. . .
THORIN
. . .
The days crept by in an alternate pace. Sometimes they seemed to go by in the blink of an eye, but there were also days that didn't seem to end. In the first place Dís and Thorin lived together in a house, but after some time Thorin needed a place for himself. He loved Kíli and Fíli, but they were not his children and he didn't want to take the place of their father. They needed to grow as a family. He lacked one and loneliness accompanied him daily. He however didn't feel sad. He spend a lot of time with the two sons of lord Elrond: Elrohir and Elladan, who not only showed him all the mystic places of Rivendell, but also took him for trips through the surrounding woods.
Elladan had told him he felt more at home in the wilderness where his urge to survive was tested and every day brought something new, than in the valley his father reigned. Elrohir also enjoyed riding through the woods and fields, but he liked talking and loved to be among other elves as well. He was always friendly and willing to answer questions, while Elladan sometimes lacked some talkatively.
Elrohir often visited the children, which his brother seemed to avoid, feeling uncomfortably with two young dwarfs who tried to climb his back. Thorin suspected Elrohir to have an eye on Dís, but the distress of his sister was too fresh to notice such a thing and he didn't know whether he liked it or not.
Thorin walked through the narrow tunnel that had brought him the first time to Rivendell. Every time he passed the road, he thought about the elf woman. Months had passed, but he still hoped to see here every time they left Rivendell. More than once he'd almost said anything about her to the twins, but something stood in his way. The feeling that she would hear his question didn't go away and when he would ask things within the safety of Rivendell, there would be no indication for it and he was afraid they would laugh at him.
He was a little worried why his curiosity hadn't weakened in the meantime and he hoped he could put it to rest when he knew who she was.
For his own peace of mind he decided to take the risk.
"I encountered an elf woman a while ago," he started when the roof of the tunnel had changed into the blue sky, which spread above a soft waving grassland. They didn't need to know that "while" was a few months ago.
Elrohir grinned when he said nothing more. "And that surprises you?"
Thorin's face colored red and he shook his head. "No. She - she didn't want to go to Rivendell."
The smile was wiped off Elrohir's face and he exchanged a look with his brother, which Thorin did not understand.
"What did she look like?" Elladan wanted to know.
"She had blond hair and a large scar on her face."
Something on the face of the elf changed, although Thorin couldn't say what it was. Maybe it was the frown above his nose or the dark look in his eyes, but he felt he got a bait.
"That must have been Scar," Elrohir continued to speak. "She's a very strange person. You better stay away from her."
For a moment it looked like Elladan wanted to say something, but in the end he only looked the other way with a stiff face.
"Why?" Thorin couldn't help but sound curious.
It was Elladan who gave an embittered answer. "Because she believes elves should pair with orcs."
In other circumstances he would have laughed about this comment, but Elladan's voice was so loaded it sounded as if he had spoken out a dead sentence. It was clear the brothers were not joking and he knew those two had just as much reasons to hate orcs as he had.
. . .
DÍS
. . .
Dís watched herself in the mirror. The dress she was wearing made her a different creature. The fabric enclosed her body tightly and draped around her ankles at the ground, so that here feet were invisible. The sleeves were not as long as those of Arwen, but they were still wide. The color of the dress was something between yellow and green and showed a large part of her neck.
"It looks beautiful on you," Arwen found.
Dís didn't dare to state anything else, since it was Arwen who'd made the dress. Her brown curls hang over her partly uncovered shoulders, making her discomfort grow.
"You don't like it, do you?"
Her cheeks turned red. She didn't want to disappoint Arwen, who had done so much for her. It was very kind she wanted to fabricate clothes for her, because there was nothing in her seize.
"I just need to get used to it," she said, glancing once more at her reflection. It was a beautiful dress, which almost gave her the feeling she wasn't good enough to wear it. A feeling she was ashamed of, since she didn't know when and how that thought had crept into her mind. She had been the princess of Erebor and she should behave so.
"Thank you, Arwen."
"You're welcome. Will you wear it tonight?"
"Yes, I could do that."
She felt a little nervous for tonight. The Feast of the Summer Gates, they called the celebration, but she did not know very well what was celebrated and she wasn't in the mood for a feast at all. It was the first she would experience and Thorin and she would be the only dwarfs. She knew she needed to get over that, since that wouldn't change in the near future.
"What do you celebrate?"
"Today is the longest day of the year and we believe the healing tears of Nienna will fall upon the plants."
Dís nodded hesitating, even though she had not the slightest idea who Nienna was. She however expected she would find out soon enough.
"I bet there are a lot of things you need to do before the night falls."
Arwen looked guilty at her. "Actually I should. Father expects me to guide the flowers, so that their beauty will delight us tonight."
Dís feigned a smile, but the discomfort didn't disappear. She was probably the only unknowing soul in Imladris, for she believed Thorin had figured out the mystery of Nienna a long time ago. This morning he went on the way to hunt a swine. Although most courses were herbal, nights like these offered variation on their diet and Dís had to admit her mouth already watered by the thought of a delicious piece of meat.
Dís walked to the door of her house to let Arwen out and said goodbye. Arwen brushed Kíli's hair, who sat on the ground and made drawings with a white stone he got from Elrohir. He waved with his hand, but moved on with his work in full concentration soon. Dís smiled, looked around to see if Fíli was near and went back inside when she didn't see him. There were some elf girls with whom he was often around, telling tales to. He didn't seem to care that his friends were probably three times as old as he was and she was glad he could amuse himself.
Dís returned to her work table and took the piece of wood in her hand that she was cutting. Elrohir had taught her a few weeks ago and she really enjoyed making beautiful figures. He had said she was gifted and Dís hoped to earn some money with it. They brought her food, but she still wanted to have some cash, in case they needed to flee when Azog and his followers picked up their trail.
. . .
THORIN
. . .
Thorin had ran a bone comb through his hair and put on clean clothes. During his hunt for a wild boar he'd toppled over some times. There was now a large scratch above his elbow, but Thorin was still looking back on a wonderful day and he was very curious what the evening would bring .
When it was time to eat he knocked on Dís' door. He smoothed his clothes and was surprised to see her. She wore a beautiful dress and even though her eyes showed her insecurity, she looked good - much better than she'd done the past weeks.
"Hi," she said softly, biting her lip. "Arwen made this dress for me. Do - do I look very stupid?"
Thorin shook his head. "You look beautiful."
A hesitating smile appeared on her face, which warmed his heart. He was glad she came along tonight, instead of staying behind on her own. He nodded to the two boys appearing behind their mother, both wearing an elf robe which kind of suited them. He however would never wear such a robe. He offered Dís his arm and they walked to the Gardens of Imladris, where the buffet was covered by beautifully carved arches, around which curled shining flowers. Thorin had never seen such a thing in his life and he had to admit it expressed a beauty he would never find in Erebor, although they had possessed their own treasures that had no equals in Middle Earth.
His eye caught Elrohir, who was waving happily to them. He sat around a table with his family and winked them enthusiastically. "Come, sit with us!" He made an inviting gesture with his hand.
Thorin looked at Dís, who pushed Kíli protectively against her hip. Thorin knew her well enough to notice she felt insecure.
"I don't know if that pleases your father, lord Elrond."
Thorin looked aside, to the man who was flanked by his son and daughter.
"Without a doubt. Dís, Thorin, you are more than welcome."
He saw Dís' cheeks turn red and gestured her to sit next to Arwen with the children, while he found a place in front of Elrohir and greeted Lindir, an elf who was also close to the royal family.
When all elves had found a place to sit, Elrond stood up and greeted all persons present. He thanked them for their presence and offered his gratefulness to Nienna, Lady of compassion and sorrow, wisdom and hope. Even though Thorin did not know whether Nienna really existed or whether she was only a fable, those were meaningful words. His sister and he had came here, cloaked in sorrow, but now they were sitting here around the table, while hope for a better life was almost touchable. It was not comparable to the life he had known in Erebor, but he was grateful Dís and his nephews were still alive and it had been a miracle that they were received by elves - in such a way they were now eating around the same table.
"That's yours." Elrohir broke through his thoughts and pointed to the swine that was lying on the table. It was stripped of its skin and smelled tasty. The elves knew very well how to prepare meat and it was a pity they did it so rarely.
"How do you know?"
"It's the smallest."
Thorin shook his head, smiling. "You would expect the biggest one on this table."
"Would you?" Elrohir asked with raise eyebrows. "The four smallest members of our community sit around this able."
Elrohir looked aside to Dís for a moment, who did not notice because she was staring to her plate. She was the only one who had not filled her plate and Thorin wondered if this feast was calling up bad memories. It had been years ago they had sat around the table with their family and even though Thorin was glad they'd been incorporated so friendly, he also understood it did not take away his sister's distress.
"I hope she can enjoy tonight," Elrohir said softly, who saw his dejected face. "She deserves an unforgettable night and this feast is meant for elves - and dwarfs - like her, who are burdened by grief and pain day after day and are not able to get rid of it. I really hope the moon and stars will take a part of her grief with them when they leave the sky tomorrow."
. . .
DÍS
. . .
Dís had absolutely no appetite. Often it occurred that her appetite was lost, but she had hoped such a moment would not be tonight. After all, the elves had worked hard in the kitchens and she didn't want to seem ungrateful. For that reason she ate small pieces of the boar, the meal she had actually looked forward to. She did not like it.
Every time she moved her jaws, she was overflown by nausea and she was afraid she had to throw up. Here, on Lord Elrond's side.
"Are you alright, Dís?" Arwen's familiar voice sounded. "You look pale. Don't you like the food?"
"I do," she said quickly. She didn't dare to look at someone else. "I - I just feel a little ill?"
Arwen looked aside, requiring help from her father.
"What is bothering you, Dís?" Lord Elrond asked.
She shrugged and stared to the portion of food that she had barely touched. She knew it was offensive not to look at him when he asked her something, but for some reason she could not bear his glance at this moment.
"Mama often feels not well," Fíli participated in the conversation. "Then she doesn't want to eat, while we do have to eat until our plates are empty!"
Her cheeks turned red by his reproach. What should they all think of her? She wasn't a very good example for her children!
"Your mother is right," Lord Elrond answered. "You have to become strong warriors after all!"
The last thing Dís wanted, was her sons going on a warpath, but she knew that was an egocentric thought. Just like every other men they had to prove themselves on the battlefield.
Dís noticed her fingers were trembling when she took the fork in her hand again, pricking in the meat. She had to get over it. She absolutely didn't want to cast a slur on this feast that was so important for the elves.
~
Dís was glad when dinner came to an end. The rest of the evening went by less elegant, so that the oppressive feeling in her chest, caused by the idea that everyone saw every move she made, disappeared slowly. Quickly the long tables were set aside. Although there had been musicians during dinner, more elves clutched at their instruments now.
Dís was a little at the edge of the group, but soon Elrohir was talking to her.
"What do you think it?"
Dís did not know what to answer. Above all she felt very uncomfortable, but she didn't want to create the illusion that she was never satisfied. "It's a special evening."
Her eyes wandered through the room, but the boys seemed to enjoy themselves. Kíli was watching a string instrument that was played by a blond elf and Fíli was hidden in the shadows, next to the desert tables, taking something now and then secretly. Dís wanted to censure him, but Elrohir's fingers glided across her wrist, holding her.
"It doesn't matter. Let them enjoy this evening."
Dís stared at his hand. He held her not very tightly, but it still gave her shivers. She suddenly felt an urgency to cry. The sudden emotions confused her and in a flash she remembered the man in the woods, who pulled her to the ground and touched her body eagerly.
Elrohir however wasn't conscious of doing something wrong and did not notice that she had frozen. The laughing and singing voices led his attention away, while he threw an arm around her and took her hand. "Did you learn how to dance?"
In Dís's perception his merry voice was twisted into a terrifying threat and her heart beat in her throat anxiously. His hands seemed to be everywhere and she wanted to free herself, but she could find no strength. It felt like she had drunk something that had frozen her limbs and tears swelled in her eyes.
"I think it's better to give Dís some space," a voice sounded suddenly. "She doesn't feel very well tonight."
Although his voice was friendly, it was clear Lord Elrond was peremptory and Elrohir let go of her.
Dís did not look at him, but stared at her feet. She was glad Lord Elrond had came between them, but it did not take away the suffocating feeling that was evoked by that memory.
. . .
THORIN
. . .
Thorin really enjoyed himself. His nephews wanted to dance with him all the time and there were even some beautiful elf women that he turned around. When he said to Elladan he could play the harp, his friend insisted to hear his talents. He took Thorin to one of the musicians, who yielded curiously his instrument. He knew no elvish melodies, and they decided he had to perform a dwarf song. Thorin felt a little embarrassed in front of all the expecting faces, but he didn't want to show his doubt. He stroke the strings with his fingers, sought for the right pitch and let his voice reverberate over the silent crowd. He sung about the origin of Erebor, how Thráin the First led his people out of Moria after the kingdom was attacked by a balrog and founded a new kingdom in the Lonely Mountain, eight generations before he was born.
The song was written in his own tongue, but the faces of many elves revealed their understanding. Thorin was once more impressed by their wisdom, for he had only learned some words Sindarin. Just before him stood Fíli and Kíli who moved with the melody and sometimes sang along some sentences. They both stood upright, their chests forward, as two little princes who were proud of their homeland. Thorin smiled tenderly and narrated about the discovery of the Arkenstone.
He however was confused when he saw her at the edge of the pavilion. The moon gave her hair a silver glance, just like the strings between his fingertips. In contrary to the other elves she was dressed in a simple tunic. The scar writhed over her face like a red snake, but despite everything Thorin realized she was blessed by a beauty that was so pure he understood very well why he couldn't forget her.
He noticed he had missed some tones and he turned his red face away, where his eyes met those of Elladan. There was a sorrowful frown on his forehead and although Thorin remembered his words about her, there was nothing he wanted more than forgetting the harp and running to Scar, afraid she would disappear again when he did not.
He however kept control of himself and first completed the song. He was greeted with a loud applause and he glowed inside. His glance danced over the crowd until he had found her, but she didn't cheer and wasn't paying any attention to him at all. She had walked to Lord Elrond and spoke to him, separated from the others. Thorin was surprised, for he had thought she hated the man.
"That was good, very good." Elrohir slapped his shoulder enthusiastically and Thorin quickly took his eyes off Scar, but it was too late.
"I saw you staring," his friend whispered. "But I mean it. Her heart is cold as stone."
"Then why is she here?"
Elrohir shrugged, answering ominously: "Maybe she wants to poison you. Or Dís. She didn't feel very well, right?"
Thorin was startled by his words, but then he noticed the glittering in Elrohir's eyes, who grinned. "No, she isn't that evil."
"I saw her talking to your father. Doesn't he hate her?"
"I still have to met the first living being my father hates. I think he still hopes she will return to our community."
"They know each other well?"
Elrohir watched him for some moments, shaking his head. "You can't stop, can you? Just let her go, man. But to answer your question: they knew each other very well. He almost became her father in law."
Thorin couldn't help he was shocked by this revelation. "Were you -"
"Who, me?" Elrohir laughed. "No. But Elladan... He was helplessly in love."
"That's enough," Elladan grumbled, who had supposedly heard their conversation. "It's so many years ago I'm surprised you still remember." He pushed a thin glass in their hands. "We'll just act like she's not here."
Thorin looked into his bright eyes, but he had no idea how to do that. He couldn't tell the reason, but he had the feeling she spun threads around him, pulling him closer and closer.
. . .
DÍS
. . .
It hadn't escaped Dís' attention that the mysterious woman had showed up. She had stand beside Dís for some time, but she had not noticed. When she did, her cheeks had turned red.
"Have you and your children found the safety you were looking for?" she had asked.
Dís had been so stunned she couldn't answer her in the first place, but in the end she had nodded. Before she could ask something, the woman had walked way.
Now Thorin's song had ended - a piece of music that had called up homesickness and made wounds that could not be touched shrine - the elves had continued with their instruments. Although she was proud of her brother, she felt even more gloomy than she had done before and there was nothing she wanted more than going to bed and hide herself in the blankets.
Arwen saw her. The elf princess always seemed to feel when she was battling despair and her thin fingers enclosed her wrist. "Let's go for a walk."
Dís glanced doubting at her kids, but Arwen held her fingers and squeezed. "Nothing will happen to them."
That wasn't where she was afraid of. Her children were safe here, but she feared they would misbehave, while she could not protect them against angry glances.
"Come," Arwen said soft but compelling and she pulled her away from the others.
Dís glanced at Thorin once more, but he was with Arwen's brothers and had an amused smile around his lips. Apparently he could set aside his grief and Dís wished he could teach her.
"Tell me about your husband," Arwen said when the sounds of the feasts became silent. The elf sat down on the edge of the fountain. Dís lifted herself up quietly and felt embarrassed when Arwen's firm grip helped her. She turned on her buttocks and stared at her feet that couldn't touch the ground. "What was his name?"
"Famin."
There was a silence, which was softened by the melodies that sounded both close and distant.
"This year we would have been together for fifteen years."
She twisted the ring around her finger and bit her lip. Suddenly she wished he was here to hold her. That he lifted her from this fountain to dance with her. Tears escaped her eyes and she turned her face away, but Arwen stroke her back calming.
"It's okay, Dís. It's completely normal to feel this way."
"I miss him so much, Arwen," she whispered between two sobs. "I just... I just don't know what to do. Every move I make seems to wear me out. Every moment of the day seems to drag along forever." She rubbed her eyes. "Sometimes I just want to leave this place to join him, but I can't do that to Thorin and my boys."
"It's good you realize that. It will become easier, Dís. Neither did I know how I had to carry on when my mother left us, but I have struggled along."
Dís stared at her feet. She had lost her parents too, and her brother. And although she mourned about them, it was something different than losing your soulmate. A part of her had died too and that wouldn't come back. She didn't believe that.
Arwen wrapped her arms around her and pushed her cheek against Dís' forehead. "You're going through a hard time, Dís, but you are a wonderful woman and you're doing everything for your children. I am very glad I've met you and I really want to be your friend. I know I can never take the place of your husband, but I hope I can be there for you."
Those words meant a lot to Dís. She had had friends when she was a child, but there had always been restrictions as long as she had lived in a palace.
"You already are."
Arwen smiled and stood up. "Let's celebrate our friendship tonight." She wiped away a tuft of hair that had clung to her wet cheek. "And the many friendships that will follow."