The Doctor:
"A what do?" I asked incredulously, staring hard at Marcus, Mickey, Jack and Rory. "I never had one of those last time I got married!"
Rory and Jack exchanged a look that told me I wasn't getting out of this one without a fight. "A Stag Do, you know, the thing you and Sera decided to gate crash? Guys in a strip club, or a bar, something, a few drinks, a laugh. Last night of freedom before you're tied down. Well, not tied down, but you know what I mean."
I thought about it, knowing that I was probably not getting out of this, but not really wanting to even attempt going to anywhere Jack Harkness thought was a good idea. I still remember going to Space Vegas with him and Rose, that had not ended well. "Doctor, you seriously do not have a choice in this, we've already made sure that Martha, Sarah Jane, Amy and River are giving Sera a Hen Night. Oh, and Gwen and Rhys are on their way, baby Anwyn is all snug in the car."
That was good to know, Mrs Gwen Williams had been a good friend to my Sera. But still, a Stag Do? I really didn't have an option. "Fine, fine, but Rory is in charge, and Jack is not allowed to flirt. I am not going back, in time to let him apologise to anyone."
"Doctor, I'm married. Well, widowed. Sort of. Trust me, never get married to a time traveller with a life as complex as River Song." Jack smiled, clapping my shoulder and pulling me back into the TARDIS. I did feel sorry for Jack, truly. In his eyes, River died, she was downloaded into the data core of the Library because of her time stream, she was still in his life, not knowing her own future. "Where to, Vegas, Space Vegas, the Maldovarium, the Water Ladies Holo-Club in the Entertainment System."
"Mate, we're all married here, remember?" Mickey pointed out. "Our wives, and Sera, will kill us, especially if we get you so drunk you forget where you park us. I love her and everything, but Sera scares the living daylights out of me. Now, I think we just go down the pub, have a few drinks, have laugh, reminisce about old times."
That sounded like a much better plan that being dragged out to the Universes most expensive strip club like Jack had apparently wanted us to go to. So I programmed in the local pub, in the right time zone, and we had a look outside, finding a very comical sight. The ladies had beaten us to it. I could see Sarah Jane's car, as well as hearing them all chattering inside. "Gentlemen, I believe that we're going to have to relocate, Sera and I haven't seen each other since yesterday, and we're not allowed to see each other until tomorrow either."
I saw my fellow men exchange a look, and then I was pulled back inside, and they dragged me into the garage, where they then started looking at the car I'd accumulated over the years. And then they decided on a massive Jeep. And then we were trying to work out how to get it out of the TARDIS, which I knew, I was just enjoying watching them all bicker about it.
Though I eventually just walked over to a computer terminal they hadn't spotted and then activated the teleport for it. And then after about 2 minutes, they realised that it was actually gone. "Doctor!"
"I got bored." I smiled, walking back out to the console room and letting them follow me. "I'm guessing that we're driving to another pub then? Or, maybe someone else should drive, because I tried to drive a fire engine once, and it did not end well..."
Rory could vouch for that one. "Yeah, he drove the ladder through a hospital window, with Sera on it."
Mickey grabbed the keys from the rack and legged it, racing Jack and Marc to the big blue jeep now waiting next to Sarah's cute little Nissan. And then we were driving to another pub. How many of those were there on this planet?
DW
"--- And he was on a date, with a Slitheen, while Rose was out with him, and I was fixing this extrappolator to the TARDIS, and then it starts to rip apart the entire Rift in the middle of the Cardiff Bay! And he's sat there drinking wine!"
"Oh, no, no it was not a date!" I laughed, throwing my napkin across the table at him.
Rory was staring at me now, his eyes wide. "Amy and I were in Cardiff when that happened! Doctor, we were in the hotel right across from where that storm hit on a school trip!"
"Ooo, you're so in the doghouse, Harkness, I wasn't tell them that!" I mock glared, sipping at my tea. I didn't like beer or whatever they were drinking, and then looking at my phone. Well, Mickeys phone, I'd snuck it out of his pocket and had been secretly texting Seraphina. I hadn't away from her for this long in a while. Sera, they're bullying me, how is it your end?
Oh, I'm loving it, I've missed having this many friends around me.
I love my friends, but they're being rather mean.
And then Rory caught me. "Oh, guys, he's been cheating. Mickey, we were supposed to be watching our phone's remember?" He grabbed it and held it up. "Now, we agreed, Doctor, for every time you've cheated, you have to take a shot. And you have texted her... 9 times. Jack, I do believe that it is your round?"
"You had to text her..." He muttered, getting to his feet and heading over to the bar.
"I love her, and I haven't seen her in nearly two days!"
Marcus shook his head, throwing the napkin back at me. "Well, Dave, surely you can put up with one night without her, bearing in mind as of tomorrow, she will be Doctor Seraphina Pond. One night, Doctor, you can deal with that." He smirked. "I have a story, about the Doctor. Not about travelling through time, or anything, but it involves one time Alice, or Sera as we all know her as now, decided to try and sneak the Doctor back, while I was still in."
Jack came back with the shots, and sat down. "Now, does this get exclusive, because please remember, the last time you saw this lovely man, he was not quite as impressionable. I think that his ears may turn red if he blushes, and I'm sorry, but I will mention it in my toast to you guys tomorrow."
Marc nodded and I let my head flop onto the table. "Look, if I take these shots without a word of complaint, you are not allowed to tell that story, and I'll let Mickey tell you about Madam De Pompadour."
There was a quick flurry of whispered voices, and then I looked up. "You have to take the shots, and you also have to let me tell them about when I telelported you and you didn't realise."
Oh, they were very, very good. I was far too outnumbered, and I wished that I hadn't have been caught texting, but I dutifully took each shot, of icky stuff that smelt like Amelia's nail polish remover, and downed all 9. And let me tell you, this stuff makes your head feel very funny after a moment.
Rory:
"Jack, those shots, you didn't happen to put anything stronger in there, did you?" I asked him, watching the Doctor dance with a potted plant. He may be a little insane, but he had never been quite that bad before. Marc and Mickey were recording him, and I hoped like hell they weren't going to show it tomorrow.
Winking at me, Jack reached inside his bag and pulled out a bottle. Face of Boe Hyper-Vodka; 63% alcohol per shot. "I just asked for 9 shot glasses. Trust me, Rory, I lived off of this stuff back before I was immortal, it'll be outta his system by morning, no adverse affects."
That did not sound like something I should believe him on, but it was too late to fix it, and we were just stuck with a very drunk Doctor, and possibly going to have an angry Sera if he's still either drunk or hung over. On the other hand though, we needed to get him back to the TARDIS and try and force him into bed without Seraphina being there.
I nodded to Marcus, and he tried to pull the Doctor away from the plant, but he just shoved him away. This was going to be harder than we anticipated. Going to help, Mickey also realised it was time for us to get him home, and we all hauled him off. "Come on, Doctor, big day tomorrow, you've got to get some sleep."
He shook his head. "No, I don't need sleep, I can't sleep anyway. I can't sleep unless I know that Sera's asleep, and even then, I need her to be next to me. I love her, I'm finally getting married to her." Then he started giggling, his eyes glinting with pure happiness. "She's everything to me."
This was adorable, and also kind of creepy. I liked him when he was all childish, not all smitten and dreamy. "Come on, bed time." And then Marcus just swung him over his shoulder in a fireman's lift and heading for the door. "This guy is surprisingly light." He remarked.
The rest of us just shrugged, and went with him, seeing him put the Doctor in the boot of the jeep with enough room for him to spread out still giggling. "Anyone else thinking we make Captain Cheesecake take the blame if he's still like that tomorrow morning?" Mickey suggested, the only sober one here. He had to look after baby Alice when we got back to the TARDIS, seeing as we had a robo nanny looking after her for the time being.
"Mickey Mouse, I will have to beat you up again if you keep calling me that, because it's Captain Beefcake." He joked getting in beside Marcus in the back. The TARDIS Lads, that's what we were. Then there were the TARDIS Ladies, Sera, Amy, Sarah Jane, Martha and River. Tell you what, we were a bigger family than I'd initially imagined.
Sera:
"I don't want to go out!" I moaned, dressed in a short black dress and my hair put into the same types of curls as River's. In fact, we'd all gone for those types of curls. Amy especially looked gorgeous with them. "Come on, Hen Night at Janie's, or Martha's. I don't like people!"
"Nope, come on, we're going to the pub down the road, having a few drinks, and we're going to talk about our fun times with you." Amy grinned, dragging me out of the house as Sarah Jane locked up her house. "River, you got the tiara and the sash?"
Oh, please, please, no.... "That was my one job, I wasn't going to forget it!" Yup, I had a pink fluffy tiara and a sash saying Getting Married. I was going to kill my sister... "Oh, stop being a spoil sport, you're going to get me back for it." We all stared at her. "Well, I have a wedding of my own, you know, and you're in charge of it."
"That doesn't help, River." I muttered, letting them drag me to the pub where there was already a big banner saying it was Seraphina's Hen Night. This kinda was overboard, but I loved them for it. "I love you guys, you know that, right?"
And then they obviously all had to hug me for that, and we all got a glass of wine, except for me who just got a rum and coke. Wine, not so great, but spirits, that I used to hate, were now amazing. "OK, so, who wants to go first in telling stories about Seraphina?" Martha asked, beaming at me as I let my head flop onto the table. I'd thought they were kidding about that...
Amy out up her hand, and then I was definitely in for it. "I brought a photo of my 18th, when Seraphina decided she was going to rent a swimming pool. And let's see how that ended with Mels and I." She put in on the table, and I sighed, seeing me and Mels, who we hadn't managed to track down for the wedding, but she hated them anyway, and the lovely Amy all dancing with guys.
"Amy, just because I missed your Hen Night by being erased from time, does not mean you can get back at me three fold." I sighed, looking at our tiny bikini's and our long red hair. I missed being ginger, but I didn't miss how short I was.
Sarah Jane went next, telling them about how Starfall was with us quite a lot when we travelled with her and the two humans would just play pranks on us, to the extent they put invisible ink in the pool and the Doctor turned blue. And I turned pink when I had a shower. She had a photo for that, too. And I was turning red.
River went next, being very careful, and just told the story of how I saved the planet Alfava Metraxis in a tigger onesie, and Amy had to walk with her eyes closed. That wasn't too bad, and there was no photo's. Martha didn't really have anything to say, so just told a story about the Doctor.
Apparently, my future husband had decided that he wanted her to meet Shakespeare. And then spent the rest of the time complaining about the fact he was flirting. With both her, and him. 37 scholars just punched the air. The evening was great, until they realised that I still had my phone on me. And I was texting the Doctor.
"Ohhh, Sera! You're not supposed to be texting him!" River complained, taking the phone off of me and giving it to Amy, the keeper of the phone's. "We need a forfeit now, like the Lads are doing with the Doctor. He's having to do 9 shots, because you've had 9 texts."
Ohhh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no....
"Oh! Got it! She has to eat 9 chili's!" Martha grinned, running over to the bar.
I was not going to survive this night, not a chance in hell. "Guys, I could be allergic, I haven't had them yet in this regeneration." It was a weak defense, but I forgot that Martha was a doctor herself now. She carried epi-pens. "I am going to kill you for this one, MSJ." I told her when she came back from the bar with a jar of them and a plate.
"Oh well. You kill me, you have one less bridesmaid, and you wanted an even number, remember." She counted out 9 chili's, a glass of coke just in front of me. "You manage to eat all 9 without the drink, we'll forget about your little cheat, if not, you have to buy the rest of the rounds for the night."
It was very tempting to just buy the rounds for the rest of the night, I didn't exactly have a shortage of money, but it was just to prove that I was still awesome. "I die, then I will not be happy!" And then I picked up the first one, and bit into it. It took a moment for the heat to hit me. "Oh, ohh...." Picked up three at once, then tried to eat them all at once. I was sweating now, my mouth on fire.
The drink in front of me was so tempting, a trickle of condensation trickling down the side of the glass, but I had taken on the fiercest things in the Universe, and won, I was not losing to some stupid chili's. 4 down, 5 to go. I grabbed the next three, and bit them chewing them as fast as I could. 7 down, 2 left. And the girls were getting mean now, sipping at their own drinks, slowly, making me feel more hot as I picked up the last two.
"Done!" I laughed, showing them my empty mouth and then grabbing the drink and chugging it down. "I hate you so much for that, I think I sweated off my foundation!"
They were still laughing and I had to wipe my face with a napkin to feel slightly better, and then we realised it was nearly midnight. We had a long day ahead of us, or at least I did.
Outside the pub, there was a very familiar sight, and one that made us all laugh. The lads were all heading back to the TARDIS. The Doctor was already inside, but we could see Marcus, Mickey, Rory and Jack, all the ones who were actually married. So they all got a good night kiss, or in River's and Jacks case, they just hugged each other really tight. They didn't get to see each other very often.
And then they were in the TARDIS, taking my Doctor to bed, and then I was being dragged back to Sarah Jane's, where Luke, Clyde and Rani were also waiting. They were like our apprentices, the next generation of the Earths protection, and they were seriously awesome. We sent the boys to the TARDIS, lending them Amy's key as mine had special properties, and then we kept Rani with us. It was a Hen Night, after all.
"So, do you think you'll settle down, have a family?" River asked me, lying next to me on the living room floor as we all bunked down for the night, everyone else was already asleep. "Well, not settle down per say, but you know."
I hadn't actually thought about that yet. About trying for another baby, because I already knew that we must. River, River was our daughter, but she must know. Well, she knows that we have at least her, anyway. "I don't know, I mean, I've had Star, who was my first, then, then there was Jenny, who, who died. And then Rory. I don't think I could handle it if I lost another child."
River reached over and took my hand, and for a moment, I thought about the idea that maybe I got the wrong end of the stick, that she wasn't mine. But who else could she be? She knew our names, and Jack had told me I was right, even if he was lying, there was a lot that I would only tell my daughter, so maybe we did just adopt her or something.
"You'll get there. You've got a family now, Sera. They're with you, and they can help you through everything." She whispered, turning to face me a little more. "We're all your family, we love you and the Doctor more than anything. Whatever happens, we're all here."
That, that sounded ominous, and she was hinting towards something. And she knew she'd said too much, so she just kissed my hand and rolled over to sleep. But, I was getting married in the morning. It was my turn at long last.