"Welcome to the Stage Elizabeth Olsen." I cheer and clap the best I could with Rose on my hip. Scarlett and Lizzie had pressed for the MCU film they filmed last year. I got to come to help babysit Rose, which meant I got to watch my amazing wife to be, do her thing. She got all shy and cute on press days but today she's been on something different. She's full of energy and confidence, it suited her but she was wild, she's smacked everyone's butts here today, she's brought up Mackies, Dick pic puzzle he got us as an engagement gift, let slip that we were now officially engaged. She also been a little mocking monster all day. Annoying the living hell out of Scarlett. It's been amusing to watch but God knows where the confidence has come from.
I danced around with Rose backstage keeping her entertained whilst watching the interview on the TV they had back here. Lizzie is being asked about the wedding, she's just smiling like a goofball. "Are you happy?" "Extremely. I have never felt this happy in my life." She says beaming at Fallon. "Well, it suits you. She's here today right?" "Yeah, she's backstage with our God-daughter." She says proudly. "Which is your daughter correct?" Scarlett nodded. "Yeah, Rose came with mummy to work today." She looked happy too. "What are the couple like behind closed doors? Give us the inside scoop." "Lizzie is the neediest person alive when it comes to Nell's attention." She had a teasing smirk as she looked at a blushing Lizzie. "What is Eleanor? Nell? Like?" "Nell is attentive, she gives into Lizzie's every want. Which is why I believe Nell calls her princess." "So they have pet names, so you're Princess and she's?" "Angel," Scarlett said and Lizzie's cheeks went the deepest shade of red I have ever seen. "Angel? Where did that come from." "She's my angel, saving grace if you will." She says fiddling with her rings.
"Now, Eleanor works for your sisters correct?" "She models for them yes." They showed some of my images on the screen and I cringed at the sight, focusing on Rosie. "Do you think she'd come out here?" "No." Both the girls answered quickly. "why? I'm not mean." "You ask questions, she doesn't like questions." "So not quite the open book you two are when you tell us if you live or die in this film?" He winked and the girls mirrored each other's unimpressed expressions. "I had to try." He chuckled. "So tell me about the film."
Finally moved on from me and focused on the film. Rose got tired so I put her down for her nap before they came off stage. "Eleanor?" "Nell is fine," I say shaking Jimmy's hand. "Lovely to meet you." "You too." I smiled softly at him before looking over my shoulder at the sleeping baby the girls were gushing over. "So fancy doing an exclusive with me." I raised my eyebrow up at him and he held his hands up in defence. "I had to ask." I chuckled and shook my head before taking a seat. We spoke for a few minutes before he had to go back out and the girls were relocated for a new segment on the show.
I got my laptop out and got on with a few planning bits for the wedding. Booking the cake tasting, the appointment with the florist, the easy parts that I didn't need Lizzie for as I had her calendar combined with mine so we could clearly see the free hours we had in a day. I booked us all the appointments we needed so she didn't have to stress about it. Currently, her office is wedding HQ and mine is for our actual jobs.
She's been a little overwhelmed with how close the wedding actually is, we have the venue booked and the flights and hotels booked for our guests. The minister to actually marry us. It's mostly the details, like the colour theme, our dresses, bridesmaid dresses and suits, cake, flowers. But it'll all fall into place. Though Lizzie is getting annoyed with me for how chilled I'm being about the whole thing. She screamed at me last night for not caring about it. Which is completely wrong. I care about it, I can't wait to marry her, I'd marry her tomorrow at city hall but it's not what we want, she deserves the wedding she's been dreaming about her entire life. She doesn't want me to be so relaxed about it, it makes her think I don't care but it's just who I am. We had a plan and that was enough for me.
I took Rose out of the studio when she woke up and we found a small local park and played in the sandpit until the paps got there and then we left to go grab ice cream before heading back to the studio, the girls should be finishing up for the day at this point.
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I carried Lizzie's bags for her as she shields her face from the cameras, they've been swarming and she's gone from tolerating them to hating them in a matter of weeks. She got out of the car the other day and screamed at one of them for following us home from my studio. She's never done that before but it was important we had the privacy we didn't want people to know where we lived, it was an unsettling feeling someone knowing where you lived, where you slept and was most vulnerable. She got in the car quickly and I slid in next to her, Rose and Scarlett getting in their own car to head to their home.
"I hate them." She says when we pulled off and flashes pushed through the tinted windows. "I know, Princess." I rested my hand on her thigh. "I'm going to call the florist when we get home." "I've already done it." "When?" "When Rose was napping." "Then I'll make the appointment to-" "The list you gave me last night? All sorted Princess. Just relax when you get home." "How can I relax when we're getting married in 4 months." "Simple. I'll run you a bath, bring you a glass of wine. Make you dinner and all you have to do is lay there." "We have far too much to do." "What could you possibly have to do at 6 o'clock?" "Wedding stuff." "Wedding stuff can be done tomorrow." "Well more wedding stuff." "Baby, enough was achieved today, you've had a long day." "Stop being so relaxed about it." She was getting frustrated with me again. "What is stressing accomplishing other than causing you to have panic attacks? Nothing. So if I'm relaxed you can be relaxed too." "You're acting as if you don't want to get anything done, Eleanor." "We went over this last night," I say picking up my phone from my bag and going on my email.
"You don't care." I chose to ignore her because she was already annoyed now she'd just get more worked up about it. I continued to answer my emails whilst we drive through the city, my hand still resting on her knee, knowing she was upset she needed that little bit of comfort. When we got home I went into our bathroom and started to run her a bubble bath knowing she relaxes best in the calming environment, I lit candles and put on some of her favourite music. She was in the wedding office looking out our large wall calendar with deadlines and appointments for the wedding on it. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed up her neck. "Sorry for being a grouch." She mumbled. "I do care, Elizabeth. We just work differently." I say softly still periodically kissing her soft skin.
"What if I leave again?" "When have you left me?" "I left Robbie before our wedding, what if I leave you." "Robbie hurt you. If I'm hurting you then please do leave." "You're not but what if I'm scared." "then we talk about it, we fix the problem if there is one, we work through the fear together." "I'm scared." She whispered her voice breaking slightly. "What's scaring you, Princess?" "That you'll leave... That it won't work and if I commit my life to you and you leave I don't think I'll be able to bounce back from that." "I'm not going to leave you." "What if you get a big modelling contract and they want you to move away from me." "I won't take it. We've discussed this." "But you shouldn't put your life on hold, Eleanor." "You were happy today, all day, bragging about our house and our engagement. Why now do you say that?" "Because I had time to think. You should be travelling, you're young." "I want a life with you, a family, a stable home for our children to grow up in here or LA or where ever we decide to settle down. I don't want to travel." "Why?" "Because I don't need to go anywhere without you. I don't want to. I'm happy." "How can you be happy with me if you've never seen the world. What if you're just happy for now and then you figure out this isn't what you want? That you want someone your age, someone cool and fun. Someone that's not me." "I don't need to see what's out there to know what I want my future to look like, Lizzie." "No, no. No. You don't want this." I spin her in my arms and hold her wrists loosely knowing what was going to happen. "Let's go to our room," I say, needing to check on the bath so I don't flood the whole room.
She let me lead her upstairs. I turn the bath off still holding one of her wrists. "I want this, Elizabeth. I want to marry you. I want to start a family with you. I want to make you happy every single day of your life because you make me happy." "No." "Princess, are you listening to me?" I search her eyes pleading her to just push through the thoughts in her head, if she'd just focus on me we could avoid an episode that I could tell was brewing, her arms trying to fight my hold already to pull at her hair, something she does when she's in distress. "I want to marry you, do you want to marry me?" She nodded. "That's all that matters, focus on that. I want to marry you, Elizabeth." She nodded slowly. "You've had a long day, huh?" I say letting go of one of her wrists to brush her hair back.
"I'm right here," I whispered to her as we rested our foreheads against each other. I placed her arms around my neck so they were away from her hair in case she suddenly slips away. "You're right here." She said back, I brushed my nose against hers. We stayed like this for a while. "How did you do that?" She whispered. "Do what?" I asked confused not following her thought process. "Stop it from happening." "You did it, Princess," I say to her. "You stopped it not me. You were in control." She pecked my lips a few times before they locked together.
"Will you please relax?" She nodded leaning her forehead against the middle of my chest. I ran my nails up and down her back under her shirt lightly scratching her. She hummed in appreciation. I took her shirt off easily and she kicked her pants off. "Thank you for always being there." She says kissing me as I helped her into the warm water. "Always." "You're an Angel." I pecked her lips before she sat down.
"You want me to stay?" I asked her hands still trembling a little. "I'll call you if I need you." "Okay, try and relax, Princess." "Thank you, Angel." I went downstairs and started on dinner, I did stuffed peppers tonight, I just put them in the oven when I got a text from Lizzie asking me to come to sit with her. I turned the oven off so the food didn't burn or go dry and went to the top floor, I was slightly out of breath when I got there.
"Hey." I smiled at her sitting down on the sink counter. "Hey." She was gripping the sides of the bath. I watched hoping her grip would let up but it didn't. I took my clothes off quickly but calmly before tapping her back she sat up slowly and I slid in behind her letting her lay back on me. I took her hands in mine and let them sit in the water interlocked. She'd pull but relax again shortly after, self-regulating. I'd periodically kiss her skin letting her do her thing. We didn't exchange any words, I hummed along to the music playing quietly in the background. "Can you tie my hair up?" I sat up a little to reach into my hair to get a hair tie out of my bun, my hair fell to my shoulders, I scooped her long locks up in a pony in my hand before twisting the hair into a top knot and securing it with the hair tie. "Thanks." "It's okay."
"What if I'm a bad mum?" "Why would you be a bad mum?" I challenged the toxic thought. "My heads messed up. What if I have an episode and I'm alone with them and I hurt them. Like I hurt you." "You don't hurt me." "I'm not blind, I see the bruises and I see the concern my sisters have when they look at you when I come around. I hear them asking you if I hurt you again. What if I do that to our child." "You won't." "But I might." "Lizzie, you won't hurt our children." "I could. I hurt you." "You've not had an episode in a long while." "Today." "You stopped it... You didn't even pull at your hair." "Because you saw it coming before and helped." "And I'll be there to help." "Not always, you'll be working and having a social life and visiting family." "I'll be visiting family with you and our children. My social life is you and your life, and I'll be working a few hours a week, you'll be okay." "No." "If you're that worried you can have someone there, your mum would love to spend time with you more." "What if we're in LA? Then who will be there?" "My mum." "So I'm being babysat." "I don't believe you need someone there. But if it'll help you relax and not be so on edge then let it be."
"But what if I did hurt them." "I don't believe you are capable. You've never had an episode around Rose, you've been alone with her a ton." "You've been there." "Not true, I go out with Scar sometimes, I'm working other times." "No." "Okay, let's just not think about it right now." "What if you have an episode?" That took me by surprise. "Then I'll go see my therapist every day until I'm back on track and my meds are doing their job again." "But I need you, I need your help and if you're sick and you're in bed or you're not sleeping and decide to work all hours of the day and live at the studio then what will happen?" "We will handle it to the best of our abilities, we're not alone in this." "But we are because no one knows anything." She took her hands out of mine and rubbed her face, I reached up and took them back as she slipped her fingers into her hairline.
I kissed her head. "They don't know about you and they don't know about me." "Then we tell people, we tell our parents, we tell Scar and Colin and your sisters and it'll be okay." "No, it won't." "You're worrying about something that's not happening for a while." "But it could happen." "It could but we'll handle it. We'll be okay." "What if we're not okay? What if it all goes to shit and we're left with broken hearts and we hate each other. I can't stand the thought of you ever hating me." "I could never hate you." "I kissed Robbie. How can you marry me after that?" "Because I love you, unconditionally, you made a mistake, my love wouldn't be unconditional if it vanished because you made a mistake." "I hate me." "Don't be mean to my future wife please." "I hurt you." "Lizzie, we're past that now. We've moved on." "No. I kissed Robbie. Why didn't you get mad? Why did you come home straight away?" "Because I promised you I would because I love you because it was a mistake." "What if it wasn't a mistake. What if I did it again?" "You haven't, you're spiralling, let's talk about something else." "I slept with him." I think I forgot how to breathe for a second.
My body shut down, it wasn't functioning. My brain turned off. She was saying this to get a reaction, it couldn't be true. "You're being ridiculous" I manage to say sitting her up and getting out of the bath. I wrapped a towel around my body before holding one out for her. She just sat and looked at me, eyes glazed over. "You're lying," I say before catching my bottom lip between my teeth as it wobbled. "I'm sorry." "Come on, dinner will be ready soon." "Eleanor." "Not right now," I say still holding the towel open for her. I looked down at my feet, I hear the water move and then she takes the towel from me. We both go to the walk-in and put clothes on. I put sweats and a hoodie on she put her PJs on.
I finish dinner off whilst she's upstairs.
My Fave Olsen
Are you okay?
Lizzie is on the phone with Ashley.
Do you want us to come over
She's lying, she didn't sleep with him.
She wouldn't do that to me.
There's not a chance in hell my Lizzie would do such a thing.
Nell, do you want us to come over?
She's lying
Eleanor? Please can we come over?
We're about to have dinner, everything is completely fine.
We're okay.
She's having a bad evening
Eleanor, you need to listen to her.
I love my sister but you can't just brush this under the carpet.
I turned my phone off. I didn't want to hear it. She was lying, she was having a bad evening she's gotten in her head and she's trying to push me away, well it's not working. I'm not leaving her. We're getting married. That's the plan, get married in November. Start trying for a baby next October, Lizzie would be finished with all her filming and only have the press to do for the first few months and then she'll be done and she was taking time off and I'd only do local shoots and work for The Row no travelling so I could be at home with my family. I'd look after them like my dad looked after us and everything will be perfect. It will be perfect because it has to be perfect. It will all be completely fine.
"Princess, Dinner," I called out. She came into the kitchen and refused to look at me but I could see she had been crying. "Eleanor please." "I tried this new recipe from your book. I hope it's okay." I say carrying our plates to the table. "Eleanor." "Do you want wine or water, or we have some apple juice I think," I say going to the fridge.
"Eleanor, please listen to me!" She held both my shoulders. "We have blueberry muffins for dessert too, they're from yesterday we didn't eat them all for once. I put them in the plate warmer so they'd be warm almost like they were fresh." My brain is running 100 miles per hour. "Or I can bake fresh ones, it won't take long maybe like 30 minutes." She cupped my face. "I was thinking we could go and look at some portfolios for photographers tomorrow morning. We both have two hours free from 10. So we could do that before your lunch meetings with Facebook." "Eleanor please." I made the mistake of looking into her eyes, her honest, pain-filled eyes. "When?"
"A month ago." "We were engaged a month ago." "I know." She whispered. "Mum sent me this carrot cake recipe a few days ago I could try that out for us tonight." "Eleanor." Our front door opened. "I was thinking sage or emerald for our colour for the wedding." "Eleanor, I'm pregnant."