The week passes by all too quickly, and it's the weekend before I know it. Time flies when you're having fun, I remind myself in an attempt to lessen the pain of the realization that this is it–the last week of July has come, and my friends and I will be leaving this wonderous beach house come morning.
I've been selfish these last few days, spending nearly every second glued to Devon's side. She and I have explored the shore together and gushed over the beautiful sunsets, spent the nights awake into the early hours of the morning tangled between sheets, and roaming the boardwalk together hand-in-hand sharing secrets. I don't know what exactly has changed between the two of us this past week, though there has been quite an obvious growth in mine and Devon's relationship during this trip. We've become closer in ways I didn't know were even possible–I thought I knew Devon Parker like the back of my hand, and yet I've come to learn so much more about her over the duration of this trip.
"Okay," Mason says as she wanders out into the backyard, her voice snapping me out of my daydreaming–a bad habit of mine. "I got the goods."
Kai releases a loud whoop as he steps away from the bonfire to survey the large selection of alcohol Mason has smuggled from her uncle's hidden cabinet in the kitchen.
"Pick your poison," Mason taunts, smirking as she stares down the rest of us.
"I have a better idea," Kai retorts, grabbing the bottle of vodka from the wooden table placed before the beach chairs set up in a circle around the bonfire we have going. "Who's up for a round of Truth or Drink?"
"Oh my God," Clover chuckles from her seat next to me. "We haven't played that game in forever."
"Exactly," Kai says with a devilish grin. "We have a lot of catching up to do."
"I'm down," I speak up, shrugging as I smile over at my friends.
"Why not?" Mason agrees. Her hazel eyes gleam as the reflection of the flames dancing in the pit illuminate in her irises, making her appear almost dangerous as she grins with her teeth.
Clover sighs, though she's biting back a smile of her own. "You guys better have some good secrets."
I suddenly realize that Devon has yet to say a word. My gaze bounces over to her, as do the stares of our friends'. Devon raises her eyebrows upon noticing the four of us eyeing her. Though her expression appears nonchalant, I notice a tension in her shoulders that hadn't quite been there moments before.
"What do you say, Dev?" Kai questions, sauntering up to my girlfriend with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Don't you guys think we've outgrown that game?" Devon bites down on the corner of her lip, trying much too hard to come off as casual. Her gaze has clouded over, and it has nothing to do with the smoke drifting from the fire before her. I study her with furrowed brows, itching to know what has brought on her sudden shift in demeanor.
"What?" Kai mutters. "Do you have something to hide?"
Devon snorts, the sound forced. "No."
Kai smirks as he takes a seat in the empty chair across from Devon. "So you're in?"
I share a glance with Mason, watching the way her eyes bounce between Kai and Devon like she's sitting in the crowd of a very heated tennis match. It's rather obvious that there's tension in the air between Kai and Devon–a vibe I hadn't picked up on earlier in the week. It's no secret that Kai and Devon are close–probably the two closest within our little group–and yet I'm still clueless as to what might have gone down between the two to create such a rift.
"Fine." Devon's stare is hard as she holds Kai's gaze for a moment too long before forcing a smile and facing the rest of us. "Who's going first?"
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I'm laughing so hard my eyes begin to well with tears, my giggles soon turning into uncontrollable hiccups.
"You sound like a duck!" Mason slurs as she lays her head in my lap, leaning her weight on me as she sits in the sand at my feet.
It's evident in the movements and speech of my friends and I that we are all sufficiently tipsy–especially myself. I've taken more shots than I can count at this point, avoiding risky questions I don't want to answer. However, as our game draws itself out, I soon become too out of it to decline to answer the questions asked by my friends. I'm hardly in control of my tongue at this point, my mind succumbing to the alcohol running through my system.
"Okay, whose turn was it again?" Clover asks, puckering her lips as she takes a long swig from the bottle in her hand.
"Me!" Mason exclaims, throwing her hands into the air and swaying like she's at some rock concert instead of shit-faced in the sand like she is in reality.
Clover's expression is smug as she curls her lip, eyes ablaze as her gaze settles on Mason. "Here's a good one: Have you and Kai fucked?"
From his seat, Kai chokes on whatever beverage he'd been sipping on. Mason halts her strange dancing for a moment, as if taken aback by Clover's straightforward question. I'm holding my breath as I await her answer–unsure if this is because I'm curious to know the truth or if I'm too wasted to remember how to properly inhale.
Mason giggles coyly as she stares Clover down, raising the bottle in her hand to her lips. She makes a big show of taking a long swallow. Choosing to drink means she has technically avoided answering the question, though her exaggerated movements and refusal to verbally respond seem to be an answer in itself.
"Kai," Mason slurs, shifting at my feet to face the boy in question as her mouth widens in a sluggish grin. "Do you know why everyone thinks we're hooking up?"
"No idea," Kai retorts with a smirk. "That was an easy one."
I take a sip of my drink as Kai's gaze swims around, seemingly trying to pick the next victim in our game. His stare settles on Devon, which leads my eyes to bounce over in her direction. I study Devon as she holds Kai's stare, watching as she shifts in her seat uncomfortably.
"Devon." Kai's voice is raspy and full of purpose. "Have you told Hadley the truth?"
I straighten in my seat. My eyebrows furrow as my chest fills with curiosity, intrigued by Kai's odd question. Staring down my girlfriend, I take a mental note of the tension hiding in her shoulders and jaw.
She's been hiding something from me, I realize. There is an explanation behind her strange behavior lately; the distance I've been feeling between us. I thought her attitude was brought on by Sloane's return, but maybe I'd been wrong. Maybe she has something going on that has nothing to do with me.
"Told me the truth about what?" I speak without thinking. Despite the amount of alcohol I've consumed in the last hour, my mind feels suddenly clear.
There has been a noticeable shift in the air, no doubt due to Kai's words. It seems as if we have all sobered within seconds. I look around at my friends, trying to make eye contact with even one of them. Kai and Devon are too busy glaring at one another for some unknown reason. Mason eyes the two with furrowed eyebrows, seemingly confused herself. Clover frowns to herself before tipping her head back and downing the rest of whatever it is in the bottle she's holding.
"Told me the truth about what?" I repeat once more, a dangerous edge to my tone.
I'd momentarily forgotten we'd been playing a drinking game until I am suddenly reminded by Devon's actions. She carefully avoids looking my way as she raises a bottle to her lips, choosing to drink rather than answer Kai's question. However, I don't let her off the hook that easily. I grab her wrist before she can take a swallow, the gesture forcing her to meet my stare.
"What?" I question yet again. Embarrassingly enough, my voice cracks, revealing the fear I'm feeling within. Devon and I don't keep secrets; not from each other–at least, I thought we didn't.
Apparently, I was wrong.
"What the fuck, Kai?" Devon spits, tearing her gaze from mine to shoot Kai a withering stare.
"Hadley deserves to know," Kai says sternly. "Tell her."
I feel helpless as I watch the scene playing out before me. I can't seem to do anything except stare at Devon, waiting for the truth to come out.
Devon finally turns to give me her undivided attention, and I can tell by just looking at her that whatever she has been keeping from me is serious. Her dark eyes are wide and pleading, as if begging for forgiveness before even telling me what she's done. My mind immediately assumes the worst, thousands of scenarios rushing through my head a mile a minute. My heart drops to my stomach, and I suddenly feel the amount of liquid I've downed as it threatens to come back up.
"Just tell me," I croak, voice a whine. "What is it?"
"I–" Devon stutters, opening her mouth only to quickly close it again. She shakes her head, slumping down low in her seat.
"Devon isn't finishing senior year with us," Kai speaks up. His words have a bite to them, like frost in winter air on bare skin. "She's leaving."
I feel like I've been slapped across the face. My jaw hits the ground, leaving me feeling like a fish out of water as I gape over at my girlfriend.
"Is that true, Dev?" I ask softly. I'm unsure as to why I'm so shocked. I mean, what is Kai even saying? Is he implying Devon will be switching schools to complete her senior year?
I don't think the full depth of Kai's revelation has hit me yet.
Devon purses her lips. "Yes," she admits in a ragged breath.
"I don't understand." I shake my head as I fall back in my seat, confused and hurt. This isn't as bad as what I first thought Devon might have been hiding from me. Yet I don't get what all of the secrecy has been about for something that seems so minor. So what if she goes to a different school? The thought is a little upsetting, I suppose, but nothing to get so worked up about. It's not like she'll be across the country from me or anything.
"I'm moving, Hadley," Devon whispers. "I got early acceptance into Stanford. With a scholarship on top of that. I applied not thinking I would hear back or anything, but a scout saw me play and . . . Stanford wants me. It's a D-1 school, Hadley. It's an offer I couldn't pass up . . ."
I sit in silence for a moment, as if I've stared into Medusa's eyes and been turned to stone. Dozens of emotions burn through my veins, from anger to sadness to heartbreak. I can't fathom speaking–I couldn't possibly put what I'm feeling into words.
Devon has to be kidding. How can what she's saying possibly be true? There's no way Devon would just up and leave. Not after everything we've talked about–how this was going to be our year. Together. Side by side.
My stomach churns as the weight of Devon's words settles into my bones. It hits me that she can't be joking. She wouldn't mess with me like that. It'd just be cruel. But if she isn't playing around, then that would mean . . .
My lips retain control of my body before my mind does. "And why did you keep this from me?" The question leaves my lips in a clipped, measured tone. Nearly devoid of any emotion. Which is fitting, considering this news mixed with the alcohol coursing through my system leaves me struggling to comprehend much of anything.
"I didn't want to hurt you, Hadley," Devon explains frantically, extending a hand toward my direction as if to reach for me. As if holding me is going to make any of this information easier to come to terms with. As if she can just drop a bomb on me like that and expect her hands to make it all better. As if she just expects me to so easily get over the fact that she kept something so huge and life changing a secret from me.
Why didn't she tell me sooner?
I jump out of my seat before Devon has the chance to touch me, careful not to step on Mason as I rise to my feet.
"So . . . what?" I question bitterly, staring Devon down as rage courses through my chest. I ignore the fact that Mason and Clover appear just as shocked and hurt by this news as I am, continuing with my rage: "You thought keeping it a secret would save me from the hurt? Were you just going to leave without even telling me?"
"I was going to tell you!" Devon defends herself, tone quickly rising to a yell. "I was just waiting."
"There are two weeks left of summer vacation, Devon!" I cry in return. I rub my temples as Devon leans back in her seat, no doubt accepting that I have a point.
I'm struggling to grasp the reality of this situation. Devon can't be leaving. She just can't. What will I do without her? What about everything I had planned? What about us?
What about me?
"You were so excited for senior year . . ." Devon trails off before completing her sentence. Her expression mirrors mine, full of pain, matched with a trembling bottom lip and watery eyes. "I didn't want to take that from you. I didn't want to upset you."
"I'm your girlfriend," I remind Devon, spitting the words with venom. In this moment, all I feel is pure, blinding rage. "I can't believe you think so little of me."
"I was trying to protect you, Hadley!" Devon tries to argue, as if she has any valid points to defend her actions. With jerky and unbalanced movements, Devon rises from her seat and marches up to me with determination.
I step away from her and narrow my eyes, hardly able to face her at all. "The only person you were protecting is yourself. If you'd been honest with me from the beginning, I would have still been upset, Devon. Because my girlfriend is moving hours away and I'm going to miss her. That's normal. But don't you get that I would have been so happy for you? I still am. I'm so proud of you, Devon. You worked so hard for this and you deserve it more than anyone. That would have been my reaction. I wouldn't have dared to take this opportunity away from you."
I mean the words. I'm pissed right now, but part of me is still so fucking happy and proud of what my girlfriend has accomplished. If Devon would have been upfront with me from the beginning, I would have had the chance to show her the part of me that is now hidden deep within. I would have congratulated her; I would have been so in awe of how far she's managed to come in so little time.
But she stole the opportunity to do so from me.
Devon hangs her head in shame as I rush to wipe a fallen tear from my cheek as she's not looking.
"I'm sorry," Devon croaks. "You're right. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you the moment I found out."
"Yeah," I deadpan. "You should have." I glance over my shoulder at Kai, struggling to keep myself from falling apart completely. "When did she tell you?"
"June," Kai reveals. His expression is apologetic, as if he feels bad for starting all of this. "When she was first accepted. I wanted her to tell you Hadley . . . You should have been the first to know."
I purse my lips together tightly as I nod, cutting my stare back to Devon. "When do you leave?"
"August twentieth," she admits quietly. "Two weeks."
Another tear breaks free, streaming down my cheek in a jagged pattern. Then another, quickly multiplying until I am undeniably crying. Devon reaches for me, resting her strong hands on my shaking shoulders.
"We'll figure it out, okay?" she tries to reassure me, tilting my face up to hers by lifting my chin with her fingertip. "This doesn't have to change anything. We still have the rest of summer together, right? We can text, and video chat, and–"
I can hardly believe what Devon is saying right now. She bulldozes over the fact that she kept something so major from me, jumping right into trying to convince me that everything will be okay. Refusing to give me a chance to process, to breathe, to take all of this new inevitable change into my mind.
I brush past Devon without warning. Her hands drop from my frame as I push away, stepping forward on instinct. I walk off wordlessly, ignoring Devon and our friends as they call out my name. I don't stop moving until I've reached the beach house, rushing through the sliding glass door and running up the stairs. I enter the room Devon and I have been sharing this last week, locking the door behind me before throwing myself onto the bed.
It is only when I feel as if I am completely alone that I let the full realization of what is about to happen dawn on me. Devon is leaving. She will be moving across the country, without me. She's going to leave me. Nothing matters. Everything I had been hoping to do with her this upcoming year is over just like that–before even starting. I feel my hopes and dreams for Devon and I fading, slipping from my grasp before fading into oblivion.
I clutch a pillow to my chest as my sadness overtakes my rationality, sobbing as I release my pain in the form of tears.
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a/n: due to the fact that i will soon be moving and starting a new job (meaning i will have less time to update this story 🥲) i'm going to try updating in my free time to hopefully get more of the story posted before i move! i'll still be updating every friday, just expect a few surprise uploads here and there! (: