~2 days ago~
Hogan:
With the feel of an engine slowly losing the bliss of its rumbling noises, I dreamily open my eyes and find us already parked in front of a two-storey white painted house that I have grown not to be foreign to. With white picket fences and lit up windows, I was easily reminded of the sight of our everyday home.
Gently rubbing my eyes, I compose myself once more and open the car door. After stepping out of the vehicle, I get my bag from the back and went inside of our house. heading straight to my room.
This summer have been kind of different since we stayed in Australia for the whole while of it. With my grandma passing and my grandpa still being at the hospital, my parents decided it's better if we spend our summer there. Specifically for 30 days.
We don't normally visit my grandma's place that often. I didn't even have the chance to fully feel her presence at all. Because, even when my parents want us to visit, we usually cancel it and pull out while doing so.
My dad is the only one who mainly visits my grandma. Even though he does, it's not as frequent as it should be. With family and work reigning over his time, he didn't try to go there that much.
He probably only got to visit Australia about three times during the last ten years, even as I count this trip. During those times, he didn't even bother to speak into detail about his stay.
Running my hand against the Chevy door. I press a mourn feel touch in its panel and trace my fingers across the wooden grip.
Even as I open the handle, I was instantly welcomed with the ecstasy of full knowingness and pure tranquility of being back home.
Slumping onto my bed, I reach for my phone and check what updates it has in store for me. Caught by the sight of the first text that came up, I was immediately blinded by the glimpse of reality that's about to forge in.
"Missed you so much. Phil said he saw a car parked in front of your house, which I assume is your parents'. Are you home yet? Can I come over?" texted Bre, which I can already paint her, hoping for us to meet since she's my supposed girlfriend.
I haven't really talked to her that much during our trip. It's not that I'm busy, but I just don't bother having a conversation with her most of the time.
Yeah, that totally makes me sound like a douchebag, and I'll definitely admit, I'm probably not boyfriend material either. But sometimes, I just don't feel the need to keep up with her.
And I'm pretty sure that even if we stay in touch, she'll only text me things that are full of inconvenience. Like sharing false gossip about other people. Yeah, apparently she likes bad-mouthing others, which I wish I had known even before meeting her.
She also doesn't know the meaning of personal space. And hell, I'm even pretty sure that she planned to come with me to Australia. Thankfully, she didn't, because I don't know if I can handle that. Especially not after she said, and I quote, "I can't handle a long distance relationship, Hogan. Can't you just stay?" Funny.
It's probably my fault for not cutting her off already. I mean....It's not like I haven't tried before, because I definitely have, once, but after I tried, she immediately consulted my dad about it. I literally even got scolded by him, for about an hour, for even trying to break things off with her, which I think is truly unnecessary.
I get that my dad likes Bre more than my other girlfriends, but at the same time, there's no need to defend her since she's nowhere near an angel, as my he perceives her to be.
Plus, her possessiveness is getting harder to deal with. Whenever I hang out with others, she won't stop prying me for not letting her come.
It's getting truly irritating, especially last year when she tried so hard for me to avoid Serge, which I don't get at all.
Every time I try to spend some alone time with him, she'll always show up unattended wherever me and him are.
She even said that Serge feels unrelenting attraction towards me, and she thinks it should be enough of a reason for me to avoid him.
I know that he's gay, and for some, this is probably an easy excuse to steer away from a person. But personally, I don't really mind it at all.
Speaking of which, I should probably check on Serge. We hadn't really had any proper conversation since I left. But only this time, I'm actually the Bre of the situation and he's the one ignoring me.
~Monday: Present Day~
Tapping upon the noise of a dubious reminder that keeps ringing in my ear. I stop the alarm that continues to beg for me to stay awake.
It's already the day when we go back to school. And God knows I'm definitely not ready. Fuck. Why do we even have to study?
Trying to maintain consciousness, I let myself settle into a sitting position and reach for my phone. Opening my device, I click on its messages and am pleased with the sight of a response, Serge has chatted replying to my previous text.
"Cool, yeah, we could hang," he texted.
As simple as his response was, it didn't stop the sly grin that was forming on my lips.
After eating and dressing myself, I waited for the brisk sound of a doorbell ringing, which is a prompt cue of Serge's arrival. Within minutes of literal excitement, the bell had finally taken ablaze.
Opening the door, I was granted with the view of a dark-haired man in a well-uniformed manner. "Uhm....hey, are you finished already? or do I have to wait more?" Serge says with a husky tone, that I presume signifies nervousness.
"Yeah, I'm about done. I'll just fetch my things" I reply back.
I quickly trek my way up to my room, took my bag and sling it over my shoulder. Heading out, I gave an easy horde of goodbyes to my parents and close the door.
Within seconds of brittled hello's, I was finally welcomed by the sound of Serge's interest. "How have you been?" he ask, giving pure elation, thrilling inside of my body.
Even with just hearing his words, I couldn't keep myself from feeling happiness dashing inside of me.
Being with my best friend is what I've missed the most while I was gone, so this will definitely be fun.
********************
"Will you call when you're back at school?"
Lingering in the text Bre sent me minutes ago, I try to keep myself distracted, while thinking of a way to soothe the easing awkwardness washing between me and my best friend.
Serge hadn't even made any effort to talk to me, neither answer my questions. He just seems to be somewhere else whenever I approach him, and it's obvious that he's trying to avoid me.
"Hey, have you heard about the new club, the school is proposing?" No answer. "Do you think the new girl, Lena, will be in our class? I heard she had quite a reputation for being a cute girl." This time, he grunts in my question, but still, his mouth hasn't escaped the depths of being mute.
Finally, I had enough and I have no choice but to confront him with this fuckery already. "Serge, if you're going to keep invalidating my questions, could you at least try to be sincere with me? Look.... If this has something to do with your attraction to me, just say it. I don't really mind if you feel that way, and I'm fine with your sexuality. I already told you that. Just don't let your stupid little school girl crush ruin our friendship"
"What the hell?" He says, suddenly looking at me shocked, like I just said something that completely offended him. "Just because I don't feel like talking doesn't mean it has something to do with you! God! You're so self-centered! And you instantly assume that I have a CRUSH on you? lower your ego!" He continues bitterly, with a derisive emphasis on the word "crush".
"Then what the fuck is your problem!" I counter, feeling annoyance within my veins.
Adding insult to injury, he responded with, "It's nothing. Fuck. I knew this was a bad idea"
Now, it's my turn to react to his words. "What does that supposed to mean?" I know he would just make another excuse to pin the question back towards me. So instead, I continue. "No, Fuck that. Answer me. What the hell happened so badly that you find the idea of hanging out with me so excruciating?"
"I just.....don't find us being friends convenient anymore." Ouch. If that didn't hurt so much, I don't know what is. "Damn it. I'm not sure okay? Maybe if you actually paid attention to our friendship, you would know your flaws. But you're too busy hailing yourself with your girlfriend to do so," he says, continuing to spend more mixed emotions to my already buried state.
Finally losing it, my curiosity begs to differ with what he means. "You're really trying to justify yourself by blaming me for having a girlfriend, when you're the one who wouldn't even bother missing me by only leaving my messages on read. Could you be honest with me? What the fuck has gone into you? I didn't remember you being a contemptuous asshole before!"
"Really, Hogan? You want me to be honest with you? Why don't you just ask Bre and tell her what honesty looks like? Oh wait...you can't. Because you're a coward piece of dogshit, who couldn't even bother to tell his girlfriend to piss off." His words sending instant indignant feelings towards my already galled being.
"You know what, Fuck you Serge" I speak fiercely, trying to maintain my cool, but I couldn't keep the rage blowing up inside my gut anymore.
"Yeah? Cause as I recall minutes ago. You seem keen on that idea with how much you assume that I would want to fuck you!". He replied once more. Twisting the words I said to him previously, against my conceit.
With a contented frown, Serge storms off and walked sharply towards the path of our nearby school, leaving me dumbfounded on the spot of our recent argument.
Fuck. I shouldn't have brought that up. I shouldn't have ruined our friendship much more. But I just couldn't handle it. All the restraint, the avoidance, all the cold shoulders. I can't seem to stop them from happening.
I know I should be pleased with how patient Serge had been with me, even with my overwhelming personality, but I just couldn't stand not having the chastity of my best friend back. Thinking about losing him pains me more than any heartbreak I have endured. I just couldn't risk it. I know he needs time and I probably should let him be. Yeah, I should. But the thought of him feeling done with me still stings.
Fuck. Then, I guess I'll be having a grueling school year ahead of me.