I checked my phone, as I reached home.
Jin and I ate together, and then did the dishes, even though he didn't want me to do it. The time passed so quickly.
I take it out.
Probably, nothing.
There is one message.
I opened it and it was from Miss Ombre. She sent me her address. I smiled on seeing that. She keeps her word.
I changed and lay on my bed. It is still 4 pm. I move my eyes around my room. Jungkook's posters are still there. The wall is filled with his posters, photocards, and polaroids. There is not a single patch of wall paint to be seen.
Why is he in my room?
I loved him, insanely. I never missed any of his lives or interviews. But, he is not what I think of him. Today, when Jin told me about Namjoon's past, I felt bad for him. But more than that, I felt sympathetic for Jungkook. His kindness and conscience were unmatchable. They all are more than a team for him, his hyungs. And honestly, I didn't wonder much. I knew Jungkook would do that. He is a man of grace, after all.
I turned to the left side of my bed, looking at the fading sun- sky from my window.
But the question is why is he avoiding me? Is he doing it intentionally or maybe not? Obviously, he won't treat me like his hyungs, but he doesn't even talk to me and avoid me anytime possible. Meeting him as a fangirl would have been much better.
With the fading thoughts, I slept.
**********************************
It's another sunny day.
The sunlight is warm and soothing.
Mom and I are walking to the waiting area of the bus station. She is holding my hand tightly, and her other hand carries the little travel bag that she often used to carry.
I am around six years old, maybe. We sat on one of the chairs and the only thing that was important at that time was mom's smile.
"Mom, when will we reach grandma's?" I asked, impatiently.
"Soon, Hana. She doesn't live too far."
I calmed down again, even though my playful behavior couldn't wait anymore. And in no time, I am sleeping with my head in mom's lap.
I am seeing this from my perspective. From now on.
What is this?
A Lucid Dream.
"Hana, wake up. The bus is here." Said mom lifting me from the chair
We walked to the bus. I am still dizzy, but I am excited too. I want to see Grandma. I have never seen her before.
Why?
Because she is dead.
She hands her bag to the bus attendant who puts it into the storage space.
No, she shouldn't get that bus.
Then, she climbs up the bus. And offers her hand to hold mine.
I don't hold her hand. I am looking at her blindly, but I don't get on the bus.
"Hana! Come!"
The bus' engine starts.
She keeps screaming. She keeps her hand out of the door. I am not going inside; she will get off this bus. She has to.
But, she does not.
Nobody stops the bus. There are people on the bus, but no one utters a word.
The bus is out of the main door now, but you still hear her voice.
Hana, Hana, my Hana.
And then, the bus leaves, disappearing out of my sight. My six-year-old self just stood.
A small tear fell.
Why didn't she get off that bus? She could.
For me, at least.
I abruptly opened my eyes. I wanted to open them even earlier, but it felt like there was a force holding my both eyelids together. I am sweating all over and I feel too hot now.
Why are my dreams so relatable?
Washing my face, I realized the bitter part of my memory again. At times, I always want to keep my memories alive. So that, I can remember every moment spent with her. But at the same time, I want to let it go. The bitter memories of her death, I want them to go. Your memory is the best thing and the worst thing at the same time.
While I am wiping my face with the towel, my phone is vibrating.
A message.
I opened it.
Namjoon: Hana, we are back from work. I hope you have prepared yourself for Jungkook's concert tomorrow. I would still suggest if you can go and meet him at night and plan his look for tomorrow with him. As far as I remember, he had something going on in his mind. See you tomorrow.
I should better borrow one of Jungkook's rooms now, rather than going here and there.
The struggle of getting ready again, and seeing his 'don't know what' mood made me irritated.
"I'll wear something casual. It's off my job time now, anyways." I thought to myself.
I grabbed an oversized sweatshirt, along with my trousers. I changed quickly and headed out, without even tapping a bit of makeup on my face.
Walked to the stop, got into a bus, got off the bus, and finally, outside Jungkook's apartment.
I rang the bell. It opened instantly.
Oh, thank god.
I walk inside, finding Jungkook coming out of his bedroom. He seemed dressed and ready to leave for somewhere.
"You here?" he inquired.
I am awestruck. He looks absolutely dashing, in his plaid shirts.
"Yes, Namjoon asked me to visit you to plan for tomorrow," I replied, concentrating on my purpose of coming here.
As soon as I said it, he closed his eyes and tilted his head, as if he was remembering Namjoon's words.
"I don't remember," he said finally. "Are you sure he asked you to?"
Seriously, Jungkook?
I wasn't in the mood to explain to him. My day has been quite hectic, and that dream was still lingering in my mind. I was missing mom too much today. And now, Jungkook is trying his best to make me look desperate. I would be better sleeping, rather than coming to his apartment.
"We will talk about it tomorrow. There isn't a lot to discuss, though. Come at 8 tomorrow."
And then he walks towards the door. I instantly slide and block the door. He looks for a way, but I don't move. He stares at me, his eyes impatient and...
nervous.
"What's wrong with you, Jungkook?" I spoke out. I cannot hold it anymore.
He is staring more, now. But he remains quiet.
"Do you want me to run errands day and night, just because I work for you?"
He's quiet, but his mouth is not closed. His lower lip is completely folded, hidden behind the sliding tip of his tongue on his lip.
"Seriously, stop this. If you want to keep avoiding me, just do it for once."
He now breathes out and stands with his legs wide apart, arms folded on his chest.
"You signed the contract, yourself. I didn't force you, and I pay you for your job as well."
Is he serious right now?
"What do you mean you pay me? I don't give a fu*k about your money. If you are paying me it doesn't mean I will act as your servant, running behind you all day long, while you keep me on the edge of your plans."
His expressions are getting serious now, and my anger is going out of hand.
I cannot let the anger come in between and ruin things. So, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"Just stop making me uncomfortable for the sake of your comfort, Jungkook."
I said it. I said what I felt. It's done now.
He kept staring into my eyes; just that one of his eyebrows is raised and his lips are pressed together, straight.
My whole body is shaking with anxiety. I should better leave now.
I turned and took a step to the door and held the door's knob with my right hand. As soon as I twisted the knob, my left hand felt a burning sensation, with a tight grip on my wrist.
Jungkook is holding it, tightly enough to stop my blood flow.