I know I decided not to write until she confesses back.
I know I told her that I would wait, but every passing moment is hard for me; especially with her.
Nothing is the same when she is around me. I don't like taking my eyes off her. Every time I see her, I discover a new feature of hers. She is so beautiful, yet she is so delicate. She made me resist my habit of writing every day. I hate it. I hate writing. With many memories to hold and conserving them to laugh on later, I have a ton of memories that I never want to remember. And even when I see the diaries they are written on, it makes me want to burn all of them.
Hana took me far from them. Her presence was enough to distract me. At night, when I used to write, there were just thoughts of her, with multiple scenarios of her confessing to me. I don't know how far it is. I want to end this up. I don't want to hang in-between anymore. But at the same time, I cannot let go of her. Just the thought of it makes me weak.
Today, when I walked to the parking lot, I knew something had gone wrong. As I made my way to the car, the sight I saw was devastating. Hana was standing among the nasty men, with her mouth taped by one of their hands. I rushed to her, with an instant regret of letting her go alone. Just another second and things would have turned wrong.
I beat that ugly-looking jerk until his features were all tamed. I wanted to kill him. How does he even dare to look at her? How dare he touch her? With every thought, my punches became aggressive. Before the man could pass out, Hana dragged me far. I hope all these asses die.
She is driving me home. I never imagined this dress would look so good on her. It was made for her, she did justice to it. With her soft, delicate hands, she bandaged my hands and wiped the makeup off my face. Why is she doing it? Because I helped her? So, I ask her, while she stands just in her bra and leggings in front of me. I saw her naked chest and a bit of her skin for the first time. It's driving me crazy. I wanted her to touch me too; to feel what is going on inside me. My heart is fluttering so hard, I just want to explore each part of hers. I just want to own her in every way. Her lips are still and glowing. I wish I could hold them between mine. Just her one awaiting reply could change so many things. I am not letting her go like this tonight.
But, her answers always hurt me. She is thanking me? Fuck. This is the last thing she could have said. She broke the tempo, completely with her words. So, I let her go. I want her to disappear before I do something I am not supposed to do; before I could show her my love and desire for her. My patience is on the brink of collapsing, so I angrily forced her to leave. I hate myself for that, but it's for her own good. I don't know how long will I suffer this? She makes me crazy every coming moment.
She is lucky. She is really lucky. She hasn't seen my anger yet, the collapse of my patience. And when she will see it, she will know. She will remember me, and she will embrace me. I will tell her.
Very soon.