Note: Please be reminded that all of the things that you're going to read here are just parts of my malikot na imagination. If you are uncomfortable with this type of story, please don't read.
Everything that you may read here, MUST STAY HERE. Thank you.
Layag mga kabacclaan!
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RISA'S POV
Walking away from Leni was actually not part of the plan. I got too scared because I couldn't read her eyes when I confessed everything. I didn't want to look desperate begging her to love me back. I am too weak and too coward every time when it comes to Leni.
The moment I walked away, I thought she was going to follow me, but I was wrong. She let me go. It hit me big time.
"Putang ina mo naman Risa! Bakit kasi umamin ka pa. Ngayon, alam mo nang ikaw lang ang nagmamahal sainyong dalawa. Hindi pa nagsisimula, talo kana." I said to myself inside my car with my tears flowing uncontrollably.
I drove home with my two kids. I tried my best to control my sobs but I know they noticed it including my swollen eyes, but no one dared to talk.
Days had past and weekend came. My body woke up too early even I didn't set an alarm. I stared at the ceiling for a moment and remembered, it was supposed to be a day with the Robredo's. I tried to sleep again but I couldn't. My body got used to this kind of routine. I decided to take a walk around our village just to feed my body's longing for an activity. After 45 minutes, I went back home and cooked breakfast for my kids.
"Good morning mga anak. Tara, kain na." I greeted them.
"Bakit may breakfast na, ma? Hindi po ba tayo kila tita Leni kakain?" Sinta bluntly asked.
I saw Issa elbowed her.
"Ah. Hindi. Skip daw muna 'tong weekend kasi alam niyo na. Vice president na si tita niyo Leni. Busy na masyado." I made an excuse.
"But tita Leni still messaged me po last night inviting us again for today." Sinta' s face was too confused.
"A-ah. Baka minessage nalang si mama, Sinta na hindi na tuloy. Hayaan mo na. May susunod pa naman. Kain kana." Issa rebutted while putting food on Sinta's plate.
Among my kids, Sinta was the most affected of the sudden changes because she got really fond with the Robredo's.
When we finished eating breakfast, I went upstairs and checked my phone for updates, and to my surprise, Leni sent me a message.
"The kids are waiting for you. I am waiting for you, Risa."
I felt like my heart was going to explode.
Stop acting like nothing happened, Leni. Nakakainis ka.
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Back to work for couple of days and I think Loren and Grace noticed that I was not myself.
"Bakit parang pinagbagsakan ata ng langit yang mukha mo? Ilang araw ka na ring iritable at halos lahat na ata dito saamin gusto mong sapakin anytime. Problema mo?" Loren.
"Wala naman." I presently answered.
"Hmmmm. I don't want to assume ah because it's kinda impossible. But, is this because of Leni?" Grace.
"Bakit naman si Leni?" Loren.
"Hindi ko na kasi nakikitang nagpopost sa twitter si Risa ng weekend ganap nila e. Tatlong weekend na yung lumipas. Magkagalit ba kayo?" Grace explained.
I was shocked for Grace's being observant. Well, I think I need to tell them since they've been my close friends for years now and they've been with me also during my darkest times.
Both of their jaws dropped when I told them everything.
"Teka, saglet. Hindi ko maprocess. Paano? I mean. Risa, ikaw? Magkakagusto sa babae?" Loren
"Hindi ko din naman akalain. I am an ally of LGBTQIA+ Community but I knew to myself I was not one, until Leni changed me."
"Pero, anong sabi ni Leni?" Grace.
"I didn't let her talk after I confessed."
"Ay gaga! Dapat hinintay mo kung ano sasabihin! Ayan. Tapos ngayon, mukmok ka nang mukmok dyan. Ang init-init ng ulo mo. Kasi for sure punong-puno ka ng questions." Loren.
"Natakot kasi ako."
"Andon kana rin lang kasi, Risa. Nasabi mo na. Dapat hinarap mo nalang. Etong babaeng 'to, pagdating kay Leni, napakaduwag." Grace. Well, I won't deny.
"Hindi ba sya nagrireach out sa' yo?" Loren.
"She does. She still sends messages regarding sa weekend routine namin, but I never answer."
Loren flicked my forehead.
"Aba'y napakalaking gaga mo talaga. Nagrireach out naman pala yung tao. Ang tanda-tanda mo na Risa, marunong ka pang magpabebe? Leni did a lot of things for you na in the past. This time, ikaw naman yung gumalaw sana. Panindigan mo yang nararamdaman mo. Kausapin mo pa rin sya. Pakinggan mo din kung ano man yung sasabihin nya." Loren.
"Knowing Leni, she won't say anything na ikakasakit mo." Grace.
"What if kaibigan lang talaga tingin nya sakin?"
"Hindi mo naman kelangan ipilit sarili mo kung kaibigan lang turing sa'yo ni Leni. Sa lahat ng pinagdaanan nyong dalawa, sasayangin mo ba yung matitirang pagkakataong okay kayo? Pumili ka. Manatili kayong magkaibigan, o tuluyan syang mawala sayo?" Grace.
Grace has a big point. I can't lose Leni.
"Mag'iipon muna ako ng lakas ng loob."
"Basta andito pa rin kami kung kelangan mo ng tulong. Baklang 'to!" Loren. Then both of them hugged me.
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It's been almost three months without Leni. She also stopped messaging me for two weeks. And it bothered me more.
Bakit kasi nung nagrireach out yung tao binabalewala mo.
Issa entered my room while I was checking some documents.
"Ma, kain na tayo. Nagluto kami."
"Sige na. Mamaya na ako. Tapusin ko lang 'to."
"E, ma. Ilang araw ko nang napapansin. Hindi mo naman kinakain yung tinitira naming ulam e. Tsaka, lalo ka na ring pumayat. Halika na ma. Sabayan mo na kami. Mamaya na yan." she then held my arm to lift me.
"Oh my gosh, ma! Ang init mo!" then she checked my forehead.
"Ang taas ng lagnat mo, ma!"
"Kaya pala ang sakit ng ulo ko."
"Ma naman e. Saglet lang po. Kuha lang ako ng pagkain tsaka gamot mo."
"Wag na. Ako nalang. Baka mahawa pa kita tsaka si Sinta. Labas kana."
"No, ma. Dito ako sa room nyo magsstay. Magkukulong tayo both dito. Nakakatrauma yung nangyare sainyo dati e. Aalagaan kita this time. Wag na makiargue, okay?"
I just nodded. Feeling ko tuloy para akong batang napagalitan ng mama.
Hays, malalaki na talaga mga anak ko.
I laid my back on my bed feeling my head. Kaya ata di ko masyado napapansin kasi mas masakit pa rin yung puso ko. Choz.
Issa went back and took care of me. I fell asleep immediately after I took some medicine.
The next day, I woke up with breakfast in bed prepared by Issa and I heard her talking with Sinta over the phone but I didn't hear clearly what they were talking about. She then ended the call quickly when she saw me sitting on bed.
"Oh, ma. Gising kana pala."
"Si Sinta ba yon?"
"Ah, opo. Inutusan ko lang po. May pinapabili po ako."
"Ah. Okay. Ano 'to? Bakit may paganito? Masyado mo naman akong binibaby." me pertaining to the food.
"Para mabilis po yung recovery nyo, ma. Kain kana."
"I feel okay naman na. Nawala na din yung sakit ng ulo ko."
"Pero yung puso ko, hindi pa." I whispered.
"Halata ko nga po e. Sa sobrang sakit nga po, nagising kayo kagabing umiiyak."
"Ha?"
"Yung sakit po ng ulo niyo, sabi ko. Umiiyak po kayo sa sakit kagabi."
"Talaga ba? Hala. Diko maalala."
"Sa sobrang sakit nga po, ako yung katabi nyo pero ibang pangalan naman po tinatawag nyo." then she showed me her mischievous smile.
"What? Ano bang sinasabi mo, Issa?"
"Ha? Wala naman po, ma. Kain kana po. Labas lang po ako saglet. May kukunin lang po ako sa kusina."
She then walked towards the door and before she closes it, she said, "Check ko po kung may gamot tayong Leni ung brand. Mukhang yun po kasi makapagpapagaling sa'yo e." and she laughed.
"Issa!"
Oh gosh. Seryoso ba?
I buried my face on my pillow because of shame.
While eating my breakfast, I decided to face Leni soon after I get better. Loren and Grace were right. I need to face Leni. No matter what her side is, I need to accept it.
Two days after, I felt better but I still didn't go to work. It's already 4:00 in the afternoon. I wanted to message Leni to invite her for dinner but I still couldn't get any grip of braveness to do so. An hour had passed, I was about to hit the send button of the message I typed when someone knocked on my door.
"Risa? It's Leni. I know you're there. Can you open the door, please?"
I literally jumped out of bed when I heard her voice.
Oh, fuck. What is she doing here?
"May dala akong paborito mong pagkain. Pagbuksan mo na ako." hearing her soft voice gave shivers to my spine. I felt weak.
Should I open? What? Shit, Risa. Do something.
"Sige ka. Hiramin ko ulit yung baseball bat ni Kiko at yun ulit ang ipambubukas ko nitong pinto mo." after she said that, my feet automatically moved forward to open the door.
The moment I saw her, I wanted to hug her.
Kumalma ka, Risa. Ikalma ang obaryo.
"At maninira kapa talaga ng gamit?" ayan. Ganyan dapat. Kunware cool ka.
"Ang ganda naman ng salubong mo sa'kin. Pwede pumasok? Hehe." then she entered my room without waiting for an answer.
I closed and locked the door after she entered and I couldn't help myself but to smile. Before I faced her, I composed myself.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"
"I heard, di ka raw kumakain ng maayos and nagkasakit ka pa. So ayan. Dinalhan kita ng paborito mong pagkain, mga prutas at vitamins na din. Ano ba naman yan. Ang tanda-tanda mo na, di mo pa alam pano alagaan sarili mo? Lika dito. Kumain ka."
Hearing those words from her made me want to hug her more. She still cares for me.
"Leni."
"Ana Theresia." she called me with my full name again.
"Psh. Maria Leonor!"
"Mahal."
I was shocked of what she said.
Did she just call me "Mahal?"
"Mahal ang magkasakit kaya halika na dito at kumain kana. Tingnan mo nga yan, lalo kang nangayayat." she continued.
Oh, lupa. Bumuka ka. Assumera ka kasi Risa.
I just rolled my eyes on her. I sat on my bed without looking at her. She then sat beside me.
"Ang tagal nating di nagkita, ah. Di mo talaga ako kinausap, e noh. Ang daya daya mo. Kung nagpapamiss ka, h'wag kang mag'alala. Panalo ka."
She held my hand and intertwined her fingers to mine.
"Namiss kita, Risa. Sobra."
I wasn't expecting those words from her.
Shit. She missed me, too. And our hands. Our hands are together. Leni, bakit mo ba ako ginaganito.
My soul is screaming to death. Kinikilig ako.
"Namiss kitang makita. Namiss kitang kausap. Namiss kong lahat sa'yo, Risa. Sorry, kung ngayon lang ako naglakas ng loob puntahan ka kasi natakot ako e. Natakot akong pagtabuyan mo. Ikaw kasi, di mo man lang ako pinakinggan."
Tears started forming in my eyes.
"Sinabi mong wala akong alam sa nararamdam mo. Pero Risa, hindi mo rin alam kung gaano ako kasaya nung binitawan mo yung mga salitang binitawan mo ng gabing yun. Hindi mo alam kung paano mo napuno ang puso ko ng gabing yun. Pero kung gano mo man ako napasaya, sya ring sakit nung tinalikuran mo ako. Sa loob ng tatlong buwan, walang araw o oras na hindi kita naisip. Halos gabi-gabi kitang napapanaginipan. Araw-araw, gustong-gusto na kitang makita at makausap."
I wasn't expecting all these from Leni. Are these real? Nananaginip ata ako.
She then held my face to look at her. I could see sincerity in her eyes. She's not lying.
"Bakit ba kasi hindi mo ako pinakinggan nung gabing 'yon, Risa?"
"Natakot ako, Leni. Natakot ako na baka nag'iisa lang ako sa nararamdaman ko. Natakot akong sumugal. Natakot akong bumagsak nang walang sasalo."
"Risa, sabi ko naman sa'yo diba? Lagi kitang sasaluhin."
I removed her hand from my face.
"Leni naman e. Hindi naman 'to pareho ng mga problema ko noon."
"Risa, ano ba? Mahal mo pa ba ako o hindi?!"
My body froze. I tried my best to look away.
"Ana Theresia Hontiveros, mahal mo pa ba ako o hindi??"
What now, Risa? Fuck. Andito na' to. Answer!
"M-mahal..."
"Ano? Hindi ko marinig."
"Sabi ko, mahal pa din kita Leni!!"
There. I said it. Again.
She smiled and held my face again. And. . . .
Oh my God. She kissed me. Leni just fucking kissed me!
"Mahal din kita, Risa. Matagal na." she said looking straight to my eyes.
I didn't know how to react. I felt my face burning.
"Hoy! Sumagot ka naman."
"A-ano? Mahal mo din ako, Leni?" I asked. Baka mamaya mali ako ng rinig.
"Oo. Mahal kita, Ana Theresia."
And she owned my lips again. And this time, I respond to her kiss. It feels surreal and if this is a dream, I don't want to wake up anymore.
The kiss was slow but passionate. I loved the feeling of her soft lips brushing into mine. I felt butterflies on my stomach and my head felt so light. I think I'm going to be crazy any time by now.
We broke the kiss and laid on the bed. I looked at her.
"Totoo ba 'to, Leni? Pakikurot nga ako."
She chuckled softly.
"Baliw. Totoo 'to, Risa."
I still couldn't believe. I am on cloud 9.
Leni then hugged me.
"Ana Theresia, can you be my girlfriend?" she whispered on my ear.
My eyes widely opened.
"Y-yes. Oo. Oo, Maria Leonor... I'm yours."
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Uyyyyy. Sorry walang update kagabi. On field ang lola nyo until 4am HAHAHA
So eto pambawi. Ang daming ayuda. Ksksksksks. Layag na layaaaaaag 😭😭 ilang araw na lang. Wag na natin ilubog, please.
Thank you so much talaga sa non-stop support mga acclaaaa.
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