I walk into first period the following morning surprised to find Mason and Sloane appearing to be engaged in deep conversation.
I eye the two skeptically as I wander toward my seat–conveniently placed between the girls–wondering to myself what they could possibly have to discuss.
I fall into my desk chair just as Mason exhales a burst of laughter, which leaves me furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.
"Hey, Hads!" Mason exclaims, bringing attention to my appearance.
"Hi," Sloane murmurs shyly. I acknowledge her greeting with a forced smile, quickly turning around in my seat to face Mason. I question her intentions with a stare that screams what's going on here?
Mason purses her lips. "Sloane and I were just talking about you."
I glance at Sloane out of the corner of my eye. "Is that so?"
"Yeah, um"–Sloane speaks up–"I was just telling Mason about how terrified you used to be of driving. Do you remember how I would give you driving lessons in our neighborhood, and you crashed into that trash can?"
Mason tries (and fails) to suppress another fit of giggles.
I shrug nonchalantly. "Vaguely."
Sloane's expression falls. I'm lying, and we both know it. Of course I remember what she has mentioned. It just feels wrong to indulge in the memories I've made with Sloane now that I'm dating Devon–I'm more comfortable acting as if I've forgotten.
Bianca enters the room, soon occupying the empty space next to me. I excuse myself from further conversing with Mason or Sloane, instead turning my attention to Bianca and striking up small talk with her.
I drift in and out of my thoughts throughout the remainder of first period. I barely listen as my teacher begins explaining some beginning of the year project we'll be working on during class for the first quarter, instead focusing my energy on the discomfort coursing through my veins. It bothers me to see my ex getting along with my friends–it's just so awkward.
I jump when the bell rings, startled by the sudden sound. I linger in my seat even as class is dismissed, patiently waiting for Mason to finish packing her belongings into her bag. I walk with her out of the classroom, joining her side as we exit into the crowded hallway.
"What the hell was that?" I snap bitterly.
Mason's eyes widen as she glances over at me. I bite down on my lip, ashamed of how aggressive my tone comes across as the question leaves my mouth.
"I'm sorry," I sigh. "It's just . . . You and Sloane?"
Mason exhales an airy laugh. "It was just small talk, Hadley. We were both alone, and it was awkward. So I said hi to clear the air."
I chew on my bottom lip thoughtfully. "I don't know how to act around her," I admit in a whisper. "Like . . . I feel guilty every time I see her. I don't want to be mean, you know? But I don't exactly want to be friends with her either. What am I supposed to do?"
Mason offers me a sympathetic smile. "I get it's a weird situation, Hads. But just remember there's no rulebook here. Do whatever you're comfortable with. You know?"
"I don't want to hurt Devon," I confess. "I'm scared if I'm too friendly with Sloane, it's going to cause issues. Even if Devon claims she's okay with us being friends . . . I feel like she just says that because Sloane is my neighbor, and there's nothing I can do about it."
Mason hesitates for a moment, an expression of understanding passing over her features. "Devon trusts you, Hadley," she reassures me. "It's been made pretty clear neither of you would intentionally hurt the other. Like you said–there's nothing you can do to change the fact that your ex is back. All you can do now is deal with the change, and find healthy ways to cope with everything."
"You're right." I wrap an arm around Mason's shoulders. "I love you and your advice."
Mason beams. "I am pretty good at giving advice, aren't I?"
I laugh. My grin is genuine as I reply, "You're the best at it."
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
I call Devon the minute I get home, though she doesn't pick up.
I try not to feel too disappointed when she texts to let me know she can't talk because she's at practice, trying to find something to do to distract myself from thinking too hard about how much I miss my girlfriend.
I decide to take Daisy for a walk, clearing my head as I inhale the fresh outdoors air, mindlessly strolling down the street.
I spot Sloane as I round the corner, standing by the stop sign at the end of the street as she walks her own dog. I debate turning around for a moment, though my feet and my mind seem to have two very different ideas.
I'm approaching Sloane before I can think better of doing so. She waves as she notices me, seemingly surprised when I join her side.
"Hey," I say upon reaching her. "Mind if I walk with?"
Sloane hesitates only a second before saying, "Of course not."
The two of us walk our dogs in silence for a moment. I speak up by saying, "So . . . how are you adjusting to the move so far?"
Sloane shakes her head, biting down on her lip as a grin stretches across her face. "What are you doing, Hadley?"
I'm taken aback by the response. I shrug lamely as I explain, "I don't know. Talking to you?"
Sloane narrows her hazel eyes as she peers at me. A shiver runs down my spine. I feel translucent under her gaze, as if she is seeing straight through me.
"You confuse me," Sloane admits after a brief pause. "One second you're saying you think the two of us can be friends, the next you want nothing to do with me. So which is it?"
I'd temporarily forgotten how bold Sloane can be. She's never been one to put up with people's bullshit. She speaks her mind, regardless of what she's thinking. I've always admired her confidence–I used to be so in awe of the way she always stood up for herself. However, it's a totally different thing to be the focus of her accusations.
"I guess it's both," I admit.
Sloane raises her eyebrows, though doesn't comment. I take her silence as a cue to continue.
"I don't know how you took the way things . . . ended between us, but I know it was hard for me. So I don't want to form a friendship with you if that's not possible."
I bite down on my lip, wondering if Sloane will be able to read between the lines to pick up on the hidden meaning behind my words.
I watch as Sloane's eyebrows furrow before realization dawns on her features. She freezes in the middle of the street, snorting as she meets my gaze.
"Seriously, Hadley?" she spits. "So you're saying you don't think I can handle being friends because I'm still in love with you?"
My face flames. "That's not–"
"That is so like you," Sloane mumbles under her breath. "Look, Hadley–not to burst your high and mighty bubble, but I'm not stupid. You're in a relationship. You've moved on. After all this time, what makes you think I haven't, too?"
"I didn't mean for it to come off like that," I explain. "I just didn't want to hurt you."
Sloane shoots me a glare. "You're an asshole, Hadley Carter."
"I–"
Sloane doesn't allow me to get a word out before she's wandering off, head held high as she walks in the direction of her house. I follow after her despite my better judgment, calling her name to no avail.
Nothing works. Sloane doesn't even glance over her shoulder as she storms up her driveway. I feel helpless as I watch her walk away, knowing I'm in the wrong for implying what I did.
It isn't long before Sloane disappears from sight, closing the door as she enters her house, keeping me on the outside. I hang my head as I cross the street, a sinking feeling rising in my chest.
Oddly enough, I'm becoming pretty used to watching Sloane disappear.
———
a/n: triple update 😎