Bennett's POV
Exactly, I'm in love with Alex....
I don't understand, none of this makes sense to me. I don't get how love works and I especially don't get why I love Alex.
She can't keep her mouth shut, she speaks before she thinks, she is clumsy and distracted as hell but the way she plays with her hair when she's nervous, how she fidgets with her fingers or bites her nails when she's anxious, how she smiles at the most stupid things or even how excited she gets to eat my mom's lasagna is what I like about her.
No, all of that, good and bad, is what I love about her.
And loving her pisses me off.
I consider myself a science guy, so I did my research, you know. I get love from the neurological perspective. The blood pressure rises and with it, the heartbeat increases. The release of dopamine is responsible for the intense and anesthetizing happiness feeling that causes a change in the level of some hormones, like serotonin that decreases in a calming effect. That's why we feel at peace when we are with the person we love.
That's it. Pure hormones. There's nothing else, apart from a physiological reaction that explains to me why I would love Alex, or why I would love anyone for that matter.
I don't even remember when or how it happened, but suddenly I was looking at her thinking how could she just stand there and look so effortlessly beautiful.
At that moment I realized I was screwed. We were close, we grew up together for fuck's sake, we were really good friends, and that complicated my situation even more. That's why I was actually relieved when we drifted apart from our friendship, for reasons that I don't even know.
Maybe staying away from her would help, because being her friend sucked.
Not being her friend also sucked. See the problem here?
How could I tell her that she shouldn't have stopped playing piano because an asshole like my brother made a joke? What excuse could I have to tell her that she's so amazingly talented and shouldn't feel insecure about it, especially when said asshole doesn't even remember joking about it?
How can I tell her that I think about her every night, wondering if she took her medicine, wishing she would count on me if she ever has a migraine episode? I've had to control myself countless times not to call her at night just because I wanted to talk to her.
How can I tell her that I fix things for her, even if she didn't ask me to? That's what I've been doing for too long, like last year when I convinced that idiot of Mr. Perkins to give her another chance on a test she did so badly, but she thinks he had a stroke and changed his mind.
I think she notices it sometimes. I know she's embarrassed when I stare at her, but it's not because I think she's broken, like she believes.
It's just because she's gorgeous.
I try to be there for her whenever I can, like when I offered to tutor her. I hate tutoring people and I don't loosely spend time with anyone, but with her is another story.
It's funny how I always thought she was so wrong for being Dylan's puppy when in fact, I do the same. She loves a guy that never noticed her and I'm in the same situation. She's completely oblivious of my feelings, just like Dylan has always been about hers.
I can only blame myself for this though. I offered to tutor her as a way of not only helping, but also to spend some time with her and look where it got me. It's painful to be around Alex all the time now, because I can't help but want to actually be with her.
When she hugged me after she got the result of the test, I had hope. I felt chills down my spine and feeling her in my arms was so amazing that I had to force myself to let her go. Then I knew she was going out with Dylan, so I was back to square one.
That meant that even if we are getting closer again, I'm at a point where I don't want any of this anymore. I always knew she liked Dylan, but now that they are going out, it feels like I'm losing something I never had.
They think no one notices when they touch each other's arms or when Dylan whispers something in her ear. I'll admit that it makes me sick every single time she's around him, but I never show it. I never did and I'm not starting now.
In fact, what I know is that I am so done with Alex that if it depends on me, whatever feelings I have for her will be gone very soon.
She can date Dylan and marry him like she always dreamed of and I'll move on with my life.
I already have actually.
Going to summer camp was the start of me moving on. I'm such an idiot that the main reason why I never went to any camps before was because I wanted to spend summer with her at the cabin, even if all she did was pay attention to Dylan.
However, I decided to put an end to it last year. That's why I finally went camping and to be honest, I regretted all the years that I didn't go because of her.
The entire experience was so amazing. I also made new friends. Friends who understand me and are into the same things that I am, so I finally felt like I found my place.
I even met a girl. Her name is Kate and she is part of the group that became close friends of mine. She's nice, incredibly smart and we have a great connection. She's also beautiful, but that's just a plus to how smart she is.
I can't say we dated exactly, even if she wanted to date me, but we spent most part of summer together and people kind of saw us as a 'camp couple', if that even exists.
We still text, just like the rest of our group, so I can say that moving on was going great. It really was, but when summer was over and I saw Alex that day in our house just before classes started, I realized why I can't date Kate.
There is just one problem with her... she is not Alex.
Alex' new look and hair looked amazing, but I saw the real her. It doesn't matter if she wears dresses, hoodies or a potato sack. She's always gorgeous.
She's always the Alex I love. Going to camp or not.
This realization changed everything for me. I was even more annoyed because I wanted to get rid of my feelings, so that day I made my life's mission to forget Alex.
I keep repeating to myself the same thing, over and over again and I'll repeat as many times as needed to fully get that into my head.
I'm done with her and she doesn't mean anything to me.
I don't love Alex anymore.
.........................
I get home after an intense day at the science club. We're organizing the science fair for the freshmen class and there's just a lot to do.
I don't complain though. I absolutely enjoy doing this, even if half the school thinks it's lame. It's totally cool in my book.
I park my jeep and I take quite a long time to leave the jeep, just because I'm tired. The moment I leave the car, I see Dylan's car parked in front of the house.
Great, he is home.
I thought than when Dylan went to college, my life would be easier and it is somehow, because he's not home every day, but having him around bragging about his college life makes me want to roll my eyes.
As if going to parties and getting wasted is the point of going to college...
We are so different in that department. Well, we're different in every department, I guess.
Dylan and I never got along. We were never actually friends and to be honest, it's quite the opposite.
He bullied me my entire life. That's why I have anxiety issues. The guy would make fun of me any chance he got, for being too smart, for being too skinny, even for being too tall.
I guess I was always quiet, it's true I'm wired like this, so people didn't know how much it bothered me. Everyone chose not to see he was a bully. Dylan was always the golden boy who could get away with everything and I... I was the weird one, so who cared?
So I learned to shut out everyone, even more. I didn't want to feel like shit anymore, so I became a closed person. I never talked much, I don't show my feelings and I specially don't deal with bullies like my brother. He can go fuck himself for all I care.
Of course we had good moments growing up, we had fun, I'll give him that, but that was it.
He ignored me at school, he never helped me when I needed, like when I was being shoved in the school's trash. No, he would laugh and even help sometimes.
I don't hate him though. I'm better than that. I just think he cares about the wrong things. Apart from my feelings for Alex, I truly don't know what she sees in him. What every girl sees in him.
The fact that he's an asshole is just one of the main reasons girls should stay away from him.
This is one of the reasons why it makes me pissed off about his potential relationship with Alex.
I'm afraid she'll get hurt. She's too naive and nice for someone like him.
Anyway, with those things on my mind, I walk inside my home and call for my parents.
"They're not home." Dylan says from the living room and I turn around to look at him.
Ok, that makes sense, it's still early, so they're probably at the firm.
"What are you doing home?" I cross my arm over my chest.
"I live here." He replies, rolling his eyes, what only makes me want to show him the middle finger.
"Really? It doesn't look like it, you're always on campus. Not that I mind." He gives me a fake smile.
"Funny. I have more reasons to be home these days." He puts his legs on the couch and I glare at him. He could at least remove his shoes.
I know he's talking about Alex and I also know that they haven't told anyone yet just because Alex doesn't want to. If it were for Dylan, the whole world would know already, not because he's proud of dating her, like I would be, but simply because it's not a big deal to him.
"Are you talking about you going out with Alex?" I ask anyway, feeling my mouth suddenly dry. I shouldn't have asked. I'm not ready to hear the truth.
He smirks and stands up from the couch he was laying on.
"Isn't it a good reason?" I remain serious, just trying to control my temper. "What? Oh, you're sad you lost your girlfriend to me? I know you've always had a thing for her, so I'll add this to the list of things you envy me for."
That's it, I'm seconds away from punching him on the face.
"I don't have a thing for her and don't worry, the list is non-existent. There's nothing to envy, so..."
He stands up, comes closer to me and stands tall and I almost want to laugh. He's a head shorter than me and looks ridiculous trying to be intimidating.
I don't fall for that shit anymore. It's been years that I learned how to deal with him.
"You're almost adorable trying to mask how you feel." He smirks and I take a deep breath, a smile on my face.
"How is football going? Still on the bench, I assume." His face hardens and I know I hit a nerve.
"Not for long." He glares at me.
"Sure." Let's face it, he's not even that good of a player.
"Anyway, I have to get ready for a date with Alex." He winks at me and I think I let my face fall for a second. "You're not gonna cry, are you?"
"Fuck you, Dylan."
With that, I turn around to go to my room.
I just hope for his own good that he doesn't break Alex's heart, because if he does, there's nothing that will stop me from killing him.
And I mean it.
.........................
Hello Lovely Readers,
Parts I and II of the first Bennett's POV chapter.
I was soooo looking forward to giving you Bennett's perspective and to clarify some things, like what his deal with Lilly is and especially his relationship with Dylan. Definitely not rainbows and sunshines when it comes to them!
What do you think? Any surprises, what you like, don't like?
I love Bennett and I love him even more after this chapter! I feel like we can get to know him a bit more <3
What about Kate? Are we ever going to meet her? ;)
Pleeeease share your thoughts! I love your comments and votes!!
Love always,
Me