Jennifer wasn't kidding when she said she smoked. She already had three rolled joints in her purse, and we smoked two of them in the parking lot prior to heading over to Jackson's house for the after party. You'd think after two blunts that I'd forget that my problems even existed. You'd think I'd be relaxed, stoned out of my mind, but instead I can't seem to focus on anything but the fact that I didn't feel half a fraction as good after smoking two blunts than I did at Five Guys with Maya.
I'm miserable. Jennifer has been a good date for the most part, but she's not who I truly wanted to be with tonight, and I think she knows that too. She can sense that I'm being stand offish, but rather than leave me alone, it seems to make her want me that much more.
As the driver pulls up to the curb by Jackson's house, I didn't realize he was so rich. It's like a freaking mansion— huge and daunting as I step out of the Uber and glance up at it. Maybe it just looks so big because I'm high as hell, but damn.
"Come on." Jennifer grabs onto my hand and giggles, her eyes glossy and red before she turns around and tugs me around the side of the house. There's a big gated fence that she knows how to unlock, and I'm assuming that's because she's been to parties here before.
The music is thumping loudly, and I'm not sure how long it took for us to smoke those blunts, but the party is already crowded with people. Prom must be done with.
Tons of people are in Jackson's in ground pool, tiki torches lighting the entire patio before us. Almost ten coolers are filled with beer, and Jennifer passes one over to me as she says hello to a few people that I don't know. Honestly, I don't know many people at our school aside from who I play football with. People just assume I'm well-known because I'm friends with Cameron.
Once we're inside, it gets to be about ten degrees hotter. There's a game of beer pong being played to the left of the kitchen, but Jennifer pulls me away from it and stops at the bottom of the staircase. "Stay here." She pleads. "I just have to pee, and then I'll find out which room is ours, okay?"
I nod and watch her walk away, her backside looking fine as hell in that dress. I'm not blind, and although I'm completely infatuated with Maya, I'm not naive to the fact that Jennifer is down right gorgeous.
"No way!" Jackson exclaims when he sees me, coming over to give me a weird version that he seems to think is a handshake. "I didn't expect to see you here! Where's Cameron?"
I hold back an eye roll. Typical response.
"Uh, I'm not sure..." I trail off, but I'm honestly too high to pull out my phone and text him. "He'll probably be here soon. Kelsey never misses a party."
"Kelsey's here though." Jackson says. "I saw her with Jennifer by the bathroom."
What?
Wasn't she supposed to be Cameron's date?
"And where are the bathrooms?" I ask.
He points down the hallway to the left of the staircase. "Go down that hallway and make a right. It's the first door on the left. But hey, if Cameron makes an appearance, I need a round of beer pong, okay? I'm going to beat you guys if it's the last thing I do."
"Doubtful!" I call over my shoulder, and just as I'm about to round the corner, I hear Jennifer laughing harder than I think I've ever heard her.
"Be quiet!" She says. "He's probably waiting for me. I feel so bad, but he's been so boring. He hasn't mentioned one thing to me about fucking, so I don't even know if he's down for it. I'm just trying to make Mark jealous. I mean, come on, how long is it going to be before he notices me? He took Ethan's sister for crying out loud over me! Is he blind?"
Lingering by the wall, I wish I could say I'm surprised about this, but I'm honestly not. This is exactly how my life has panned out in every given situation. I'm second choice to everyone, and I always will be. The feeling of never being good enough has never left, and I don't know why I thought Jennifer had genuine interest in me when I treated her so horribly to begin with. I can't even be mad that this is how things worked out.
I would never choose to be with someone so shallow. I would never choose to be with someone who makes fun of my sister— no matter if she's putting out or not. If I've learned anything, it's that I can't give myself to someone who doesn't mean something to me, and that's not a bad thing. It's Jennifer's loss in the long run.
So I ditch her by the bathrooms and head back down the hallway to the front door. I want to get the hell out of here. As much as I know that it's her loss, it still doesn't hurt any less that I'm second place to, yet again, someone else, and I can't seem to shake the feeling that's already eating away at me.
Right on cue, as if I really needed anything else to bring me down, Maya walks into the party alone, her eyes immediately finding mine. I must look horrible because her eyes soften slightly, but just as quickly as they soften, they become filled with annoyance again. I know she's still upset about what happened no matter how much she may want to deny it.
"Are you high?" She asks, running her eyes over my face to try and decide for herself. It must be obvious because she eventually rolls them and pushes her way past me to go upstairs.
Is she going to meet Kyle? Is a bedroom reserved for them?
God, the thought actually terrifies me, and I'm so angry at the image of it that I find myself following right behind her. So what if I smoked? Why does that bother her? I'm allowed to do it if I want, and I'm so high that I want to debate it with her. I need her to tell me why she's so annoyed that I smoked.
If I were sober, I know there's no way in hell I'd be following after her. I'd be too embarrassed if she actually were to be meeting Kyle and I interrupted them, but right now I'm upset at life, and unfortunately she's getting the brunt of it.
"What is your problem?" I ask and grab onto her wrist so that she'll spin to face me. I'm panting heavily as I stare down at her, and her eyes are so fucking pretty it's almost impossible to stay angry. "What does it matter if I smoked? Why do you care that I took Jennifer to the dance? Why Maya?"
"You really want to do this here?" She waves her arms around us and lets out a sigh of frustration when I raise my eyebrows, awaiting an explanation. "I'm assuming you drove here high? Or did you get high when you got here?"
I can't say anything because I didn't think that was why my smoking bothered her, and I hate that it makes me care for her that much more. She doesn't know that we took an Uber, but it's nice to know that she just wanted me to be safe.
"You're an idiot," she says without letting me speak. "And as far as the Jennifer thing goes, it's really not my business. You can do whatever you please, Ethan, and I'm going to do the same."
"Clearly." I scoff. "Kyle seems to be a fantastic choice."
"Do you hear yourself?!" She yells and laughs again in anger, throwing her hands up in defeat. "¡Ay, Dios mío, Ethan! You're a fucking hypocrite!"
She storms into a random room, but she's not getting away that easily. I follow behind her and close the door, watching as she grabs her clutch from earlier off the side table.
Holy fuck.
She was in here with Kyle.
"You've got to be shitting me." I seethe. "You had sex with him, didn't you?"
"And if I did, what the fuck is it to you? You keep asking me why I'm so angry, but maybe you should start asking yourself that! You're acting ridiculous!"
"I'm not acting ridiculous, I'm-" I heave out a sigh and run my hands over my face. "Dammit, Maya, you're driving me insane."
It's silent for a few moments between us, just the faint thumping of the music from downstairs being heard. I can't think straight with her around, especially since I'm high as hell. Rational thinking is completely out the window.
I'm expecting her to continue to fight with me, but instead her shoulders slump slightly before she stares down at her heels. "I didn't have sex with Kyle." She mutters. "We've been friends for awhile, and I didn't know he wanted to be more until tonight. He brought us up here, but I couldn't follow through with it, and before you ask why, please stop being an idiot and piece two and two together. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out."
Then her eyes meet mine, nothing but anticipation in them as she searches for my reaction. My feet seem to be rooted to the carpet, my mind unable to process what she just said. It's like my dreams just came true, but I can't act on them. If I do, the repercussions will be massive.
"Right." She nods and grips her clutch until her knuckles are practically white. "I get it. This can't happen, and I know that, but I just needed to tell you."
She goes to leave, but as soon as she brushes past me, I grip onto her arm to stop her. I should let her walk out that door, but my body is instinctively telling me to do this. There's no way in hell I'm letting her get away. Not after she just admitted that.
"What?" She asks, blinking innocently up at me. I scan my eyes over her face, and then glance down to steal a look at her breasts that are outlined in this beautiful, beautiful dress of hers. "Ethan, just let me go, okay? I'm embarrassed as it is, and I-"
I kiss her before I can think of reasons to stop myself, and I'm completely unprepared from how good it feels. This isn't like kissing Jennifer— this isn't like kissing any other girl. This feels like I've been waiting my entire life to do this, and I have.
The clutch in her hands drops to the floor, and she quickly grips the sides of my face to bring me closer—like she's afraid that I'll pull away and that this will end.
I'm kissing her so quickly, trying to somehow save this to my memory. I never want to forget this night.
"You are so damn frustrating," I pant against her lips.
It's funny, because with Jennifer I seemed to overthink literally everything I was doing and my anxiety was shooting through the roof, but right now I'm not thinking about any of that. All that's on my mind is how right this feels.
Pressing her back up against the door, I move my fingers to run through her hair, moving my lips from hers to kiss down her neck. She tilts her head to the side, her fingers tugging at my hair, and when a moan escapes her mouth, I audibly sigh from how incredible that sounds. I want to kiss all over her body. I want to hear more of those moans.
I nip, suck and lick the flesh of her neck over and over again until I feel her grab my hand and move it underneath her dress. I've never done this before, but she doesn't know that. She thinks I've done this plenty of times, and I'm seriously trying not to ruin the moment. For once I'm not having anxiety, and I'll never get this opportunity again with her.
Being bold, I find her underwear and move the lacy fabric to the side, sliding my fingers up and down her slit. She's biting hard on her bottom lip, and honestly I don't think I've ever seen something hotter than this. I've imagined what she'd look like in dreams, but with it actually happening, I can't seem to wrap my head around how fucking gorgeous she is.
She's so damn wet, and when I slip a finger inside I mutter, "holy fuck."
I'm hard as a rock for her, and I know she can feel it. The fabric of her dress isn't that thick. I don't know how long I'm going to last, especially when I feel how good being inside of her really is. I can't even imagine how my-
"Wait." She pleads and pushes me off of her, taking large and deep breaths to try and calm herself down. "I-I'm sorry, but I can't do this."
"Why?" I immediately ask, but I'm getting choked up. Was I bad at it? Did it not feel good for her? I'm so confused, and I'm so high. What the hell is wrong with me?
She grabs her clutch off the floor and wipes away a couple tears that have fallen onto her cheeks. "I refuse to be that girl, Ethan. I'm not going to do whatever it is we're about to do and not be able to be yours. I have more self respect than that, and i know that what we were just doing wasn't going to mean anything to you at all. It would have been a fun night for you and nothing more, and that's not okay with me. I refuse to wind up like Jennifer or Sadie and get my heart broken."
"You think that's what I'm doing?" I pant. "You think I'd do that to you? Break your heart after we've known each other for so long?"
"We've been around each other for years, Ethan, but we don't know each other, and I'm sorry, but yeah, I do think you'd do that to me. Your track record isn't the greatest, and I'm not going to take that risk, no matter how much I may-" and then she stops and lets out another sigh. "I have to go. I'm sorry."
Before I'm even able to say anything to stop her, she pushes past me and leaves me alone in the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind her.
A/N:
OH GOD MY FEELS ARE ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE
I AM FREAKING TF OUT
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SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE GUYS. I've been working like crazy and it totally slipped my mind to post it lol
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