Logan
Christ, that was by far, the best sex I've ever had. In my entire freaking life. And I've had a lot of sex, trust me, so that says something.
I glance down at Em, who is leaning her head against my chest. I'm not sure if she's asleep yet, but I can't resist the urge to run my fingers through her hair. "You're still up?" I whisper, just in case she's asleep.
She hums, snuggling closer to me. My lips turn into a smile as she throws her leg against mine. "This is so comfy," I murmur, pressing my lips to her forehead. The smell of her shampoo makes me hard again - a mix of vanilla and lavender, a heavenly combination. "I can't believe you smell this good after the intense mind-blowing sex we just had," I add.
"It's called having a basic hygiene practice. You should try it some time."
A laugh escapes me. "I probably smell like shit, don't I? In my defense, I did offer to shower before."
"How courteous of you."
"Fine, I'll take go take a shower now."
As I begin to get up, her leg squeezes against me and her arm holds me back. "You can't move now! I'm comfy."
I smirk, my fingers finding their way back to her hair again. So, I don't stink after all. She was probably just saying that to torture me.
"I can hear you smirking," She says. Unfortunately, her wit is a turn-on for me. One of the things that I absolutely love about her is that she doesn't let me get away with shit. That, and the fact that she's a living teddy bear. I pull her closer to my chest.
"All jokes aside, how was it for you? I'm sorry that I finished so quickly, I promise that I usually last longer," I confess.
I am sort of embarrassed about that. I don't know what happened, it's not like it's the first time I do it without a condom. Mar and I never used condoms, like ever. But still, it never felt this good. I wasn't kidding earlier when I said that was the best sex of my life.
She smiles against my chest. "You can be cute when you want to, you know?" She looks up.
My fingers trail towards her shoulder down to her arm. "Is that a yes, Logan, you literally just blew my mind?"
"Are you fishing for compliments?"
"Yes," I shamelessly admit. "No, but all jokes aside, I just want to make sure that you liked it - that I made you feel good. You know?" I feel awkward and mushy by saying all of that, and in another world, I would probably be mortified over my words, but I just can't really give two shits.
It's Em, she knows that I'm a goof and there's no use hiding it around her.
She pulls away from my chest and raises her head to look at me. My insides tighten when her warm brown eyes touch mine. "I had the best first time anyone could ask for."
I grin and lean down to capture her lips with mine. "I'm glad. Because I think we're going to be doing that a lot more."
She rolls her eyes at me and suppresses a smile. Before I can tease her more about it, my phone rings. It's next to Em on the counter.
"Babe, can you please check who's calling?"
She reaches out towards the counter and grabs the phone. "Amy?"
Oh.
"I haven't introduced you to Amy yet, have I?"
She shakes her head.
"Well, do you want to meet her? She's my childhood best friend."
She shrugs. "Sure."
I put Amy on speaker. "Hey, Ames. What's up?"
"You are such an asshole. This is like the fifth time I call you! Can't you pick up your phone? What if I was dying or something?"
I wince at her screaming. "Gosh, Ames, I forgot how dramatic you can get sometimes. I just forgot to call you back. Anyway! I want to introduce you to someone."
Amy squeals. "Oh my God! Please tell me it's this girl you've been crazy about since you moved-"
I cough, mortified over Amy's statement. I feel Em smirking on my chest. "Jesus, Ames. You're on speaker. Filter, please. And yes, sort of. Amy, meet Emily, my girl. Em, Amy is my childhood best friend. We grew up together."
Before Em could even speak, Amy is yelping. "So cute! I am literally melting right now. It's so nice to finally meet you, Emily! I've heard wonderful things about you."
"It's nice to meet you too!" Em says but her voice is small and it hits me that she's shy. Yes, the one and only Emily is suddenly shy. For some reason, I find that extremely cute and it makes me want to hug her closer and reassure her that she has nothing to be self-conscious about. She's perfect the way she is.
"I hope we get to see each other soon. I'm going to be in NYC in two weeks and then off to Malibu. I wanted to check if you're coming too."
My stomach drops. We haven't talked about the fact that in theory, I should be leaving back to the states at the end of the summer. I'm just afraid to freak Em out if I tell her that I'd like to stay longer. I have the green light from my mom, so technically, there isn't any issue.
The only thing that I'm worried about is that I don't know where we stand. What if she thinks that I'm moving too fast? What if she only wanted this as a summer fling?
Em pulls away, sitting up straighter and reaching for her phone. Her emotional barriers are back up again. My hand unconsciously moves towards her palm, and I entwine our fingers together.
"I'm not sure about when I'm coming back, Ames," I pause, before meeting Em's eyes. "I might not go back to the states any time soon."
"Really? That's a bummer! Mar is staying in Europe for the rest of the summer too. Who am I going to hang out with?"
At the mention of Mar, Em tenses up a bit. I avoid reminding Amy that Lebanon is not in Europe, just because at this point, I really don't think she even cares to remember those slight details.
"You can always hang out with Noah," I tease her.
My brother and Amy have had a weird crush on one another since we were kids. They hooked up for like two weeks last year before Amy moved to the other side of the planet, South Africa, and now it's all awkward and tense and we just never talk about it. Except for when I want to make her miserable.
"Shut up, Logan. Emily, smack him for me, would you?"
Em laughs and pinches me slightly, but my arms encircle around her tightly and she leans her head back against my chest.
"I'm just saying, you're going to have to talk to him again at some point, you know?"
"You're no fun. Alright, babe, it was nice talking to you and super nice meeting you, Emily! I'll send you pictures from Malibu once I get there," She says before hanging up.
I shake my head. "Unbelievable."
Em interrupts my thoughts of Noah and Amy. "You're not going back in August?" Her voice is small, and she stares at her dresser as if that's the most fascinating thing ever.
It hits me how much strength she must have gathered to ask this question. Because if roles were reversed, my mind would be tumultuous with anxiety over her leaving.
I bite my lips, before letting out a heavy sigh. "I was thinking that I could... you know," I pause, my words clumsy and tangled. "Maybe stay?"
Time stills between us. And I wait for her reaction. To see if she would want me to. To know what to say next. But she's still, unfazed, or just does a better job at hiding it than I do. Because I'm clearly a mess over here.
"Em?"
This time, she finally looks at me. Her brown eyes break my heart slightly. "You want to stay?"
I gulp. "If you wouldn't mind. Since it's your home after all."
She tries to say something but then leans back.
"You want to stay." She murmurs.
Fuck, this is making me anxious. I'm not good at this. I'm not good at being vulnerable. Or having this type of conversations. If she was anyone else, I'd leave, like right now. But I obviously can't do that because I need to get my shit together for her.
"I can leave if it makes you uncomfortable. I understand, it's your home after all and I've already imposed and-"
"Logan, no, it's not about that. I -" She sighs before glancing at me. "I like having you here. Everyone does."
I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.
"I just don't understand why you would want to leave your extravagant life to stay here, in the middle of nowhere."
I shrug. "I wasn't happy, Em," My fingers trace random figures on her back as I think back to my life in NYC: the parties, the drugs, the loneliness - I close my eyes, wanting to escape the flood of memories. "I hate it there."
She nods, entwining our fingers together again. "I don't want you to stay for me, Logan. I want you to stay for you - because it makes you happy, because you see a future for yourself here."
Her words hit me like a hurricane. Because yes, it might might work out between us. But it also might not. Either way, if I choose to stay here, it must be for a future that can exist without Em. No matter how painful it is to think of it this way, it's true.
But would it be enough for me without her? My soccer team, my colleagues, my family, my mountains... Are they enough?
Then I think back of my team - how they've become like brothers to me, how they talk to me about their girl problems and grades and insecurities. How we've come such a long way and I can't picture my life without our afternoon weekly trainings and after-training parties.
I think of my colleagues - Josh, Melanie, and Sabine. Josh, even though he's a pain in the ass most days, he's still a softie at heart who intentionally switches Sabine's tasks to more data-entry tasks because he knows that I hate doing anything related to data entry.
Sabine, with her shameless flirting and cringe dad jokes, tempers the mood in the office, contrasting Mel's constant anxiety (probably over working with Em, who's a ticking bomb). I wouldn't have it any other way though. We have such a good dynamic. We fit well together.
And of course, Adam, who has been like a mentor to me. He always calls and makes sure I'm okay. He never stays mad at me for too long when I mess up. I know that he has my back, and he'll be there for me whenever.
Those people are the home I've never had. I look at Em again, the one person I've never been more certain of, and I know in my heart that the decision I'm making is the right one. "It's more than enough for me, Em. Being here feels like home."
Her smile meets her eyes, warming my insides. "So, you're staying."
"I'm staying."
God, it feels so good to say those words. I'm staying.