F.I.L.S.S: (voice over) Alarm, security breach, level Alpha. All personnel report for duty. This is not a drill.
Fade in to the Reds along with Will and Ava ruing with Will firing grenades down the hall before jumping down and Caboose in a control room overlooking it
Simmons: Run!
Grif: Oh, crap! Where is she?
Simmons: I don't wanna die!
Alex: Oh god oh god.
Delta: There is a 70 precent of death.
Will: Why!
Ava: Runnn!
Caboose: (frightened) Sheila, we have to help them!
F.I.L.S.S: Help who?
Caboose: The Reds along with Will and Ava! Tex is attacking them, we have to stop her!
F.I.L.S.S: Stop Agent Texas? Oh no, absolutely not. We should never interfere with an ongoing battlefield simulation test. Our job is to observe and document.
Caboose: (desperately) But she'll kill them!
F.I.L.S.S: (cheerfully) Oh, that would be wonderful! What a successful test!
Cut to the Reds, who are panting along with Will and Ava
Sarge: We need to keep moving, men. Come on, double-time. Hell, I'd settle for single-time!
Simmons: Delta can you track her?
Delta: Give me a moment I am getting no signal I have calculated a 0 percent chance of victory.
Simmons: (nervously) Maybe we should just fight. I'm afraid she's gonna start picking us off one by-
Suddenly Tex punches right through the wall and grabs him by his throat.
Simmons: -one!
Delta: Warning! Hostile Detected!
Tex then pulls him forward, slamming his face into the wall, then steps back and kicks it away, Will raises his rifle and before he can fire a grenades he is sandwiched along with Simmons between the wall and a pile of crates. His rifle fires a grenades lands near Alex who quickly backs up but the explosion nocks him on his back.Quickly, Sarge raises his shotgun and points it at Tex, but she darts forward, lifts the gun up just before he fires, then punches him in the stomach and flings him towards a wall. Sarge stumbles forward as he is thrown and his helmet rams Into the wall tripping over Alex. Ava raises her needlers and fires Tex darts and avoids rhe needles then punching her in the throat and sends her head first into Grif's crotch Grif let's out a cry of pain. As Alex stands up Tex rams Ava, And Grif into Alex and sage , Tex barrels straight into them, crashing through a crate before flinging them into a pile of barrels, sending them scattering across the floor. Simmons and Will emerges from the sandwich and runs for heavy armaments.
Simmons: Oh man, forget this. I need to get a bigger weapon. Caboose, help us!
Will: Agreed.
Caboose: (angrily) How? The computer won't let me. She's mean! This place is filled with mean ladies!
Simmons: (desperately) Push some buttons, I don't know!
Caboose: (joyously) Buttons!? Oh man, I love buttons! Beep bop boop boop beep bop boop boop!
A crate of Rocket Launchers tips over and drops them next to Simmons.
Simmons: (surprised) Wow. (Discards his gun and picks up a launcher) That actually worked perfectly. Thanks!
Will: Good job.
Caboose: Great! How the heck did I do that?
Cut to Tucker running into the scene. He encounters Simmons and Will.
Grif: (off screen) Ow!
Tucker: Hey Simmons Will, what the hell is going on in there?
Simmons: You gotta help us! Do you know how to use that thing?
Tucker: My sword? Fuck yeah I know how to use it. What's to understand about swish-swish-stab? It's a fuckin' sword dude, it's not a fighter jet.
Will: We need your help!
Simmons: Just come and help me!
Delta: This plan may work.
In the storeroom, as Sarge Alex Ava and Grif stagger to their feet, Tex kicks a barrel towards them. Grif quickly ducks down and lets the barrel hit Sarge before getting up and firing his battle rifle, but Tex rolls forward to avoid the bullets. She then grabs Grif and Sarge by their throats and smashes their heads together before knocking Sarge away with some punches and kicks. Ava swings the sharp end of her needler Tex grabs Ava's arm and nocks rhe needler out of her outher and and twisted her arm then punches her in the gut and throws her to the side. Then turns to Alex punching him in he face then grabbing his head and hiting him with the knee then disarmed him and threw him into a crate with a unbalanced teleporter shaking once he hits the crate. Grif opens fire again but Tex knocks his rifle away and begins pounding on him with some powerful punches before knocking him to the floor, holding onto his right leg with one hand then raising her other in a fist.
Grif: Wait wait wait-!
Tex strikes Grif really, really hard in the crotch then kicks him across the room, right into a crate. Alex steps out of the way to avoid Grif. As he struggles to get up, Alex bends down to help his friend but a teleporter falls on them and they fly out the other end just as Tex knocks Sarge aside. Ava steppes forwarded and raises a needler but is hit by Alex and nocked to the floor Tex notices the teleporter.
Grif: O-ho o-ho...
Tucker: (off screen) Hey, Sweet Cheeks!
Tex dodges a plasma grenade and a normal grenade that zooms past her. Cut to Tucker, and Will who pulls out his sword and will pumps the second barrel of his assult rifle.
Tucker: Remember us? Step away from the idiot!
Will: Back off Bitch.
Tex slowly approaches Tucker and Will and the three stand off. Simmons is seen mounting himself atop a crate from afar.
Simmons: Oh God, please don't let her see me...
Delta: I have adjusted the homing system and the targeting system.
Simmons: Thanks D.
A huge crate falls between Tucker, Will and Tex.
Caboose: (cheerfully) Yes! I saved Tucker! (beat, now depressed) Oh wait... I saved Tucker... (cheerfully) But I saved Will!
Tucker: (angrily) Caboose, what're you doing? You're messing up our plan with Simmons! I was supposed to distract her for him!
Tex spins around
Cut to Simmons loading the Rocket Launcher.
Simmons: (panicking) YOU RATTED ME OUT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Simmons fires a rocket out, but Tex jumps aside, grabs a teleporter and flings it towards him.
Simmons: Oh shit!
Simmons fires another rocket but it simply goes through the teleporter and out the exit that is right next to the pile he is standing on!
Simmons: (Slow motion) Oh shiiiiit!
Simmons is thrown into the air by the explosion, right into the flying teleporter and out of the other end – straight into Tex who grabs him out of the air, flips him over her head and kicks him into Tucker, and Will sending them sprawling to the ground and disarming Will and Tucker.
Tucker: That was awesom- ow!
Will: Son of a bitch.
Cut back to Caboose.
Caboose: Um, can we use turrets on her? Or some explodey fiery things?
F.I.L.S.S: That would be outside the bounds of my standard safety protocols. I cannot do that.
Cut back to Sarge, Alex Grif, Simmons, Avam Will and Tucker. Tex is walking towards them. They prepare their weapons, Will raises a combat knife while Grif, who doesn't have one, picks up a cone to defend himself.
Alex: Really Grif a cone?
Grif: I lost my gun.
Will: My rifle is behind her.
Grif: What do we do, Sarge?
Sarge: (concerned) I don't know...I've never hit a girl in my life!
Simmons: (terrified) Yeah, I noticed. Try harder!
Grif: Hah!
Tex charges forward, snatches Sarge's shotgun out of his grip, punches Tucker aside and kicks Simmons into another teleporter. Alex raises he rifle but Tex nocks rhe rifle away and punches him in the stomach and throws him at Will who duckes Alex is nocked into Sarge. Tex steps back as Will swings the combat knife but is nicked back with a powerful upper cut and disarmed and thrown near some barrels. Ava runs forward firing but Tex kicks her in the leg and throws her into Will. Alex gets up and runs at Tex who turns and just throws him over her shoulder and kicks him causing Alex to land face first on the floor.
Simmons: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUU- (flies through a few teleporters) -UUUUUCK?!
As she turns towards Grif, Simmons flies out the exit from the previous teleporter and into another teleporter. He exits the teleporter and knocks right into Grif, knocking him straight into another kick in the groin. Tex slams Grif onto the floor with her foot and points the shotgun right at his head. Simmons lands near Alex.
Grif: Ha-how!
Alex: (Terrified) Wait no!
Simmons: (terrified) Oh no, Grif!
Grif: (flinches) Yikes!
Tex tries to shoot Grif in the face with a shotgun, but it clicks, being out of ammo.
Sarge: (irritated) Private Grif, you should be ashamed of yourself. We've run out of ammo again! That's your responsibility!
Alex: (relived) Oh thank God.
Grif: (relieved) Huh. I guess this is the first time my laziness has ever saved my-
Tex steps on Grif's chest.
Grif: (high pitched) -life! Protect me, cone!
Grif holds the construction cone over his face, and Tex golf swings the shotgun into his crotch, knocking him quite a distance into Simmons and Alex. Will turns and grabs his rifle.
Simmons: Watch it!
Grif: You watch it!
Alex: Why don't we all watch it!
Sarge: You idiots! Let me show you how it's done!
Tex charges in, punches Sarge in the face and knocks him all the way to Simmons Alex and Grif.
Grif: (sarcastically) Nice demonstration, Sarge.
Sarge: Ah, shut up.
Will and Ava charge at Tex, Ava firing needles from her wepion Tex sides steps and punches Ava In the gut and grabs her leg and throws her to the reds then seeing Will swing the combat knife at her head Tex ducks and nocks the wepion away and throws him to the side near the outhers.
Will: Ow that hurt.
Simmons: Hey guys, look up there.
Delta: I see the crate to I think the best option would be to use it as a distraction.
Tucker finally gets up, and sees a giant crate looming over himself and Tex.
Tucker: Uhh, what? ...Hey Caboose! Remember when I said not to help me? Forget that! I need you to help me! Right now!
Caboose: What holds up that crate?
F.I.L.S.S: Mechanical controls are on the left side of the console.
The crate drops and Tucker dives out of the way, Tex is seen catching the crate, with the ground visibly cracking under her feet.
Tucker: (overjoyed) I can't believe that worked!
He looks up, and unfortunately, Tex is shown lifting the crate overhead. There are two dents where her hands hit the metal.
Tucker: ...Oh fuck, that didn't work!
Delta: Tex completed several training programs as number one she is the top ranking Freelancer.
F.I.L.S.S: (dismissively) I knew that would not work. Agent Tex is a bit of a badass.
Tex flings the crate at the Reds Ava, Will and Tucker.
Grif: We gotta get outta here!
Simmons: We'll be crushed!
Alex: This is not how I want to die!
Tucker: Don't worry guys, I got this. (takes out sword and swings) SWISH!
Tucker splits the crate with his sword, and the two halves go to either side of the Reds Ava and Will, covering them in medpacks.
Grif: Ow! We were crushed!
Will: My ribs!
Tucker: (sheepishly) Aw, fuckberries. Tex, can you- oh!
Tex walks over and casually kicks Tucker in the chest. She keeps walking after the stumbling Tucker.
Tucker: (irritated) Alright, you know what, that's it! Come here!
Cut to the Reds, Ava and Will.
Simmons: Oh thank God, thought I was a goner. Sarge, where are you?
Sarge pops up out of a pile of medpacks.
Sarge: Here! What happened? I feel defeated, yet inexplicably rejuvenated!
Alex: I fell good as new!
Delta: Bio scan indicates nearly 100 percent recovery
Tucker swings his sword out towards Tex, making swishing noises as he does but Tex dodges each swing and strikes Tucker's exposed parts. As Tucker thrusts his sword out, Tex grabs his arm, twists it behind his back, and then kicks him across the room, disarming his sword in the process.
Tucker: Swish-fuck! Swoosh-fah! Ah, stab- God dammit! Gah! Oh come on. O-aow, bullshit!
Tucker skids across the ground, hit his head on a teleporter, flips over and then tumbles straight through it.
Grif: (stunned) Whoa, did you see that?!
Alex: Ya we did Grif.
Simmons: (annoyed) How would I have missed that?
Tucker emerges from a teleporter into Tex's grip. Tex grabs the sword in one hand and his neck in the other, and the sword goes out. She looks at it.
Tucker: (smugly) What's the matter, Tex? You having trouble keeping it up? Don't worry, it happens to everybody. (quickly) Well, not me, but...
Sarge: That rocket launcher's one of the older models, right?
Tucker: (off screen, being beaten up by Tex) Ow! Ow! Ahow!
Simmons: Yeah.
Sarge: That means it's got heat seeking.
Tucker: (off screen, still being hit) I didn't know that was there!
Sarge: Now lock on and let her rip!
Delta: The rocket launcher needs adjustment for heat seeking give me a moment.
Simmons: Oh right, I forgot about that.
Tucker: (off screen) Ow, holy crap, you cannot do this-
Tucker flies through a teleporter, emerging completely black again.
Tucker: -biiiiiiiiiiiitch!!! (looks down and growls in frustration) Damn it, I hate this black stuff, what the hell is it?!?!
Grif: (points at Tucker) There she is!
Ava: Get her
Will: Uhh guys,
Tucker: (looks up) Huh?
Sarge: Get her!
Simmons: Wait, guys...
Sarge Ava and Grif start beating up Tucker, but Grif quickly loses steam.
Tucker: (now being beaten by the Reds and Ava) Ow, come on! I'm not Tex, I'm a Blue! I'm not the one you're fighting! Leave me the fuck alone!
Grif: (tired) Kicking's hard.
Alex: That's not Tex.
Sarge gets Tucker in a headlock and punches the top of his head a bunch.
Tucker: (muffled) Why are you hitting me, I'm not Tex!
Simmons: Sarge, hold on, hold on!
Sarge: Hm?
Delta: That is Tucker Tex is behind us.
Tucker: See I told you!
Sarge punches Tucker once more, and releases him. Tucker moves away from Sarge and Ava.
Tucker: Ow, you fucker! Why'd you do that?
Sarge: Meh, force o' habit.
Ava: I just wanted to hit you.
Tucker: Man you guys are n-ah-!
Tucker, staggering backwards, slips on a medpack and into Grif.
Grif: Hey, watch it- whoa-
Alex: Watch out your over the teleporter.
Tucker: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa-!
Grif: Don't fall in the-
They end up leaning against each other on either end of a teleporter on the ground.MTex looks at it from the adjoining teleporter.
Grif: Hold still, hold still, I can see her. She's right over there by the other-
Tex pokes her head through the teleporter and emerges beneath Tucker and Grif.
Grif: Uh oh.
Tucker: Grif, I see her.
Alex: Wait I think she's going to-
Tex punches Grif in the crotch. Again.
Grif: (miserably) What is your problem with my balls?!
He falls into the teleporter, leaving Tucker off-balance.
Tucker: Whoa, who-whoa, hawhoa! Aw crap.
Will: Glad it's not me.
Tucker falls through the teleporter and backs into Tex, who flips him and slams him backwards into the ground, ending up on her back too. She quickly recovers, goes for the mount and starts punching him. Tucker immediately tries to block her punches by putting his arms over his face as Tex starts to punch him.
Tucker: O-ho, wow, right into the mount, huh? O-hoa, not even gonna buy dinner? Come on, I like your style!
Simmons tries to position himself to fire at Tex. Tucker is still being punched.
Sarge: Simmons, what're you waiting for?
Simmons: (frightened) They look the same! Which one do I shoot?! And Delts haven't finished the adjustments.
Tucker: (from afar, furious) Ow! Shoot the one who's winning, dumbass!
Grif: Ow!!!
Grif, cradling his balls, staggers into the line of fire.
Simmons: Grif! Watch it!
Alex: We need to end this before she kill's anyone!
Grif: (weakly groaning) Uh-huh-huh!!!
Tex kicks Tucker forward, knocking him into Grif before grabbing his leg, pulling him back and punching him to the ground so hard that the black ash flies off his armor as he bounces back towards Sarge Alex, Ava, Will and Simmons.
Tucker: Ahoww, ow!
Sarge: Wow, knocked the black right off ya!
Tucker: (groaning in pain, getting up) That's racist!
Delta: Adjustment finished fire when ready!
Sarge: You're all clear Simmons, now shoot her!
Simmons: Fire in the hole!
Simmons fires at Tex, who takes off and leaps into a teleporter, flipping out the other side and then running straight towards Tucker Ava, Will and the Reds; the missile still on her tail.
Delta::Warning hostile approaching survival rating dropped to 30 percent!
Tucker: (in disbelief) Are you fucking kidding me?! RUN!!!
Tucker bumps into Sarge Alex Will and Simmons. Then Tex runs up and knocks all five of them down with a single punch before jumping and kicking Ava to the side then landing and dining before sliding right under Grif's legs. Grif looks up and spots the missile moving right towards him.
Grif: Oh God, not like this!
The missile passes through his legs.
Grif: (relieved) Oh thank God. I thought I was-
Grif turns around, just as Tex leaps into a second teleporter on the floor and the missile flies past her and towards a pile of propane tanks.
Grif: (in slow motion) -FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED!
Everyone tries to run. Grif crashes into Simmons in his haste to get away.
Simmons: (in slow motion) GRRRIIIIIIFFFFF!
As the missile hits, the tanks ignite and jet towards Tucker Ava Will and the Reds like mini-rockets. Grif is sent flying by a tank that hits him in the butt while the others are knocked into the air by the tanks' explosions. Meanwhile Tex rolls out the other side of the teleporter and watches as Tucker, Sarge and Simmons come crashing down to the ground. Tex then casually approaches a cement barricade and carefully pushes it forward until she can't anymore. Then she takes a step forward to turn it a few more inches. She then waits as Grif finally comes crashing down on top of it... crotch-first.
Grif: Ooaaah!
Tex walks away.
Grif: (strained) Why won't you just kill me?!
Alex stagers up behind Tex.
Alex: Why.. mom.
Tex looks at Alex recognizing him.
Tex: Alex I'm-
Church: Hey Tex!
As Grif slides off , Tex turns and starts towards the others then at Alex.. but then a monitor hits Alex and he falls to the floor already unstable on his feet
Church: Sorry Alex.
she turns in its direction... to see a certain cobalt-blue soldier standing in the doorway, holding a sniper rifle in his hands.
Church: (smugly) How 'bout you pick on somebody your own size?
Tex: I'll be right back Alex.