(DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSATIVE TO THE TOPIC OF SOMEONE HARMING THEMSELF AND PUTTING THEIR LIFE IN DANGER)
When Jingyi woke up the next morning he noticed the door to his mother's bedroom was open. It was out of character for her to just leave it like that and in his 5-year-old little brain, he wondered if it was because she finally wanted to see him. After last night he wondered if she was starting to love him like other mother's did. Maybe she was waiting for him?
He happily rushed over to the room and pushed the door open with a big smile. His imagination had run wild, he was fully anticipating his mother to be sitting on her bed smiling back at him. When he ran in she would hold her arms open and he could have his first ever hug. He would have a mother!
The door swung and the little boy's face dropped. His mother wasn't sitting on her bed. She wasn't happy to see him. She wasn't waiting to give him a hug... She was hanging from the ceiling, her white headband wrapped around her neck, her eyes staring blankly down at the floor.
Jingyi stared up at her. He didn't know what was going on. He couldn't understand why his mother was looking at him, but not saying anything.
"Mama?" Jingyi called out softly and took a step closer. "Mama, what are you doing?" No answer...
"Mama, why aren't you wearing your headband properly?" He reached out a hand and grabbed to bottom of her robes to shake her a little. There was still no answer.
"Mama are you not talking because A-Yi was bad?" Jingyi asked softly. "Mama, A-Yi's sowwy. I didn't mean to make you mad." Jingyi's eyes began to tear up when there continued to be silence and shook the hem of her robes harder.
"Mama, please say something! You're scaring me!" He whimpered. When there was still no replay he ran out of the room and to the front door. He reached for the handle and tried to push it open, but it was stuck. He let out a wail.
"Someone let me out!" He cried, but no one came. "Mama!" He ran back into the room and grabbed the woman's feet. "Mama! A-Yi's sowwy! Mama please say something! I'll stop being bad! I'll be quiet! I won't make people talk anymore! Mama please!" He clung to her feet like they were a life vest and began to ball his eyes out.
Looking back he knew that a part of him was aware that she was dead, but just didn't want to accept it, because that meant he was actually alone.
The following weeks Jingyi spent sleeping in a ball under his mother's body in the hopes that she would start talking to him again. He would eat the same way he normally did and played with his toys on his mother's bed so that when she did start talking, she would be able to play with him. But eventually it reached the point were Jingyi had no food and was running out of water. He was finding it harder and harder to wait.
He spent hours just crying on his mother's bed, begging her to wake up and go and get food or something for him to drink. It got so bad that for a few days he ate bugs that made their way into the house. He only did it for a few days though, because after he ate a strange looking worm he got sick. His whole world spun and he passed out on the floor of his room. The last thing he could remember was wanting to go to his mother's room to see if she would finally talk to him and get him help, but he was too weak to stand and his lungs felt like they were deflating. He was so tired...
---<~>---
It had been a few weeks since his cousin had gone into seclusion and something was still nagging at the back of Lan Xichen's brain. He couldn't understand what it was or why it bothered him so much, but he decided to go and visit her house. It was ridiculous really because no one was there, but he still went and even got Wangji and his Shufu to come along.
When the three of them got there, they gently knocked on the door and there was no reply. Xichen gave it a little shove and tried the door handle, but it was locked. That was to be expected, no one was there after all. He let out a sigh and went with the other two when they suggested they leave, but as he passed the window he couldn't help but peak inside. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the state of the kitchen, making both Wangji and Lan Qiren turn to look at him.
Xichen didn't answer them as he ran back to the door and knocked harder, calling his cousin's and her son's names. When there was still no answer he decided to force the door open. Lan Qiren yelled at him when the door came off its hinges, but immediately stopped when he saw the house was in worse condition than when he was last there.
Lan Xichen scanned around and noticed light coming from one of the rooms down the hall. He rushed towards it, worried that something terrible had happened to his family members. Wangji was close behind him, his eyes full of concern, while Lan Qiren stood in the living room frozen in shock.
When they got to the room at the end of the hall, Xichen felt his breath catch in his throat. He knew his cousin was suffering, but not this much. He knew she hadn't been the happiest in recant years, but for this to happen...
"Jingyi!" His focus snapped onto the thought of her young son. Based on how her corpse was decaying, she had been like this for weeks, which meant the boy had been alone. Xichen frantically ran around the house looking for him. Wangji accompanying him, while their uncle stood and stared at their cousin's hanging body.
While Xichen hadn't seen much of the boy since he was born, he was fairly sure the boy knew he was the sect leader and trusted him enough to come out even if he was scared. He was also fairly certain that even if the boy didn't recognise him, then he would at least recognise Lan Qiren.
Lan Xichen stopped outside the last room, who's door was closed. He shoved it open and scanned around desperately. Then his eyes landed on the small body at his feet. The man dropped to his knees and scooped him up, preying to all the gods that the boy wasn't dead.
"Jingyi!" He called, but the boy didn't so much a stir.
His breathing was extremely shallow and his face was very pale. His whole body was covered in sweat and was completely limp in Lan Xichen's arms. The man felt for his pulse as Wangji quickly made his way over to where he kneeled in the doorway.
"He needs a doctor." Xichen said to no one in particular and stood up with the boy in his arms. His limbs hung loosely by his side. His long, knotted hair swaying. Wangji immediately stepped aside and allowed Xichen to run past him with the tiny boy in his arms.
The man didn't stop, even when disciples questioned where he was going. He just needed to get Jingyi to a doctor. He needed to or else he would die...
---<~>---
Jingyi huffed and stared down at his shaking hands as Wei Yuan placed a hand on his knee. It was hard to look back on what had happened, but he couldn't keep it bottled up anymore. He couldn't pretend it never happened forever.
"You shouldn't have had to go through that." Wei Yuan said softly. "What happened wasn't your fault." He added as Jingyi pulled his legs up to his chest.
"Zewu-jun had the clan stop talking about it and forbid anyone from asking me about it. At least I'm pretty sure he did. Either way, it helped me pretend I really had forgotten." Jingyi explained in a shaky mumble. "But pretending only does so much... I hate being hungry and I hate silence. I can't even go near that part of the cloud recess anymore... I just- Sometimes I wish I was never born, so then none of this would've happened." tears trickled down Jingyi's cheeks at the last part and Wei Yuan's heart clenched.
"If you had never been born, the world would've missed out on a wonderful soul." He said kindly. "We haven't been friends all that long, I know, but I can't imagine my future without you guys. I don't know what it is, but it feels like we were just meant to be friends. Imagine how Jing Ling and Zizhen feel, they've known you longer. Our lives wouldn't feel right if you hadn't been born."
Jingyi let out a strangled laugh.
"Is there ever a time when you don't flirt?" He asked the other boy while raising an eyebrow. Wei Yuan snickered.
"I wasn't flirting this time. You might have just been wooed by my natural charm." He grinned and Jingyi punched him in the shoulder gently.
"Lanky Whore." He teased and Wei Yuan cackled.
"Don't you start!"
Just then there was a scuffle from near the door and the others came out. Zizhen and Jin Ling instantly made their way over to Jingyi and Zizhen pulled him into a hug. Jingyi was confused at first, but based on the way the older boy's shoulders shook and Jin Ling's tear stained cheeks, he could tell that they had heard him talking.
"Don't you dare blame yourself!" Zizhen cried into Jingyi's shoulder and Jingyi just nodded, unsure of what to say. Wei Yuan reached over and patted Zizhen's back before standing up and heading towards the Twin Jades.
They both had unreadable expressions on their faces and only said a few words to Wei Yuan when he asked them about the ghost. Based on the way Hanguang-jun held up a small spirit pouch, Jingyi assumed it was sealed in there. Zewu-jun then said something to the boy who nodded and made his way back over.
He placed an arm around Jin Ling's shoulders and unlike usual Jin Ling didn't shrug it off. Jingyi noticed that his hands were shaking a little and felt bad for making his friends so upset.
"I'm-" Jingyi started but Jin Ling cut him off.
"Don't you dare apologise. It's not your fault so, shut up and don't apologise." Jin Ling's voice was just as shaky as his hands, but his gaze was stern and Jingyi didn't argue back.
"Zewu-jun is asking if you guys are ready to head back to the Cloud Recess or if you want to stay at an inn for the night." Wei Yuan said gently, his arm still wrapped around Jin Ling.
"Let's go to an inn. I'm too tired to travel all the way back to the Cloud Recess." Jin Ling answered and Wei Yuan nodded. In the back Zewu-jun and Hanguang-jun began to make their way down the street. Evidently they had heard Jin Ling's answer and were going to get them some rooms.
Jingyi pulled away from Zizhen who was still clinging to him and gently looked down at his friend.
"We should get going now." He mumbled to the older boy, who only nodded and stood up. He held out a hand to Jingyi and lifted him to his feet. As they walked Zizhen refused to let go of Jingyi's hand and Jin Ling came and stood on his other side, Wei Yuan still holding him.
Jingyi felt comforted by the way they were all around him and tried to fight back more tears. He might have some inner demons that would probably stay with him for the rest of his life, but he had never felt so happy. He wished he could go back in time and tell his little self that things got better and that he would eventually know what it's like to be loved. And that he would also know what it was like to love something so much you would do anything for it.
He was happy now. He had people he cared about dearly. If he had never have been born, then he wouldn't have met these amazing people.
"Thank you..." He mumbled softly.
Zizhen squeezed his hand and Jin Ling nudged his shoulder while Wei Yuan chuckled. Jingyi smiled. He was happy...
-End Of What He Will Never Forget-
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Did I cry while writing these parts? Yes. Was my family very concerned? Yes. Will I do more angst even though it emotionally kills me? Absolutely yes.