Chapter 22, I Guess I'm Drowning
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" It's not that I didn't love you, I just don't know anymore! I just never meant to hurt you. "
~ Jaden's POV ~
Now I know, all of you are hating on me right now.
I know that, I hate me right now too but let me explain everything.
At the night of the break, I just started thinking about I just didn't feel excited with Scarlett and maybe the break would give me time to make feel happy for when we get off of break.
I went to the Halloween party and well, I missed Meredith and there was no justifying that.
I felt bad but I didn't know about the Instagram post, I didn't even know I posted that.
I don't even think I was the one who created the page in the first place, anyways when Scarlett found out, I felt bad.
I should have texted her and told her but I wanted to keep this to myself because I didn't want it ruining my chances of getting off of break with her.
I know I wasn't sincere with the apology and I should have been but I just couldn't, I thought this break up would be a good thing.
To Scarlett, when I apologized on the stairwell, I wasn't being sincere and I wasn't being serious about the apology.
But I was, I so serious even if my tone or face didn't make it seem like it.
She doesn't have to accept my apology but I want her to know that I love her and that I meant the apology, but when she told me those things, I felt my heart shatter.
Did she actually regret being with me?
When school finished, I walked back to my house and walked inside silently.
There wasn't anything for me to say or do, I wasn't happy but I was exhausted.
I walked upstairs and walked into the bathroom, I decided to take a bath and calm my mind.
I closed my eyes and tried to relax all of my thoughts, in my mind I saw Scarlett.
She's always pretty in my head and in my eyes, she didn't need makeup like she always said she needed.
I slowly sunk into the water with my mind filled with Scarlett, she made me happy.
I caught myself drowning in the bathtub and got up quickly, I dried myself and put on pajamas.
I walked to my room and laid on my bed before going on Spotify to play a playlist Scarlett had made for us, I never did stop listening to it since it held different songs.
The playlist altogether was about 18 house and 23 minutes, impressive considering it held all of our favorite songs.
I turned the lights off and closed the curtains, I covered myself with a weighted blanket.
But I couldn't fall asleep, although I had felt myself get really exhausted, my body just wasn't ready for it.
I stayed in bed and hesitated for a moment, I grabbed my phone and dialed a familiar number.
"What is it?"
A soft voice said dryly, I sighed and sat up in my bed before I responded to the person on the other line.
"Scarlett, I was sincere with my apology. You're not required to forgive me because I know I hurt you but I am seriously sorry."
I explained myself, Scarlett took a deep breath and released it before speaking up again.
She always had this soft voice.
"If you didn't love me anymore, you should've told me."
Now that took a lot of damage, I still love her but I understood where she was coming from.
I never meant to hurt her but now how do I explain to her that it was childish and idiotic for me, she wouldn't give me the time of day to explain.
"It's not that I didn't love you, I just don't know anymore! I just never meant to hurt you. "
Wow, great job explaining Jaden.
Now she'll really understand, she's totally gonna forgive you!
Scarlett just stood quiet for a second, she hummed a couple of times and then went dead silent.
I was worried that she was going to yell at me all of a sudden but instead, I heard a knock at my window.
I hung up the phone and walked over to my window, I unlocked the window and opened it.
Scarlett walked inside of my room and sat down beside me, I looked at her and smiles softly.
"I just wanted to tell you that I don't accept your apology, I want you to feel upset for a bit until I feel like it's okay again."
Scarlett spoke out, she hugged me tightly before getting up and walking out of my room through my window.
I sighed and face palmed my self before laying back in bed and turning my lights off once again.
I raised the volume to our playlist and got up, I walked over to my door and locked it so I wouldn't be interrupted.
I was gonna make a plan tomorrow, I was going to sleep tonight.
I covered myself with a weighted blanket and laid my head on my fluffy pillow.
I closed my eyes and prayed that everything would solve itself, I didn't want this to be the end of our relationship.
I soon feel into a deep sleep, I dreamt about her and only her.
If someone were to ask me whether I would allow myself to let Scarlett leave my life or drown, I guess I would be drowning then.
I love her, I just didn't show it and now I did the dumbest mistake anyone could do.
Now, I have karma coming her way towards me and Meredith is now on my case.
But I plan on fixing everything, even if it meant I wouldn't be able to call Scarlett mine again.