Logan
"In another life, you would have been a great mechanic, my friend," Adam says as I fix his car's tire.
"Yeah, but I'm not homophobic and that seems to be a requirement to become a car mechanic, no?"
Adam laughs. "Unfortunately. Anyway, thanks for doing this. I'll be in the garage, if you need anything. I really need to clean up some of the boxes in there and if I don't do it now, I'm pretty sure that I never will."
The truth is that this was a good distraction from my earlier conversation with Em. I don't want to think about how I poured my heart out to her, told her that I fucking loved her, and it still wasn't good enough. I still wasn't good enough.
After storming out of the office and coming back home, Adam was struggling to fix his tire so he asked me to do it. And I'm quite grateful for him. I sure as hell don't feel like being alone right now because I know where my mind will ponder.
I try not to think of the burning hole in my stomach. I try not to replay her words in my head. I try not to get sucked into the storm of self-hatred spiraling inside me. And right now, this fucking car tire is the only thing keeping me sane.
I'm almost done when I hear the sound of another car arriving. I look up and my heartbeat accelerates when I spot her.
What the hell is she doing here? She's not supposed to be off work until six-ish.
I gulp when I notice her tear-stained eyes. "Em?" I breathe out, immediately walking towards her. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"
She immediately wraps her arms around me, and I find myself engulfing her towards my chest. God, how I missed her - how I miss this, us.
I feel the wetness of her tears against my shirt, and it's like my gut is being punched repeatedly. Is she crying because of me? Because of our earlier fight? Fuck my life, I am such a fucking asshole.
"It's okay," I try to soothe her. "It's going to be okay, I promise."
But she only cries harder. God, I've never seen her this way. She breaks in my arms and the only thing I can do is to pull her closer to me. The guilt in my chest torments me.
I can't help but think back of Mar - how I used to make her cry all the time. And now, it's the same thing all over again but with Emily.
"It's not, Logan. It's not. Everything is ruined," Her voice breaks at the end and it ruins me in the process.
My fingers find themselves caressing her cheeks, pulling her chin up to meet my eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes are glossy, leaving her completely bare. "Whatever it is that happened, we can work it out. Talk to me, Em."
She starts to shake her head again and I stop her. "Is it because I slept with Mar?" I force myself to ask.
"God, no, I don't even know where to begin-"
"Em, whatever it is that I did, I'll make it better, I promise, I'll be better. Please stop crying, I can't see you like this, goddamn it!"
"You can't make it better, Logan. No one can."
I press my forehead against hers. "Then, we'll try, baby. We'll have to keep trying."
She gulps, "I just don't want to lose you," She whispers to my chest.
My heart squeezes in my chest as I pull her closer. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise me."
"I promise you, Em."
"No, promise me that even when everything goes wrong, you'll stay. You can't leave, Logan."
I have no fucking clue where all of this is coming from when just two hours ago she was literally kicking me out. But I don't really give a shit because if there's one thing that I learned about Em, it's that her bark is way bigger than her bite. She's a big teddy bear on the inside.
A small smile makes its way to my lips. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Good," she sniffs and I suppress my smile from getting wider, just because she looks extremely cute like that, with her red nose and puffy eyes. "You can't even go back to the states. Not without me."
"Jesus, someone is clingy," I tease her, poking her hips slightly.
She shakes her head. "No, I'm not just clingy. I'm fucking psychotic and you literally cannot go anywhere without me. I mean it, Logan."
"I have no idea where all of this is coming from, but for some reason, I think I like it?"
She lets out an exasperated sigh. "Logan, I'm being serious!"
"Fine. Okay, you'll be at my side at all times. Would you like to put me on a leash too?"
Finally, a small smile makes its way to her lips. "You're an idiot, sometimes, you know that?"
My insides twirl, reminding me that whatever I feel for her must be out of this world. "I meant what I said earlier, Em," My voice is suddenly raspy and low. I have to say those words because if I don't, my chest might burst.
"I'm so fucking in love with you, it makes me mad."
Her eyes widen at my confession before she starts crying again. Ah, fuck me, why can't I say one thing right?
"I didn't mean to make you cry-"
She shakes her head. "No, it's just that-" She pauses, her eyes shut close for a minute before meeting mine again. "It's just that I'm so fucking in love with you that it makes me mad too."
My chest squeezes uncomfortably before my lips meet hers. And I no longer give two craps that I'm all sweaty and dirty from working on Adam's car, or that Adam is in the garage for that matter. All that I care about is this tiny human being who occupies every single minute of my existence.
Our tongues swirl together, and I can't help but pull her closer until every inch of her is pressed against me, but it's still not close enough. "I love you," I whisper against her lips. "I've loved you since the first moment that I saw you and haven't been able to stop ever since."
Her soft hands grab mine. "Good, because you're my favorite thing in this entire world, Logan. Even when you're all sweaty and taste like metal and iron. That says something."
I can't help but grin at that. "That does say something, indeed. I'll take a quick shower and then we can hang. Maybe we can ride our bikes around?"
She nods and I wipe her eyes before giving her a tight hug.
We spent the next two weeks completely immersed in each other. We slept in the same bed and woke up with other bodies intertwined. We sort of spent all our time together as well: went to work together, cooked lunch, hiked, rode our bikes, and went on road trips.
And those two weeks were the happiest two weeks of my entire life. I pull her closer to my chest before pressing my lips on her forehead. Never have I ever thought that I'd be in bed by ten, wrapped around the love of my life on a Saturday night. Turns out that it's the best fucking feeling in the entire world.
"It's your birthday next week," She whispers against my chest as my fingers draw stars around her back.
I hum in response, not really wanting to think about it. My birthday has been... let's just say that since the accident happened, it has been an absolute pain in the ass. I dread that day. I just want to skip it.
"What do you want to do?" She shifts slightly so that she meets my eyes.
I shrug. "It's going to be on a Tuesday. Does that mean you're planning to give me a day off?"
She suppresses her smile. "Depends on whether you behave or not."
I make a sarcastic 'rawr' sound as I bite her ear. She arches her neck forward before closing her eyes, and I can't help but suck on her earlobe, making her whimper slightly. God, I love the little sounds that she makes. They drive me absolutely insane. "You like that?"
Instead of pulling me closer, she softly pushes me away. "Logan, can you just focus for a moment, please?"
I let out an exaggerated groan when she sits up straight. Is it bad that I just want to fuck her brains out, like literally all the time?
"Okay, I'm focusing. But you have only ten seconds before we have to make out again."
She bites the insides of her cheeks, clearly trying not to admit that she finds this amusing. "You're an idiot. Anyway, so I was thinking that we can stay at some fancy resort near the beach? Or we can have a party here. I don't mind, whatever you prefer."
"I don't care. You can choose."
She scoffs. "Logan! It's your birthday! I can't just choose for you."
"Of course, you can. I don't care whatever we do as long as you're with me."
She shakes her head. "Stop distracting me by being cute. It's not working."
I bite my lips, tracing her thigh with my index. "It's not?"
She slaps my hand away. "No. You have until tomorrow to decide because I need to start planning."
I pull her back down and move on top of her. "You just need to relax, sweetheart," I whisper as I place short kisses on her thigh, while caressing the other.
She sighs, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. My favorite sight.
We end up staying up until midnight, just fooling around because she's the best sex of my life, and trust me, I've had a lot of sex. However, nothing has come remotely close to this. I guess that it's true how they say that it's different when it's with someone you love.
The morning when I wake up, it's around noon. Em is long gone, but she leaves a note on the bed saying that she has gone hiking with Adam and wishes me a nice day. I can't help but smile at her messy handwriting.
However, as I turn to check my phone, I notice seventeen missed calls from Mar.
Uh oh.
She sent me a bunch of texts too.
Mar [1:13 AM]: Logan, come on, I know it's one am but you can't be asleep yet on Saturday night! Please call me back, it's urgent.
Mar [2:30 AM]: Really? you're actually asleep? for fuck's sake, lo! Just call me as soon as you wake up, I'm probably not going to be able to sleep, anyway.
Mar [5:40 AM]: JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU JUST CALL ME ALREADY? It's about Celeste, Logan! I overheard Noah and Amy talking on the phone and I need to talk to you. ITS URGENT!
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach.
Oh no.
-
a/n
do you think Emily should have told him?
do you think Mar will tell him? ;)