The weather had cooled slightly but that didn't stop me from being embarrassingly sweaty with nerves. This homecoming wasn't at all how I expected it to be, how I wanted it to be, and despite how scared I was that something was going on, that someone was messing with me again, I was almost relieved to be seeing Ace again. But I was furious too. The volatile mix of fear and hurt at being lied too was tainting how happy I was to be home and see him again. It was disorienting to feel such drastically opposing things at the same time.
As far as Ace knew, I had come home today, not yesterday, thanks to my lie about my flight change and he was supposed to be picking me up in about thirty minutes from my place. But since I was no longer allowed the luxury of concrete plans, I had to use spontaneity and improvisation to my benefit to hopefully keep the stalker off their game and scrambling to keep up.
So here I stood, in Ace's house, outside his bedroom door, having shown up unannounced and managing to slip through the hallways until only Loren noticed me. On one hand, I had hoped to find Ace on my own without anyone alerting him and possibly give me a chance to poke around or possibly find things out when the guard was down, but on the other, Loren pointing me where to go saved me time. I could have made him promise not to tell Ace so I could surprise him, but I wasn't convinced that would be possible anymore so I asked him if he had time to escort me so I wouldn't get lost.
A minor snag, but at least I'd see if he texted Ace or something, though he hadn't as far as I could tell unless he did so before I noticed him, and left me at Ace's door with a smile and a soft wish to have a goodnight.
Which is where I'd been standing for the last sixty seconds, right outside his door, trying to work up the courage to see what was waiting for me on the other side. And face what I'd have to do once it opened.
Steeling myself, but knowing I had no choice but to get on with it--every second I stood here was making me lose the element of surprise--so I knocked on the door. Some part of me wrestled with the idea that I had no idea what lay on the other side of it but also the desperate desire to see him again. Ace had become a comfort to me, his presence and existence an automatic relief to whatever I was feeling that day, that minute. It was impossible to merge that with the possibility that it was all a lie.
I forced myself to plaster a smile on my face and stand still and tall, even though all I wanted to do was let my knees buckle and sink against his door and let it take my weight.
The door opened a few seconds after my knuckles brushed the wood, Abba's "Take a Chance on Me" blasting, and there was Ace, shirt half unbuttoned, tie untied and draped over his shoulders, a polite but confused expression on his face. We both stood there for a second or two, staring, equally surprised to see each other, and my heart leapt right into my throat the second he appeared, like it was trying to escape before it got hurt again.
Then a grin split his face, so bright and happy that my nerves melted away, problems forgotten, the habit of him making me feel better as strong as ever and he pretty much tackled me into a hug.
"Kiana!" He scooped me up, lifting me off the floor to spin us around and I folded my arms around him to brace myself and because I also couldn't help it. "You're back! You're early! What are you doing here? How was the wedding? Was it beautiful? Did you cry? And your flight was okay? What about your leg? Is it better? And--"
"Ace!" I laughed as he set me down, but didn't let go. "One thing at a time please."
I felt warmer now, but a different kind of warm than the nervous sweat from before; I felt cared for, felt special. He was so happy to see me and it felt so good to see him too, to know that I wasn't the only one feeling these things, that I mattered.
Or so you think, that traitorous voice whispered.
"Sorry, I'm just happy you're finally back," he said, hands squeezing my waist excitedly. "What are you doing here? Wasn't I going to meet you at your place?"
"I got sick of sitting at home with nothing to do, figured I'd surprise you."
"Consider it a success, I'm very --and pleasantly-- surprised."
"Good." He did seem both genuinely surprised and genuinely happy to see me. Not that that counted for much these days. But the fact that there wasn't even a flicker of suspicion or anything dark reflected in his gaze that I had changed the plans, had shown up here unannounced...well. It helped fuel my hope and dampen some of my fears.
"You caught me mid-wardrobe change actually, things ran a little late so I was in the process of getting ready still," he said as he tugged me into his room, and I took a second to appreciate the fact that his shirt was half unbuttoned, tie hanging loose around his shoulders, more of his chest exposed than I'd seen thus far.
Focus! That is so not why you're here.
"Sorry," I said, trying to be respectful by not ogling him, and also stay on task. But it was difficult with him standing so close like that, and memories of the night before I left at the forefront of my mind now, pushing everything else aside for a glorious moment of peace.
I took stock of his room as a distraction instead, having never been in here before. Though seeing his perfectly made bed, with a soft inviting navy blue cover and pillows so fluffy that it would put the highest quality hotel to shame, did a little too much to help in the distraction department.
His room was almost like a big apartment, in fact I was sure the entirety of my place could fit inside here at least three or four times, maybe more. His nightstands were all clean lines and dark polished woods, more modern than I was really expecting. There was a scattering of papers, his alarm clock, and his phone charging, strewn across the nightstand on the right, probably since that was the side he slept on. A dresser pushed against one wall, with a record player and stacks of records and sleeves neatly organized in piles, where ABBA was still playing loud and proud.
From there, it turned into a living room and kitchenette. Dark blue couch, an arm chair, spread before a matching dark coffee table, a fluffy carpet that looked so inviting to walk barefoot on, the furniture facing a TV hung on the wall, with shelves for the DVD player, movies, books, picture frames. There was a small kitchen counter, a mini fridge, and a microwave, a few wine glasses and bottles neatly displayed on its surfaces. From here I could see a giant bathroom and a door slightly ajar peeking into his closet.
You could almost forget that his room was even inside a much larger house and business, that it wasn't simply its own place in an apartment complex or a condo, like he could fully hole up in here and pretend that there was nothing outside of these walls that concerned him, that this was his own private space that was all his. It didn't match the rest of the house with its antique looks and foreboding feelings that made it clear you were unwelcome. Here it was softer, warmer, much more inviting. Like stepping into a different dimension.
Was it Ace's choice to have his own complete space, pretend like he was independent and free? Or was it just another way that Aros had appeased him while forcing him to stay? A prison so homey you might forget you weren't here by choice.
There were photos hung up on the walls, not much I could make out unless I got closer, but probably of his parents, Blade, Lexi, and other friends. I wondered if Aros featured anywhere, or if he'd been wiped clean from this space...assuming Ace had ever even wanted him there in the first place.
"You so don't have to apologize for swinging by and surprising me, darling," he said, crossing his room to turn off the record player. "You coming back is the highlight of my week."
"Must have been a pretty unimpressive week."
"So humble today," he said, bumping me with his hip playfully on his return, then tugged on his tie so it slid from his shoulders, draping it over mine to pull me closer. "But seriously, I'm glad you're back."
"Glad to be back," I said honestly and we smiled stupidly at each other for a second before he shook himself out of it.
"So uh...what's on the agenda for tonight? Robbing a bank? Throwing darts at a picture of Mona? Eating copiously? I need to know how to dress for the occasion."
"I was thinking...bowling?"
"How retro. I'm in, just let me finished getting dressed, then we can go."
"Do I have to?" the words were out of my mouth before I could even think twice.
His eyes snapped open wide, lips pressed in a tight line as he suppressed his laughter, quite unsuccessfully. "Did you just--"
"Nonononono! I didn't!" I said hastily, waving my hands as if I could pluck the words from the air and take them back.
"I mean, I do love bowling, but if you have something else you'd rather do, I can be convinc--"
"Go get changed!" I said instead, shoving him back towards the bathroom while he laughed.
"So bossy," he said, digging his heels in, "And so embarrassed!"
"I'm not embarrassed. I'm tired. From the long flight," I said, still trying to push him to the bathroom, as if him getting dressed quicker would ever let this moment die. He would be cackling about it all night for sure. All week even.
"Wasn't that long, darling," he said, twisting around to face me again, one hand holding the tie around me, the other coming up to lift my chin, so he could see more of my reddening face. "See? What a boring week compared to these past five minutes."
"You're welcome," I said, half sarcastic and giving up on moving him anywhere, instead I let my hands rest splayed across his chest, meeting his warm eyes and familiar smile, the painful throb of my stress headache easing. "Glad to know I always make quite an impression."
"You do have a knack for it," he agreed, fingertips stroking my warm cheek as he passed his fingers through my hair, then tucked it behind my ear. "It's not always a good impression, but definitely memorable."
"Shut up."
"After you teased me forever? Not likely."
I grabbed him by the front of his half open shirt, pulling him down for a kiss and he wasted no time kissing me back, arms sliding around my waist, lifting me slightly so I was on tip toe, bodies pressed tight together, and damn it, I had missed him even more than I thought.
"Now will you shut up?" I asked, pulling back before we got too carried away like the other night.
"Wow. What a dirty trick," he said dramatically, which was completely undercut by how pleased he looked by it.
"Did it work?"
"Unfortunately," he quipped, then kissed me again. After the interruption the night before I left, I was happy to stay here for as long as possible and enjoy the moment, how sweet and slow it was, after how much I'd missed having him around. When he pulled back, I almost protested. "Unless you actually meant what you said before, I should probably get dressed so we can go."
"Okay," I said, stepping back and clasping my hands together so I wouldn't be tempted to continue. "Hurry up."
"Very bossy," he repeated, flicking the tie around my other shoulder so it was more like a scarf.
"Yeah, yeah, just go already," I said, suddenly remembering why I was here, guilt hitting me like a freight train for getting sidetracked. He made it too easy to be distracted, to fall back into that carefree pattern, forget all my problems. Was that some kind of magic too? Or was I just a pathetic and weak idiot who caved to anyone who paid attention to her and ignored everything else? "I'll just...I'll wait outside for you."
His head tilted, brows creased. "You good?"
"Of course, just tired," I said, trying to regain some of my enthusiasm when it felt like I was going to be viciously ill, stomach somersaulting endlessly like a washing machine set to heavy duty. I had to keep him off the trail, pretend everything was fine as usual, but that didn't mean I should be making out with him unnecessarily either.
For a long moment he stared at me, half turned to go get dressed, frown deepening the more time passed, while I tried to look carefree and normal. But it was like I forgot how to do everything all at once; how to stand properly, what to do with my hands, my face, where I should be looking, how to smile. Everything about me felt wrong, like I wasn't quite piloting my own body anymore, or had lost connection to all of my limbs and appendages at once.
His jaw tensed into a firm determined line and he straightened, facing me head on with full attention, arms crossed over his chest.
"Nope. Something's off. What's going on?"
Shit.
"Really, it's okay. We can talk later, just get dressed," I insisted as I headed for the door, but he pulled me back by the hand. It was really great that Ace was so sensitive and observant, it was one of the things I loved about him, but right now, that strength was making things so much more difficult for me. How could I get through this without him reading me as easily as he always did?
This situation was too complicated. I felt like I had to be 'on' all the time, constantly acting, constantly pretending to be happy and carefree because I had no idea if anyone was watching me or when. It was exhausting being on such constant alert and vigilance, never fully able to submit to my panic and terror and heartbreak so I wouldn't tip them off by having a brief moment of weakness.
"What's wrong? Did something happen while you were gone?" he asked, studying me closely, lifting my hand to examine my perfect tattoo, confusion crossing his worried features. The week together had apparently done us a world of good, and not just because we figured out that the last few months were a lie. But all that was going to do was throw suspicion onto the story I had to tell him.
I pulled my arm out of his grasp, resisting the urge to hide it behind my back, hide the proof of my lies. "No, I'm fine. It's not important, okay? We can talk about it later."
"If you're upset, then it's important. We can talk now," he said, and the concern in his voice, written all over his face, shattered my already fragile resolve. I didn't want to do this now, I wanted to at least have some peace before I dropped the bomb later tonight, but I couldn't lie to him, not when he already knew something was wrong. It would just make this evening that much harder to get through, for us to tiptoe around each other until I finally caved. Maybe getting it out of the way sooner would be better.
"Okay."
"Okay?" he repeated, like he was surprised. "Okay. Good. Do you want to sit or--?"
"No. Yes." I bit my lip, heart picking up speed as my stomach swirled. I hadn't eaten a thing all day and I was so glad I didn't, because it might have made a reappearance. "No. I'm good."
He squeezed my clammy hand, smiling encouragingly at me. Fleetingly, I thought that this might explain why I would be acting strange in the coming days, tonight even, and help keep him in the dark, keep him from asking questions or getting suspicious as to the real reason I was so upset, and that minor sense of relief had the words flying out of my mouth before I could second guess myself and all the reasons our plans could backfire.
"I want to get rid of my bond."
It took a lot to rattle Ace. He'd taken most of what had happened the last few months in stride and he almost always had something to say. Which is why it was so unnerving that this was the moment that he had finally and completely frozen.
"Your--?" The rest of his sentence was lost. Or maybe there hadn't been an end to it to begin with. He was rarely speechless and it set my anxiety a few notches higher not knowing what it meant, so words beginning to tumble out of me, to fill the silence anyway I could.
"Blade showed up. To my mom's wedding. No warning or anything and I realized I can't do this anymore, I want to get rid of our bond."
"He showed up to--?" Overwhelmed, he shook his head mutely, turned, and pulled me across the room until he was sitting on the edge of his bed, then released me to drop his chin onto his linked fingertips, elbows on his knees. I wasn't sure what the relocation was for, except perhaps, to give him a beat to process, to come up with a response. All it did was make me sway on my feet, like I was on a boat floating atop a rough sea, desperate for solid land and safety. "First things first, are you actually okay? He didn't do anything else shitty besides showing up, did he?"
Part of me was touched that he cared more about my wellbeing than whatever drama had happened, but another part of me felt sick. Was it real? Or was it just a way to try and win me over?
"No, he didn't," I said, fighting a smile despite how watery my eyes were all of a sudden. "But yeah. I'm okay. Promise."
He didn't look he believed it and I didn't blame him. It was the least convincing attempt at reassurance to date. But it was a habit, ingrained too deeply in me I knew I'd never break it. "Alright, can you just...walk me through this please? Slowly?"
I started to pace, the livewire of my nerves needing an outlet for all this frantic energy, the barely restrained panic fighting for a way out, to be heard, to be acknowledged, even as I kept shoving it down as deep as I could. "The day I flew home, Blade showed up on the plane. He didn't tell me he was coming or anything, to my knowledge he wasn't, but then he was there. And it was so weird, I didn't know what to do, we didn't even speak at all."
He jerked upright in surprise. "Wait, so he was there the whole week then? Not just for the wedding?"
"Exactly. He had a hotel booked apparently, but when we got there my mom saw us right away and assumed we were back together, and I panicked and he didn't seem to know what to say either, so he came home with us. It was only like, right before bed when I got my mom alone and explained the situation to her and also lied my ass off about how we were friends and it was fine, but by then it seemed really rude and weird to be like 'please get the fuck out of my house' and I didn't want any drama for my mom's wedding so I was just going to suck it up and deal with him," I said, pushing my hair off my sweaty forehead, wishing I had water to combat the dryness of my mouth and throat from my fast talking. "And all week was so weird. He said he came so I wouldn't fall apart and miss the wedding which would have been nice but it didn't seem like the whole truth, and he was being like weirdly polite and nice? And then--remember that night I texted you because I wanted fun?"
He nodded, mystified.
"Blade and I had this huge argument and I was really upset, I just didn't know how to deal with him or the rest of the week or anything. And then he finally told me was planning on moving into a new place with Eliza and I just realized that I was so sick of this. Like being bonded is so exhausting, especially to someone like him. I hate having to live my life around him like this, and I don't want to deal with him or Eliza. Like he came all the way to my mother's house just to tell me that? And with no warning and without even asking if it was okay? It's insane and thoughtless and selfish. The whole situation is just so ridiculous and I really don't want to be forced to hang out with him anymore when all we do is fight and he keeps being so inconsiderate and lying about everything and has zero respect for boundaries and it just doesn't seem worth it. So I want to get rid of our bond."
He blinked up at me several times, where I had stopped my manic pacing, shaking arms thrown wide. Probably not how he expected this homecoming to go at all, especially after how we'd left things when we saw each other last, but then again, neither had I. I couldn't make out what he was thinking or feeling and it only heightened my stress, had me worried this was the wrong move, this was going to fuck everything up before we'd even really tried to fix it. I struggled not to say anything else, not to incriminate myself, to be patient and see his response before I dug any deeper.
Finally, he took a slow breath, eyes closed, preparing himself. When he spoke, it was as gentle as if he were talking to someone on their deathbed. "Are you sure this is something you really want to do? Before you left, you didn't seem interested in getting rid of your bond."
"I'm sure."
His eyes narrowed, like he was trying to read how serious I actually was. "There's no coming back from that, Kiana. It's a painful process and once the bond is broken, that's it. There's no going back, it's over."
"I know."
"Breaking your bond might be more painful than putting up with him too, don't forget, we don't know what could happ--"
"I know that too. I don't care."
That shut him up. Even though I didn't miss the fleeting look of panic that crossed his face, it sent me own panic flaring higher, not knowing what it meant, if it was a good or bad thing. He switched tracks. "Have you talked to Blade about this?"
"No."
"Kiana..." there was something in the way he said my name, something thrumming beneath his voice, tightly restrained but barely, as he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed as he thought. "I'm here for you, and I support you, you know that, right?"
"Of course," I said immediately, but I didn't. Not anymore. Not since I found out half of my memories were a lie. Not since he might very well be the reason for it.
"Before you decide something like this, I think you should talk to Blade. He's part of this bond too, whether you like it or not, and he needs to know where you're at."
"Why? It's not like he told me about Eliza, I had to find out by accident when they were already together."
He winced, conceding my point. "Yes, and you're totally right, that was a seriously shitty move on his part, but this is different. If he isn't willing, then he's going to be suffering for a very long time from it, maybe the rest of his life. And who knows? The way your bond is, that might backfire on you too. It might kill even you guys. You two have been through so much, don't you think sitting down and having a conversation about it is called for? This is a permanent decision and if both people aren't willing, it's only going to make the risks and danger higher."
"I know," I repeated, hands curled to fists at my sides. I didn't know what to feel, didn't know what reaction I'd been expecting from him, what I'd wanted to get, not when this whole make-believe situation was the last place I had ever wanted to find myself in, too upset to see sense either way, unsure what my reaction to his reaction should even be in order to be believable. I had to lie and pretend to get through this, but even Blade had admitted that being as truthful as possible would make it more believable. So I accepted my frustration and used it. "I don't care. No one is going to convince me otherwise."
"I'm not trying to convince you of anything," he said quickly, but he still didn't look happy, still had that unpleasant crease in his brow, that unfamiliar frown on his face. "It's your life and your bond, it's not my business to have an opinion or tell you what to do. I just think that after everything you and Blade have been through, it might be worth talking about, seeing if there's a less severe solution."
"Ace--"
"I just want you to know what all your options are, okay?" the words flew harshly from his mouth as he jumped to his feet, startling me back a step. "This is a big deal and it's going to change things drastically. I don't want you to have any regrets down the line about it and I think that, if you go through with it, you may regret not searching out other ways of dealing until you're better or that you'll regret not talking to him about it and doing irreparable damage to that relationship, or to your selves. That's all I'm saying," he said, tone surprisingly frustrated, with an edge to it like that one time he'd snapped at me, and I wasn't used to seeing it. Didn't know what to make of it. But he went on before I could come up with a reply.
"I just don't want either of you to get hurt. Breaking a bond is a serious thing and it's far worse when yours is so messed up already. Blade is still someone I care about, and this is a big decision that directly effects him and he needs to at least know about it. And I really don't want to see you fall apart again after the last time either, you don't need more hurt from this stupid bond. Last time it nearly killed you and I'm not entirely convinced that breaking your bond won't do the same, to both of you. I just want you both to be good and happy and healthy, no matter what you choose, bonded or not, but rushing into this is only going to backfire in both of your faces. And I cannot deal with something happening to either of you right now, or ever, okay? As frustrating as he is, and however many mistakes he made, you need to talk to him about it."
I wanted to be mad. I was mad. But...there was just something so unfailingly loyal about him. Protective. Even after everything, even though Blade had shut him out, he was still trying to protect Blade, help him, defend him. But he was still trying to protect me too. I'd put him in the middle more times than I could count and every time he'd proven exactly why he'd been more than capable of handling it, even though he never should have had too. And it wasn't fucking fair. None of this was. It made me burn with fury, with pure white hot rage at whoever had caused this.
I just hoped it wasn't him, that all this wasn't just an act, a way to prove he cared even though pushing us apart was exactly what he wanted.
Breaking our bond should be what that person wanted since it meant we were going our separate ways after all, therefore they had succeeded in pushing us apart, so why wouldn't that be part of the plan? It was a working theory sure, but seemed to be a damn good one considering. Ace was putting up a fight against the concept, had never pushed me towards it, but how did we really know if it was true? Him denying it could just be a good cover, after all. All the uncertainties ran rampant through my mind and I struggled to quiet them, to focus on the here and now. There were other things at stake here.
"He's an asshole," I managed to retort, the words sounding hollow to my own ears. I stifled a hiccup, that shuddering attempt at squashing down a sob that was desperate for release. If this plot wasn't about killing me, all the stress of dealing with it certainly would.
"Yeah, but he's your asshole."
The half-hearted attempt at a joke did nothing to make me feel better, especially as his voice was still steeped in something angry and tense.
He sighed, hands opening out to me. "Come here," he said, voice a touch more gentle now, though it sounded like it took a great deal of effort.
I wanted to go to him, more than anything. He'd been my safety, my anchor, every time things had gotten hard lately. But I had to keep some kind of distance, some kind of wall between us, at least until we got to to the bottom of this because if it was him I knew I'd be devastated, even more if I didn't try to protect myself.
Still, he waited, hands still outstretched to me, offering me the same help and safety as he had for months now. Always, always, always offering a helping hand.
Damn it. Who was I kidding? It would ruin me either way.
When I hesitated, he gestured me closer and I couldn't resist. Months of finding comfort in him was hard to break, even now, when I wanted to run from him, the possibility that he was lying to me.
And part of me wanted to relish this time, live in the lie, enjoy what I could before it was ripped from my hands like everything else had been. Before I realized I'd been wrong.
Before he was gone too.
He reached out tentatively once I was close enough, taking my fists in his hands, watching me carefully like he expected me to pull back or tell him no, then kissed my knuckles until I relaxed my tense grip enough for him to twine his fingers with mine. I shoved all my doubts and fears as far as I could away, enough that I could still be me, be the me I usually was with him, or at least just enough so that he wouldn't wonder why everything had gone off the rails in a week.
"What did you guys argue about that had you so upset?" he asked, probably figuring this was a safer topic, and I was relieved not to have to talk about it anymore. I was sure the subject would come up again and soon, there was no way he was going to let it go, but for now, I'd enjoy the respite when my nerves were already so frayed and raw.
"He thought he could tell me what to do and was trying to pay for my school and just stupid stuff like that," I said, staring at my feet. It was such a ridiculous thing to fight over compared to everything else going on. I wish I could go back to that being the worst thing to happen this week.
"Wow, dumb move. He has met you before right?"
"Guess not," I said, trying to sound jokey but failing.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
He sat back down on the edge of his bed, smoothing the backs of my hands with his thumbs as he looked up at me. "Why didn't you tell me he was there all week?"
Ah. The one thing I wished he hadn't asked. He must have seen my face because he was quick to add "I'm not mad or anything, just curious", though he didn't looked thrilled. The three of us were in a confusing and precarious position, more than he ever knew if he wasn't behind this, and it seemed like every choice I made, no matter how small, came at the expense of someone getting hurt.
"I don't know," I said, which was the truth. "It was a combination of things, I guess? I was so surprised and confused that he was even there at all, it didn't make sense--still doesn't--and I can only assume he didn't tell anyone else about it because Lexi hasn't mentioned it once and when she knows anything she can't keep quiet."
Except for knowing about him moving out. But who knows if that conversation really happened with Lexi, or with someone who looked like Lexi, or maybe Lexi had an entirely different conversation with Blade than they both realized.
"Or he knew better than to tell her and risk getting mutilated."
My lips twitched slightly. "Or that. And that first night, I had my accident almost as soon as we got there, then I went straight to bed, and then he was just there all the time. If I told anyone I'd have to talk about him in my texts and phone calls and I just needed at least one space that didn't involve him so I could have some peace," I said, going to sit next to him, my leg pressed against his, hands still entwined. "I didn't tell anyone about it, not even Katie. I didn't want to deal with him at all or waste any more time worrying about him than necessary, I just tried to ignore him as much as possible, and I figured if I told you, you'd probably worry about me and try to fix it and with how you and Blade are these days it didn't seem like a good idea, and you have plenty going on without me adding more drama to your plate. Again."
He nodded, not saying anything more, but I hated the look on his face. Cracks were forming at an alarming rate, yawning larger and larger, pushing us further apart.
"I'm sorry. I should have told you," I said. It had been nagging at me all week, whether or not I should tell him. Before this whole memory thing, I was starting to regret not saying anything, but now I wasn't sure what the right call was. There were advantages to having kept it a secret; it was now easier to figure out who was behind all this. If I had told people, if he had too, whoever it was could have interfered and we might never have found out what was going on.
"I mean...I wish you had, but I get why you didn't," he said, but he still didn't look happy. I wouldn't have been thrilled either if his ex girlfriend had shown up for a week and he hadn't told me about it, and I definitely wouldn't have as nice about it as he was being.
"Hey," I said, putting my arms around him, my head going to the curve of his shoulder. "It was a messed up situation and I didn't know what to do about it or why any of it was happening and then it just seemed better to tell you when I was back. But I promise you, this isn't a snub or that I don't trust you or that I'm still head over heels for him. It was just very stressful and caught me off guard and I panicked."
"I know," he said, voice soft as he leaned his cheek against the top of my head. "It was a difficult position to be in. Don't worry about it."
I was worried about it. If Ace wasn't behind this, then not telling him hurt him, and I didn't want to start having secrets with him too, didn't want him to feel the way I had with Blade and Mona, or even Blade and Eliza. Even if he wasn't saying it, even if he was being understanding, I was sure it was only because he didn't want to make me feel worse with everything else going on, was too busy putting my needs above his own like he did with everyone else. He had become the one person I could trust, but even that was on shaky ground now, and I hated that he was in this position, that any of us were, assuming he wasn't involved.
"That's why I want to get rid of our bond," I said softly, like that might help him understand my choice better. "I'm tired of dealing with this stress and him interfering with my life and making things complicated for no reason and it doesn't feel like it's getting any better. And you and Lexi keep getting put in the middle and it's not fair to either of you to have to deal with this. Us."
His chest rose with a sharp inhale, but he didn't say anything else on the subject. He knew a losing battle when he saw it.
"I'm sorry I ruined the day already."
He chuckled, lips brushing the top of my head. "You didn't ruin anything. I'm glad we talked about it," he said, straightening up. "Are you sure you still wanna go out tonight after the week you had? It sounds like you need another vacation."
"I do." Boy did I ever. But the idea of relaxing when someone was out there messing with me and Blade was ridiculous. "But yeah, I'm good. I could use a night out of fun before I go back to work tomorrow."
"One night of fun, coming up," he said, standing up with a flourish and a bow. "If you're really sure about going out and not staying in, I suppose I should get dressed--"
The knots in my stomach loosened. Trust him to be able to joke even after a bomb like what I'd just dropped. "Ace."
"Okay, just checking," he teased, bending to cup my cheeks and press a gentle kiss to my forehead. "Just a sec."
He disappeared almost instantly, the bathroom door shutting and almost immediately reopening, him strutting out in jeans, a white t shirt, a plaid shirt that was open, sleeves rolled up slightly. When a vamp says 'just a sec', they really mean it, and I found myself chuckling at the ridiculousness of it all. "What do you think?"
I looked him up and down as he posed and smiled. "Perfect."
"Just what I was going for," he said, fluttering his eyelashes.
As we headed for the door, I stopped him by catching his hand in mine, tugging him back while we were still alone in the privacy of his room. "Hey, Ace?"
"Yeah?" he seemed as casual as ever, but there was a tightening around his eyes, a wariness I wasn't used to seeing. Or maybe I was just reading too deeply into things.
"I do trust you. You know that right?"
It was important that he knew. Deep down, I didn't believe it could be him behind all this, but I couldn't figure out if it was because I didn't want to be wrong about him because I cared too much and didn't want to be hurt again, or because I actually believed it, had faith that he was as kind and selfless as he seemed. Maybe it was a bit of both.
Either way, for this to work, he had to know, he had to believe that I had no idea what was going on. It was the only way to clear his name or to find out if he really was part of this.
"I know that," he said, smiling wide and warm as he brought my hand up to kiss. My red nails that Blade had lovingly painted for me glinted in the light, even though they were ragged and chipped from cleaning and use. "I trust you too."
"Good."
"And I trust that you know I'm going to totally wipe the floor with you at bowling," he said, twirling me around by my hand and effectively dancing me out the door.
"Big talk, as usual," I teased. The competitive banter continued until we got outside to his car, pausing just long enough to say goodbye to a surprised Jaime on our way out, whose eyebrows rose at our entwined hands though she offered no comment, then the conversation swung to my week at home. I hadn't been texting him as much what with being so busy, so I filled him in on more of the details, keeping Blade firmly out of every anecdote which I'm sure was a detail he hadn't missed, but he didn't prod me about it.
It was a weirdly normal evening. We bowled. He won. I was a sore loser about it. He was an even more sore winner. We joked around, flung our usual quips at each other, and he drove me home. We chatted for a while and when I took a chance to invite him upstairs, it was still early enough that it might have seemed weird if I hadn't, he declined with the explanation of an early morning hearing for the rampaging murderer they caught and his commitment to taking care of himself, despite how tempting an offer it was.
Therein brought a strangeness, the first notes of awkwardness I hadn't felt around him since we'd first kissed and hadn't yet cleared the air about it. Should I kiss him goodbye? Hug him? Between the constant questioning of who was messing with me, if it was him or not, and how things were still up in the air between us after our almost-hook-up and lack of discussion about it, I was completely thrown off as to how I should act.
As usual though, he was kind. Didn't comment on my weirdness, eased the tension with a few jokes and flirty comments, until I found the ability to smile again, even if the task was still difficult.
Our goodbye was short, but it wasn't sweet, at least not on my end. With the evening coming to an end, all my worries came flooding back. Now that I had set the ball rolling, there was a brief interlude where I didn't have much to do but watch and wait. Play it by ear as the chips landed who the hell knew where.
When I leaned across the car to hug him, I made him promise not to tell anyone what I'd told him. Not about breaking our bond, not about Blade having come home with me all week, nothing at all until I dealt with the situation. I didn't need Lexi breathing down my neck or getting involved, especially as she was suspiciously still avoiding me, though I didn't tell him that part. And I definitely didn't need anyone else finding out and it leaking to Blade's ears. I didn't want him to know yet, still hadn't decided if I even wanted to include him in the decision making process, even though my decision was final, whether he liked it or not.
He didn't argue the point, but I knew he wanted too. He agreed that Lexi knowing would be the beginning of the apocalypse, but he didn't so much as touch the topic of Blade. He didn't have too, we both knew what he would say, how fruitless an effort it would be.
At least, because he knew I was out of sorts, it made for a less confusing goodbye, no lingering looks or long deep kisses to draw it out like usual. He took the hug I offered without complaint, and I chanced a quick kiss, the most chaste one yet, but he caught my arm in a tight grip before I could even get the car door open. His gaze was uncertain, wary, but his grip was determined, even as he loosened his hold to stroke his thumb across my skin, like an apology for the sudden grab.
"I know I probably could have been more supportive before, but I hope you know that if you do want to talk about this more, you can. Blade is still my friend, and even if he hates my guts right now and is acting shitty I still care about him, and I care about you too obviously, but sometimes, for certain things, it's a little difficult to..." he trailed with off with a tilt of his head, discomfort on his face, but I got his point.
"You're plenty supportive. You're caught in the middle and even with that you're still handling it really well. Don't worry about picking sides or anything, I wont ever make you choose between him or me. I do want to hear your opinion though, even if I disagree with it and know you're wrong."
"I mean, it's an opinion, opinions can't really be wrong, can they?"
"That depends."
He found a brief smile. "On?"
"If its the same as mine or not," I said, blowing him a kiss before hopping out of his car. "G'night."
He rolled his eyes, but he looked more relaxed. I wished I felt better. "Goodnight, darling."
---------------------
Thanks for all the support, votes, comments, messages, shares, and overall love guys. It means so much, truly. <3
Much love and good vibes,
xxLaura