The ride home after Katsuki came outside shorty after the greenett took off was painfully quiet.
Too quiet, so fucking quite Katsuki hates the damn car itself.
He knew things were going to be awkward now, I mean how couldn't they be?? He pulled back from the sweetest kiss he's ever felt like an idiot because fear and pain have a hold on him still and that alone pisses him off.
There's so many things he wants to say. So many things he needs to say to clear this up without hurting the greenett next to him.
Izuku has said a few words to him but nothing like it normally is and even tho the greenett had told him it was fine a million times over Katsuki isn't stupid and this most definitely isn't fine and the hurt that flashed in green eyes when the blonde pulled away was proof of it too.
He sighs the sound almost coming out like a growl because he's so damn frustrated and upset.
They pull into the parking lot of the building before any other thought can be processed.
They walked into the building slowly side by side but feeling a million miles apart.
The silent tension makes Katsuki clench his jaw with uneasy stress.
He watches the greenett out of the corner of his eye seeing a face that still holds traces of humiliation and hurt making Katsuki's stomach knot.
Suddenly the very quiet voice of the greenett breaks in.
" Um thanks for the ride Kacchan, have a good night"
Before Izuku can get to the elevator tho Katsuki stops him.
" Deku wait..just.. just wait a second ok?"
The greenett slowly turns around meeting crimson eyes.
The blonde guides him to a more private corner of the lobby to talk to him lowering his voice to keep the conversation private.
" Like I told you before I'm bad as fuck with words but ... but I really need to say something..."
Izuku shakes his head his eyes not meeting the blondes.
" No Kacchan, you really don't need to"
" Yes, yes I do Deku i definitely fucking do. I hate the way this shit feels and fuck I don't want you to be hurt and before you say anything I know you are I can see it"
The greenett is quite as Katsuki takes him in, he sighs leaning in closer.
" Deku. That kiss, however short it was because of me was fucking amazing and I mean that. I'm not sure I've ever felt more emotion poured into anything, and right now for me that's scary as fuck, I just don't think I'm ready yet mostly because I'm still so god damn angry and untrusting still. I don't want to take that shit out on you."
He pauses watching Izuku try and bite back his feelings by biting his lip.
His heart aches seeing tears that he knows want to fall.
He speaks again.
" Please don't think that.. that I don't find you attractive because fuck I do. First time I saw you even tho I was pissed off and bitter I had a rough time keeping my eyes off you. If I could create the perfect image of a guy for me , you would fucking be it. The hair, the eyes , the god damn freckles even the the glasses. I mean fuck Deku I could so, so easily take you back to my place and make your eyes roll all night but I don't think you would be happy just having me physically even if thats all I feel like I can give you right now and to be honest I think way more of you then that, you aren't just some cheap lay that I would send out the door in the morning. I .. I wouldn't do that to you."
Izuku nods finally lifting his head with a glassy sheen to his eye as he forces a light laugh.
" So it's the whole it not you it's me thing right? I know Kacchan, I'm.. I'm sorry .. I just thought, I mean it felt kinda like .. like.. "
Katsuki finishes for him.
" Like there's something between us? Like I have a thing for you?"
The greenett nods sheepish.
" You aren't necessarily wrong Deku. We.. we definitely have some kind of chemistry going. Shit is so easy with you and if I wasn't so fucked up Izuku you wouldn't stand a damn chance. I would have pursued you as mine the first night I saw you but .. but I just don't think I can give you what you want right now."
There's tears in emerald eye that he's holding back.
He meets the blondes gaze again.
" It's ok Kacchan. I get it, I do.. you aren't ready. But.. I.. I don't like to hear you say that your messed up, or broken or whatever. You just need someone who gets it and knows that'll take time."
Katsuki stares at him.
" And that's you huh?"
Izuku shrugs with a small sad smile.
" I guess I wanted it to be. But like I said I get it so please don't feel bad. It's late I need to get to sleep and you probably do too"
Katsuki cringes almost scared to let him out of his sight because of all this shit that's hanging so heavy.
He sighs.
" Yeah ok."
Izuku smiles softly.
" Good night Kacchan"
Before he makes it too far Katsuki stops him again.
" Deku, I .. I don't want to lose you as a friend or whatever. I know I might have fucked shit up tonight but.. but I don't want shit to stay weird with us."
Emerald eyes look into crimson.
" Good thing I'm not going anywhere then. Good night"
He's gone after that, leaving Katsuki with a twist of emotions so strong he isn't sure if he wants to cry, scream or throw a god damn tantrum.
By the time he makes it into his apartment both his heart and head aches.
He lights a cigarette slamming himself down onto the couch.
He keeps seeing those hurt green eyes.
He's seething on the inside for not having his shit together enough to take a chance on someone who he has no doubt is probably most definitely worth it.
Part of him wants to stalk right back out the door and down a couple floors, pound on that door and return that fucking kiss till Izuku forgets his damn name, but he's frozen unable to tell if he'd be able to give him what he thinks he wants.
He growls laying down knowing sleep will never come.
And it didn't, not that night or the next, or the night after and it's showing on a very tired, very irritable blonde.
He's been drinking more than usual the past few days and he hasn't even seen Izuku, not that he's been looking because he hasn't thinking maybe there should be some space for a minute even if something inside is begging to differ.
He's currently at a practice playing a song he's been working on past few days when out of the corner of his eye just outside the room behind glass he can see that green eyed nerd talking to Pinky. He must have shown up in the last few minutes.
Subconsciously he begins to sing this new song with his eyes never leaving a greenett behind the glass who can't hear him.
" ~~I should be alone , I should be at home
Instead of convincing somebody that I'm gonna call
When the morning comes
I should settle down
Make my mama proud
Said she's been wanting grand babies I've just been practicing how
If you wanna dance with me, I'll spin you right around
Hand on your hip and dip you down down down
Baby don't ya fall for me, I'll tell you right now
You're gonna hate me when we hit the ground
Baby I'm a project
Loving me's a mistake
Find another prospect
Save yourself the heartbreak
Think you're gonna fix me
Think we're making progress
You'll be broken with me
Somewhere in the process
Baby I'm a project.
You should leave me now
Take an easy out
If you need persuading then baby just ask around
It's a little town. You should think again
Listen to your friends
I got more to work on than I would like to admit
Yeah If you wanna dance with me, I'll spin you right around
Hand on your hip and dip you down down down
Baby don't ya fall for me, I'll tell you right now
You're gonna hate me when we hit the groundBaby I'm a project
Loving me's a mistake
Find another prospect
Save yourself the heartbreak
Think you're gonna fix me
Think we're making progress
You'll be broken with me
Somewhere in the process
Baby I'm a project
Loving me's a mistake
Find another prospect
Save yourself the heartbreak
Think you're gonna fix me
Think we're making progress
You'll be broken with me
Somewhere in the process Baby I'm a project " ~~
It doesn't take a genius to figure out who Katsuki wrote the song for considering crimson eyes haven't left the target. His band mates exchange glances knowing the reason too and when Izuku leaves without so much as stopping into wave its even more obvious after the blonde throws an empty whiskey bottle across the room and shatters it walking away.
He's smoking outside when the voice of a Pinkett breaks in.
" Bakubabe? You ok? Boys said you kinda took off in a huff back there"
Katsuki takes a drag from his cigarette looking at her.
" I don't know what the fuck I am. I'm sure Deku told you about how I fucked shit up before it even started tho."
She sighs.
" No, he didn't say anything like that. Actually he said he felt really bad for making you feel bad, that he never wanted you to feel pressure. He just thought maybe you were feeling the same way he was"
Katsuki spins around looking at her with an annoyed look on tired features.
" That's the fucked up thing, is I probably do feel the same. I'm just to messed up to do anything about it! It pisses me off so bad because I'm at this weird point where it's like even I don't know what the fuck I want"
She nods with a smile.
" Yeah, Izuku is super patience tho."
Katsuki scoffs.
" He hasn't said anything to me since that night. And I don't blame him."
Mina walks up and hugs him.
" Because he thinks you might want the space. If that's not true then you need to say that, you know where he works"
Katsuki does know where he works and that currently where he's getting to walk into but that's because he was called here by the groups manager for another meeting.
He figures he will at least get to lay eyes on a nerd he hasn't seen in a few days and maybe say a few things to him.
But when Katsuki walks into Jade and crimson eyes land across the restaurant to the bar and he sees Izuku sitting there with some guy who's sitting way to God damn close laughing and talking something inside a sleep deprived blonde snaps and Katsuki Bakugo sees red rather he has the right to or not.
He doesn't even acknowledge his Manger who's calling out to him, no, burning crimson eyes are locked straight ahead as he moves quickly to the bar slamming his hand down on the bar top in between Izuku and who ever the fuck this was, pushing himself in between so the greenett was hidden completely behind him.
Izuku jumps in surprise.
" Kacchan?"
But Katsuki says nothing at least not to him.
Crimson eyes burn into the other male jealousy burning white hot, mixed with traces of distrust, it's a dangerous place to be.
" I don't know who the fuck you are but you can get lost"
The male looks up in complete confusion.
" What?"
" You fucking heard me, I didn't stutter, get the fuck lost."
Izuku is wide eyed as he pulls on Katsuki's arm.
" Kacchan.. what.. what are you doing?!"
The blonde makes no eye contact with the greenett yet.
The other male is both unnerved and confused so he decides it's best to leave.
" Uh I'm not sure what's happening here but I'm gonna take off, I'll see you later Izuku"
The greenett forces a smile and waves.
" I'll see ya Logan, tell your mom I said hi"
With that he spins around emerald eyes flashing with anger and confusion.
" Kacchan! What.. what was that about?!"
Katsuki stares at him.
" You tell me, who was that?!"
The greenett stares up at him in disbelief.
" That was no one for you to come stalking up here like that! And .. and what's going on here.. are .. are you jealous?!"
" Yeah I'm fucking jealous! You didn't pick up on that about me, that that's one of my damn personality traits!"
Izuku blinks up at him then removes his glasses pinching the bridge of his nose.
" I'm.. I'm so confused right now"
Katsuki steps closer.
" Yeah me too I fucking thought you liked me! Three nights ago you kissed me! You fucking move on that quick?!"
Emerald eyes flash with both pain and anger.
" I do like you but Kacchan, three nights ago you told me you didn't want to get into a relationship with me because you weren't ready! And no I didn't move on it's not like that! First of all Logan is straight and married Kacchan, to a woman. I use to look after his mom from time to time because she's disabled, so he's like a brother to me, he was passing through the area and stopped to say hi, All things that I would have told you if you would have just asked"
Katsuki now feels completely sheepish.
He runs a hand through his hair and moves away to look out the window cursing himself under his breath.
Izuku takes a step behind him with his arms crossed.
" So.. so what was that exactly? You don't want me but you don't want anyone else to have me either?"
Katsuki doesn't turn around only sighs and chuckles feeling fucking crazy because that's how this is getting ready to sound.
He turns around finally.
" Honestly? Yes.. isn't that fucking insane? But at the same time it's not that I don't want you Izuku because I do, that's just it .. I fucking do want you. But obviously I can't handle it, you saw what I just did, I lost my shit because my trust is zero, and I got so god damn jealous at the thought that someone might take you the fuck away from me before I have the chance to do anything about it! And I know that sounds insane because you gave me the chance to have you and I blew it. But fuck, I dunno.. I.. "
He pauses.
Izuku raises a brow.
" You what?"
Crimson meets emerald.
" I don't know! I .. want you to wait or something. As god damn unreasonable as that sounds! I'm a mess I know. Fuck just run Izuku you don't need this shit"
The greenett studies him letting a few minutes of silence fall between them before he takes a seat at the bar patting the stool next to him.
Katsuki sighs heavy sitting down his eyes on his combat boots.
" You aren't a mess. You have trust issues and you've been hurt"
Katsuki scoffs.
" Yeah but I had no right to act like I just did. You aren't even with me like that, you have the right to date if I can't be the one to get my shit together to do it"
Izuku smiles.
" You do understand that I was willing to date you with flaws and all right? That I knew there would be issues to work through. Don't forget my trust was betrayed too. I never said I didn't have trust issues myself but it's something I'm willing to work through. Relationships take time, but you have to start somewhere. I'm patient Kacchan, it'll take some time and work but eventually we'll see that I'm not Sora and you aren't Shoto."
Katsuki stares at him finally.
He shakes his head with a half smile.
" Deku, I'll fucking put you to the test all the time, ive got more issues then a magazine"
The greenett laughs.
" Good thing I'm a nerdy reader and I always aced my test"
Katsuki smirks finally.
" Cause you're a god damn nerd"
Izuku grins.
" I am. I'm just saying maybe it won't work out Kacchan and we're not suited, but maybe it will and it's amazing. I'm willing to roll the dice on the second one, but I don't want to rush you Kacchan, not at all. So you take your time and think and we'll talk soon", the greenett smiles getting up to wipe the bar down when there's a voice behind him.
" How about we talk tomorrow? After I cook you dinner?"
A/ N
Had to do it..was burned into my brain.
Update 3.
Let's goooo Katsuki, let's see how this goes now.
Our tale is far from over so stay tuned .