Emily
"So, have you planned something for Logan's birthday?" Adam asks as we pause to take in the breath-taking view that never fails to amaze me.
I shake my head. "Not yet. I was thinking of just having a low key barbecue before heading to the beach."
"That would be nice. Certainly easier to clean up than having a bunch of people over."
"Exactly. I might just invite the boys from the football team since Sabine is travelling and Melanie is in Beirut."
"I'm sure he's going to love whatever you end up planning. He's got it bad for you, I've literally never seen him this way before."
I smile to myself. The last two weeks have truly been wonderful. We spent every second of every day together. He has been surprisingly getting so much better at work too. He's always coming up with new ideas and prepares the documents needed before every meeting.
My heart warms up just at the thought of him. I unconsciously look at my watch just because I'm already starting to miss him and I low-key just want to go back home.
The truth is that I've been worried that his birthday will be a trigger for him to remember. I want to make it as much of a distraction as I possibly can, and just make sure that there's no space for him to even think about that night...
"Speaking of special things, I was thinking of making my special lasagna for tonight. You up for it?" Adam asks, shaking me out of my thoughts.
"I'm always up for lasagna. Besides, it's Logan's favorite food too."
"Alright, let me check with Logan if we have some of the veggies," He says as he takes his phone out and calls him.
I take a deep breath as the dialing sound fills the silence between us before it dies out.
"Why am I absolutely sure that he's probably still asleep?" Adam whines as he returns his phone to his bag.
"Because he most probably still is. Anyway, the sun is starting to hit pretty hard so we better go back before we get sun-burned."
We hike back down the trail and just talk about everything. It's the moments like these ones that truly make me realize how lucky I am to have Adam by my side. I can talk to him about everything and anything.
He tells me about some of his patients in the hospital, how his week went, and his plans for the next few days. We talk about dinner ideas and recipes that we want to try, his upcoming trip to New York City, and the fact that I'm going back to school in the fall.
By the time we get home, I'm in such a good mood. I feel so much lighter, especially because I'm just at a point where everything is going so well in my life.
As Adam juggles his keys, I realize that I forgot my phone in the car. "Oh, shoot, my phone must have slipped into my seat."
Adam hands me his car keys before going inside the house. I quickly get my phone and lock the car.
The first thing that I notice when I walk inside is that the house is awfully quiet. It's already two, so it's very unlikely that Logan is still sleeping.
"Babe, we're home," I call out as I pop my head into the living room.
Nope, he's not there.
I'm going to kill him if he's still sleeping. I go inside my bedroom and frown when I notice that the bed is made.
Logan never makes the bed. Ever. And he's not in there either. "Logan?" I peek inside my bathroom. No one.
His bedroom door is closed so I knock twice before just going in. My jaw drops when I take in the tidiness of the room. Holy crap, did Logan clean up this space?
"Adam, you will not believe this. You need to come and see Logan's bedroom," I call out on Adam, laughing, before walking to the kitchen.
Adam has his back turned. "Adam? I literally cannot believe it. His bedroom looks like it has come out of a detergent ad."
But Adam doesn't say anything.
"Hey, are you okay?" I ask as it hits me that something might be wrong. I place my hand on his back before sitting on the chair next to his.
"What's wrong?" I ask, before noticing a paper in his hands. "What's this?"
It's Logan's handwriting. My heart drops to the pits of my stomach before I snatch the letter from him.
Dear Emily and Adam,
I don't even really know where to begin, but if you're reading this, it's because I already left.
I can feel my chest squeezing tightly. "What?" I manage to whisper before looking at Adam. "It says here that he left, Adam. What the fuck is he talking about?"
Adam doesn't meet my eyes, instead, his hands cover his lips. My eyes wander back to Logan's handwriting.
I'm incredibly thankful for everything that you have both offered me. Thank you for the memories that I will forever cherish, from the extravagant adventures that we've had such as climbing the highest peaks of the region to the most mundane afternoons we've spent doing the laundry or cleaning up the kitchen.
I will never forget what we had. You showed me that the world can be beautiful and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. For that, I will forever be grateful.
Unfortunately, our time has come to an end and we must part ways. I wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
Logan.
PS. I found out about what happened that summer this morning from Mar.
Time stops as I try to comprehend his words. But all I see are letters - letters merging with one another, spinning in my head, spinning me into an endless abyss.
"I don't understand," My voice is a broken whisper. I read the letter again. I re-read the words over and over again.
He can't be gone. It's Logan. He wouldn't just leave. He can't go - No, no, no, no. God, not Logan. Please, not him too.
My heart squeezes tightly in my chest as I taste the saltiness of my tears. Adam takes me into his arms as I shatter.
"I'm so sorry, Emily," Adam whispers.
But I can't say a word. I can't say a word because it hurts - it hurts everywhere. Because I'm six years old again, watching my mom leaving again, thinking to myself, am I ever going to see her again?
Because I'm twelve years old again, meeting my father for the first time, only to realize that I'm scared and I want to go home but I don't have a home.
Because I'm sixteen again, my heart breaking as the social worker informs me that Adam's adoption request was rejected.
Except that I'm not. I spent all this time protecting myself from getting attached to him - because every single person I love is bound to leave me. I can't believe I thought he would be different.
"Emmy, I'm so sorry. I hate to see you this way, baby," Adam hugs me tighter. "Please, you're breaking my heart."
But I can't stop. I can't stop because the ache I feel inside is too strong to stomach. Logan is gone. My Logan is gone.
And he just left.
He just left... Without even saying goodbye. "So, what? He's just gone?" My voice shakes. I pull away from Adam, shaking my head as I start dialing Logan's phone number. "He can't just pick up his things and leave. He can't, he-" I bite back my sobs as his number goes straight to voice mail.
A rush of anger overtakes me as I throw my phone against the wall.
"Emily!" Adam shouts.
"He's gone, Adam! We can't let him go, we need to - we need to go get him. He's probably still in the airport-"
"Em, we can't-"
"Yes, yes, we can. Come on, let's go, we still have time. Or we can just book a flight to NYC and -"
"Em, stop."
"Adam, no-"
Adam grabs my arms and forces me to look into his eyes. "Em, calm down, breathe."
Tears stream down my cheeks into my neck to suffocate me. "I can't breathe, Adam."
"In through your nose, out through your lips. Just like we've practiced before."
"I can't. It hurts," I say, as I press a hand to my chest.
Adam engulfs me into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Em. It's going to be okay, I promise."
I press my forehead against his shoulder. "I love him, Adam."
"I know," He breathes out. "He'll come back, for sure. But we need to give him space, okay?"
I don't say anything because I don't trust myself not to break down.
The worst part is that somewhere deep inside of me, I knew we'd never end up together. I knew that things were too good to be true.
And it absolutely breaks me that there are thousands of moments that I had taken for granted - just because I assumed there would be more.
a/n
not gonna lie, my heart was literally aching as i wrote this. vote if you want a quick update! ;)