ERIN
Jasper's body felt amazing beneath the water. His skin was as smooth as silk and his strong arms easily held me up against him. I didn't know how long I'd been kissing him for, but I knew if I didn't stop soon I was going to drown in him.
"You're lips taste salty," I whispered pulling back, but not too far. I could still feel his warm breath on me when he spoke.
"Yours are too." He leaned forward and slowly kissed me again. "I like it."
"Oh really," I teased, leaning my head back and pooling my hair in the water behind me as I stared up at the stars. "That's not what you said before." I brought my head back up and looked at him with a playful smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. "You said kissing me was a bad idea."
Jasper cocked his head to the side as if he were trying to recall and then shook it. "I didn't say it was bad. I just said that it wasn't supposed to happen."
"And why's that?"
I didn't know why I was pressing this. It wasn't any of my business. But something inside me was dying to know more about Jasper. It was like a compulsion that I couldn't control. Jasper pulled back a little and I could feel his body tighten underneath mine.
"Erin, I wasn't kidding around before when I said I can't get involved in anything serious--"
"And you won't tell me why," I challenged. My curiosity was getting the better of me, and with every cryptic statement Jasper made I found myself wanting to dig deeper. I heard him when he said he didn't want anything serious, and as far as I knew I didn't either, but that didn't stop me from wanting to know more about him. I didn't think that was too weird.
Jasper frowned and I suddenly felt awkward in his arms. I needed to say something. I needed to save this.
"How about you let me ask three questions? Three questions and then I promise you I won't ask anymore."
He stared down at me; the humor had returned to his eyes. "Three questions, huh?" I nodded and crossed my heart.
"Okay, three questions. But fair is fair, I get to ask you three questions then too."
The side of my mouth rose. I was learning to love how he always was raising the stakes. It made me feel alive. Without giving it much thought, I agreed, already coming up with my first question for him before fully thinking anything through.
"You say you can't get involved in anything serious." Jasper's eyes darkened as I went back down the same path with my question, but I knew better than to pry too much right out of the gate. "Is it because you're married or have a girlfriend?"
Jasper threw back his head, shaking it as he laughed. "No! I don't have a wife or a girlfriend. I told you I wasn't looking for anything serious and I haven't been for a long time now."
I wanted to ask him why but I was afraid he'd shut down and that was the last thing I wanted. So I went for an easy question instead. "What's your last name?"
Jasper raised an eyebrow at me like he didn't think I was serious, like he couldn't quite believe that I was wasting a question on something as frivolous as his last name. But I didn't know it and I really wanted to.
"Taylor," he told me, shaking his head with a smile and spraying the air with water from his hair. "It's Taylor."
Jasper Taylor. It worked. It sounded nice.
"Last question," he playfully cautioned me, pulling me closer to him so that I could feel all of his body against mine. My heart fluttered right along with the desire that suddenly pooled into my belly. I didn't stop to focus on the fact that that was a very bad thing.
My mouth curled up and I was certain that Jasper could see the mischievous glint in my expression. He must've known what was coming yet he stood there, prepared for it. "I know why I don't want anything serious." I looked up at him from beneath my wet lashes and whispered, "But you said you can't. Why can't you?"
Jasper didn't say anything for a minute. His arms were still locked around me but I could feel the hesitation in him. His body hardened as if his walls went up. I recognized it. It was something I was familiar with.
"Erin," he sighed my name in frustration and I knew I was pushing it. Jasper had made it more than clear that the subject was off limits; unfortunately this only spurred me on.
"You said three questions," I reminded him, still hoping that he'd answer.
He found my eyes and held them with his own. "Okay, I'll make a deal with you." He adjusted his arms around me and I got distracted for a moment by the feel of them against me. "Let me ask my three questions and if you answer all three of them, I'll answer yours."
"You're making this all very mysterious. You know it's only making me want to know more, right?" I boldly brought my lips to his and gave him a light kiss. "But if that's how you want to play it... Fine. Ask your questions."
Jasper smiled and drew his head a bit back from mine. "You ready for this college girl?" I nodded confidently; I didn't think there was anything Jasper could ask me that I couldn't handle.
"What do you do for fun?"
I raised an eyebrow. This was his question. "I think it's already been determined that I don't do anything for fun."
"That can't be true."
"I study, I run, I go to work, and I go to meets. That's pretty much my life."
"You don't sound thrilled about that."
"Is that another question?"
He shook his head. "Just a statement."
"I guess I'm not. I spent my whole life trying to get out of this town and move onto something better. I never stopped and appreciated what I had. A father. My sisters. My best friend. I was so focused on moving on that I never took a breath. Now," I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, "now after my dad; I don't want to end up like he did-- hiding himself from the world. I think I've been doing that."
Jasper lifted his hand and brushed back some of my wet hair. "You're certainly not hiding now."
I glanced down at my barely covered chest and blushed. He was right though. I had let myself out of my own cage and it felt good. I smiled and looked up at him.
"Next question."
"Tell me about this best friend of yours."
"That's not a question."
Jasper's mouth twitched. "Okay, how about this. Who's your best friend Erin?"
I knew where this was headed. Not a single boy I'd ever dated understood my relationship with Will. Most of them couldn't get past it. I hated the idea of Jasper having an issue with it too. But then I reminded myself that he couldn't; we weren't serious. Jasper didn't want serious. Will wasn't any kind of threat to him.
"His name is Will and we've known each other since we were ten."
Jasper raised an eyebrow. "A guy?"
I tried not to let my trepidation show as I nodded my head. "Yup, a guy."
"So your best friend's a guy and you never dated, or hooked up, or anything?"
I rolled my eyes, not doing a very good job of not letting my disappointment in his question show. "Every guy I've ever dated has had an issue with my friendship with Will. Why do you think that is?"
Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "Guys are territorial. They immediately assume that the other guy is playing the friend card to try to get into your pants. It threatens them."
"If Will is playing the friend card, he's a committed actor because we've been friends for years. If there was ever a time we were attracted to each other, we never acted on it."
"Was there?" I couldn't help detect the hint of jealousy in the way his voice tightened with the question. What was worse was that I was listening for it and almost relieved to hear it in there.
"Is that another question?"
He smiled and I beamed back at him, edging my toe across the line I swore I wouldn't cross. I was falling for him and that wasn't supposed to happen.
"Consider it a follow up," he whispered.
I took in a deep breath and adjusted my arms around him. "When I was in the seventh grade I thought I had a crush on Will for like a month. He was dating this girl, Chelsea Collins, and by the time they broke up I was over it and this boy Simon had asked me out. That was about as far as things every got romantically between us. He's just my friend."
Jasper nodded, taking me at my word and I appreciated that, but I knew the concept of Will and actually dealing with our friendship were two different things. But I was getting ahead of myself. There was nothing serious going on here therefore the very idea of Will shouldn't bother Jasper at all. But I was curious to know if it would.
"What about you?" I leaned myself into him. "Would my friendship with Will bother you?" I felt him shrug again.
"I don't like to think so, but I guess it depends. I'd have to meet the guy, see how things were between you two for myself."
"That's a fair enough answer." I spoke into his neck, forcing myself not to drag my lips against his skin like I wanted to.
"But I'm the one who's supposed to be asking the questions." He nipped at my ear and I squealed as I pulled back from him. His smile faded and his expression changed. He looked serious now and I suddenly got a bad feeling.
"Last question." His eyes flicked down to mine and my pulse quickened. "If you answer this question, I'll answer yours. Are you ready?"
I knew Jasper wasn't going to make this easy. He didn't want to answer my question and I'm sure he planned to pull out all the stops to make sure he didn't have to. But stupidly I nodded my head.
"My last question, which you can totally choose not to answer, no harm done, deal?"
I nodded again as the blood rose to my face and colored my cheeks. I had no idea what he planned on asking me, but I already knew that it was going to be easy to answer. Jasper didn't plan on opening up unless I did first and he planned on making that difficult. He may have seemed fearless about many things, but this didn't seem to be one of them. His Adam's apple bobbed as he took in a deep breath and then swallowed it down, like he was forcing himself to do this. My heart pounded in my chest and I wondered if he could feel it. I was still in his arms, my body was still pressed up against his, and it felt good. But I knew everything was about to change. I felt it.
"Are you a virgin?"
The question took me off-guard. For a half a second I just blinked at him, stunned that he'd even ask. Then the outrage and mortification crashed down upon me and I pushed myself off of him. He let me go, standing the in the water in front of me, looking ashamed for even asking. I glared over at him, even though he couldn't see me, as I tried to get my emotions under control. I felt offended. I was embarrassed, and not because I was a virgin, but because it was plainly obvious to him this whole time.
I didn't have to say anything. My reaction made things clear. He had his answer. He must've already known.
"Erin--" He looked up apologetically and took a step forward but I stopped him. I lifted my hand and met his eyes with steely determination.
"You want to know if I'm a virgin, Jasper?" I didn't wait for him to answer. "I am. And no, I'm not some sort of religious zealot or anything, and I'm not waiting until I get married; it just hasn't happened yet. I haven't ever met anyone I wanted it to happen with before." I pulled my gaze from his, my resolve waning and my vulnerability peeking through.
I didn't want it to be like this. I didn't ever want Jasper to know about it. I liked him. I was attracted to him. I was hoping it'd happen and I felt like he was the one it should happen with. But I was certain now that Jasper wouldn't want anything to do with me, at least not like that anymore. I told him that I was a virgin and there was no way that didn't conjure up a whole lot of seriousness, and Jasper didn't want serious.
I didn't even see him move, but suddenly his arms were around me and he was holding me against him. At first my body was stiff. I didn't want a pathetic, sympathetic hug. But the longer Jasper held onto me, the more I realized that that wasn't what this was. My body began to relax into his muscular frame and I let him hold me. I didn't question why.
"My turn," he whispered into my wet hair, breaking the silence. "Ask me your question again."
I pulled my head back from him and stared into his eyes. Even in the moonlight I could see how pale blue they were and I knew that despite whatever he said it wouldn't change how I was feeling about him in that moment. I took a breath in through my nose and opened my mouth asking the one question I desperately wanted to hear the answer to.
"Why can't you do serious Jasper?"