A/N: Just a little warning. This chapter is heavy. It's long, it's triggering, it's just...a lot. It took me four days to edit this because it's honestly draining to write some of this stuff. So, please, if you are at all triggered by anything in this chapter, don't feel obligated to read this. Yes, it is vital to the plot of Miranda's character, but I don't want that getting in the way of your mental health. If you do read this, please do some self-care after. You deserve it. Reader discretion is advised.
For once, Miranda woke up feeling refreshed. Despite sleeping on the dusty, rugged floor, she felt clean, in body and mind. It felt like a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon.
Being the last one to wake up, she was greeted by the sight of Cody carrying Sierra around, and Alejandro watching Chris mope about his destroyed plane. She stretched her arms a bit and walked over to the latter even going on.
Chris still looked devastated, like he hadn't gotten the chance to sleep and get over it. Miranda curiously bumped Alejandro's elbow.
"How long has he been at this?"
Alejandro huffed, not even glancing in her direction.
"I'd say...twelve hours, give or take?"
"The hot tub with my name spelled out in Italian tiles, gone. My monogrammed sneakers, gone. My custom calibrated stubble trimmer, gone...!"
Alejandro, who was thoroughly annoyed, put on a forced smile to attempt to end this petty display.
"So, shall we continue the game?"
Miranda nodded in agreement. "Yeah, Chris. I think it's for the best at this point."
"As usual, you two are thinking of nothing but yourselves." Chris spat bitterly, making them both roll their eyes.
Cody cut through the useless conversation, desperately pushing away some rubble.
"Could we get some help over here?"
Chris continued. "What about the bigger humanitarian crisis? How am I supposed to keep this face fresh without my hyperbolic chamber?"
Miranda groaned, getting instantly sick of Chris's whining.
"Yeah, Cody. I'm coming."
She jogged over and helped him lift a large piece of metal that had fallen onto Sierra's leg. Cody then proceeded to pick her up and pull her out, making her swoon.
"Oh, Cody! I've had dreams like this. Except most of them, you're wearing a mountain hat and a loincloth." She purred.
Cody looked a bit discomforted by that remark as he walked her out and towards the clear ground.
"Did you land on your head or something?"
"No, silly! I'm fine! I'm fantastic! Except for y'know, my left wrist, right earlobe, scalp, and both ankles. Which, um, are kind of throbbing with every step we take. Ow, ow!"
With Cody not being too physically strong, he soon fell to the ground before having the chance to put her down. Miranda walked over and helped them up as much as she could. She soon spotted a blue wheelchair wedged within some metal scraps. Once she was able to pry it free, she was able to focus her attention on what her foot was crunching on. She looked down to see one of the headdresses from Easter Island under her boot. She eventually went back over to the pair, helping Cody lift Sierra into the chair. Miranda then placed the headdress on her head.
"Does it look okay?" Sierra asked insecurely.
"Oh, please. You look fine." Miranda smiled warmly, making Sierra grin back.
In actuality, she looked quite silly with that frilly thing on her head, but Miranda thought better of telling her that.
Chef suddenly pushed over a gigantic metal box that didn't look too damaged by the explosion. Upon seeing this box, Chris's previously depressed face lit up with hope.
"Hey! My emergency kit! We're saved!" he cheered, running over to Chef.
"That's right, kids! Get ready for surf, sun, and beauties in grass skirts. We're going to Hawaii!"
Everyone cheered when they heard this. It was the perfect setting for the end of this wild adventure.
"I know, best host ever. Never doubt me."
Chef opened the box, which held a small helicopter inside, one much too small to fit six people, which Alejandro noticed immediately.
"Uh, is that a two-seater?"
"Yep. Chef flies, I supervise."
"And we?" Miranda crossed her arms with a pout.
"Will be competing to get to the big island first, using only your wits and whatever you can find out here."
"But we're in the middle of nowhere!" Cody exclaimed anxiously.
"True. So, check these fancy-dancy GPSes I'm generously giving you."
He threw the three competitors large, bulky machines that would've looked incredibly high-tech in the nineteen sixties. Miranda looked down at the screen and noticed a blue dot flashing at their location, surrounded by nothing remarkable.
"Middle of nowhere, Alberta. Well...they work," she answered dryly.
"Set them to Tijuana Beach. It's right on the Mexican border. Now move it! Go, go, go!"
Everyone began quickly setting the coordinates on their machines.
"Wait! What about me?" Sierra called.
"Make like you took the Drop of Shame and figure it out yourself!" Chris yelled dismissively.
Without sparing another minute, he was in the ascending helicopter.
"Don't worry! You're all totally gonna make it!"
The helicopter flew away, leaving the four stranded in the rubble.
Alejandro silently set his coordinates, turning around to walk away. Sierra and Cody were both rummaging through the plane debris. Miranda glanced at both parties, then down to her GPS, which she had no idea how to function. Fearing the idea of being behind, she made a split-second decision and followed Alejandro.
Once she caught up to him, she gently pulled on his sleeve to get his attention. Alejandro reluctantly stopped, huffing frustratedly. He knew it was her, of course. No one else had such a cute way of getting attention. But after what she'd done to him last night, instead of smiling at her presence, he could only be resentful that she was trying to get in his way.
"...Hey, I know this is a race, but...I have no idea how this thing works, heh...Can you just...help with these coordinates? I should be fine after that."
Alejandro took a deep breath, slowly gesturing for her to hand over the GPS. And without a word, he began to punch in the coordinates.
Miranda was immediately made uneasy by his demeanor. His silence was almost deafening. The tension in just his posture was enough to make her feel like she was suffocating. There were no fond glances, no annoyingly cute pet names...It made her feel oddly cold. And as if that all wasn't enough, he held a familiar fury in his eyes, one she had grown terrified of over the months. It was the look she saw in many of her nightmares, the sleepy ones and the awake ones.
"...Um, hey, are you okay? You seem...off." Miranda shyly asked.
"What makes you think that?" He dully asked in return, not bothering to look up from the console.
"I mean, if you want me to be honest...you look pissed. Is something bothering you? If you need someone to talk to...I'll listen. And if you want, I can stay and help you through it." Miranda took the GPS back once he was finished.
"Why would I do that?" his eyes narrowed, his anger building fast.
The sound of his voice reminded her of a snake's hiss. Her eyes lit up with fear for a moment, before taking a cautious step away and backtracking on her offer.
"I-It's okay if you don't want me to, I won't... I wouldn't want to invade your privacy. I was just...—"
"I know what you did."
Those words made Miranda's ears start to ring, her widened eyes going completely blank with fear. Of course, her tornado of a mind knew exactly what he was referring to, but her heart didn't want to believe it. Because of this denial in her heart, a war began to lash out in her consciousness.
"You really thought you could get away with it?"
"What a dumbass."
"No...they were burned...weren't they?"
"There's no way he found them..."
"Oh, come on, do you really think he's that stupid?"
"Of course he found them. You weren't exactly discreet about it."
"No...he couldn't have...!"
"If he did...then it's all over."
"Yep. It's all over."
"Took you long enough to realize that."
Miranda was only able to weakly let a few terrified words slip passed her closing throat.
"...W-What...? W-What are you...talking about...?"
Alejandro reached into his pocket, pulling out one passport, bearing a charred corner.
Miranda let out a choked gasp of terror, her hand immediately going to muffle the sound. Despite her shaky cowardice, her mind continued to repent, earning an advantage in the war.
"See? Told you."
"You're fucked."
"He's finally learned what sort of monster you really are."
"You should be ashamed of yourself."
"You're worthless, and now he knows that."
It took Miranda a few seconds to even try and deflect him. Her nightmare stood directly in front of her, his emerald eyes sharper than a dagger's blade. She could practically feel her chest being stabbed by his gaze.
"A-Alejandro...I-I d-didn't...I-I can explain...!"
"Can you? Because I'd love an explanation for this disgusting act of treason." He growled harshly, taking a menacing step closer to her.
Miranda quickly removed her hand from her mouth, trying desperately to find some sort of sentence structure. But her breath and heart were both racing, leaving herself with little words to work with. Her skin was growing pale, alabaster as the clouds quietly witnessed this scene down on Earth.
"I-I...I didn't mean it...I...I-It was an accident...!"
"Don't. You knew exactly what you were doing. To lie to me now just digs you a deeper grave. What, did you grow tired of my respect? Was all that I've done for you not enough, you spoiled brat?"
Alejandro circled around her, sneering madly as she hung her head. She closed her eyes tightly to hide from his killing gaze.
"Answer me." He harshly demanded.
"I-I...! No, that...th-that had nothing to do with it...!" Miranda whimpered quickly.
"Ah, but you admit, it was done on purpose."
Miranda nodded shakily, making Alejandro scoff bitterly. For a moment, Miranda caught a glimpse of his fury again, the sight making her eyes well up with tears.
"...I-I'm so sorry..."
"If you were really sorry, you wouldn't be so dishonest."
"I-I wasn't...I wasn't dishonest...I-It was an accident...An accident...on my judgment...I knew I shouldn't have done it...!" Miranda panicked, her voice shaking even more than her body.
"And even if it was an accident as you so claim...Then why would you do it, hm?"
Miranda whimpered, lowering her head and tightly shutting her eyes again.
"Dollface."
The contempt in Alejandro's tone while saying that once sweet pet name made Miranda squeak meekly like she was about to be attacked at any moment.
"To think I wasted such a fond name on you."
He suddenly grabbed her face with two fingers, roughly pulling her in to face his glare. She yelped softly, her anxiety spiking at the sight. It didn't hurt per se, but the fear that struck her unstable heart made it feel worse than it actually did. Said heart was desperately telling her how to get herself out of this mess. It wanted there to be hope, even in the bleakest of moments.
"Don't just let him do this...! Do something!"
"You did it for a reason, right?"
"If you just explain it...maybe he'll calm down!"
"Maybe he won't hate you...!"
So, Miranda tried her best to swallow the lump in her throat and heave out some sort of weak defense.
"You...act as though you didn't deserve it."
"Oh, so now I'm the one to blame? What kind of sick game do you wish to play, Miranda? Do you find joy in beating me into the ground?" Alejandro snarled.
"N-No, no, of course not...! B-But, I...I know what you did! You're not the victim here, neither of us are...!"
"You will be. I can promise you that. After this, I'll make sure you regret ever crossing paths with me. I will make you regret everything."Alejandro hissed, pinching her face rougher.
Miranda's pathetic attempt at courage fled faster than she could ever run. Her skin felt cold as ice under his fingers, despite the dry, hot air of Drumheller. She gritted her teeth, her jaw clenching hard, almost enough to break her molars.
"A-Alejandro...I-I...please...listen to me...! Y-You know I never wanted to hurt anyone...! Especially not you...please, I—"
"Oh, come off your pedestal, will you? The least you can do is own up to this and stop depicting yourself as angelic."
Alejandro forcefully pushed her away, and due to her helpless state, her knees buckled and sent her tumbling to the ground in a loud thud. She yelped in pain, lifting herself weakly on her trembling arm, looking up at him with a look of desperate distress.
"...A-Alejandro...please...I-I'm sorry...I'm s-so...sorry..."
"I highly doubt that. I realize now that you were never what you seemed. Delicate, kind, selfless...All this time, you've pretended to be those things. You wanted me to undermine you as a threat to my path to victory. You made me think you didn't want to win. But deep down, you've been dying to have the last laugh once your disgusting plan worked. Unfortunately for you, I'm not that easy to get rid of, and I refuse to let someone so pathetic get in the way of the money I deserve. Prepare for the full force of hurricane Alejandro. Next stop, Hawaii, and I sincerely hope you don't make it."
With that, Alejandro took his furious leave, abandoning the shell-shocked girl in the dust. Although it was quite cathartic to let out his frustrations on her, he was left with just as many questions as he started with. Of course, that was mostly on him for carrying on, but he knew that she was just trying to weasel her way out of it, rather than actually owning up to it and explaining herself. It was just a waste of time. Unless she was ready to be truthful, he refused to give her any more time.
Before leaving the plane's rubble, he took a moment to let out a final statement in the barely intact confessional.
"Miranda has a way of making my focus slip, like a too-small speedo. Ugh...This race is my redemption. As long as I travel alone, she can't distract me with her clever words, or her doll-like eyes, or the way her cute little nose scrunches up when she's mad at me..."
Once he felt himself falling into a daze, he slapped himself across the face to take his mind out of the gutter.
"Agh, focus!"
Once he pulled himself together, he left the rubble for good, leaving his competitors behind in their pathetic states.
One of which, was still stunned speechless on the ground. Her GPS lay beside her, beeping softly in the direction she should've been heading. But instead of succumbing to the annoying sound, she succumbed to the sounds of the voices in her mind, screaming like a metal band.
"Was all that I've done for you not enough, you spoiled brat?"
"BRAT"
"To think I wasted such a fond name on you."
"WASTED"
"I will make you regret everything."
"REGRET."
"REGRET."
"REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET REGRET"
"YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT."
"BURN IN HELL."
"DIE YOU FILTHY WASTE OF SPACE."
"WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS"
Normally, the sounds of those voices screaming would be completely unbearable, leaving her immobilized and distressed. Well, of course, she was still the latter. How couldn't she be after that?
But, for the first time, she had no pleas for them to stop. She had finally learned to obey them.
So, she stood up, and started to walk, as if nothing had happened. Never in her life was her mind so cluttered, but so blank at the same time. Her mind was completely wiped of all thoughts but one.
The reason she came to this show in the first place.
She always knew it. She knew her motive the moment she stepped out of her house to drive herself all the way up to Halifax to shoot the first episode. She remembered how bittersweet her farewell to her parents was.
"Good luck out there, be careful. Love you, girl. Send lots of pictures!"
"I'm so proud of you, Randa. Don't worry about winning, no matter what, we support you. Just have fun! Don't forget to text us when you get there."
The embraces she gave each of her parents made the cracks in her heart travel further down because she knew it was the last time she'd see them again. She had disregarded that feeling for months, but now it was truly upon her again, making each one of her steps heavier.
But this was what she signed up for. This was the only way out of reality. No matter how good some aspects of it were, they would never be enough to make the world a better place for her. Still, that didn't stop her from missing those good things, like her parents, happy memories with old friends, even the fun times she had on the show... with Alejandro...
Just thinking of the way his name looked made it feel like her boots were slowly turning into steel.
Her dull eyes were locked onto her GPS, the blue dot moving with her every step. It was difficult to make out where it wanted her to go, however, since her vision was quickly starting to blur. She blinked and noticed water droplets landing on the screen. It instinctually made her start running, despite the clouds flowing calmly across the sky.
After a couple of minutes, she realized there was no rain in sight. She stopped running, her breath burning in her throat as she heaved in and out. She sniffled weakly, whimpering through her tears for a moment before wiping her face with her arm. She harshly swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breath. Nearby the confessional, she decided to sit down and take a breath, letting the camera record her contain a full breakdown.
"...I give up. Who am I kidding...? I know why I'm here...I need to stop pretending like I don't know...We've all waited long enough..."
Meanwhile, Sierra and Cody were still digging through piles of junk to try to find a mode of transportation. Cody pulled out a ripped rubber boat.
"Zodiac!"
Sadly, there was a large hole in the bottom, making him frown. He then pulled out a rusted bicycle.
"Bicycle?"
The bicycle responded by letting the wheel come loose and tumble away.
"Uh...unicycle?" Cody sighed, frustratedly.
"None of this crud is gonna get me to Hawaii."
Sierra was spectating Cody's search, gathering little things along the way that she deemed useful. Once she had all gathered, she began verbally listing them.
"Seatbelt, propane tank, parachute..."
Upon hearing this, Cody's eyes widened with realization. A hopeful smile lit up on his face as he turned to her.
"Sierra, you're a genius!"
Despite her useful materials, she wasn't on the same page as Cody, trying to attach the seatbelt to her head.
"Really?" she grinned excitedly.
While they began to assemble their transportation, Alejandro had backtracked a bit towards the plane rubble, climbing up a boulder to peek over. He had found a cargo truck Chris's interns were loading up cages full of animals into.
"If you want to find a thief, follow his money. If you want to find Chris, follow the evil beasts he loves to throw into the challenges. Tijuana Beach, here we come!"
Once the interns had left the truck, behind to grab more cages, Alejandro maneuvered himself into the truck, hiding behind some crates so the interns couldn't see him. Though it was dark and a bit uncomfortable to be surrounded by this many creatures, he was content with his position, knowing he'd be traveling at a good pace.
In contrast, Miranda's pace was slow, yet with purpose. Her mind basically did the walking for her, she didn't even feel like she was walking. As if her legs were being dictated. She didn't know where she was going, she just knew to go someplace where she could fulfill her purpose. Snapping her out of her stoic trek, her foot bumped into a large metal object. Turns out, she had hit a train track, and just to her right was a station.
"Yes. Go to the train."
"That's the perfect place."
"No one will notice."
Doing exactly as her demons said, she dragged herself to the station, without a second thought. She purchased a ticket to Mexico, using her phone's wallet to pay. She smiled politely while the associate processed the transaction like nothing was out of the ordinary. Because this was ordinary. This feeling of existential regret and resentment. It was normal.
Not even the roaring of the train as it pulled into the station was loud enough to drown out her screaming wishes. She knew this was exactly where she was supposed to end up, boarding this train to what felt like the ends of the Earth.
She had noticed it earlier, but there was practically no one waiting for this train, except for a businesswoman typing on her laptop in the seat in front of her, who glanced up dully at Miranda as she took her seat.
The receptionist in the ticket office told her that this train ride would take about two and a half days, which she expected since they were traveling across the entirety of North America. She was given a pillow and blanket on her way to sleep once it got dark, as well as a menu to look at when food was being offered. But she didn't feel like doing either of these things, even on such a long trip. All she could think about was that purpose she had, and how she'd be able to explain it to her parents. She put her walkie-talkie down on the table in front of her, resting her tired head against the window, waiting for the train to leave. She was about to drift off when her walkie-talkie started projecting a familiar, terrifying voice.
"Attention, competitors, I am currently traveling south at ninety kilometers per hour. So, you may as well give up."
Alejandro was quickly interrupted by a Sasquatch grabbing him and trying to love on him, to which he pulled away, frightened. He stumbled backward into a crate.
"On an unrelated note...HELP!"
Miranda didn't even respond, she couldn't. She didn't have anything to say about his position. She just didn't care.
Cody came on with his own announcement a few minutes later, sounding quite cocky. He and Sierra were flying their makeshift hot air balloon, cheering.
"Attention, fellow Total Dramsters! Cody is on the move. I repeat, this butt is airborne!"'
Miranda gritted her teeth, putting her device down. But as she did that, she didn't notice the talk button getting pressed on the table. She just popped an earbud in as the conductor came over the intercom. She watched some cargo trucks pass by her window.
"Hello, passengers, and welcome to this nonstop trip to Mexico. This trip will last approximately fifty-four hours, so please get comfortable, and enjoy the ride."
"...Finally." Miranda muttered under her breath.
It was then she began to tune everything else out, putting in her other earbud. Sadly for her, she missed a very vital update from Chris.
"Too bad she stopped listening right before this update! Advantage, Alejandro."
The truck Alejandro was stowed away in was dumped into the cargo cabin of Miranda's train. Once the car was loaded, the train whooshed its way out of the station. The Spaniard eventually sat up from the crate he was in, gagging at the horrendous trip he'd taken so far.
"Ah, que malo..."
He groaned as the beast across from him made more kissy faces at him. He took another good spit, standing up from the crate.
"Now to find Miranda, and destroy her. As she destroyed my heart. Also...where am I?"
He began roaming the room, suddenly hearing quiet whimpering. In the corner of the room was the source of the sound, left in a wooden crate.
Curiously, Alejandro lifted the top to find a hideous creature inside, taking him completely aback.
"You are a disgrace, amigo!"
It began to whimper again, helplessly wanting out of its prison. Alejandro reluctantly sighed, an idea popping into his devious mind.
"If I release you, you must behave."
It barked excitedly as Alejandro grinned. As he began to lift the beast out, he spent the rest of the evening training it to obey his every command.
Night fell quite quickly all things considered. For Miranda, this felt like the longest day to ever occur on Earth. But perhaps that was just her thoughts dragging them out so impatiently. She just wanted this to all be over.
Bored out of her mind, she asked the conductor for some paper and a pen so she could write and hopefully pass the time. As she did this, it felt like she was watching a slideshow of her life in her mind. As if it had all just been one giant vacation she'd been on for the past eighteen years.
She was writing a letter to her parents. She was thanking them for all they'd done right in raising her. She apologized profusely that she turned out the way she did despite all that. Bothersome, weak, worthless, naive... she'd completely abandoned any redeeming qualities she might've had.
But at the end of the day, she knew this was all for the best, the utilitarian approach to everything. Benefiting the greater good. When all was said and done, that's all she wanted to do, no matter what it took.
But that wasn't to say that this wasn't a difficult thing to do. She'd put it off this long for a reason. She had this naive hope that maybe she didn't have to resort to this, that maybe there was another way to get out of everyone's hair. But, she was an idiot to think that way. The hardest things in life usually end up being the most worthwhile, after all. It still didn't stop her tears, though.
Once she'd finished writing everything she wanted to, or, could onto the tiny piece of paper, she leaned her head against the window again, watching the moonlight dance across the evergreen trees the train passed by. She'd been listening to the most calming music in her playlists, in attempts to coax herself out of anxiety and into acceptance. When she found a song she was especially connected to, she'd loop for about an hour or two. Likewise, she'd unconsciously sing along to it, because singing was calming to her, even in her depressed state.
7:00 a.m.
Look at my lock screen, there's nothing again
Expected, but oddly, I'm always offended
So codependent
But of course, since Miranda had accidentally left her device on, the others could hear when she began doing this. Sierra was holding onto Cody's walkie-talkie when they heard this.
"Oh, hey, Miranda! Haven't heard from you in a while." Cody chuckled.
"I don't think she knows she has it on..." Sierra blinked, confused.
"Is she...singing? What song is that? I can't even tell what the words are." Cody scratched the back of his neck.
"I don't know. It sounds pretty though."
11:00 a.m.
Working away, but I'm still in my head
I'm so out of place, what did I do wrong to
Be so unwanted?
If I could leave, I know
The kind of place I'd go
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she sniffled quietly. The more she sang, the more she looked forward to this all being over. But she had to wonder what the tears were for then. Perhaps it was the thought of leaving everyone behind. Just because she was a burden to them, didn't mean it was the other way around. She loved her parents, she loved the friends she'd made on the show, and she loved Alejandro, despite everything they'd put each other through. They unlocked her inner optimist, the part of her she so badly wanted to let dominate her mindset.
But life just didn't work like that. Life was ruthless, and a feeble heart like hers wasn't built for it.
Evergreen trees
Temperature's always at 73°
Alone and I'm happy
Never offended, so independent
If I could leave, I know
It's just the place I'd go
Alejandro could also hear this, of course. He couldn't help but pause what he was in the middle of doing and listen to her for a moment. No matter how hard he listened, he couldn't make out even a single word, due to the static and low-quality audio. But the melody was gentle and flowed like the wind.
On my little island, there's no one to please
No one can hurt me, and nobody leaves
I won't be a burden, can't be insecure
And there's no one that I have to be
I sure won't be cryin' on my little island
Alejandro wanted nothing more than to ignore it and just go back to what he was doing. But, of course, she always, always, always, provided him with a challenge.
"No importa...ignorarla." He muttered under his breath.
The hardest challenge he'd ever faced thus far was undoubtedly resenting her. Even after fighting off giant caterpillars, bobsledding down a wooden death trap, and stomaching disgusting foods, he somehow found this to be harder. Because during all of that, Miranda had been right by his side. Acting against her after everything felt foreign, borderline strange. Maybe that was why he'd paused. He needed to feel something familiar, even if it was just for a moment.
Finally, Miranda realized her device was on, as noted by the red light lit up on the front. She shut it off quickly before she could embarrass herself further. She roughly wiped her eyes, looking out the window again. There was no stopping the tears, but she pushed them back as hard as she could.
That little island in her mind...she was so close, yet so far.
But...why? Why did she want to go there so badly?
Well, plenty of reasons. She'd learned quickly over the years that she was never doing anyone any sort of benefit by existing. An exception might've been her parents, but she always believed that they were just obligated to love her because they created her. It was just their own pride talking whenever they'd say they loved her. They loved what they created, not her as a person.
Life back home just amplified this idea even more. Her school days were filled with constant drama, fake friends, sloppy relationships, and just filler activities to pass the time. People and things she wholeheartedly devoted herself to...all just tossed her aside in the end, thriving without her being there. She'd had her heart broken plenty of times by getting her hopes up that she could improve someone's quality of life, only to be told that she was getting in the way of it.
"Clingy."
"Obsessive."
"Annoying."
"Boring."
Just to name a few words used to describe it. Anything positive said about her felt like a lie.
Thus, she closed herself off from others and the things she loved. She was ashamed of any hobbies or talents she had because she knew they would be ridiculed or dismissed. She was too embarrassed to get close to anyone new since she knew it would just turn out the same way it always did. Either being ghosted, or scolded for getting in the way. She always endured it, though, pretending like everything was perfect, to avoid any form of concern that might come her way. If just being around her was so terrible, there was no chance of her bombarding this hurt onto even a single soul.
That was what caused her to break. Because she tried to again, with Alejandro. She felt safe around him, and that was the stupidest decision she ever could've made. She was constantly taught what would happen if she'd gotten too close to anyone, and yet she completely ignored those red flags and warnings, the rose-colored lenses of her glasses dismissing each one as they were waved blatantly in front of her face. That's all they were to her when she was with him. Just flags.
But he was no different. In fact, he was worse. He used those lenses to trick her into feeling safe, just as he did with everyone else. He pretended to understand what she was feeling, just to pull the rug right from under her.
And yet despite all of the manipulation, the backstabbing, the heartless flirting...she still couldn't shake the false security. She gave Alejandro the benefit of the doubt. She wanted to believe he did really care. She desperately wanted that, because it had been so long since she actually believed that someone genuinely cared about her. She didn't want to think it was all a lie, not this time.
But the more she thought about it...the more that hope started to die. Thinking about the inevitable next encounter with Alejandro if she didn't make it to her little island...Did she even want to know how that would play out? Her brain denied this. Her body denied this. Everything in her system knew what she was supposed to do, and yet this damn fear wouldn't go away.
"Stop being such a coward."
"You know what you're supposed to do."
"You know why you came here."
"No one's going to miss you."
"They don't deserve to put up with you anymore."
"You worthless scum."
"You're so close, don't you dare back out now."
That war taunted her throughout the evening, while Sierra and Cody slept in shifts in their balloon, and Alejandro napped in the corner of the cargo. Miranda selfishly wished for once that she could have one last sleep before this was all over. But she supposed that she wouldn't have to worry about it for much longer. Patience was a virtue, or so they say.
The morning sun beamed into the windows of the train, its beckoning warmth enveloping everything it touched. Miranda made sure it didn't touch her though, since her skin was sensitive to light, and she didn't want to feel anything that would remotely inflict hope. The conductor came around and delivered breakfast to the little number of passengers. They were each given a bowl of fruit, eggs, and toast as well as a coffee.
Miranda simply drank the coffee, to wake herself up after not sleeping a wink. She heard faintly over the intercom that the train was actually ahead of schedule, pulling into its penultimate station, and would be arriving in Mexico hopefully before night fell. Had she still felt like competing, that would've been wonderful news. But hearing that felt like...nothing.
The train soon halted, and the conductor stepped to the back of the train to see if anyone was boarding with tickets.
"Tickets, please! Tickets!"
The conductor's voice was soon followed by one that sent a chill down Miranda's back. She shot up in her seat, peeking behind to confirm whether it was really who she thought it was, or if she was just delusional from the lack of sleep.
"I-I'm sorry, but my brother, he's not a wild animal. He just has a few...quirks."
Of course, it was. She didn't know how on Earth he ended up on this train, but being Alejandro, of course, he'd found a way. And much to her horror, he had the feral Ezekiel in tow.
She tried to hide herself by turning back around and scooting closer to the window, but once Ezekiel got a whiff of the air, he began to growl in her direction. Curiously, Alejandro peeked his head around to spot her cowering in her seat. Her widened eyes soon meet his, making them both gasp, one with surprise, and the other with terror.
"You..."
Once he discovered her, Alejandro released Zeke to chase after her. Miranda yelped, immediately bolting for the door, with Alejandro close behind, laughing devilishly.
Once she was outside the car, she saw a ladder and used it to flee. Ezekiel snarled, viciously trying to claw at her leg as she barely made it out of his reach. But she wasn't out of Alejandro's, who proceeded to climb up after her. Debatably even worse, in her opinion.
The once bright morning sky had begun to hide behind a large cluster of grey storm clouds, thunder booming in the distance. The train had once again started to move, the wheels clacking loudly on the tracks. Normally, these noises would cause her to panic, as she was scared of lightning storms. But Miranda kept running, jumping from car to car to get away from her worst fear.
She was halted when she reached the back of the train, having nowhere else to run. Alejandro stopped on the car prior, making sure she wouldn't try to juke him. Gritting her teeth, Miranda turned around to face him.
"You wouldn't push a girl off a speeding train, would you?" she called fearfully.
He scowled. "You're the one who loves pushing too far!"
He suddenly jumped down from the roof of the car and onto the ledge by the cabin door. He then removed his belt.
"I prefer to pull!"
He latched his belt buckle to the bolt keeping the cars attached. Miranda gasped, attempting to run back over to escape. But hail began pelting her and the surrounding roof she stood on. She tripped on a ball of ice, falling hard onto her back. She sat up slowly, wincing in pain as each hailstone beat her down endlessly. Meanwhile, Alejandro continued pulling on the bolt.
No matter how hard she tried to get up, the hail pummeled her, practically pinning her on her back. Her pent-up stress and fear began to eat her alive. All she could do was scream off the top of her lungs. The sudden loud screech even startled Alejandro for a moment, causing him to look up at the source. Once it was out of her system, Miranda began panting rapidly, unable to steady her breathing. She glanced down at him with pleading eyes as if that would be enough for him to let up.
But Alejandro narrowed his eyes in a stronger glare, continuing to pull. With one last strong pull, the bolt was free. The car Miranda lay on began to drift back as the rest of the train left it behind.
"So long, Miranda! I think I'll miss your legs most of—"
In just the nick of time, Miranda pulled herself up and jumped over and back onto the train, catching the ladder. She didn't take even a second to recover and climbed up once more, with Alejandro following suit.
But their hot pursuit was abruptly halted by the sound of an annoying little bell, and a helicopter hovering over the train.
"I pride myself on my timing." Chris grinned.
"Are you kidding me?" everyone exclaimed angrily.
"You know the answer to that by now."
So, Chris flew off as the upbeat music began. Alejandro reluctantly began the number by pulling Miranda into a treacherous waltz.
This show's a train
It's moving fast
You and I weren't meant to last
Voting for me just wasn't right
So look out now, you're in my sights
He pushed her away, having Miranda chase after him towards the front of the train.
Mr. Fair, now I see
I'm in your way, that is on me
Please just let me be on this train
I don't want to cause you more pain.
Both of them continued their chase toward the front of the train, both fighting each other off while doing so. Cody and Sierra were trying to safely navigate through the storm, the former singing and the latter bopping their head happily.
I never thought I'd get this far
Let's face it, I'm no TV star
But, now I'm in the final three
Unless we get caught in that tree!
Alejandro was trying to distract Miranda enough to get ahead, pulling her towards him to dance once more. Despite Miranda struggling against his hold, his grip was too strong. Her helpless eyes met with his furious ones, making her whimper into her next lyric.
M: You are the worst
Why must you torment me?
A: It's all a game to you
But not to me
Thankfully, Miranda was able to push him off and keep running. Alejandro growled, not wasting a second to continue after her.
I'm Gonna Make It
You can't stop me now
Just you try
My fortune's waiting
It's time for you to say
Bye, bye, bye.
Miranda finally reached the front of the train, her breath hitching with awe when she looked down. The train was moving so fast...the tracks zipping by them in the blink of an eye...
"This is it."
"...This is it."
Eventually, Alejandro also reached the front of the train. He slowly began to approach the cornered girl, noticing that her previously tense shoulders have relaxed significantly.
"It seems were have reached an impasse."
Upon hearing his voice, Miranda turned around for a moment to glance at him. But she didn't dawdle on him, facing the tracks shortly after. She let out another awed breath.
"...This is really it."
"Indeed it is. Do you realize now that there is no point in running from me?" " Alejandro snickered triumphantly.
Miranda didn't answer, tears welling up in her eyes again. But, not out of shame, or defeat. Alejandro snakily placed his hands on both of her shoulders, hissing in her ear.
"Luckily for you, I'm quite a chivalrous man, and I'm feeling quite generous. If you behave in my favor, I'll allow you to stay on this train. Otherwise, I'll have to claim it."
She glanced over at him for a moment when she felt his presence on hers, but once again, her focus was glued. She only had one desire, and he was getting in the way of it. Despite the distraction, though, she spoke dully.
"...Let go of me."
"Did you forget who has the advantage here? Make one wrong move, and I will make sure you regret it." Alejandro purred lowly in her ear, sending a shiver down Miranda's back for a second.
"Answer me this. What made you think voting for me was the ever a favorable option?"
Miranda bit her lip, growing ever more impatient. "...I don't know."
"Ah-ah. You don't want me to take this train, do you? Try again, pretty." he pulled on her shoulders roughly.
She flinched at the pain briefly but dismissed it as quickly as it came.
"...Take it. If that's what you want, I'm not stopping you."
"Please, the train isn't what I want. I want answers."
"...What kind of answers?"
"Don't play dumb with me. I told you, I want to know what made you vote for me."
"I said, I don't know." Miranda huffed.
"Clearly it wasn't an accident. My liege, I promise you don't want to anger me."
"...Heh."
Tears began to stream down her cheeks, and yet, she couldn't fight back her smile. She chuckled softly through the tears, letting out another hitched breath, a breath bearing a sense of relief.
"...You say that as if I ever mattered."
The sudden, deranged display was enough for Alejandro to loosen his grip on her shoulders. That in turn, made Miranda able to push him away.
"What on Earth are you talking about?"
"...Finally. It's finally over. This...this is it. I can finally...make everyone's lives better. I can finally leave...heh...aren't you relieved too?"
Alejandro had no words to respond to this eerie scene unfolding before him. He wasn't sure if he was hallucinating or not until Miranda suddenly pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket. She turned back to him, finally seeing the lightweight smile tugging at her lips and the tears coating her rosy cheeks. She handed him the paper.
"...Please give this to my parents. Once you win the money...Tell them I'm sorry."
It was that statement that snapped Alejandro into realizing this was completely real. The smile, the tears, the tone of her voice...
She was completely serious. She was jumping off the front of the train. She was going to...
Alejandro's eyes widened with horror, his mouth speechlessly falling open. Miranda let out a breathy chuckle as he finally realized it.
She turned around again, staring down at the drop she'd dreamed of for so many years. Dangling her foot over the edge, she began to sing.
Months and months of flying
Years and years of lying
Life, silly life, "what a delight"
Reality's ruthless
TV shows are useless
But they, they create an escape
Sign my name, on the space
No parachute and
Her smile was so tranquil at this moment. Finally, her demons had won their gold medals. She was finally giving in to them completely, she wasn't fighting her worthlessness any longer. Never in her life had she felt so lightweight, like a bag of bricks had been lifted off of her strained shoulders. It felt like pure bliss.
But not to him, not even close. The sound of thunder roared around them, flashes of lightning making the vision go white for a millisecond. The wind howled in both of their hairs, and the peace in the girl's tearful smile...it was all so haunting.
Daredevils seek danger
Empties are endangered
Both have no hope to survive here
Opportunity strikes like that
Like a million-dollar prize, but it's a guise
It's a guise, but I'll take the skies and
Alejandro, for once in his life, didn't know how to feel. He was too stunned to even try and process what was happening. He was in a silent state of shock, which quickly shifted into denial. She couldn't be serious, he desperately insisted to himself. Miranda was someone with so much fear. She feared physical fights, she feared rejection, she feared sharks, just to name a few things. All signs pointed to there being no chance that she would dare jump off and in front of a speeding train.
She would never...right?
She'd never throw her life away like that.
That would just be stupid of her...right...?
But the more he listened to how calmly she sang, and the more he watched her foot dangle off the edge, the more lightheaded he became. His heart rate began to speed up like he was revving on the gas of a race car. His fists balled up tightly as he gritted his teeth.
He immediately started to regret ever lashing out at her the way he did. Had he known it would've ended up like this...He would have never been so hard on her. Even if she did vote him off and lie about it, that didn't excuse how furious he'd gotten with her. Miranda was always someone who had a purpose for everything she did. This couldn't be an exception. Had he just heard her out...and believed in her...She wouldn't have come to this.
But, Miranda didn't expect him to feel that way, and at this point, she didn't even want to convince him to feel that way. It didn't matter anymore, nothing would once she was falling. She looked up at the gloomy sky as a pair of peaceful tears slid down her cheeks. She sent out one final prayer to her family.
Do you see why I came here?
You see why I needed it.
Misplaced, waste of grace so I had to
Sign my name, on the space
No parachute and
Embrace the harsh air
Forget what makes me scared
Wheels claque as I turn back
Falling down on the train tracks
Lights, camera, action
It's all in the contract, yeah
I'm ready to die, fade to black
Falling down on the train tracks
Falling down, falling down, falling down...
She closed her eyes, and let her body fall back...waiting for the sweet, cathartic impact...
But after a few seconds of not feeling any pain, she felt a tight grip on her hand, snapping her eyes open.
The second he saw her body start to fall, Alejandro sprinted across the train engine roof, just barely catching her hand in time. The sight that flashed before her when she opened her eyes, was him panting heavily as he'd just run ten miles.
It took her a few moments to process what had actually happened, but as soon as she did, her skin went alabaster with horror. She took her free hand and desperately try to pry her snared hand free from his grasp.
"No...no, no, no, no, no!! Let go! Let go of me!! Stop! Please, let go of me, please!!"
But Alejandro's grip was far too strong for either of her hands to make even a finger budge from its hold. So, instead, he forcefully pulled her back onto the engine and captured her other hand as well. Miranda struggled with all her might, frantically trying to free herself from him.
"NO! NO!! STOP IT!! LET GO OF ME!! PLEASE, STOP IT!! DON'T!!" She screamed manically.
Alejandro had never seen her so berserk, kicking, screaming, and trying so damn hard to get away from him. It brought back his anger all over again as he snapped back at her, but it came from a completely new perspective.
"Are you fucking insane?!"
The sudden boom of his voice made her stop for a moment. It was rare to hear him curse like that, she knew right away that he was angry with her, which just made her feel even worse. She looked up at him helplessly, unable to hold back her pathetic sobs and pleas.
"...Let go of me...Please...You don't know what you're doing, just please...let me go!!"
Miranda broke down into a bitter fit of tears, letting out all of the anguish that had been stored up in her system for what felt like years.
"You're making a mistake!! Just let go of me!!"
She repeated those words over and over as if saying them would actually change anything. Alejandro struggled to come up with something to say, the four words he'd previously yelled were the first ones to come to mind. He couldn't believe all of this was happening. Nothing about it felt real in the slightest, it was like some kind of feverish nightmare.
He couldn't begin to fathom how gutted he felt seeing her in this state. Learning that after all this time...she'd wanted nothing more than to end her own life, and rob so many people of her angelic presence. It was completely out of character for her.
Or was it? He knew Miranda had never thought highly of herself. He knew she felt like a burden to everyone, but the way that feeling ate her alive was completely undermined until now. He always knew that she wasn't okay, but aside from a few panic attacks he'd witnessed, he believed that she was getting by despite it. But those vile demons in her head had completely devoured her, and he hadn't noticed.
Instead of trying to come up with what to say, he just let the words fly out of his mouth without consideration.
"No, I'm not letting you go. I am never letting you go, nothing you do or say is going to make me. I can't believe you'd want to do something so senseless. What the hell has gotten into you?!"
"It's not senseless! Don't you get it!? I...I'm so tired...! I'm so tired of ruining everything...for everyone...They're all better off without me!! No one deserves to put up with me anymore!! Please, just stop torturing yourself and GET RID OF ME!!" She wailed hopelessly.
"No! Are you even hearing yourself right now? You can't really think we're all just putting up with you...What in the world would you make you think something so absurd?"
"Then why can't anyone in my life just stay?! Why is it always my fault they leave...?! Oh, yeah, because I'm annoying! I'm clingy! I'm obsessive! I'm boring! That's what they ALL say!! And if I can't change that...why not just get rid of the problem altogether...? Keeping me alive is a waste of time!"
"It's not! You're not a burden. Whoever is making you feel like you are, is the problem. I refuse to let you do this, I refuse to lose you...I wouldn't know what I'd do without you!"
"Why?! Are you some kind of masochist!? Why do you insist on wasting your time on me!? Don't pretend like I was ever worth something to you! All I am is your stupid little pawn, you were using me from the start! You took advantage of me! You turned Sierra against me! You never wanted me around, you know exactly what to do without me!!"
Alejandro's eyes widened with realization as she said that. At last, he'd gotten a reason...but at what cost? Was it really worth seeing the girl he loved almost die right in front of him to get that reason...? The more he thought about it, the more he denied that. None of this was worth it.
"...So, that was why you did it. I assume you found one of the photos."
"...I knew from the beginning what you were doing...and I let you do it anyway. All so I could feel like I was needed for something, just so I could feel like someone wanted me around. And then you tossed me away like the useless doll I am! Why did I ever think you cared!? Fuck you! FUCK YOU!! WHY DID YOU MAKE ME CARE ABOUT YOU!? Why did you ever put up with me!? A-And now you're putting up with me crying and complaining, and it just makes me wanna die! I can't do this to another person I care about!! I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore!!"
Miranda was still trying to pull away from Alejandro's grip on her, but to no avail.
"Stop it! Stop saying such nonsense! Miranda, the only one you're hurting is yourself for thinking these cruel lies are true. I do care about you, I always have!" Alejandro insisted.
"Stop lying! You don't have to torture yourself for me...I know I'm worthless, don't lie...I'm doing everyone a favor, including you. Just let go of me! It's for the best!"
"No. It's not. Do you know how many people will be devastated to lose you? Your family, your friends...me. I'm not letting go if it means I lose you!"
"You're so cruel...! Keeping me alive will only make things worse! Haven't you realized that!? Alejandro...please, just let go...It's all I ask...Do it for the greater good..."
As Miranda continued to try and pull away, weeping as she did so, Alejandro stood his ground and kept her in place, no matter how much she struggled. Never did he have this much trouble persuading someone. He knew he couldn't get through to her verbally, as he honestly didn't have the correct words for this kind of situation. It all just felt so heavy on his chest. Of all the times to have difficulty, too. He was used to feeling tons of pressure in his life, but right now, it felt like his whole world was sitting on top of his shoulders, and one wrong move would send it tumbling into oblivion.
But he knew he had to do something to get her to calm down and stop fighting him...
"Please...no one deserves to deal with me...just let me go and do something useful for once...!" Miranda sobbed.
Suddenly, it felt like the wind was knocked out of her, and within a second, she was mere inches away from Alejandro's face. Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed darkly. She panted shakily, whimpering as she felt her hands get placed delicately on his chest, still being trapped by his own.
Finally, those reckless words had stopped. He was finally able to get a proper word in.
"...Now, that I have your attention, I need you to listen to me, Miranda. You have no idea how much warmth and kindness you have given this world. Never in my life have I ever met someone so gentle, someone, who cares so much for other people. And anyone who doesn't see that, are the ones who should be jumping off of this train. Not you. To be so loving...must be so exhausting, and I wish I knew months ago just how tired you had become. I know you think that ridding yourself of this Earth is going to magically solve everything, but I promise, it won't. In fact, it will make everything worse. There are not enough people in this world like you. Someone who cares so unconditionally. I wish I could go after every last person who made you think you were worth anything less than gold. And I realize I am one of those people. I could go on forever and say that I never wanted to hurt you, but the fact of the matter is I did. I used you, yes. And it destroyed me every single time, because the more time I spent with you, the more I realized what kind of damage I had done. I'm sorry, Miranda, I'm so sorry. I know you don't want to hear this from me, especially not me, but please, stay here. Do not throw your life away like this. Life is hard, it's dark, it's cruel, even...But, you are a light in this world. I will never ask you for anything ever again, just please...don't jump."
Miranda blinked out more tears as she watched him speak. It was the first time she'd ever heard his voice quiver. He sounded delicate like he'd break with a simple push. His grip on her hands tightened every once in a while, keeping them pressed up against his chest. And what surprised her the most was that his usually confident, charismatic green eyes were glassy. The idea of Alejandro crying was the most bizarrely heartbreaking thing she could think of. She thought she was lucid dreaming when she noticed it. A little flutter of hope pinged in her heart. That hope that he really did care...that someone, finally cared.
"Don't listen to this nonsense."
"He hates you, you betrayed him."
"He just needs you to help him win."
"Don't get roped back in now."
"Just jump already!"
"WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLESS WORTHLE— WORTHL— WORTH— WO—"
"You have such a pure heart, it doesn't deserve to be broken."
"You're safe. Nothing's going to hurt you. Not when I'm here."
"You take my breath away every single day."
"I think I'm the lucky one, actually, being paired up with the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on."
"Miranda, you're the kindest person I know. You carry with you so much love and compassion."
The war in her brain resumed, making her whimper weakly once again. She wanted to believe in him, she'd done for everyone she loved in the past. But the fear of being tossed aside and hindering another life screamed at her viciously, even still.
She'd come to Total Drama as an escape from life. If she were to die on this show, the show would get the blame. They'd never know it was a suicide. She'd been seen as the poor girl who was killed for just trying to achieve a dream. This would still be true, but her dream would just be misinterpreted if she was killed by Chris and his crazy challenges. They'd never know that was what she intended to have happen in the first place.
She didn't come to this show for money, for friends, for travel experience, for publicity, and especially not for love. But looking into Alejandro's soft green eyes made her want to believe she did come for that.
"...It hurts...All I've ever done is bring people down...I get in the way of what makes them happy...I hate it...! I hate that you have to put up with me for so long...! This could've been over!"
"I don't want it to be over! You could be crying like you are right now, you could be smiling that timeless smile you have, or singing like you love to do so much, you could be yelling, swearing at me, I don't care! It has never been me just putting up with you. I cherish every single moment I have with you, and I want to keep doing that. Even when you feel like the world is crumbling around you, or you're standing on top of it, I want to be there for it. I want you at your best...and at your worst. Because no matter what, you bring me so much tranquility, and hope, and warmth."
Alejandro, noticing her struggling lessen slightly, very cautiously let go of one of her hands to place his hand on her cheek. Miranda could have easily increased her struggling now that her hand was free, but it simply fell to her side limply. She whimpered again as he wiped away some of her tears.
"...B-But...But I hurt you...I lied to you, I betrayed you...I made a promise and I broke it...You can't just forgive me like this...! I'm not worth it!"
"You did it for a reason, a good one, at that. I hurt you first. To pin you against Sierra after everything I'd done to hurt you before...it was cruel of me to do that to you, and I knew that going into it. It was my greed and my pride that drove me to it. I figured that if you never found out, it wouldn't hurt you. I was foolish to think I could get away with something so heinous unscathed. And it was unacceptable for me to be angry when I was held accountable for it. Nothing I do or say is going to make up for my actions, and the pain I've brought you for so long. I'm sorry, Miranda. I'm so sorry. I have never regretted anything more in my life, especially seeing that it's driven you to this..."
He stopped mid-sentence to take a shaky breath, as the thought of her death was threatening to make the tears in his eyes spill onto his cheeks.
"I may play dirty, but it breaks my heart to know I could lose you due to my greed. I would never be able to forgive myself if you jumped. You mean so much to me, Miranda...even if you despise me in return. I will make that fact known even after I am no longer on this Earth. I'm so sorry I ever made you think that wasn't true."
Seeing him get emotional put another crack in her already broken heart. He lowered his head, waiting for some kind of response from her. The silence killed him, he needed some kind of reaction, no matter if it was positive or negative. He was relieved to have that out in the open, but at the same time, he gripped her hand tighter to make sure it wouldn't be the last words he ever got to say to her.
What he didn't expect was to feel a soft set of fingertips graze across his cheek. He look up with softly widened eyes, feeling hopeful to feel her touch.
"...I don't hate you. I can't...I want to hate you so...fucking bad...but I can't...Everyone told me...to stay away from you...I told myself to stay away from you...the minute I met you...And I couldn't even do that right...Because even if you didn't mean to...you made me feel safe. You made me think...that I really was good for you. Even though I knew...you were just lying...I wanted to believe that...you weren't lying to me...that I was special...that I meant something to you...I wanted to believe that...you were a good person...and it was all just the game that made you act the way you do...I knew in the end I would just get hurt for thinking that way. But I didn't care, because if I was right... I thought there would be hope for me...That maybe, it didn't have to be this way. God, does that even make any sense...?"
"It makes perfect sense. You had faith in me, and I continued to let you down. And I'm sorry. If there was anything you were correct in believing, it's that you do mean something to me. I've never met anyone like you, I am...enamored by you, Miranda. You're so brave, yet so delicate...Your smile lights up a room, speaks thousands of words. The way your eyes light up when you sing...it's truly blissful. Even while you were dangling your foot and giving me a heart attack, the sound of your voice brought peace. The way you pout and how your nose scrunches ever so slightly will never fail to make me smile. Even when you're angry with me, you still have this precious way about you. I want to cherish you like I always have. I want to make sure you know...that it's going to be alright, and that you are indeed worth it. I know it doesn't feel like that right now, and it might take a while for you to feel okay again. But, I will do anything and everything to make sure no one ever hurts you again, that is, if you let me."
Miranda sniffled, lowering her head, seemingly lost in her thoughts. The voices that usually plagued her mind began to sound much quieter, and the sound of Alejandro's voice overpowered them.
"He's manipulating you...!"
"Snap out of it...!"
"You mean more to me than you will ever know."
"I will never stop singing your praises."
"You're safe with me, Miranda."
"...Let go of me...please..."
Alejandro gritted his teeth initially when he heard this. As much as it destroyed him, he completely understood why she'd be so hesitant to trust him again. He shouldn't have gotten false hope. Part of him refused to obey her wishes since he didn't want her to bite the bullet. But at the same time...he said almost everything he could have to convince her to stay. If that didn't work...he was almost certain that nothing else would.
So with a heavy heart, he released her hand, squeezing his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to see what would come from it. He couldn't help but let tears prick at the corner of his eyes as the warmth of her hand vanished.
But within a few seconds, that warmth returned, feeling like a sucker punch to his chest. The impact made him grunt and open his eyes to see Miranda's head buried into his shoulder, and her arms gripping his back. It didn't take long for him to hear sobs of released anguish muffled in his shirt.
As soon as he realized what was going on, he let out a relieved, hitched breath and tightly wrapped her up in his arms. He buried his head in her dark golden hair as he squeezed her just tight enough to where she could still breathe comfortably, but feel the most secure as she possibly could. Had the sound not been muffled from his shirt, he knew people would be able to hear her crying for miles. It was as if all the anguish and heartbreak she'd been feeling for her entire life was being let out at this very moment.
"I'm...sorry...!! I-I-I'm so...sorry...!! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!! I'm sorry!" She wailed, her entire body shaking with every apology that erupted from her mouth.
Alejandro had to take a moment to wipe the tears streaming down his cheeks before he could console her, as the tone in her voice made any tact he had break into a million pieces.
"I'm sorry too...It's okay...I've got you, baby...I'm just...so grateful you're still here, dollface..."
It felt so good to hear him say that name again, and with such care too.
They stayed like that until Miranda's tears started to slow down a bit. Alejandro rubbed her back and shushed her softly, ensuring her that she was in the safest place she could be. They'd both long forgotten that they were standing on top of a speeding train, as the world disappeared around them. The sound of the engine faded into nothing, the clacking train tracks were put on mute, and the thunder seemingly disappeared. But most importantly, the sound of Miranda's mental demons vanished. All that could be heard was the sound of Miranda's crying and Alejandro's gentle reassurance.
Once Miranda had calmed down enough, she pulled away from Alejandro, sniffling tiredly. But once she got a glimpse of his face, her eyes widened with surprise.
"Alejandro...y-you're crying...?"
Indeed, the Spaniard had tear-stained cheeks, as he'd been crying a bit himself while Miranda broke down. But despite those tears, he snickered softly, his grin warm and loving.
"They are tears of relief."
Miranda blushed slightly, pouting a bit as she put a hand back on his cheek. She lowered her gaze, seemingly ashamed by this.
"...I made you cry..."
"Yes, you did. But it's okay. You know why?"
She reluctantly looked back up at him out of sheer curiosity.
"Because you know exactly what to do about it."
Miranda blinked, puzzled by what he meant.
"Huh...? W-What are you talking about?"
Alejandro snickered again, then took her index finger, and tapped it against his lips. Miranda immediately knew what he meant by that, making her cheeks darken once more. But the gesture was so silly that it only took her a few seconds to chuckle at it.
"...If you want something, you have to ask for it."
Alejandro's grin widened, knowing full well she'd take the page out of his book. He pulled close and purred sweetly.
"Well, then why don't you kiss me, gorgeous?"
And that's exactly what she did. The second her lips met his, she felt her feet leave the ground as Alejandro lifted her up like he'd lose her otherwise. She squeaked sheepishly, making Alejandro hum sweetly, but she wasted no time running her fingers through his dark, silky hair.
As if on cue, the dark, stormy clouds began to clear, revealing the gorgeous yellow sky behind them. The sun shimmered onto the train once again, lighting them both up in its beams. The moment couldn't have been more relieving for the both of them. It felt like ages until they broke that sweet kiss, but once they did, both of them were wearing matching smiles.
"Wasn't that a bit dramatic...?" Miranda snickered shyly, realizing she was still off the ground.
"I'm an Aries, my doll. What else did you expect?" he smiled.
The smile on her face was one of those smiles. The smiles that illuminated a person's soul with joy. That person being Alejandro, of course. He couldn't have been happier to see that sight again.
But the peace couldn't last forever, of course, as they were still in a competition. Said competition resumed when Miranda looked over and noticed a bright, sandy white beach in the near distance.
"Is that...?"
Alejandro saw this too, nodding. "Yep, that's Tijuana Beach. I think we've reached our stop."
He took a quick glance around the train before making a game plan. Upcoming was a large field filled with many different colored horses, and that was all he needed to make up his mind. He tightened his grip on Miranda before jumping down the ladder to the roof of the train, and then down into the field. Miranda let out a yelp with each jump, not expecting the sudden plunge.
"H-Hey, warn me next time~"
"I'm sorry, my doll~ Though to be fair, you were the one to point out the beach."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever..." she whined.
He soon put her down and her eyes lit up when she saw all the horses.
"Oh my goodness~ They're so beautiful...!"
"Pick one out, gorgeous. We're in a race, aren't we?"
Once Alejandro said that Miranda didn't need to be told twice. They immediately picked out their horses, Alejandro's a sleek black, and Miranda's an elegant white. Once both horses were pretty much tamed and ready to be ridden, the two of them were on their way, running side by side with the train they just stood on. The wind blew through both their hairs, but in a much more freeing way than on the train. This wind felt like freedom and victory.
"Yes, you run beautifully." Alejandro grinned confidently.
"Hey, don't shame my horse. You're doing so good, sweetheart, don't listen to him...!" Miranda retorted, petting its white mane.
"Hurry, caballo!"
"You can do it, honey! Faster!"
The two of them were neck in neck as they made it to the sandy ground.
"You really think you're gonna win? I will squash you like a bug!" Miranda cheekily called.
"I will pluck you like a chicken!" Alejandro grinned smugly, dodging her playful smack.
Chris was awaiting them at the finish line, but once he realized the horses had no desire to stop, he panicked and called out to the two.
"Look out! Woah!"
Hearing that made the horses buck both Miranda and Alejandro off their backs and up into the air. They flew over the checkered flag, screaming as they landed in the sand.
Once Miranda opened her eyes from the impact, she was greeted by the sight of Alejandro underneath her, rubbing his head from the fall. Once he saw her on top of him, he smirked flirtatiously, making her blush.
"...I hate you~"
He chuckled. "Really? I have a hard time believing that."
"Uh, I still have a race to the million going on. Interested? Hawaii's over there. Grab a boat, head to the big island, and—"
Chris's spiel was abruptly interrupted by a loud boom and a wave of sand crashing behind him. The cause of that wave turned out to be Sierra and Cody, who had ridden in with a multitude of fireworks. Their momentum sent their wheelchair rolling backward and straight into one of three motorboats.
"Woo-hoo! We made it!" Cody cheered.
"The GPS says Hawaii's over there!" Sierra pointed excitedly.
With that, they drove off towards the tropical islands.
"And Cody plus one takes the lead!"
The Aries and Libra quickly made their way to the boats, following Cody in hot pursuit of victory.
Miranda mostly tried to stay in her own lane and ignore the other two, but that was difficult with Alejandro occasionally bumping into her boat. One good hit sent Miranda veering right. She was a bit taken aback by the impact, but recovered quickly was tried to get back on pace.
Meanwhile, Alejandro was greeted by a fish hitting him in the face.
"Eat cod!" Cody and Sierra laughed beside him.
The two boats were nearly neck in neck, and Alejandro wasn't one to take a hit to the face lightly. He pulled out a swordfish, leading Cody to do the same. The boys began to duel it out, leading Miranda to sneak past both of them.
She didn't want to get her hopes up, but the finish line was in her sights. Sure, she didn't care about the money, nor did she really want to win when she first signed up for this show, but something about the idea of it now that she was void of a purpose felt exhilarating. If she wasn't going to die anytime soon, she might as well try to make that music dream of hers happen.
But before that finish line sat a strange-looking sphere floating in the water. Before she had time to question what it was, a seagull fluttered down to rest on it, making the sphere explode. Thankfully, the blast didn't hit Miranda at all, but it certainly left her feeling quite anxious about the last leg of this race.
Behind her, the boys ended their sword match with Alejandro knocking out Cody's weapon.
"It appears the best man has won!" he triumphed, driving off quickly.
"Depends on how you look at it!" Cody called.
Alejandro's eyes widened as he ran directly into a mine, sending him flying off into the air. Cody and Sierra laughed in response, zooming by the destroyed mine.
Miranda heard the boom behind her and was almost tempted to glance back to see what had happened. But before she could even think about doing that, her boat slowed to almost a complete halt, the gas gauge completely empty.
"Seriously?" She groaned.
She rummaged around the boat and found an oar she could use to paddle her boat the rest of the way. It felt like it took an eternity in comparison to using the motor, and her arms felt like they could give out at any moment. But with the last of her strength, Miranda's boat reached the finish line first. She climbed out of her boat and immediately laid herself down in the sand, panting and chuckling with disbelief.
"No way...!"
"Miranda makes it into the final two! One question remains, who will battle her? Cody or Alejandro?"
She sat up to see past competitors running up to congratulate her, cheering and celebrating. She was bombarded by hugs from Lindsay and Bridgette, making her laugh contagiously. Once she was able to stand back up, everyone else came up to her with high-fives, more hugs, and some pats on the back. It all felt so surreal to see everyone again, like a fantasy or something.
But it didn't feel real until she was greeted by her former teammates. Owen lifted her into a massive bear hug, making her squeak with joy.
"Yeah! You did it! That was awesome!"
Izzy climbed onto Owen's back to grab Miranda's hands excitedly.
"You did so well! Like, totally amazing!"
Once Owen put her down, Tyler gave her a fist bump and cheered.
"Congrats, Miranda! You deserve it, one hundred percent!"
Even Duncan came by and patted her on the back, along with Noah, who grinned proudly.
"Nice work, blondie."
"If anyone was gonna do it, I'm glad it was you."
Miranda wanted to cry when she heard all this praise. She wasn't sure if they had seen what had gone down on the train and were just saying this to make her feel better. But she gave them the benefit of the doubt and hoped they hadn't and genuinely meant it.
"You guys~"
"Hey, Miranda! I knew you could do it!"
Miranda's head whipped around to see who was calling for her, and she nearly screamed when she realized who it was. She immediately ran over and hugged him tightly.
"DJ~! Hi, oh my God~! How are you?"
"I haven't hurt a single animal since I got booted. And I was right! You did it! I knew you were the one to win this thing!"
Miranda beamed as other people around DJ agreed profusely.
"Yeah, Miranda!"
"You did that, girl!"
"This game is all you, honey!"
Miranda practically felt overwhelmed by all the love and positivity. It was a complete one-eighty from the misery she'd felt on that train. It was as if the world was finally rewarding her for something.
"I don't know what to say...You guys, just...thank you! Thank you so much....!"
As she glanced over at the dock, however, her heart sank a bit as Cody and Sierra's boat came slowly drifting over towards the finish line.
"We did it!" Cody cheered.
Before the tip of the boat crossed the line, the sound of screaming came plummeting down from the air. Alejandro's boat smashed into Cody's sending all three of them over the line at the exact same time.
"Oh, wow! That's what you call a tie, people. I'd go to the slow-mo to declare a winner, but...we're...kinda out of time."
Everyone was completely shocked by Chris's announcement, especially the final three.
"What!?"
"Yep. We are totally... completely, undeniably... out of time... as of...right...about...now!"
The four racers groaned, completely done with Chris's bullshit at this point.
"So come back next time to find out who battles who and see someone finally win the million! Or die trying. Right here, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
A/N(written in 2019): AH. THIS CHAPTER. Holy shit, this chapter has so much BAGGAGE. This was one of my favorites to write by far, because of all this angst we got in it. (It took me FOUR DAYS TO EDIT AND REWRITE THIS. SO YEAH, THAT'S WHY IT'S LATE.) I would like to point out that, no, I have never attempted or considered suicide in my life. But, there have been times when I'd wonder what the world would be like without me in it. (I CANT STRESS ENOUGH THAT THIS IS SO AMPLIFIED TO WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS LIKE FOR ME. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY, I AM FINE AND DON'T THINK ANYTHING CLOSE TO THIS.) If you're someone who's in the situation of deciding if it's better to live or die, let me tell you. LIVE IT UP. I know things might seem hopeless and difficult, but trust me, baby. It's going to get better. You were put on Earth for a reason. Please reach out to me if you ever need to vent. (My DMS are always open on here and my IG <3) I'm always here. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, despite the angst. Let me know your reactions and opinions in the comments, 'cause I think you know I love them. Thank you all so much for the support, I genuinely appreciate it. We're wrapping up fast and I wanna cry, ugh. Stay tuned for the finale, lovies! ~Miranda