Kiss!
Kiss!
Kiss!
I was getting angry and impatient as people scream for me and Hu tao to kiss. I didn't want to do this, my lips are not for her. But if I refuse to do this then it will affect many things. What do I do? Should I choose my dignity over freedom?
Hu tao looked very red, too. I assume she was uncomfortable.
I also saw Venti by the end of the table, staring deeply at us with speculative eyes, I couldn't read them anymore, what was he thinking? I know he won't get affected but I also didn't want him to get the wrong idea... Fuck I don't even know why I'm afraid he'll get the wrong idea.
Why was I even still saving my lips for him? It's impossible to ever kiss him again.
I was cautious to cup Hu tao's face, as if I was already taking care of a glass that I could break anytime I lean in closer — it was definitely not her face, there's something else that feels fragile... It's like if I kiss her, something would break.
I doubt at first, staring at her lips.
Eventually, I went to lean in. The moment our lips touched, I felt my heart hurting. This wasn't right. I have someone I love, it's not her, it's someone else. I heard everyone screaming when I pulled away, and I feel sorry that I didn't even give Hu tao another look. I'm trying to look for the boy earlier, archons I don't even know why I'm looking for him!
I saw him crying on someone's chest, that someone was a red-haired man who covered his eyes — Venti escaped his grip before he ran away from the feast. The man also followed after him, what are they going to do?
I left everyone — including Hu tao — in the feast shocked when I also ran after the both of them. I don't even know where they're going, I was just afraid they'll do something.. Unholy. Or something.
I didn't care when people kept shouting at me to come back, no. I have a priority in my mind, and that's not this feast.
Following them was quite hard to maintain, they're way faster than I thought —not to mention, I am still sick at the moment, Hu tao even told me to avoid running too much. But I didn't care. I did not feel sick at the moment because all that was in my mind is a crying Venti, and I didn't like seeing him cry.
I even got lost! For fuck sake.
I looked away for seconds and they were gone! I don't know a lot about Mondstadt's geography, I didn't even know how I was able to go to Mondstadt city.
I was just walking in a straight way, assuming that they also went that way.
I started slowing down once I heard some screaming, as if someone was arguing.
“Give it back!—”
I dropped my coat on the ground as I see my Venti kissing the man he was with earlier.
“Venti...”
This felt unfair that I wanted to explode.
I couldn't stop tears from forming. My heart felt like it was stabbed many times. God, getting stabbed by an actual knife is even better than this fucking bullshit! My eyes couldn't leave them until they were done, surprised to see tears trickling down Venti's cheeks.
My mind couldn't process anything.
Why was he crying after kissing that man?! He should be happy! He hurt me, isn't that what he's always wanted to do? There it is. You've done it, Venti Barbatos. But no matter how much you hurt me and slap the fact that you don't love me anymore in my face, you'll still be the one I want, and I will chase after you until I couldn't walk anymore.
I felt like I was cheated on when I saw them laying in the grass, lips attached, I somehow wished I was him. I wished I was the one pining down Venti down the cold grass and kissing him as many times I want.
He stared up at me as tears starts to trickle down from my eyes. Fuck I didn't even want to cry, but the sadness building up inside me was forcing me to do so.
Now I didn't have to doubt anymore. Those six years, those were a waste of time, not because I didn't love him... But because he loves someone else.
I love you so damn much Barbatos and I would do anything for you! Can't you return the favor to me? Can't you love me too? Can't you kiss me like how you did with him too?
When did I ever go wrong? Did I lack anything? Was I too bad for him? I don't understand. I was cursing Celestia as I walk away from their scene. God, I even saw him trying to run after me but stopped to fidget with his fingers.
I was so hurt I didn't want to ever look back anymore.
We both kissed someone. The only difference is that I love him, and he doesn't. My shared kiss with Hu tao is nothing to him, while his kiss with that guy was a pain in my chest. A fucking bee sting.
It was so unfair, I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to be mad at him.
But how could I ever do that to him? How could I ever hate on such a gorgeous person? He was too precious to me and I am willing to do anything to keep him safe. I could never hurt him even if I lose control. Hell, if I lose control my heart will always recognize him. He's the love of my life!
I stopped when I felt my knees weak. The consequences of my resistance to my illness kicked in. My head fucking hurts. I thought I was crying again, but it was just the rain. I even forgot my coat in there. He could have it, he could cover himself with it — I'd be happier if he use it instead of me.
“Xiao!”
Hu tao ran towards me, why was she even here? It's raining. She should just go back to our rented house. “What the fuck is going on with you! You suddenly ran away and now you're soaked in water! Are you crying?!”
Yes, yes I am crying. I need an arm right now Hu tao, I need to cry on someone's arm. Please, please offer your arm to me.
Suddenly, she hugged me. Even if it was against my will, I hugged her back. I just really need an arm to cry on, it hurts so much, it hurts so much that all I could do was cry on Hu tao's shoulder.
I wish I never met Venti. I wish I had just let him get imprisoned for stealing from our palace, because if that's what I did, I wouldn't be hurt like this. I wouldn't feel this kind of pain. I wouldn't need to cry.
“What's wrong, Xiao?” is it time to tell her? Can I really tell her?
I was silent for a bit. I was thinking if I should tell her that I saw my ex again, I didn't know what she would do and it scares me. There are so many possibilities. What if she gets mad and beats Venti up? This woman is stubborn.
I breathed a heavy sigh out.
“Venti Barbatos... He's the braided boy you called pretty.” I saw her eyes get bigger. I closed mine as I waited for her reaction, “Venti Barbatos is the guy we're looking for.”
My eyes widened as she speaks up. All this time, it was him? But why? “It seems that you found him before I even get to find him for you...” what was she talking about? Why was she suddenly speaking nonsense?
“Congrats, Xiao. You've found the love of your life!” she smiled. But there was something in that smile, there was bitterness in it. I could not tell what it was for, but I felt sympathy for that small smile of her.
“He was kissing a guy,” I muttered before continuing to cry again. Hu tao felt like a sister to me... And I remembered Beidou. If she was here she'd probably drag me back to Venti to talk, I chuckled at that. Hu tao's smile faded once she heard it, even recalling it to make sure she heard it clear. “I-I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, right? Go back to him and ask!”
“Why would I do that? There wasn't even an us to begin with.”
“But you love him!”
“I do.”
“Then why are you giving up right now?! Go back and talk to him!”
“Let's go home, Hu tao. I'm tired.”
-
“Ven— I– I didn't... I'm sorry, Venti—”
“It's okay.” He said before snatching his vision back, caressing it in his chest. Venti decided to go home and act as nothing happened, when he saw Xiao's coat on the ground. He picked it up and hangs it over his shoulder as the both of them gets wet from the rain. “Let me take you home—”
“No. I'm okay, Diluc. Please give me some space.” He didn't know what to feel at all. He's not mad at Diluc, but he's not happy about what he did too. Venti just felt numb and empty as he walks his way back home, not saying a single word anymore.
He entered his house wet. Water dripped from his clothes to the ground of their house, making Carmen and his mom come out of their rooms. “Venti?! Venti what happened to you!”
“Why are you so wet?!” his mother quickly went to him while his brother, Carmen, went to grab a towel. “Oh lord, gracious! You're so wet! You'll get sick like this, Venti Barbatos!” he ignored the both of them before grabbing the towel from Carmen's hands, after that, he went straight to his room — not speaking at all. His mom got genuinely concerned from the way Venti was acting after the feast. It's like a devil sucked his soul, or something.
Venti locked his door and removed his shirt. He didn't care if he was so wet at the moment, he was tired. There are too many things happening today. He needed a rest.
-
When he opens his eyes, there was a light coming in from his window that attacked his sight. He scrunched his nose, closing his eyes again so it would not hurt.
He wasn't feeling well, he felt so sick.
He didn't want to go outside anymore. Scared of seeing Diluc and Xiao, but there was a part of him that was hoping he can see Xiao once more and explain what really happened as if he just did a sin. He wasn't in a relationship with Xiao, right? Why does he feel bad? Why does he feel like he cheated on him?
He didn't want to hate Diluc. Diluc's been his best friend since childhood, there's no way Venti would ever hate him.
It was all just a misunderstanding.
At least that's what Venti has been repeating over and over again inside his little mind.
He didn't have the energy to eat, not even to go up and walk outside. He felt like he was nailed on his bed, and that he can't ever get out of it anymore. Whenever he tries, his knees would feel weak and would only lead him to failure.
Sometimes he would just stare at his ceiling, refusing to let go of his vision.
“Good morning, Barbatos.” his mother came in, holding a tray of food and water just for him. She placed the tray beside his bed and just stared at her son who was staring directly at the ceiling, his eyes were so unreadable, which worried her more. She sat down beside his bed before holding his hand, “You can talk to me.”
That made Venti snap, looking at her but not at the food. “What happened last night?”
He hesitated at first, his pale and dry lips shaking — but his mother only gave him a gentle smile, her eyes tells him that it's okay, and that it's okay for him to talk to her.
Venti closed his eyes as he sighed — and then opened his mouth to talk, “Diluc kissed me last night.” he shifted his eyes anywhere but his mother's eyes. He didn't know how she would react, he was afraid. “Xiao saw us, mom, he cried, I made him cry again — I don't want to do this anymore I don't want to hurt him anymore...”
The smile on her face remains which confuses Venti so much, he took this as a sign for him to continue talking. “I'm so tired... I love Xiao. Archons, I love him so much! I don't know what to do anymore, I can't keep loving him mom he loves the princess!”
“Why would he cry, then?”
Tears were starting to drop from his eyes, falling right through his bedsheets. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand before sniffling. “Diluc kissed you because he loves you.”
Venti's eyes widened. His lips started to quiver. He pursed his lips to try to stop letting out loud tear noises, the rain too started falling. This can't be. Diluc would never. Diluc would never hurt himself by loving someone who already loves someone else.
He shakes his head as he tries to deny the fact over and over again, avoiding his mother's eyes still. “He doesn't... H-he can't! He can't love me, mom... He would never. Please take that back.” he finally looked at her, his eyes begging for his mother to say that it was just a joke. She shakes her head with a sad smile, “He confessed to me a few years ago, he told me he'll take care of you secretly. He told me to not tell you anything until he was ready to tell you everything.”
“No! You're lying!” his sobs got louder each time he talks.
Looking back to everything Diluc has done for him, he felt disgusted. He didn't want to feel this way, but he couldn't stop it. He felt like his stomach was being twisted upside down that he wanted to puke.
All those years he had thought Diluc was there because he loved him as a friend. He thought he was Diluc's favorite best friend. But... He never had thought about it this way.
“You have to choose... Venti.”
No.
This is not happening.
Why does he have to choose?
He shakes his head repeatedly, breaking down at the same time. He loves Diluc, so fucking much. He has always been there for Venti for the past six years when he felt so lonely. He was there whenever Venti feels cold at night. He was there when Venti needed help financially. He was there when Venti needed support. He was there when Venti needed someone.
But he isn't what Venti needs.
Venti needed Xiao. He loves Xiao, more than anything in the world. He would sacrifice everything for Xiao, even himself, even if he loses himself he will do it — just because he loves Xiao.
Both man was a great part of his life, but Xiao is someone he wants to create more stories with.
Xiao was the one he wanted to kiss.
The one he wanted to hug.
The one he wanted to marry.
Xiao was everything to him. His first kiss, his first love, ah god! He would even want Xiao to be his first sex! He couldn't care less.
Venti was all Xiao's. Not Diluc's...
“You have to talk about this with Diluc, and then after that...” she whistles, looking up the ceiling purposely to tease her son. “You can go and fix this with the prince.”
“There's no reason to meet him. I can't face him anymore... I would only feel humiliated.” his mother gave him a teasing grin as if she knew something she shouldn't have... Then, suddenly, she went to pick up something.
Oh.
Oh fuck.
“Are you sure there's no reason?” she placed a hand on her chin, acting confused when she raised a certain coat Venti came home with last night. Venti was quick to get it off her hands, hugging it in his chest. “Hey!”
She chuckles before patting her son on his head, “You have a long way to go, son. I wish you the best of luck.”
She left the room.
Venti stared at the coat on his arms, he's fucking doomed.
-
News of Venti's disappearance quickly scattered around Mondstadt. It was a small city, anyway. And Venti was well known here too for being noisy and outgoing, so him, suddenly disappearing? What the fuck is going on.
He has never left his home three days after the feast. It has gone very apprehensive for Amber.
She didn't know what suddenly happens to Venti after the feast that he was being like this, cause, whenever Venti has a problem, he would always run to Amber.
He never hides anything from her.
She opened the door of Diluc's tavern before greeting him with a smile, “Venti... do you know what happened to Venti?”
Diluc suddenly freezes, lips parting a little. He looked like he was guilty, or something — makes Amber suspicious of him. “an unexpected thing occurred.” he says before massaging the bridge of his nose. There was no reason to lie, he knew it was his fault why Venti was being like this.
“And that is?”
“I kissed Venti.”
Amber's mouth dramatically formed an 'o' before she covered it with her hands, not knowing how to react. “oh shit. Should I be happy for you or—”
“Don't.”
He continued to wipe the wet glasses with a black cloth.
“It would only give me hope that he would ever love me back.”
Amber went silent after that. She didn't know what exactly happened, all she knew was that they kissed. I mean she was aware that Diluc has been pining over Venti for years, but sadly, she doesn't know if she should be happy or not about this news. Venti was staying away from Diluc.
“It's good to hope sometimes too... You know.” Amber chuckles, leaning herself on the counter. Diluc raised an eyebrow at her — not stopping on what he was doing. “Only our dreams and imagination could bring us to paradise. Nothing's wrong with dreaming. Hope all you can, bring yourself to paradise.” she smiles, only staring straightly at the door.
“It would only hurt me more... I love him, fuck there's no doubt about that. I've loved him since the day I met him, I felt that I was born to love him and him only.”
“I don't care how many times he pushes me out away from his life. He loves the prince? Then he loves the prince. He loves who he wants to. My heart will remain his, and his only even if he doesn't accept it. I don't need acceptance, anyway — I'm contented like this.” there wasn't any reason to lie anymore. He loves Venti, so as long as he was happy, he'd be the happiest man too.
He was aware even from the start that there was no turning back when he fell for Venti.
He knows so well who Venti loves.
And that kiss? That kiss was unintentional.
He didn't mean to do it... His body just moved the way his heart wanted it to that night. His best friend was being eaten alive by grief, he didn't want it to happen. He knew that Venti would completely lose himself if he continues holding on to the strength of that vision.
It hurts him to see his best friend in that state.
But he's always not in the place to do anything and it tires him. He wanted to be able to do something for Venti at least once, no matter how much it will affect their friendship, he didn't care.
That's how much he loves him.
“You really like him that much, huh?”
“That much.” Amber snickered, nodding her head a little. “What're your plans now?”
“I'm going to talk to the prince, he looked hurt when he saw us kissing, I'm sure... There's something more in his tears.” She almost choked on her saliva, trying to recall everything Diluc had said. This pill is so hard to swallow... “What?! You're telling me he saw you guys making out and then he cried?!”
“We didn't make out,” Diluc sighed, putting down the glass back on the counter again. “I want to talk to him and tell him the truth, that's the only way I could ever apologize for my wrongdoings.” he was genuine about this. He never wanted to ruin a beautiful relationship. Even if it hurts him again and again.
“Damn. How are you going to do that?”
“I know I am not privileged to, but I will try.”
“All the things you do for Venti... Huh.”
-
“Venti! Don't run too much, okay?! You just healed! Venti Barbatos!”
“Okay! I get it! Let's go, Carmen.” he winked playfully while holding his lyre, Carmen following him from behind. They're back to normal again, being so lively in the sunrise and sometimes acting very childish to play with kids.
That's just them.
And they enjoy their life that way. “Venti! Let's go feed some of my pigeons, please, please!” the kid begged, a little bit more and this kid could probably get down on his knees and clap his hands together — Venti didn't want that though. “Okay! But it's still early, Timmie. Do you want to hear my music first? I learned a new tune!”
The kid was left with no choice but to sit beside Venti on a bench. There were a lot of people at these times so Venti wasn't really aware of his surroundings, he just played a tune and the kid was immediately sent to wonderland. “Now you owe me an apple!” Venti laughs at the kid's face, wincing in annoyance. He cheated on this kid.
“How childish.”
Venti stopped laughing once he heard a bitter voice. He looked around, until his eyes reached the bench next to them.
A prince eating a meal from Good Hunter.
And a Venti was gritting his teeth from anger.
Wow, rhyming.
Venti was clenching his fist, staring hard in the prince's direction. The man didn't even give him a look! He was just staring in front of him while eating his meal. If only he doesn't love him he would have probably punched him already!
But if you think about it... This is a great opportunity to talk to him. But he didn't bring the coat with him, and he's afraid that when he goes back to his house to grab it, he'll come back when the prince is already gone.
He doesn't even know which part of Mondstadt this prince lives.
Why are they even in Mondstadt?
He just sits there awkwardly with his hands on his lap, lyre sitting beside him when the kid from earlier left to play with his friends. He was wearing a smile on his face, but trust me, he was going crazy inside. The prince was just sitting beside the bench he was at.
Venti was praying to every god from above, every god's man, that Xiao would approach him and finally talk about it.
It's so hard to look his way, he didn't even know if Xiao left already.
But when he finally dared to look at Xiao, he saw him staring at him — or maybe he was just assuming — wearing a gentle smile on his face. Venti's eyes glow at the thought of the prince smiling at him, but suddenly, he hears a voice.
“Good morning!” the voice was coming from behind, it's... The princess.
So Xiao wasn't smiling at him, he was smiling at her.
Wow, that hurts a lot. Xiao stood up from the bench and threw out the paper plate and plastic utensils he used to eat and went to the woman. He held her by her waist and whispered something to her, the princess giggled before they walked away together.
Venti felt like throwing up.
He felt so uneasy and uncomfortable. He hated this feeling, he felt like crying again.
He hated this. Why did he have to see that? He must've probably done something so bad in his past life to deserve this. He kneeled on the ground and clasped his palms together, silently asking the gods for forgiveness for whatever he's done in his previous life so that he wouldn't have to see their lovely moments anymore.
It was such a pain in his eyes and his chest.
He didn't want to ever see it anymore!
He was in such a bad mood and it was literally morning. He hated this. Whenever he gets mad in the morning, he'll get mad for the whole day! He doesn't want to be grumpy. But those two eyesores are just making it difficult for him.
He decided to just go to Timmie and finally help him feed his annoying pigeons. Venti was fighting the urge to kill and eat them at the moment, well, he was mad. A little bit more and he can punch this kid right in his face for being so sensitive about his birds. “You're so damn annoying! I'm helping you feed your pigeons and now you're still complaining that I'm doing it wrong?! What else do I need to do? Why am I always wrong?!”
His rage was definitely not from this kid. This man has to stop, he was showering his anger on this innocent child. The kid was about to cry when a woman suddenly interrupted them. “L-let's not shout at the kid, shall we? H-haha! Let's... Just, uhm, well—”
What?!
Them again?!
You must be kidding me. Is this even a coincidence anymore?! Why are these two eyesores outside of Mondstadt's walls too? And they even interrupted a moment between Venti and Timmie. But he has got to admit that... He was wrong. He lets out his anger to this kid and that's just generally wrong. The kid just wanted to feed his pigeons, and Venti felt so bad for screaming at him. He wishes he could slap himself.
He felt like the villain here.
He kneeled in front of the kid, hands shaking when the kid avoided his gaze. “I'm sorry. I— Venti's sorry, okay? I will bring you lots of wheat! I- I just have to go.” he cupped his cheeks before running away.
He can't stay there, there's no way he'll breathe the same air with them.
The sun was bright today so he didn't want to go to starsnatch cliff because the grass is hot, he'll die in there!
He decides to go to another one of his favorite places, windrise. This place gives him an off feeling, yet it calmed him down every time. Of course, not as much as starsnatch cliff does, but the feeling of laying down on the cold grass that has been protected by the big tree from the sun was just very relaxing.
He lays in there.
Thinking about life.
Think about what-ifs.
What if I never left? Would I be the one you would be holding by the waist?
That was the biggest regret he's ever done in his life. Leaving. Leaving was something he never wanted to do, leaving was something he would never do even if there was a chance. He remembers the times when he liked the idea of leaving and being free, those times when he would try to flee from the castle. But now... He wanted to be captured again. He wanted to be jailed in Xiao's arms. He wanted to stay there forever.
Now, this isn't some weird kinks or something.
He really wanted to be with Xiao. He didn't care about freedom if he will get locked inside the castle with Xiao, as long as Xiao was there, he was free.
If it isn't for their lives being at risk, Venti would've never left. He'd rather cry on his bed regretting that he left than cry in front of Xiao's dead body.
Ain't no way he'll choose to see Xiao's corpse.
The castle rules are very strict, make one wrong move and you're dead. And hearing that Xiao was willing to sacrifice anything for their love... It hurts. It made him realize more how forbidden their love is. Every day Xiao would train hard, everyday Xiao would do missions from one place to another. Sweat and hard work will be wasted if Xiao chooses Venti.
Venti wonders, how are they in the castle? Princess Ningguang, princess Beidou... Sayu.
His child.
Venti was sure Sayu was in great hands, they can never hurt a kid. As much as he wants to see the girl once again and see how much she had grown, he knew he cannot anymore. He just hopes Xiao treats Sayu right. He hopes Xiao makes her feel loved and special.
Ah god, he misses Xiao so much.
He remembers when they danced in the rain so that Xiao would finally forgive Venti! That was the time Venti realized he was in love with Xiao, when they ran inside the castle, wet and soaked in water, he felt that he never wanted to stop anymore. They did a huge mess inside! But at least they had fun.
Venti remembers when Xiao baked him a cake, they even argued because there wasn't a spoon! That argument led them to their first kiss, though. He was so confused with his feelings at those times. He didn't know whether to be mad, or be happy that he got his first kiss from his crush.
And the night they promised each other to never leave.
Venti's smile faded when he recalled their conversation.
He promised something he wasn't able to do. What did Xiao even feel when he left? Did he feel betrayed?
He could never forget Xiao's eyes when he was running away from the castle. It hurts him so much to see Xiao in that state, knees on the ground and both of his arms being held by knights. He looked so hopeless. Like the world was crumbling apart and there wasn't anything he can do anymore.
Venti would never admit how many times he wanted to run back and run free with Xiao, god he even stopped running for a bit and rethink his decisions.
But thankfully he was able to stop his desires, and now they're here — another chapter of pain.
His thoughts were cut off when he heard giggling again, I swear to go if it's them again—
Oh.
She's alone this time. I guess that's better.
Venti ignored her and closed his eyes, he didn't want any interactions with anyone for now.
Tap, tap.
He opens his right eye to see a brown-haired female smiling at him
-
This chapter is so long I had to cut this from here, I'm sorry if there's typos