"What's going on between you and Bennett?" Lilly asks me as we sit at our usual table for lunch.
It's funny she's asking this because today is the day I'll corner her about her and Bennett, so the fact that she's asking me the same thing is kind of ironic.
I don't care how busy we are, I will clarify this today. Not to mention that if she tells me they are together, I'll be pissed off. Not because they will be a couple, but I'll be angry because I'll have to tell her about Kate.
I will not let my friend be played by the guy who doesn't look like a player, but he won't fool me.
After Bennett and I went down the stairs that day, my mom asked if everything was ok, because we both looked fuming and all he said was "ask your daughter, she's not good at keeping secrets anyway."
My mom was so confused and I did a miracle dodging her questions after they left. I wasn't ready to tell about Dylan her that night.
I wanted to yell at Bennett, but then Dylan came to my room later that night as he promised and I got to clear my head from what happened. I could only focus on how awesome it is to be with him, my boyfriend.
Screw it if Bennett knows.
All I know is that since that day, Bennett has been ignoring me.
Well, not completely ignoring, because he's totally shooting me glazers. I'm doing the same, so whatever.
"Alex?" Lilly is waiting for me to give her an answer and I'm not sure where to start.
I'm surprised that he didn't tell her, they are now so close.
Note the sarcasm, please.
''I could ask you the same thing, you know?'' She raises her eyebrow at me. Yeah, there's no escaping the truth now.
''What do you mean?''
''I should be asking you what's going on between you and Bennett.'' Now she seems really confused. No wonder why she's an actress, she's so good at this.
''I truly don't know what you're talking about, but why on earth there would be something going on between the two of us?''
I'm about to answer, but then we see Bennett walking by our table, so we stay silent until he's out of sight.
''Why the hell are you two glaring at each other?'' Lilly asks, looking even more confused than before.
''That's not important.'' I know I'll have to answer that later, but right now, I'm focused on getting the truth out of her. ''Tell me what you and Bennett were talking about the other day.''
"What day?" I roll my eyes as I explain to her about what I saw at his locker and she thinks hard to remember what I'm referring to. I can see clearly on her face when it hits her.
''Oh, that day. It was nothing, I was just asking a chemistry question.'' Her face turns a tint of pink and I know I caught her in a lie. I guess she's not that good of an actress when it comes to real life.
''I'm not buying that, Lilly. You were in a heated conversation and I know you well enough to notice when you are being bossy and that was you being very bossy. He didn't look happy with whatever you told him. What was it all about? What did you say to him?"
''It was nothing, Alex.'' She's now a bit annoyed as well and that raises my suspicions even more.
''Why don't you want to tell me that you are together?'' She coughs and spills the coke she was dinking, making a few people look at us.
''Me and Bennett together? That's funny. Where did you get that from?"
"Apart from your conversation that day, you said you liked someone else in the auditorium when we were talking about Harris, so I assumed it was Bennett."
"Sometimes I forget you have a very creative mind. I just said that to get you off my back, Alex. Look, I know what it looks like, but I swear there's nothing going on between us. We are just friends.''
''Do you swear?" I'm not sure what difference it makes if she swears, we're not twelve anymore but I don't think she would lie to me to that extent.
''For my life!'' I visibly relax my shoulders. I don't know why, but I believe her. Maybe I shouldn't, she still didn't explain what was that about, but I do. I stay quiet for a second, contemplating what the hell I am feeling.
I guess I'm annoyed because it's just weird to have my best friend and Bennett getting closer. Images of them bonding, laughing, and being happy together fill my mind and I feel a twist in my stomach, even if she swears there's nothing going on between them.
"You wouldn't lie to me, right? It's just... do you like him though?" Why do I feel so insecure about this?
I'm finally admitting now that I wouldn't like to see them together.
"Does it matter if I do?" She smirks.
I'm not sure what to say to her. Of course it matters, she's my best friend and Bennett is... I don't know what he is, but suddenly I realize that I like the attention he gives me. He's always trying to cheer me up, he tutors me, he helps me in class, he's always there for me and he pays more attention to me than I am ever willing to admit.
If he starts dating Lilly, then I guess I'll just be a third wheel and I hate just the thought of it.
I hate the thought of Bennett giving any other girl this much attention, actually.
Not to mention Kate. I still need to find out who she is. Not that I should mind about her, but if he dates Lilly, I will obviously mind. I will mind anyway...
"Just answer, do you like him? That's why you are getting closer and you don't want to tell me?"
"I don't know, Bennett is super cute, you know?'' She puts her hands to her chin for a second in a dramatic move. ''How come I've never noticed before? He's smart, we all know that, but he's funny and his smile, damn, that smile is—"
"Ok, ok, stop, I get it." I cut her off, extremely annoyed at this point. I don't want to hear Lilly say all Bennett's qualities, because I already know he's all of that.
She has a stupid smirk on her face and the way she said those things tells me that she's clearly trying to tease me.
Well, it's working.
"Maybe I do like him. Who would have thought?! I'm thinking about asking him out, what do you think?" I look at her and just blink my eyes a bit widen.
If this is a joke, she's taking it too far.
Lilly and Bennett on a date is something I do not treasure. At all.
"You can't go on a date with him." I remark firmly.
"Why the hell not?"
"Because you two don't fit like that. It just doesn't make any sense." Even if I know it's not true. They do fit together, they are so alike, that's what bothers me.
"Really, you think so?" She says in an exaggerated manner. "Damn, here I was thinking that we could go out and maybe even end up the night kissing." I can't really tell if she's being sarcastic or not.
I feel my face going pale and it's like I might throw up at any second. Lilly still has that smile plastered on her face and if she wasn't my best friend, I would have ripped that fucking smirk of hers already.
''Relax Alex, I'm joking. I don't like Bennett.'' She rolls her eyes. ''It's good to know that you're jealous of him though.''
''No, I'm not jealous.'' I don't think I am at least. "Why would I be jealous of him?''
The bell rings before Lilly can say anything else, which I'm grateful for, because this conversation is going in a direction I'm not sure I like. Lilly throws her hair over her shoulder in a dramatic move and starts making her way to her class, with me in her tow.
Once she gets to her classroom, she stops and before she disappears into the room, she leans closer to me and says in a sort of singing voice.
"Just so you know, you are so jealous of Bennett."
.........................
The day goes by so slowly, as I'm not paying attention to what teachers are saying. Really, I should focus on school. It's my senior year, I need to apply to colleges very soon and I have no idea what I want to do with my life.
To add to that, I had forgotten about the school play that I enrolled in, which feels like forever ago.
The rehearsals started as soon as the cast was decided, but the staff is only joining this week as the play details are now a bit more clear. There was no point in asking us - who are going to do the less glorious jobs - to be there before.
That's why I'm now at the auditorium looking at Mrs. Bergman as she talks about how the play is going to unfold. After she explains the whole thing, with plot twists and all, she asks all of us to be in a circle and that's the moment I regret signing up in the first place.
I hate these group exercises, where you have to open up to strangers or do shit like ''pretend you are in a forest'' or whatever.
She's about to give us the instructions of what's going to happen when we hear a loud noise coming from the auditorium doors, making us all look that way.
I narrow my eyes as I see Bennett coming down the stairs to meet us on the stage, his hands inside his hoodie's pocket.
What the hell is he doing here? And more concerning than that, why is he late?
I look at Lilly and she shrugs, mouthing that she had no idea he was going to be here.
When he reaches all of us, he comes to stand close to where I am, so I turn to face him. I don't have time to say anything as our teacher is already greeting him with open arms.
''Bennett! I'm glad you made it.'' Mrs. Bergman smiles widely when she sees him and I raise my eyebrow. I didn't even know she knew who he was, but apparently, I was wrong.
I thought his interests were limited to science, not art. Well, another thing I don't know about Bennett. The list keeps getting longer and longer.
They continue talking for another minute, until she speaks louder and comes closer to me.
"Oh, you and Alex know each other?'' How does he standing next to me makes her think he knows me? Even if it's true. ''That's great, you can pair for the next exercise.''
I open my mouth to protest, but before I have the chance to say anything, she's already gone pairing up the rest of the group.
''What are you doing here?'' I ask him, with my hands on my waist as I glare at him at the same time.
''Uhn, working on the school play?'' He answers like it's obvious and I sigh heavily.
''Yes, but why? This is not really your scene and you definitely don't need extra credits.'' I know I do, another big motivation for me to be a part of this.
Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I enrolled, I remind myself. The play is super cool and all, everybody will be part of it somehow, but I can't pretend that the extra credits aren't a huge motivation.
''I thought it was time to try something different.'' He shrugs. ''It's senior year after all.''
I just nod. If this was before Thanksgiving, I'd probably be happy to be paired up with him, but after our fight and knowing how much he doesn't approve of me and Dylan, I'm just annoyed.
Whatever this exercise is, I don't want to do it with Bennett. I notice he is staring at me intensively and that makes me flustered for reasons I can't comprehend.l and I don't want to feel this way.
Why does it look like he's not even mad at me anymore? I don't understand him. At all.
''All right, my lovely artists. You already have your pairs, now stand in front of each other so we can start the warm-up.''
Bennett moves to stand in front of me and I feel his tall figure kind of hovering over me, his eyes not leaving me for a second, not even when Mrs. Bergman starts explaining what the hell we're supposed to do.
I thought about making an excuse or asking to be paired with Lilly, but it's too late to figure a way out of this.
Lucky me.
''All you have to do is say three things you like about your partner.'' I'm sorry, what the heck did she say? ''Look into your partner's eyes and say what you like about them. Then your partner goes next and you take turns until each of you says three things. Isn't it exciting?" She claps her hands like an idiot. "The purpose of this is to show appreciation for your colleagues. This will make the work flow.''
The work flow? What is this shit?
You know what pisses me off about Mrs. Bergman? She's too optimistic. How come telling Bennett what I like about him will make us work better together? This is plain bullshit. Not to mention that she sings when she talks and that's annoying as hell.
''Excuse me!'' someone raises their hand. ''What if we don't know each other?''
''That's the whole point. You don't need to know the other person to say something you like about them. It can be their outfit, their voice, anything. Be creative! If you happen to know your partner, it's even better, you can go deeper. Now, let's start.''
Go deeper? I've known Bennett my entire life, but I don't want to go deeper.
I see that everyone else has already started the exercise, while I'm still standing here not knowing what to do.
I take a deep breath and finally meet his eyes. I feel myself relaxing a little when he smiles at me. I guess he's really not that mad after all. I hate how his smile is reassuring enough to make me feel good, even if we were fighting days ago.
This is beyond understandable and it's pure nonsense.
''You can start.'' he says, getting me off guard. I don't want to start, but he was faster than me, so I guess it's just better to get this over with.
''I like your smile.'' I say the first thing that comes to my mind, probably because I was just thinking about how he's smile at me like a minute ago.
I think that if we want to achieve the exercise's goal, I should be candid, right? Or it's just me saying things without thinking, which is probably the reason why I said it.
He then smiles wider and I smile as well, as a reflex.
''I like your brain.'' He says, short and plain.
''My brain?'' I ask, taken aback.
''Yeah, you're smart, even if you don't know that.'' The smartest person I know is saying I'm smart. Maybe he's lying, as if I were smart, I wouldn't need him to tutor me.
He doesn't look like he's lying though.
Maybe this exercise isn't so bad after all.
''I like that you're a gentleman all the time.'' Another truth. It's one of the things that I like the most about Bennett. He's too nice and the fact that he helps me more often than not proves this.
''I like that you are kind all the time.'' He says something along the same lines as me and I can't help but smile again.
It's weird how quickly the atmosphere between us shifted. It's a different type of weird though.A good one, rather than the one we had when we were in my room discussing my relationship with his brother.
''I'm not that kind.'' I say it back because I don't think I am. Or am I?
''You are. You care about people. Even if you don't realize, you would go beyond your way to help who is in need.'' I nod at him, because well, thinking about it, he's actually right.
I suddenly remembered when I found a dog on the streets and I made sure we took care of him until he was well enough to find a forever home. I wanted to keep him, but my mom wouldn't let me. He was then adopted by the elderly care that I used to visit as a volunteer.
''Ok, I have to say that I like your brain too. You know you are the smartest person I know.'' He smirks this time.
Is it also weird that we are saying this without looking away? I could swear that we are even a step closer to each other than we were seconds ago. I even have to look up to meet his face due to our height difference, but our eyes are fixed.
''I love your eyes.'' he says with his intense eyes on me, but even when he says that, I don't look away. If much, I bore into his eyes even harder, if that's even possible.
My heart gave a little jump and I blush with his words, I confess.
Love? He said that he loves my eyes. I mean, not like, but love.
The way he's looking at me and the fact that he said he loves something about me, makes me question why I'm not hugging him right now.
I feel my stomach twisting in every way as I stare at those dark blue eyes and it's like everyone has disappeared for a second.
It's cliché, it's stupid, but it's true.
I don't know how long has passed, but the next thing I know, Mrs. Bergman is calling our names, asking us to go backstage for the next exercise. As I snap out of the trance both of us seemed to be, I realize that everyone else is already behind the curtains and just a few still remaining on stage.
I guess we got too caught up in this whole thing.
Bennett then leaves without looking at me again, but I notice for a fraction of a second that his cheeks were also red.
''What was that?'' Lilly pulls me closer to her and asks excitedly.
''I don't really know.'' I tell her in a low voice, as I fit the floor and rub my neck nervously.
But the reality is, I know exactly what it was.
I don't understand how it's possible considering we have been glaring at each other for the past days, but for the second time, I think that Lilly might be right.
What if Bennett likes me?
........................
Hello Lovely Readers,
I just keep picturing this scene inside my head, like a movie or something. You know, if this ever became real (as if hehe), this scene would be one of my favorites, for sure.
I love how Bennett even being such a closed person seems to can't control himself in the exercise.
I love how the world seems to disappear and it's just them.
Is Alex FINALLY realizing about Bennett's feelings? I mean, there's a load of things to happen, but it's a huge progress!
Get ready to feel excited, just to be frustrated with some stupid decisions, then excited again. Ok, I'll stop now. Hehehe
Share your thoughts! I live for your comments!
Love,
Me