Shock
It was a common thing in my life, so common that it become hard for me to truly feel shock when unnatural things happened.
For a while, nothing shocked me. Too many things had happened around me that I had become accustomed to expecting the unexpected. Knowing that whatever bad thing happens, something worse than it, will always happen. The man-eating dead humans had been the latest shock.
Until I saw him.
His back, his scars. The faded-out lines on his bare dirty back. Decorating him like sprinkles on a birthday cupcake. Only the sprinkles weren't colourful and pretty, they were harsh and painful, and the cupcake didn't have tasty icing on it, it had years of unimaginable trauma. Scars as if they were ropes, tightening around him and holding him hostage. Lines that made golden paths on his back, the path to the side of him I didn't know existed.
Scars that looked all too familiar.
I couldn't stop the tears in my eyes, or my feet from running out of the room, leaving behind a pained Daryl, with Hershel attending to his wound, and Rick and Shane interrogating him.
Thank God he didn't see me.
The warm air hit my face as I walk out to the porch. The hot sun beaming down on me, it not having a clue of the whereabouts of earth.
Unaware of how long it had been, the sound of heavy footsteps warned me of approaching company. More specifically, Officer assholes company. When I didn't hear him say anything, or approach me, I spoke up without turning around.
"I know you're there, Shane."
Once again, I heard him take a couple more steps until I felt his shadow sit beside me on the stairs.
"You're back" it sounded like more like a statement rather than a question.
"No, it's just my ghost. Boo" I said, facing him to see an annoying smile plastered on his face while his eyes squinted from the bright sun.
"Daryl had a doll on 'em. Sophia's," he said looking away.
I knew about the doll. So I only nodded. My eyes unwillingly falling down to his displayed torso. He was wearing a button-up shirt, with all the buttons undone, showing off his muscular chest, it was hard not to look.
Ashamed, I look down, and took a sip of my water as he spoke.
"Loris pregnant. I'm pretty sure it's mine-"
Water went everywhere.
I spit out all and any water in my mouth getting it all over myself and some on Shane as well, while trying not to die from coughing mixed with laughter.
"Good one! I'll give you that!" I said between laughs, whipping my mouth with the back of my hand.
Looking at him and his serious face made me stop laughing, letting the water drip down my neck as I tried to grasp at the ridiculous information, he had shared with me.
"You are one stupid officer you know? Do you not know the universal rule of sex?" I started counting on my fingers "Wrap it before you tap it, No glove no love, bag it before you tag it, avoid the dread cover your head, don't be a fool wrap your tool-"
"Okay! I get it. Jeez, do you ever shut up?"
"Do you ever use a condom?" I fired back, tilting my head to the side, daring him to say anything else.
Loris pregnant. She's Pregnant with a baby.
A small smile played on my lips as I thought about a baby. Imagining what its life would be like in a world owned by the dead.
I always wanted a baby, to become a mother, but I'll never be able to. He took that away from me.
"Who's he?"
Shit! Did I really say that out loud?
"Yes, you did," he said letting out a chuckle before facing the open land ahead of us.
"How are we gonna take care of a baby in this mess?" realization finally dawned on me. A baby would put us all in danger, a loud needy baby who would cry all the time.
"I don't know" he let out a sigh before he continued "All I know is that I'm gonna be there for Lori and my kid. I don't care what she or anyone else says, that kid is mine. And I'd do anything to keep them safe."
Since when is Shane so sane?
I took a look at Shane skeptically, raising an eyebrow before putting finger guns against his head.
"Who are you and what did you do to officer asshole?"
We both cracked up laughing until it quickly died down. He looked at me in the eyes and asked a question I wasn't prepared for.
"Were your eyes always green?"
Green? My eyes?
No way, my eyes are as brown as wood.
"No, I drugged myself with something that magically turns my blood blue and my eyes green! Obviously, they've always been green, Shane."
He ate up the lie I fed him, and just started laughing not even noticing that I was laughing out of nervousness.
Officer my ass.
In the short time that I had met the group, never would I have thought I'd be sitting in some family's farm sharing a laugh Shane out of all people.
***
"kick my leg one more time and I swear to God I will turn you into a roasted brussels sprouts and eat you after dinner"
"Sorry! There's literally no room for my legs" Glenn whisper-yelled at me across the table.
We were having an amazing family dinner, and lucky for us, there wasn't enough room on the adult's table, and since we were such great kids, we got our own table with the two daughters of the farmer, some guy, Glenn and I. Although Glenn didn't seem to mind being squished against the eldest daughter, Maggie.
Those two are horrible at hiding whatever they have going on.
Looking down at my plate, I had barely eaten the food, although it tasted amazing, and it was my first proper meal in a while, I couldn't help but feel guilty.
The chair creased against the floor as I stood up, taking my plate with me and heading towards Lori, who had an empty plate in front of her, possibly hesitant to fill a second plate.
The dim room was lightly lit with some candles, the dark wood decorating the house, with the old painted walls, you could tell it was a house with years of memories.
"Thank you, everyone, dinner was delicious."
"Thank you, Elleanor, the squirrels you hunted tasted really good when cooked properly," Said Dale giving Shane a side-eye, causing everyone to finally loosen up after a quiet dinner and share a laugh.
I guess Shane didn't know how to cook squirrels?
I discreetly put my plate in front of Lori, giving her a nod when she looked up at me confused.
She needs it more than me, she has a baby to feed.
Making my way back into the kitchen, I poured some rice and steak onto a plate, added some of the cooked vegetables on the side, with a cup of juice and made my way up the stairs.
As I walked the hall, the light of a room was illuminating into the dark hallway. I peaked my head in, to see Carl asleep on the bed, with white sheets neatly covering him.
He shouldn't be in pain, he's just a kid.
I sat the plate and cup on the stand and made my way towards the young boy, moving some of his hair away from his face, before bending down and planting a soft kiss on his sweaty forehead.
A quiet sob left my lungs as I held his hand, wishing it was me in the bed instead of an innocent child.
The things I would do to even get close to having a child of my own. A child to care for.
Unable to keep myself together any longer, I quickly made my way out of the room, with the plate and cup back in my hand and headed toward the room I was planning to go to in the first place.
My quiet knock echoed through the hall, when I didn't hear anyone respond, I assumed he was asleep and made my way inside.
Only to be surprised by a panicked Daryl with his bare back towards me, trying to cover himself under the sheets.
Quickly, I sat down the plate and cup on the bedside table and rushed to his side.
As he felt my touch, his entire body tensed and layed still as I softly brought the thin blanket over his shoulders to cover his entire body.
Facing away from me, I didn't think he recognized who I was, maybe I didn't want him to know it was me, or maybe I was too embarrassed to admit that, I, willingly came up to his room because I was worried about him.
Either way, I took a seat on the edge of the bed and took the plate back in my hand, letting it rest in my lap as I stared down at the food.
What the hell am I even doing here?
I didn't know what to say, because I didn't know why I was there myself. So, I thought of how I would want to be treated if I were him.
But before I could speak, he beat me to it.
"I told ya. I don't want to eat, Carol"
A small smile made its way to my lips as I internally thanked him for his crankiness.
Now I know exactly how to break this awkwardness.
"First you call me Merle, then Papa, and now Carol. What next Mr. Sunshine?"
His head snapped over his shoulder to look at me wide-eyed. But in some strange way, his face was washed over with slight relief when he discovered who I was, or maybe I was seeing things. But then his face scrunched up in confusion as he looked into my eyes.
shit! my eyes.
I quickly looked away before speaking, "Sit up, you should eat something. And before you say anything, you need to eat so you can heal sooner. The group needs you; you need to take care of your body."
That was a lie, I didn't want him to eat because the group needed him on his feet again, I wanted him to eat and get better for himself, and maybe a part of me cared about his well-being. But I knew that if I made it about him, he would refuse the food, and I knew he would do anything for the group, especially for Sophia, so I used it to his benefit.
He looked down at the plate and back at me for a moment, probably debating whether or not he should eat the food. But eventually, he shifted to lay on his back and with a grunt and my help, he sat up leaning against the headboard.
A pained expression was played on his face as he tightly held onto the blanket, covering his scarred chest. he didn't want me to see him, so I didn't look, I avoided it at all costs trying my best not to make him uncomfortable.
I want to know his story, I really do. But I know he won't tell me.
With one hand he took the plate from my extended hand giving me the smallest smile, a smile so small that if I wasn't looking at him directly, I would have missed it.
***
As Daryl ate, we made a small conversation. It was mostly me filling him in on our journey to the farm and what happened after he passed out.
He was extremely embarrassed by the whole Merle and papa situation, so I told him I would tease him about it until the day I die.
By the time he took his last bite, the blanket laid closely around his torso, exposing some of the scars on his chest, but he didn't seem to notice it. when he finished, I took away his plate and empty cup.
Looking back at him, I saw a bit of the sauce on the corner of his mouth.
With a small giggle, I took hold of a napkin before offering it to Daryl.
"you've got some..." I pointed to his lips, still smiling. And of course, he failed to whipe it off leading me to take the napkin back from his hand and raise it up with a questioning brow, asking for permission to do it myself.
Where have I seen this before?
Leaning foreword, I gently whipped away the remaining sauce off the corner of his lip. Focused on what I was doing, I didn't notice him looking at me until I lifted my eyes to connect with his mesmerizing blue ones. For a moment all thoughts in my head ceased to exist, and the only thought occupying my brain was Daryl. I pulled my hand away from his face putting down the napkin, never breaking eye contact, before hesitantly placing my hand on his cheek. His eyes closed shut, as his body slightly leaned into my hand as if he was seeking the type of comfort from anyone.
A smile made its way onto my lips as I watched the Daryl Dixon show a small bit of vulnerability in front of me. But it didn't last long, as his eyes quickly snapped open before he pulled his face away from my hand. his calm demeanour turning into a defensive one.
"You're a good man Daryl" I whispered before standing up to leave, but before I took a step forward his hand wrapped around my wrist stopping me from turning away from him.
Why the hell did I say that! what is it even supposed to mean?
I looked down at him, expecting him to say something, but he never did. Instead, his hand slowly loosened around mine before completely letting me go.
Taking the empty plate and cup I made my way towards the door and without turning to look at him, I spoke one last time for that night, "Goodnight, sunshine"
A part of me was disappointed he never said anything, and another part of me was curious as to what was on his mind, why he held me back, what he wanted to say but didn't. And in the end I never got to know what could've happened that night.
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AN UPDATE! YAY
Sorry, it took so long, hope yall enjoy it!