"Stop, it's wrong. Try it again." Luke is tutoring me or is trying to. Everything he is saying is going in one ear and coming out the other. I try again at this stupid assignment thing or whatever it is called. I stare at the brick of a textbook that is right beside me.
"It is wrong again." He says moving over to his bed. "Try it again." I do not even know what I am doing wrong. I start to get frustrated and I play with the ring on my finger. Spinning it through my fingers. A headache begins as I struggle with this stupid ass assignment that I will throw out the window if I get it wrong one more time.
Luke gets up from his bed and walks over to where I am sitting by his desk. "Indra you did it wro-" I get so frustrated that I stand up, picking up the stupid brick textbook and slapping him across his face with it. "I am fucking trying!" I scream out.
His entire cheek starts to turn red. He just stares at me with a wide expression on his face. I realise what I did and I cover my mouth with my hand.
"Ouch." I start panicking and I kiss his cheek. "I am sorry. Sorry-" another kiss on his swollen cheek. "Sorry-" another one. "Sorry." I feel him begin to smile. That is not helping. I quickly walk out of his room without saying anything.
I go through his kitchen freezer looking for something cold. There is ice and frozen peas. Which one?
I start to hear my phone ring, but I ignore it. I pick up the pack of frozen peas and I walk back to Luke's room placing it on his cheek. "I am so sorry." He smiles when the cold hits his swollen skin. "It is okay, star." He says with a smile. My phone starts to ring again. An unknown caller is phoning me.
They know I hit him... I cannot go back to Jail. I hold the ice pack to his cheek. I pick up my phone and place it to my ear. He takes the frozen peas from my hand and just holds it to his face.
"Good evening. My name is Derek from Tisch Hospital. We are looking Ms. Naese." Derek speaks through the phone. I like the name Derek. It's funny. "This is she." I say. It is odd that the hospital suddenly phones me.
"Mr. Naese, your father came through our doors badly injured. He was jumped and he needs someone to come pick him up. He told me to call you." I start laughing. "Is this some kind of sick joke. Guess what kid, you are not funny." I scoff.
"My father has been dead for over 18 years." I say. "Well Ms. Naese he is here right now and he is clearly alive. Please if it is convenient come to Tisch Hospital." Brad or whatever he said his name was speaks.
I cut the call. I am hesitant to go, but what if he is alive. If he is alive then who the fuck did we cremate? This hospital guy must have the wrong Naese. I mean how many people have the last name Naese in the world. In New York actually.
They could have the wrong Andrew Naese. It's possible, but also impossible.
It won't hurt to go and see for myself.
"Everything good?" Luke asks, still holding the frozen peas to his cheek. "No, I have to go to Tisch Hospital. Now." He looks hesitant, but just nods along.
I guess I am going to Tisch Hospital, wherever that is.
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Luke offered to drive me there. The drive should be 10 minutes from where my dorm is, but Luke lives further away so the drive is about 20 minutes.
As we past the tall ass buildings with the busy street I can't help but think about how sick of a joke this is, but I am determined to see it myself. Or it could be so Luke can say I hit him and I will go to Jail again. This mother fucker is going to sell me out.
It was pouring rain outside which is making the windows fog up. I draw a little heart on the window.
If my father is so called "alive" then who the fuck did we cremate? I do not think we had a funeral for him. I was only three, I cannot remember much from back then. I do remember when my mom told me that he died.
I do not even know what he looks like. We never hung photos of him and my mom never showed me any. She said that dad did not like being in photo's.
I have a sort of image in my head from how my mother described him. She said that he had bright green eyes just like me and raven black hair exactly like my own. She also said he had a birth mark on his chin, he was extremely tall with a slim face. I am tall, but I do not have a slim face structure.
I always imagined him to look like me, but male. If that makes sense.
"What if he is alive?" I turn my attention to Luke who was kind enough to drive me. I can drive. I could even catch a cab there, but he insisted in taking me.
"He isn't." I reply, looking out the window again.
"Then why are we going?" He asks not taking his eyes off the road. His cheek is not swollen anymore which means he will not have proof that I hit him and maybe, just maybe I won't go to jail.
"I don't know." I just leave it there. I think its just best to find out. I also think that I just want to know who we cremated.
We're finally at the hospital. I stand outside, feeling nervous. "I think it is best you wait outside." I tell him and he just nods. I walk inside the hospital.
The bright lights hurting my eyes as I walk to the front desk. "Hello, I was called here behalf of Andrew Naese." I tell the young nurse at the desk. She is very beautiful I must say. It is not important however I wanted to point that out.
"Ah, yes. You must be his daughter Indra Naese. We called your sister Haven, but she would not make it in time-"
"Sorry no. I do not have a sister named Haven. I do not even know who is Haven-"
"Indra?" A man stands right in front of me. His arm is broken, he is taller then me, but not taller then Luke. He got the same exact green eyes as me, raven black hair that was graying, a slim face and a birth mark right by his chin. "You called the wrong daughter." He tells the nurse.
No, no, no
Wake up. Wake up.
"This-this is not my father." I turn to the nurse pointing at the guy with the broken arm. "I never wanted this to happen, but yes I am your father." His voice is calm and it is terrifying me. He sounds like he is accepting something he wishes he could never
"You're not my father." I try keeping my tone just as calm which is extremely difficult.
"Indra, I am your father. If you let me expla-"
"My father is dead." I feel my eyes begin to water. "Indra would you please listen-"
"He is dead! Who are you!?" I cut him off. This is impossible. This is not true. I am sleeping. I am having a nightmare. Wake up. Wake up. Tears start to stream down my face. "If you let me say-."
"What! Say it! Say what you want to say! What do you want to say? Where have you been? You're dead!" I scream all at once, my fingers trembling.
He takes a step closer to me. I flinch when I feel him placing his not broken hand on my shoulder. "I am not dead. I left and I am sorry I did. Your mom made sure that I would never contact you or your sister again." I shake my head in disbelief.
Oh god, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I want to be at home. I want to be somewhere else. Anywhere. I want to be with Luke for gods sake.
I pull myself away from him. I stare into his eyes just thinking about how insane this sounds. What sick bitch would leave their kids, especially when one was just born and the other was only three. I was only three.
I feel nauseous. Oh, god please don't vomit, Indra. Do not do it.
My chest is rising and falling harder than ever and the knots in my stomach let me know how sick I feel. Why am I not waking up?
He looks like a normal guy. A normal guy who could be my father.
How is he here? It has been eighteen years. He is supposed to be cremated and in Seattle. Not here. Not in Manhattan. Not in New York. Not alive.
"She wouldn't do that." I get the words out of my throat. "Oh, but she did." This bitch!
I swallow the lump in my throat and try gathering all my thoughts while stupid Andrew stands in front of me wide eyes. Okay, relax, I can handle this. Do not make this a big deal.
"If you-" I take a deep breath because I already made this a big deal. "If you really are my father then what is my mothers name?" I know whatever I am saying or whatever words are leaving my mouth sounds absolutely mental.
He just stares at me with his stupid broken arm. Gosh he looks like my father and I cannot look at him any other way at this moment.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Laraine." He says. I start to struggle to breath. My heart is beating at a rapid speed.
I feel like I should ask more questions, but I cannot say any words. None at all. More tears start to fall and my breathing has become heavier. Am I having a panic attack?
The nurse who was by the desk comes over to me, pulling me forcefully to her side to comfort me. I push her away lightly, not planing on hurting anyone.
My mom lied to me. My dad lied to me. My step-dad lied to me. Everyone lied to me.
I need to go to Seattle. I need to see my mom. I need to get out of here. I need to be somewhere. Anywhere. I need to be with Luke. And by that I storm out of the hospital.
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