider me talking to a toy of mine sane.
Hailey is barely holding on any more. One of her black, tiny eyes have been switched with a button which was sewed loosely by me and she looks totally worn out, that being solely my fault since I'm the one who keeps squeezing the poor life out of it.
"I'm asking Channing today, though," I say, "I've been wanting to ask for a year now and I never got the courage to but I think now I can. He'd— He'd let me, right?"
Hailey doesn't say anything.
I chuckle, pulling her back to my chest. "Right. You can't hear me, but if you did, I know you'd tell me he'd understand. Channing is— Channing is my brother after all. He's not— Them."
Besides, how long has it been since I stood under the sky? Or walked under it? I can't even remember.
After I had woken up from my coma which had gone on for two months, I found out that my whole world had gone into chaos.
Doctor had let us go. Channing had tried committing suicide, slit his wrists but survived and was sent to a rehab center. Crassius came to visit me a few times in the hospital when I was still unconscious but suddenly stopped a month before I woke up and I haven't seen him ever since while Stradella—
He acted like I didn't exist. Not that I'd even seen him either, but Channing used to get really upset when I mentioned his name, or Crassius', so I stopped.
After he got out of rehab, he kept asking me if I remembered anything weird, or that I did something I wouldn't usually do, but I couldn't, which hurt me more than I could admit.
Our parents... Had looked so terrified of me, the first time I got discharged from the hospital and came back home, and they weren't the only ones.
All the maids were as well and that had been frightening for me. Plus, Channing told me not to call him Chocolate anymore and he had been... Different.
Everything had felt like I entered a different dimension, a twilight zone maybe. After a while, he fired every one, leaving just the two of us and our parents which changed after he graduated.
I didn't.
He wouldn't let me out of the house, no matter how many times I asked why. His reply would be 'When you remember what happened, you'd tell me if you really want to leave.'
So I tried to. It was only after a year that I finally did, and it all came in pieces.
It had been Halloween, we all were in school and then... Vanilla kissed Kai, or he kissed her and then there's a huge gap...
And there's water. There's water and she's in it, looking at me and I want to help her, but I know I can't swim and there's something else... Holding me down...
Still, it was something and I told Channing.
His eyes were as cold as marbles as he said, "Did you push her?"
I stared at him, my heart beating fast as I said, "Why... Why would I do that?"
"Did you, or did you not, Carl?" It was the first time he was using my real name and I got scared. Too scared.
But I shook my head. "I didn't."
His eyes stayed on me, as if he was waiting for me to say something else, and when I didn't, the accusatory look in his eyes disappeared and were replaced with something softer. "Okay. I believe you."
He became nicer after that, not as playful as before but better than our new normal. Staying with as much as he could and never letting me out of his sight till he took over Father's position in Aeria and seeing him became rarer with everyday.
At the time, I knew that Channing was still taking his anti depressants and talking to him was like treading around glass pieces, but I also knew he wouldn't hurt me so there were times I pushed my luck with him. "I remembered something else."
It had just been us during dinner and he always seemed a bit better anytime he came back home from work. "Really? What would that be?"
"Vanilla."
He tensed there, the food stopping midway in his mouth but I didn't stop talking. "I was still in the hospital because the memories are a bit foggy, like I was drugged but I remember she was there... She was crying and holding me..."
He looked at me then. His eyes all of a sudden looking tired, "Did she say anything?"
"She said she forgave me." I said, looking at him as tears began to cloud my eyes. "Channing, w-what did I do?"
His tone was dismissive. "You didn't do anything."
"T-Tell me." I felt like I was going crazy. With the way he was acting, and the boys wouldn't even talk to me. I had done something bad and he wouldn't tell me "P-Please. I c-can't keep living like th—."
"You didn't do anything!" He suddenly snapped then stood, pushing his chair back. "Lost my fucking appetite."
Of course, the next day he was apologetic, promising he would make up for it. I told him it was okay but after he left, I got into his room and used his laptop to fill out the questions that I had no answer to.
And it wasn't what I had thought it would be.
Vanessa Montgomery missing after attempt is made on her life by Carl Frye.
Aeria High has been closed down after four of it's students were found in near death situations.
Vinians protesting for justice after Vanessa Montgomery and Kai Light remain missing for two months.
Doctor Sweet under questioning after it's found out that Carl Frye and Vanessa Montgomery were patients of hers who are both suspected for homosexual acts.
Thirty Vinians and Eight Aerians during riot caused by Vinian protestors.
Rafael Rossi steps in to defend Carl Frye from possible jail term, pleading guilty under basis of mental illness.
Carl Frye, son of Antonia and Thomas Frye had uploaded a video of him threatening his classmate and girlfriend, Vanessa Montgomery while they were in the school's natatorium in which he tries coaxing her into lying against her friend, Kai Light which she had refused.
There are certain name callings here, which cannot be identified though Carl does admit he has a boyfriend, who we still can't pin at exactly and is against the law of Isle.
The video goes dark during the time she begs him and he keeps threatening her, asking her if she'd rather she hurts him, then there are muffled sounds and he shouts something else before we hear the phone fall and there's a splash.
The video ends there leaving us wondering if he had pushed her or not, but this question remains unanswered since Carl Frye slipped into a coma and Vanessa Montgomery and Kai Light are still missing.
Doctor Sweet loses her medical license for not paying more attention to Carl Frye and letting him hurt more people than necessary.
Seeing all of those had seemed like lies. Like they couldn't be true but then I'd seen the video myself.
I could recognize my own voice, except... Except it didn't sound like me.
It sounded... Too confident, to be me. And the things I said. It wasn't me. Couldn't be me. Those things about Channing...
After that, I had blacked out but when I woke up, Channing was over me, tears in his eyes. "Cherry, Charming, whatever the fuck your name is, just let Caramel come back to me! I beg you!"
I remember the look in his eyes. He was bruised, and bleeding, and when I had reached out to touch it, he had flinched but relaxed when he saw I didn't mean to hurt him. "M-Mel?"
"Who hurt you?" I asked.
But he didn't answer, instead, he hugged me, crying on my shoulders.
Again, I'd forgotten about the news I read, or that most of my memory had a huge incomplete gap but the next day, Crassius came.
His hair was now at his shoulders, his eyes landing on me first. "Caramel."
I hadn't been able to move from the spot I stood, realizing that it was the first time in a year I had seen him, but Channing who had been in the kitchen heard him and marched out.
He looked furious. Too furious. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
Crassius looked at him, a relieved look now on his face. "You're okay."
"Yes. Now, get out."
"Chan—"
His head had snapped so fast at me that I moved back as he snarled, "Not a word from you."
"I just want to talk." He said, his eyes now on my brother.
"I have nothing to say to you, Aurelius."
"It's about Carl, Channing. About what happened yesterday."
That, had caused him to pause. He had looked at me then, his eyes studying my face before he turned to Crassus and said, "Five minutes. That's all you have." Then he looks at me, "Don't go into the kitchen. Do you understand?"
I nodded and then they both walked off.
At first, I did as he asked. I stayed away from the kitchen but when their voices began to get louder, I decided to just eavesdrop just a little.
"I told you, Carl isn't going to see any fucking doctor. He's fine."
"Channing, he hurt you yesterday—."
"It wasn't him! It was that... That other personality. Seeing that news triggered Charming out. The fucker."
"Even if. You can't handle Carl on your own anymore. Just the two of you here, anything could happen and no one would know."
"Right. Because our own boyfriend's fucking abandoned us when they found out one of us wasn't just as perfect as they thought he was."
"Channing—."
"But it's fucking fine. I love Carl, and I'd stay by his side. I'd protect him and love him and take care of him. We do not need any of you."
"I won't give reasons for my disappearance because nothing I say will ever make up for this. You're a good person Channing, still being here for Carl after everything, but you can't do it all on your own. If you won't let him see a doctor, then get him some pills. It won't keep Charming away but it'd give Carl a stronger hold over him."
I remember standing there and wondering what they were talking about but I walked back to my room.
Before Crassius left, he came to see me, promising he would come back.
He never did.
And sometimes, I can tell Channing drugs me and when I sleep, he'd send in cleaners to clean the place and cook something for us because food is always ready when I wake up and everywhere is spotless, but I don't question it.
He's completely sweet now, the only thing that made me uncomfortable was his refusal to let me go anywhere.
Asides the fact it had been years and I was more better than before, Channing was busier than ever since the Frye's headed the Entertainment Sector and Aeria had more tourist visits than any country. He was barely ever home, leaving me alone, and I never complained, I never said a word.
I was grateful, of course I was. He had someone like me as a brother, someone who ended what we had started, hurt someone he loved and yet, he still cared for me.
But I missed going outside, even if it would be just a minute.
Every Saturday, he would bring me a new book with a gift from the amusement park, but it wasn't the same, though I never told him.
There wasn't a reason to. I was happy here.
Just—
Alone.
"Is my baby awake?"
With the years that have passed, the one thing I'm grateful for is the fact that even though everything seems different, Channing's love for me is still the same.
I sit up, Hailey on my lap. "Hello."
He's already dressed, just in his shirt and pants with a loose tie around his neck. The smile on his face looks satisfied and his brown hair dances all over his face, which contrasts with mine that was short because he cut it all the time.
He jumps on my bed now, resting his chin on the back of his hand as he stares up at me. "Sleep well, baby?"
I nod, "Yeah."
Then his eyes move down to the mouse, "Hello, Hailey."
I take up one of her hands and wave, "Say hello to uncle."
He chuckles now, sitting up before he places a kiss on my head and says, "Breakfast?"
I nod again, "I'm coming."
His eyes stay on mine for a while, and it feels like he's scanning me, reading my thoughts though I wouldn't be surprised if he was but he says nothing and stands, "I'd wait for you then."
When he's gone, I let out a small breath of relief I didn't know I was holding as I crawl out of my bed and walk to the bathroom.
As always, my face is still so young, compared to Channing's which is a bit older now and I still have baby cheeks.
And still so skinny...
I take my hand up and pull down the sleeves, veins in my hand still clear even though I eat more than I did in the past before I roll it back down and brush my teeth.
When I'm done, I walk down the stairs, finding him on his phone before he spots me and winks at me, hanging up and turning to me. "Come."
He walks ahead and I follow him till we reach the dining room.
Channing pulls the chair I sit on back as I stare at the table. It's filled, as always, but I never open all of it. My lunch is always one of the unopened ones and dinner as well.
I sit and he sits just next to me, his eyes still fixated on me.
I take food, a better quantity than before and begin to eat. When he's sure I'm eating well, he begins eating also.
We stay silently like that till I know I'm halfway done and say, "Chocolate?"
He stills and in a strained voice, says, "Channing."
I blink, "What?"
He looks at me, face dark. "You called me Chocolate, my name is Channing."
My face starts heating up at the mistake. "I-I had no idea. I-It was a m-mistake, I didn't—"
He's looking at me, the stern look in his eyes reducing as he hears me stutter. With the years that have passed, I had gotten rid of it and hearing me do it now only shows how nervous how I am.
"Hey, hey, babe." His hand rests on mine, his voice soft. "Calm down. I understand. Breathe in."
I do so.
"Breathe out."
I do that as well.
A smile comes on his face as he takes his hand away and tilts his head, "Alright. Out with it. What did you want to say, Carl?"
The name sounds odd from him. I can never get used to it no matter how hard I try, but I swallow and clench my fist around the fork tighter.
He's not like them. He's not like them.
"I want to leave."
The look on his face makes me think he's had a heart attack, because his eyes widens and his skin pales all of a sudden, but I quickly add, "Just for a while. I'd— I'd come back home."
He relaxes immediately, letting out a small breath of relief before raking a hand in his hair and saying, "Well, that's not a problem. I've been waiting for you to say that honestly."
He has?
So that means I can go, right? He'd let me?
"You just have to wait a few hours for me to come back from work then we'd leave together."
I backtrack, "What?"
He looks at me, chewing on the food in his mouth as he nods and says, "I can't exactly let you go by yourself."
"B-But that's what I want..."
He chuckles immediately, "Oh, love, you say the funniest things sometimes." Then when he realizes I'm not laughing as well, he pauses, taking a cloth to wipe his mouth, "So you were actually being serious . You expect me to let you leave this house alone? Unguarded? By yourself?"
I repeat the same words I'd been telling my mirror as I say, "I'm twenty three, Channing. The same age as you are. I can do things on my own. You just haven't given me the chance."
"I should let you go on the streets of Aeria when you cuddle with, not just one toy, but six?"
My face flushes as I say, "D-Don't use that against me."
But he just continues like I hadn't said anything. "You might have aged, but you haven't grown, Carl, and I have no problem with it but others might. Plus, have you forgotten what happened?"
I still.
Ever since I started the drugs, the blanks were filled and most of it tormented me.
I had locked Katherine in a room of cursed dolls, causing her to go into cardiac arrest, Court was poisoned by a group of black widow spiders that I personally left there, and Cindy was—
Well, she was alright now but she had been scarred by the glass pieces she had to walk on.
Kai, no one knows what I did to him, but he suddenly disappeared from Aeria and Vino.
And then there was Vanilla, who also was nowhere to be found.
Doctor, had also been made to let us go since she wasn't a Doctor anymore which had hurt Stradella since she had let us go without a fight and the hurt had turned swiftly to hate and even though he avoided me, he had hurt Channing.
All of this, because of me.
"Hey."
Channing is now standing next to me, his hand raising my face so I can look at his eyes as he smiles softly, touching my face. "It's not— safe for you out there."
"But it's been so many years."
"People don't—" He seems to swallow in, before saying with pain evident in his voice. "Forget."
"I didn't mean to hurt anyone." I say.
He nods, now brushing away the tears coming out of my eyes. "I know, baby."
"Just let me out, for an hour, or maybe minutes. I just need to go outside. Please." I grip unto the sleeve of his shirt, "I'd stay hidden. I'd avoid everyone. I'd— I'd be good. Please."
Channing stares at me for sometime then sighs, slowly removing my hand from his arm and saying, "I can't let you go alone. If you could just wait for me—"
"Please, Coco—"
"Channing!" I wince and look away, clutching my arms to myself, "My name is Channing, for fuck's sake! If your fucked up brain can't process a no right, let it get the fucking name!"
I hear him pant now, more tears rolling out of my eyes as he says, "Shit. Shit. Carl. Carl, I didn't mean that."
I still don't look at him and he turns my chair around, making me stare into his brown eyes as he says, "You're not fucked up. I just—"
I don't say anything.
His face crumbles at that moment and I see tears immediately glisten to his eyes as he buried his face on my laps and says in the most heartbroken voice I've heard in a long time, "Mel, please."
I look at him now.
It breaks me when he's like this, kills me. It's moments like this I realize Channing tries his best to be a parent, brother, friend and partner, just to keep my happy.
Even though he locks me up, he's only afraid of what would happen if I go outside.
But he has to understand.
He can't lock me up forever.
One day, I would have to face everyone, and everything, and no matter what the outcome is, I'd know that I left happy because I have loved, and was loved.
But I don't say that.
Instead, my hand reaches out to his hair and slowly begins to pat it, "S-Stop crying. It's okay."
He looks up at me, red eyes staring at me as if hoping that I'd understand he'd never hurt me. That he loves me.
I smile, "You have work."
Channing sniffs a bit, "Are you— Are you mad at me?"
I shake my head, "No. You can go, to work. I'd— I'd wait home for you."
He stands immediately, brushing his tears away. "Then we can go to a park and maybe—"
"No."
The look on his face dies, "No? Why no?"
I stand as well and help him do his tie. No matter how badly he keeps trying to reject the name, it doesn't change the fact he uses a chocolate scent cologne.
It makes me smile and look up at him before I place a small peck on his lip and move away, "Have fun at work, Channing." And before he can stop me, I walk back up the stairs.