Annika Remo
My gaze is drawn to the dress that lies on my bed.
As I stare at the girl in the mirror, the silk black cloth touches my skin, and my heart beats faster. "A true mate is a mirror; the person who shows you everything that is holding you back is the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life," my father used to say.
Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than you are to your comfort zone.
Before staring at myself again, I brush my natural curls off my shoulders. My makeup is a touch heavier than normal, but not excessively. People often say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realising you are the beholder.
"Okay, I got this."
Love is weakest when there is more doubt than trust, but love is strongest when we learn to trust in spite of the doubts. I trust Matteo with my whole heart.
I exit our room and proceed to Matteo's office. Before stepping in, I softly knock. My smile seemed to soothe his strained muscles. His hand tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear as I take a seat on his lap. I'm overwhelmed by his gentle touch as we gaze into each other's eyes.
I managed to catch his words, and my cheeks blushed even more.
"Thank you," I breathe softly as my hand slips into his shirt. My heart swelled at the touch of his chiselled chest. He seemed tense, but with everything going on, I wouldn't blame him.
He gave me a comforting smile and whispered, "Everything is going to be alright." His words brought me a sense of reassurance and hope, and our bodies entwined in an embrace. Matteo becomes a little more relaxed as my thumb caresses his warm skin.
I've never met someone like him. I've never imagined, even in my wildest dreams, how someone might end up here. His heart beat against mine in a way I had never felt before, and the connection between us was tangible.
I refused to look into his eyes, worried he might see through me and my weakness. But with a gentle tilt of his thumb beneath my chin, my breath was robbed. I finally allowed myself to look into his eyes, and there I saw a love so fierce, yet so soft, that it made my heart ache.
"What's on your mind, —?" You. You, Matteo. That's what's on my mind. I can't stop thinking about you, Matteo
" Is Diego going to be at the meeting?" "What if they won't help?" Questions like these swirl around my head and fill me with uncertainty.
"Annika. I won't let anything happen. They will. They've all suffered losses." I nodded, my eyes filled with resolve.
"I'm just worried about you." At my words, a faint chuckle escapes his lips as they make contact with my neck, leaving butterfly kisses. His arms encircled me, providing comfort and a sense of security as I nestled my head against his chest.
"When you're next to me... I can take on everything." His voice was gentle, the words washing over me like a warm summer breeze. I exhaled and snuggled in closer, safe in the knowledge that he would protect me no matter what, but fear clenched my heart.
My lips hover over his as I whisper softly, "Me too." Suddenly, all of my worries have vanished, and I'm ready to take on the world with him by my side. I look into his eyes, and in that moment, I feel like the luckiest person alive.
What if they won't agree? I can feel my heart beating faster, and the fears that have been lingering in the back of my mind start to creep up.
In his embrace, he has created a new world for me, one that I am terrified to leave. It's turned into a home for me. My devotion. My hope. It scares me to lose it. This place has become a refuge for me, a place of deep love and passion.
Those rough hands are my medicine, my heart's song, and my light, for that is love. Love squeezes the senses together, just like when enough stardust is squeezed together, a new star is born with its own gravity and light.
***
His rough fingers entangled mine as we walked up to the entrance of a restaurant. SUVs encircled the structure. I could tell by looking around at all the men in suits waiting outside that they were here for more than just a meeting. It felt like we didn't have much to offer, but we were together, and the feeling of his warm embrace felt like enough.
Nothing can be done except hope that all goes well and they accept Matteo's proposal to eliminate the black list. This was causing me to sweat, which was only made worse by the warm, humid air that hung heavily in the parking lot. I waited anxiously as I watched the men in suits enter and exit the building, all the while contemplating what my future would look like if things did not go according to plan.
One last deep breath, and we walked into the restaurant together. It was clear that the fate of the company and my future were both riding on this moment. But being so close to Matteo was everything and more. Despite the high stakes, I knew in my heart that he would not fail.
Four men sat around the large coffee table. My father's eyes met mine, and atomically, my hold on Matteo's hand tightened as I watched him step forward with courage and confidence. I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride as I watched Matteo take his place at the table. I took the seat next to him. The atmosphere was thick with anticipation as all eyes were fixed on Matteo and me.
My hands were under the table like sweaty clams. Despite my nerves, I managed to keep a calm exterior. I held my breath and waited for Matteo to make the first move.
Matteo looked focused and dangerous in the room with these powerful men. His gaze swept the room, looking at each man with intensity, as if he was taking measure of them.
"Cut to the point. I don't have all fucking day. Why are we here today?" Matteo was challenged by the man in the blue suit, whose eyes were forest green.
Matteo placed his hands on the table and paused for a moment before speaking. "I'm here to ask for an alliance." Matteo's voice was low and resonant, yet he spoke with authority. The man in the blue suit studied Matteo for a few moments, not saying a word.
"Why all of a sudden?" Another man answered, reclining in his chair and finishing the rest of his whisky with a smug expression on his face. His stern expression made me feel like I was about to choke. I could feel Matteo tense up beside me in anger.
My father did not say a word. He just nodded his head in agreement and looked off into the distance. I know he knew, but he wanted Matteo to speak the words first.
"I think we're ready for something different," Matteo replied gruffly; his words were sharp enough to cut the tension. Matteo's remark was met with a scoff from the other man, who put his glass down and said, "Cut the bullshit, King."
"I want to destroy the black list." The room fell silent at those words. At one point, I had the impression that everyone could hear my own heartbeat. Everyone in the room looked at Matteo, who was now leaning forward with a stern expression on his face.
"Every single one of you has lost someone because of this list." "I want to put an end to this shit." His words echoed through the room, and each of us felt a chill run down our spines. No one wanted to be the first to break the silence, and I could feel the tension in the air.
The man in the blue suit smiled and said, "You're fucking crazy." "Are you all listening to this?" He glanced around the room, his gaze settling back on Matteo. I held my breath as I watched the men argue, trying desperately to come to an agreement. I watched in awe as Matteo stared down the man in the blue suit, fearlessly and unflinchingly holding his own. He argued his point with poise and confidence, and although I could sense the unease in the room, he kept an air of calm assurance.
"King, what your asking is for my mafia to commit suicide.." A man in a dark grey suit spoke softly but sternly, cutting through the air like a knife.
Matteo stayed firm, his head held high, as he replied with a hint of defiance in his voice. "I know what I'm fucking asking." He was no stranger to the mafia's power, but he also knew that what he was asking them to do would be in their best interest.
"What do you think, David?" The man in the blue suit interrogated. My father's eyes met mine again, and I knew what he would say before he even spoke. "I'm in," he said firmly. I felt a surge of relief and admiration for my father. I couldn't help but give my father a weak smile. We both knew the risks, but my father was never one to back away from a challenge. He always tries to protect me, even when we aren't as close anymore, and that made my heart happy. I realised in that moment how much I respected him and how much he meant to me.
"This must be a fucking joke. Gabriel tell me you're not considering this?"
The one drinking the whisky...So that's his name, Gabriel.
Gabriel remained silent, his gaze fixed on Matteo as if contemplating something. My heart sank as I realised that Gabriel was seriously considering what Matteo had suggested. I felt a chill run through me as I wondered what Gabriel was thinking. A million thoughts raced through my mind, and I was so preoccupied that I almost missed Gabriel's voice saying, "If I agree to this, I don't owe you anymore, King."
I held my breath, as I was both relieved that he was choosing to do what Matteo had asked of him and scared of what he meant by the phrase 'I don't owe you anymore.' Matteo raised his glass to his lips and slowly sipped the amber liquid, allowing it to warm his throat and fill him with even more courage. He then looked up at Gabriel and, with a steady voice, replied, "You'll owe me loyalty, not money." Gabriel nodded and smiled, finally understanding the true cost of his agreement. Gabriel had made a deal with the devil, but it was too late to back out now.
After a few more moments of tense silence, Gabriel finally spoke: "You have my loyalty, King."
I took a deep breath. It was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Despite the fear and dread that had engulfed me, I felt a sense of comfort knowing that we have people on our side.
"You've got to be kidding me, Gabriel."
"It's just business, dear Santiago," Gabriel replied I sighed, knowing that what Gabriel said was true.
Finally, I knew his name and no longer had to call him "blue suit."
"This is all bullshit...taking down the black list. But I would love to see the mother fuckers pay." "My allegiance remains with yours," the grey-suited man responds.
Relief washes over me. My shoulders relax, and a small smile spreads across my face. I take a deep breath and nod, grateful for the show of support. I turn to look around the room, and for the first time, I feel like things might actually work out.
"All this for a fucking petty girl." If Santiago wanted attention from Matteo, he has it now. Matteo looks like he is inches away from strangling Santiago. Suddenly, I'm filled with an adrenaline rush as I realise what is about to happen. My heart starts racing as I wonder what will come next. Matteo's expression darkens.
"Santiago, shut the fuck up!" The man in the grey suit was realising what was happening as well.
"YOU SHUT UP, BORIS!"
The chair squeaked back, and in an instant, Matteo was standing with his hands fisted around Santiago's shirt. Matteo's face was twisted with rage as he shouted, "Your first mistake was not recognising who I am!" His voice was cold, his gaze unyielding: "Your second mistake was disrespecting my wife!" Matteo grabbed Santiago by the throat and slammed him against the wall. Santiago gasped for air, but his words were choked in his throat. Matteo's expression and tone were filled with intense anger, conveying his displeasure and the gravity of Santiago's mistake. It looked like Santiago's throat was about to be crushed, but he forced himself to swallow, trying to break the suffocating grip.
Matteo had been pushed too far and was no longer willing to take Santiago's verbal abuse. My eyes widen in fear as I watch Santiago struggling against Matteo's grip, desperately trying to free himself. Boris and my father attempt to remove Matteo from Santiago. Matteo releases his grip, and Santiago falls to the floor, gasping for breath. I am in a state of shock as I take in the scene before me.
At this point, I was standing a few steps from the table. I'm scared that if I say a word, things might get ugly. I'm also terrified of what Matteo might do if I try to intervene.
"Santiago, you fucking idiot. Just agree." "You've lost a daughter," At the mention of his daughter, Santiago was standing and facing my father in anger. Tears welled in Santiago's eyes, and his voice shook with emotion as he shouted, "Don't fucking bring my daughter into this!" He was clearly enraged and full of sorrow. In a flash, his gun pressed against my father's chest, and my heart skipped a beat. Tears running down my cheeks, I felt so helpless. I couldn't believe what was happening before me.
"Papa!" My father glared at me and told me not to move from where I was. I felt paralysed, rooted to the spot, as I watched my father in despair.
"You know how it feels to feel powerless to prevent it."
"I have one daughter. I have already lost her once."
"Think about your other kids. This black list won't stop. Everyone can be targeted, including your children." Gently, Santiago drops his gun. His face was emotionless. Santiago stares at the ground, feeling helpless and resigned.
walking in the direction of Matteo, "I'm doing this for my fucking kids. Not for you. Not for her. Not for anyone." Santiago takes a deep breath and continues forward, determined to put the past behind him.
I did not take another minute before embracing my father. I haven't yet forgotten everything he did, but this was a start to mend our relationship. For the first time in a long while, I was hopeful. I knew that I could no longer allow the past to define my future and that it was time to start again. I looked at my father with newfound admiration and understanding, and he returned my gaze with a warmth that had been absent for far too long.
Matteo pulls me back "We're leaving ." I nodded, and with one last glance at my father, I turned and followed Matteo out the door. His hand lay on my back reassuringly, guiding me into the night. I could feel the strength of his grip, which gave me a sense of security in a place I never felt safe. The cool night air was a stark contrast to the warmth of my father's arms.
As I stepped into the darkness of night, I knew that this was the beginning of a journey that would shape my life. Matteo stopped by the car, taking off his suit jacket and placing it on my shoulders to protect me from the chill. Matteo's men didn't bother me as they stood everywhere vigilantly, their guns held firmly in their hands, making sure everything was clear. Without thinking, I embraced Matteo in that moment and thanked him for looking after me. He nodded, gave me a slight smile, and gestured for me to get in the car. We drove in a comfortable silence, the air thick with unspoken gratitude.
****
After tonight's meeting I have hope that the black list will pay for all the innocent lives it's taken. Even if they weren't innocent it's a cruel way to die and I never wish it on anyone.
Placing the last chocolate covered strawberry in my mouth, I ran back upstairs.
Hearing the shower, my heart beats a little faster. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I had the courage to take this step. I shut the bedroom door behind me. The night felt long and like a mixture of emotions. As I stepped into the bathroom, the warmth of the steam engulfed me. I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts and take in the moment, knowing I was about to embark. I undressed, stood there with my heart racing abnormally, turned off the light, and started walking with only the moonlight. I stepped into the shower and allowed the warm water to embrace me, taking away any lingering tension.
And for the first time, I admit to myself that I want to stay here with him. For ever. I lift one hand from the water and gently place my palm on his shoulder, kissing the middle of his back. His skin is fire, and so is the blood in my veins. Pure, uncontrollable fire.
Matteo started the inferno that's been raging within me since we met, and it's nowhere near being extinguished. I drag my mouth across his skin to the edge of his back, and he hisses, his head dropping, the water disturbed by his twitching hands.
I like seeing his fight for control. I like the idea that I can do this to him, send him to the edge of insanity. I want to keep him there.
Taking my hand from his shoulder, I replace it on his hip, flexing my fingers a little, holding on to him, and then I kiss my way down the side of his back. So I work my way across his lower back, and then up the other side, all the time slow, all the time soft, and all the time feeling how tense he is.
The sounds he makes are a mixture of pain and indulgence as he endures my worshipping every inch of his broad back with my mouth and sliding my hands across his skin, feeling every piece of him. I have to reach on my tippy-toes when I get to his nape, using his shoulders to help lift me a little, my boobs pushing into his back as a result. And there I bite at his neck gently, working my way around to his throat. His chin lifts to give me space, but that is his only movement. That, and his uncontrollable chest pumping.
I can feel his resistance stretching, and now I just have to wait for the moment he breaks. When he can no longer stand still. But he's making me wait. He's making me work for that moment when my already tilting universe spins into bedlam. I flatten my tongue and drag it up the column of his throat, forcing his head back farther, the taste of his skin intoxicating. His restrained moan vibrates against my mouth, and then I'm at his ear, breathing against it, and his body solidifies. He's about to break.
Reaching back, he takes my upper arm and pulls me around his body, and I come to rest on his front, arms locked over his shoulders, legs wrapped around his waist. The tips of our noses touched; his big hands cupped my bottom. Half of his face is shadowed, the other half vividly clear. I wonder for a moment if the moon is casting the same shadows on me. I wanted to stay like this. There was water running down both of our backs and not a single piece of clothing between us. I was mesmerised by the beauty of his expression as he gazed into my eyes and the moonlight illuminated his face.
I glance away from him, hide, and rest my chin on his shoulder. My unbearable thoughts are getting the better of me. The burden of my past will never leave me. I can pretend to be free of it, but a sadness so deep doesn't ever fade.
My back rested on the cold shower wall. I closed my eyes and exhaled a deep breath, allowing the tears to flow. Matteo pushes his face into me, encouraging me to come out, and when he has my eyes again, he still doesn't speak. He doesn't ask questions, even though I know he's sensed my sudden despondency. He knows that sometimes there are no words for what I'm feeling. Instead, he separates our chests a little, giving him just enough room to slide his hand between us.
I inhale deeply and hold it, bracing my hands against his shoulders. The first feel of him guiding himself to me, has me biting my lip. The feel of him nudging at my entrance has my jaw tightening. The feel of him sliding into me has my eyes closing and my forehead falling onto his. And when he hits me hard and stills, I cry out, the sound of my pleasure echoing in the evening air all around us. He releases a strangled gasp, and I roll my head across his, forcing myself to look at him when he flexes his hips and withdraws. His eyes tell a thousand stories. His silence speaks a thousand words. I've never experienced a connection to someone like this, not just physically.
I frame his face with my hands, trying to express my gratitude without saying it. He's comfort. He's happiness. He's strength. He's everything a man should be to a woman. The idea that he could be mine forever is too good to be true.
I'm falling in love with him again and again.
I loosen my legs a little, giving him space to indulge me. I wrap one hand around his neck, using it as an anchor to follow his drives, and hold his biceps with the other, feeling his muscles roll. His face is a foot away, but his breathing still warms my cheeks, and I get the perfect view of his handsome ruggedness, every bit of his pleasure there for me to see. His expression is strained, his stare concentrated with dizzying intensity.
The water runs down our bodies, our pace becomes a little more hectic, and his hands move to my hips, lifting me and bringing me back down onto him. The buildup to my climax comes fast, and I fight with it, trying to push it back, not ready for this to be finished just yet. "No," I whisper, hauling myself forward. Our fronts collide, and I grab his hair, holding it tightly. "Slowly," I order, giving him a purposefully soft kiss. He accepts it easily, panting around it. "I don't want this to end yet."
Pulling away abruptly, Matteo slides one of his hands up my back to my nape and grips hard. Possessively. "This never ends, Annika," he grumbles, driving forward with purpose.
His response to that is another hard pound, and I whimper, trying to fall forward onto him for support. He doesn't let me go, tightening his grip on my neck to keep me where he wants me.
I scream. Our bodies are crashing together. I get no more breathing space, no time between each drive to control my pleasure. Now Matteo owns it; I'm his to control, and I let go, surrendering to the formidable power. surrendering to him.
Though commanding, his strikes are controlled; he knows exactly what he's doing, and with each pound he puts into me, I lose myself more and more until I'm certain I've passed into another world—a world where only he and I exist.
His fingers in my damp hair were constricting; his open mouth was moving to my cheek and resting there as he fought for breath, his body jerking madly. All these effects in him shove me over the edge, and I lock up against him, trying to stem the intensity. My mind is spinning, the pleasure is dizzying, and my orgasm is raging on and on and on.
My lungs feel like they've been squeezed dry; my body feels drained. It's like a chemical reaction inside me, with two volatile elements mixing and reacting violently to each other.
I sag against Matteo's wet chest, replete and dazed, clinging to him with what little strength I have left. My eyes close, and I feel him move through the water slowly, his breathing still laboured.