When Jisung woke up his back felt very stiff. When he opened his eyes he looked at a bright blue sky.
I fell asleep outside, didn't I...
Jisung hurriedly got up and speedwalked back to his dorm. Luckily there were no classes to prepare for yet because they always had a week off after exam week.
"There you are!" Lewis quickly walked over to Jisung when he entered through the door, practically patting the boy down while looking for possible injuries. "Are you insane?!" Lewis exclaimed after making sure Jisung was fine, "You walked out so fast and we couldn't reach you! I swear Sam wouldn't leave until you came back, but you didn't come so I had Chris carry him back to his dorm after the poor boy finally fell alseep."
Jisung hung his head down. He realised he would have to talk to Sam, but he really didn't want to. "I'm sorry, I'm fine."
"Yeah you better be! You also better check up on your friend, he did not seem to be doing so great." Lewis sighed
"What, why? Is he hurt?" Jisung worried something might have happened to Sam after Jisung had left.
"Well his anxiety levels were through the roof and he barely got any sleep because of you! Jeez and even turning off your phone? Could've at least texted us or something?" Lewis paused. "Sam wasn't the only one worrying about you," he now said more quiet and calm, "you're my roommate, for a hot minute I really thought you weren't coming back. Where have you been, man?"
Jisung felt ashamed. He was ashamed of himself and his actions. Towards Sam. Towards Lewis. Towards... Minho. Jisung suddenly remembered the cold look on Minho's face after Jisung's kiss with Sam.
"..."
"Well? Where were you?"
"Outside..."
"Outside what?"
"I slept outside."
"Bro, why the fuck would you do that?" Lewis had a way of scolding Jisung and still sounding caring. Maybe it was just because Jisung knew he cared, and he knew Lewis never meant any harm. Besides that, Jisung felt like he deserved to be scolded. I am, in fact, the worst person after all. Jisung tried to tell himself the words in his head weren't true, but he failed to believe that.
Lewis let out a sigh, "anyway," he continued, "now that I know you're safe... what again did you say about being young but wise and not making drunk mistakes?" And just like that Lewis was back at making jokes.
"LEWIS!"
"You had it coming. Anyway, you should go talk to Sam"
Jisung's stomach turned, "yeah, I probably should. I'll just wash up first."
Jisung turned his phone back on and went to shower. When he got back he saw all the missed phone calls and text messages, most of them were from Sam.
Sam
Where are you?
Sam
Jisung, I'm sorry!
Sam
Why are you not receiving my messages?
Sam
*this message was deleted*
Sam
*this message was deleted*
Sam
*this message was deleted*
Sam
Please text me when you're safe. I'll wait at your dorm.
Sam
*this message was deleted*
And many more came after that. Jisung sighed and finally texted his best friend back.
Jisung
I'm sorry, I'm fine. Meet me in 15 under the big tree?
Almost faster than lighting Sam replied back and they met outside under the biggest tree on campus. The tree wasn't actually that big, there were bigger trees around, but the tree was really big for it's species. It was an old red pine tree that Jisung and Sam had an inside joke about. They often referred to the tree as "big boi" or "big tree" when agreeing on meeting there.
They met up awkwardly and it remained quiet between them for a couple of seconds.
"I can't do it like this," Jisung said, breaking the silence, "lay down." Sam did as he was told and laid down on his back with his feet facing the tree. Jisung did the same but laid down with his head facing the tree, but his head still next to Sam's.
"I think if we lay like this and I look up at the sky while talking, it will be easier." Sam remained silent after Jisungs words and Jisung could feel the air thicken between them.
"You don't have to do this, you don't have to officially reject me, I know you don't like me like that." Sam spoke, his words trying to cut through the uncomfortable ambiance. "It's okay."
"You don't sound okay. But that is not what this is. Though I do wanna say I can't reciprocate your feelings, I mostly just wanted to talk about what happened and why it happened."
"It was just the alcohol, I know." Jisung could hear the hurt in Sam's voice. Sam was already trying to make his way back up, he probably really wanted to escape this awkward place that they were in right now.
"No, lay back down." Jisung said, tugging on Sam's shirt to bring him down again. "I mean, yes, I probably did drink too much. But when you confessed and kissed me, it just felt really nice. I am not in love with you, nor do I think I could ever be, but in that moment there was just a really pretty boy confessing to me. And though it wasn't right of me to act on that feeling alone, just for that moment it felt good. Someone really handsome liked me and even kissed me, I just wanted to feel it again... that's why I kissed you back."
There was a moment of silence before Jisung continued.
"When I pulled away again I suddenly realised I was just taking advantage of the situation, I was taking advantage of you. And I was really ashamed by that because I didn't want to make it seem like I was using you, though that kind of was the situation. I'm so sorry."
For a moment Jisung thought Sam would stay silent forever, but then he asked, "you liked it?"
"Yeah, I think so. It kind of was a guilty pleasure moment for me." Jisung answered truthfully.
Sam sat up and turned to look at Jisung, "you don't hate me? You aren't disgusted by me at all?"
Jisung sat up too, "disgusted by you? No, no of course not! You're my best friend. And also, who wouldn't be able to resist me." Jisung's joke made the thick air between them fade like cotton candy in water, they both chuckled.
"You're never going to let this go now, are you? This will forever boost your ego now, huh?"
Jisung stood up and reached his hand out to help Sam stand up too, "you know me, everything that is even a slight compliment goes to my head." They both laughed and briefly hugged.
"Thank you for forgiving me, I thought you would hate me for momentarily leading you on." Jisung admitted.
"The only thing I hate you for is ignoring all my calls and messages, making me worry like crazy. Bitch, I really couldn't find you ANYWHERE. Where even were you?"
Jisung pointed to a small hill not too far from the tree, "on the backside of that hill."
"You slept there?!" Sam asked surprised.
"Well, I felt too awkward to go back to the dorms and it's not like I have other friends besides you. Where was I supposed to go?"
"You're such a loser." Sam teased.
"We're both losers, that's why we're best friends."
"True that. Everything okay between us?"
"Everything okay."
And it really was okay, both boys were able to say their thoughts out loud and clear their worries. Neither of them wanted to lose eachother, because most of the time it was all they had.