12:00 am
We've been driving for a while.
Now that I have a real moment to rest, sitting in the passenger seat of his car that smelled of his cologne, the heaviness of my eyelids and my sore muscles were more noticeable.
I fight to keep my eyes opened, not wanting to sleep since I'll probably embarrass myself somehow.
The radio played some unknown music I don't care for, only acting as a filler for the silence. The silence we both didn't want to interrupt.
It was cold in his car, not the refreshing kind like the air outside, but more like artificially conditioned air I am no longer used to since we've spent countless hours outside.
I watched through the windshields of his car, but the longer we drive, the more I notice the less and less cars that pass by us and the less crowded buildings around us.
Kind of reviving since I'm used to the same crowded areas of New York. I sometimes miss the old town we used to live in. How there wasn't light everywhere and tall buildings. Where it wasn't overwhelmed by crowded people.
I miss quiet.
I miss it there sometimes where everything was smaller and slower. But then I remember I love how everything moves so fast here, how there's always something to do and I'm always on my feet.
The car moved steadily with the straight road, not helping my resistance to sleep. The hazy lights from the road shown faintly into his face, highlighting only some aspects of his face. I admire his side profile. The lighting illuminated on certain parts of his side profile, making his cheekbones and jawline look more prominent, shadowing his sculptured face.
He notices and turns his head. I turn away just as he did, looking ahead of me instead, pretending I wasn't staring.
The song ends that was playing on the radio and another begins.
I wasn't listening to the radio, simply hearing it, but I recognize the song. It was more upbeat, which woke me up more.
I mentally sing along to the lyrics, having it memorized somewhere in my brain.
"Tate." I grab his attention. "Do you know this song?"
"Nope."
Ugh.
The roads were empty, no cars from behind or in front of us. None on the other side of the road either. I haven't seen any in probably two-three minutes.
It was mostly trees surrounding us.
This reminded me of when Me and Aelin were out one night and a song came on the radio, it was a really good one, one that we wanted to dance to. So we stopped at a red light, there was no cars around, we turned the volume up, left our car doors open, and danced to the music at a red light.
It was exhilarating, we were in the middle of a four way road and any minute a car could drive by and run us over. They didn't though, thank god.
"Tate, you should stop the car." I say impulsively.
I couldn't help it, there's this idea forming in my mind that I just can't resist. The song playing isn't helping either, only making me want to do it more. Persuading me.
"Why?" He looked at me confused.
"Because this is an amazing song."
"So?"
"Stop the car." I urge him excitedly.
"We're in the middle of the road." He tells me.
"No shit, Tate. But it's an empty road. Do you see any cars around us? I think not, so stop the damn car."
"Jesus." He mutters but stops the car. "You're crazy."
"I know, but trust me, this is going to be great. I'm going to give you an experience."
"You wanted to live right?" I grin at him. "Feel alive?" I take off my seat belt.
"We're probably not going to be alive much longer." He looks back at the road to check.
I open the car door and the cold, cold air hits me again. I missed it.
I turn the volume all the way up, quickly getting out of the car before it makes me deaf. Leaving the car door open, I run out across the road further from the car. It gave me a sense of rebellion, that exciting feeling when you're not supposed to be doing something.
"What the fuck are you doing?!" I hear him from behind me, calling out loud enough for me to hear.
I'm assuming he's out of the car too, since he didn't turn the music down and I'm sure it would break his ears if he was still inside.
I run. Actually not quite running, my legs ached too much, but definitely faster than walking, I continue moving away from his car. I'm trying to find a good distance that his lights won't blind me, and we could still clearly hear the music.
It was impulsive of me, yeah. But how are you gonna live without impulse? You have to take risks and be reckless sometimes. Carelessness can give you the best moments.
"Being alive!" I yell back with a smile.
Pure amusement fills his face.
He wasn't mad or annoyed, more like interested in what I'm doing. It's entertaining for him.
I sit down, feeling the roughness of the road at my fingertips, I feel small compared to everything else. Compared to the long road continuing on either side of me.
"You're insane!" He's says over the music. I heard his voice coming closer to me. He's taking his time, walking casually towards me.
I look on either side of me first, just to be sure there weren't any cars, then I lay down, feeling the hard pavement of the road hit my head.
"We live on a floating rock, Tate!" I patiently wait for him, laying on the road. The starless sky is my view right now, along with the trees tall enough to come in at the side.
This reminds me of Damon from The Vampire Diaries. I love that show.
Tate comes into my line of sight. He looks down at me as I lay there, he blocks my vision of the sky.
"You're crazy." He gently shakes his head, looking down at me. He's fighting a smile.
"Floating rock mentality, Tate. Floating rock mentality." A wide smile plastered onto my face. "Lay down." I encourage.
"I'm not going to lay down in the middle of the fucking road."
"Why not?"
"This is a suicide wish. We'll get run over." He tells me. His face even looks good from his angle.
"Do you see any fucking cars around? Stop being an ass and lay the fuck down."
"You're like fucking attracted to the ground. We spent like half the day on the ground because of you."
I like my view as he stares down at me. "I spend like fifty percent of my time on the floor. It's better."
He hesitates, looking around on either side of the road. We're technically not in the city yet. There was nothing, just the trees at the side of the road, not even light. The lights of his headlights are the only source.
He waits for a few seconds, then eventually lays down with me. A big smile spreads across my lips, a smile of success that I've convinced him to do this.
"Why are we laying down?"
"Because we can," I answer. "It reminded me of this time me and Aelin danced to a song on the radio, at a red light. It was so fun."
"So we're going to dance in the middle of the road?"
"No, I'm too exhausted to do that," I answer. "We'll just lay here... listen to the music..." I say lazily. "and wait to get run over."
He instantly turned his head at what I said. Confusion and shock framed his face.
"I'm kidding. Just lay down and enjoy the music." I assure him. "Its like our very own little concert. Relax and listen, live in the moment."
We can't actually get run over anyway. The road has two different directions and we're only on one side so a car can simply pass us. They might run over Tate's car though, but at least they'll do that before they'll get to us.
The car was blasting music, its doors were opened, and it really did feel like a whole concert. This was like a better version of you laying in your bed, in the dark, listening to music with headphones.
This moment was electrifying. Exciting, reckless, and thrilling.
I loved the feeling of the road below us. Getting to feel the textures of smooth and rough.
I close my eyes, breathing in the chilling atmosphere like heroine to me. I'm taking in the moment, remembering.
This is a musical masterpiece that felt like actual heaven. It was beautiful. Everything about this moment. The song, the trees surrounding us, the lights of his car in the distance, the empty road, the black sky with the moon, and the man laying next to me.
It's perfect.
Although, he isn't perfect. Far from it actually.
But I hate perfect people.
And I like his company, more than I care to admit.
I move my head to look at Tate, his view was towards the sky, looking relaxed and actually kind of enjoying himself.
He looks different.
His usual hard exterior is nowhere to be found, all his troubles, his worries, his problems, seem to disappear at this moment and he looks completely and utterly free.
Like he didn't have a care in the world but in the best way.
I wish I could just capture this moment and stare at it because I would - stare at it for hours that is.
I guess I was still staring at him because when he turned his head, our eyes aligned almost automatically.
It's that serene moment of tranquility, yet our hearts were beating so fast. It's the danger that comes with this reckless and impulsive position, because who'd stop in the middle of the road just to lay in it?
Us apparently.
I gave him a small smile, one that meant that world. It's said "I told you so" and "I'm glad you're enjoying this moment" and "I'm glad you look free."
It also secretly said I missed you. Secretly.
No one would know that however, only me because I sure as hell won't tell him that.
He gave me that same smile.
It absolutely blew me away. My heart selfishly raced faster, really happy that he returned it.
He smiled at me.
I turned my head and can't help but sing along with a smile. My singing was truly terrible, but the volume of the actual song silenced it.
I turned towards him, going to urge him to sing along with me but I remembered he didn't know the words.
It looked like it brought him natural joy, bringing an easy smile to him, the song and me
singing along.
This moment was our moment.
A place away from reality. Better than reality.
This was my favorite part, so I sang along like I always do to most songs, except this time someone was watching as I did so. Maybe he found it annoying, or stupid, but I really didn't care.
This was the first time in such a long time I had a real smile. The kind too real that you can't cover it up or hide it, the kind that felt too good to stop, and the kind so incredibly real that if I looked at this moment from another person's perspective, I'd be truly proud of her.
His eyes never left from me like he was in a trance.
The smile he had on his face looked so natural, probably from the music he was enjoying so much. I make a mental note to tell him the name of the song since he looks like he loves it so much.
The music slowed down, and that's how I knew it ended.
"See, isn't this fun?" I couldn't help it, it was like my way of I told you so.
"You know what else is fun?"
*
The next song on the radio started to play. I hum in response, asking him "what?" It was definitely more upbeat, the beats were faster and quicker, giving a cheery rhythm like something you'd dance to.
"Dying together."
I scoff, shaking my head. "A car won't come," I assure him. All I do is listen since I didn't know the words or even heard of this song before. It brought a big smile to my face even so.
"You don't know that."
"Then we'll make a run for it." I easily say.
"Better run fast." He taunts.
"I'll try," I say in response.
I like this song a lot actually.
I turn to see Tate's reaction to the song. It's almost automatic now that I see his reaction for everything because I care what he thinks more than I care to admit.
"I gotta tell you the truth" He mouths the lyrics along with the song.
That caught me by surprise that he knew this song.
"You know this song?" I say shocked over the loud music wide-eyed.
"My sister used to play it a lot." He informs me.
My smile grew at the thought.
"I wanna grab both your shoulders and shake baby." He mouths along playfully.
My mouth opens in amused surprise.
I like seeing him like this. Careless. It looked good in him.
My heart was beating so fast, matching up with the fast beats of the song.
"Y'know, this is a good song to dance to." I mention.
"I agree." He smirks.
"I would dance to this, but my legs are exhausted. I think they'll fall off." I laugh lightly.
He turned his head for a second, laughing lightly. God, how does he look so pretty in every angle?!
I'm allowed to complement him and think he's attractive because it's true. It doesn't mean anything more.
He nudged an inch closer to me thinking I wouldn't notice. I shouldn't have.
Tate sings along, making direct eye contact with me, our faces only a few inches away.
I didn't think his eyes could get prettier, but when they're lit up like that, bright and happy, staring at me, I'm easily proven wrong.
I happily watch him singing along to every word, looking like he knows it by heart. I really couldn't stare away. This was just too good.
He has dimples, no, not dimples, but the smile lines in the corner of his mouth that deepen and become more prominent when he smiles. Are those still considered dimples? Who knows.
Uncalled for, I feel the ground shake.
Vibrates in a way, like I can feel it rumble below me.
We get pulled away from the compulsion.
My view of Tate's face gets noticeably brighter, and I know that's a headlight of a car.
Panic instantly fills me, fear and nervousness. A car was in the distance. I can feel it coming from the road.
Tate almost instantly stops mouthing the lyrics and quickly looks up, in the direction of the car.
A car was headed our way. It was still a good distance from us, we could run if we wanted to, go back to the car easily. Still, I'm terrified and panicked.
But my fears were quickly demolished when I realized the car was driving on the other side. It can't hit us because we weren't in its path unless it purposely swerved across the side we're on. It can simply drive by us, we were more than a few feet away from the other side, we were safe.
My heart starting to slow, realizing the fact. I smile, a mischievous thought pops into my head.
I feel Tate pull on my arm, urging me to stand up with him.
"No, stay." I say quickly. The car was still a few feet away from us, but getting closer by the second. It wasn't moving fast.
"Rowan, get up." He says seriously, worried and nervous, looking back and forth between the car and me.
"Tate, it can't hit us," I assure him. "We aren't in its path. Lay down." I pull on his arm hard, urging him to come back down.
"Rowan, are you crazy?! Come on!" We both speak quickly since we're kind of in the middle of danger.
"It can't hit us!" I assure him again. "Lay down!"
Uncertainty and doubt fill his eyes, but he listens.
I can physically hear and feel the car coming closer. My heart pounded at an incredible speed.
Tate watches the car cautiously even though there's literally no way we'd get run over.
The car gets incredibly close and I quickly grab his hand without a thought. He freezes for a second, but relaxed when he realized who it was.
"Close your eyes!" I say quickly over the music blaring and the wheels of the incoming car.
I'm so close that I'm practically hugging him.
I can feel his heart beating.
Good to know he has one.
This is intense, the build-up of the incoming car unknown to us when it's going to come.
Without warning, the car quickly drives past us, the noise of its tires and engine so loud it almost made me scream. We were literally only a few feet away from it.
A rush of cold wind blew in its path, the incredible brightness of the car only making me shut my eyes tighter together and somehow move closer to him.
Our hands were held together, tightly squeezing for the literal life of us, my other hand was bunched up into his jacket by his chest, his other arm wrapped around me like a protective blanket, holding my waist. This is probably the tightest I've ever been held.
The loud roar of the car grew quieter and quieter the more it drove farther away from us.
I wait in his arms, just for another second, just to say safe.
Then when I knew for sure, I break away from his grasp and turn over so my back is on the road again. My heart was pounding so hard against my chest that I thought it would explode.
I break into laugher, wild, crazy laugher putting my hand over my mouth.
"I cannot believe we just did that!" I exclaimed. I think I'm shaking.
"You're fucking insane." He was out of breath too.
I continued laughing. That was the most exciting, most intense moment I've ever experienced. We literally could've died. Only if the car accidentally swerved and ran us over. It was so incredibly reckless and stupid, but it's the most fun I've ever had.
Tate was covering his face, laugher emerging from him too.
The song had ended, I didn't know when, but it had. Another song was playing but it was obvious it was coming to an end too.
All of a sudden, he stood up, and his hand out for me to grab comes into view, telling me to stand.
"I can't dance." I say out of breath, still recovering. "Tate my legs are going to snap off."
"I won't let you fall."
On impulse, I grab his hand and before I blink, he pulls me up, not even struggling.