Christmas isn't Nell's thing but I can tell she's trying for me. She went out and brought a tree whilst I was working well three trees, I was rambling the night before how the house is too big for just one tree and I didn't think she was listening to me because her eyes were closed and she was trying to go to sleep, I mean it was 3 in the morning after all and we had defiantly done extraneous activities. And normally when her eyes are closed and we're in bed she doesn't remember what I was going on about which is completely fine because I'm the same. But then I started talking about the house and how we needed to decorate it in time for the family to come over and I had to just empty my head out or I wouldn't be able to sleep. So I was rambling about how we need more than one tree and all the other things we needed and when I got home from the office today there were three trees, one in the lobby one in the family room and one on the landing of the staircase.
"You listened." I gush leaning on her shoulder admiring the large tree in the family room. "I have two ears it's what they do." "I thought you were sleeping." "Yet that didn't stop you talking about roasting a turkey and making stuffing." She teased. "I had to empty my head." She kissed the crown of my head. "We can decorate tonight, your mum lands tomorrow so I'm assuming you want it all good to go before then?" "You'd assume right. Did you get lights and stuff? I have no clue what Robbie did with ours. I can't find them anywhere." "Everything you rambled on about last night has been purchased, found or ordered." "You're the best." "It's all in the front room ready to be sorted through." "How did you get the trees in here?" "Hired help." 'Ah, you're learning my ways." "I had to, I couldn't get them home any other way." "I thought you used your magic." "It is you who is magic, my princess."
"When are the twins coming in again?" I asked her. We had been in LA for 3 days and my head is scrambled, completely and utterly scrambled. I have been working whilst trying to organise Christmas too. Nell has been sorting her studio out ready for when we come out here for filming so she's been busy in the day doing that I have completely forgotten the schedule we had planned beforehand but Nell seemed to have it all under control. "A day after your mum along with Rosie! and Colin and Scar." "I'm so going to tell her you were less excited to see her than her daughter." "She knows. We were on FaceTime earlier and I think I spoke to Rose the whole hour." "Dork." "She's adorable. You do it too." "I at least pay Scarlett or Colin some attention." "No, you don't." "I make you talk to them." "So I pay them attention and you don't, therefore, making me correct." "Oh shut up." I pushed her away and started organising the things she brought. She had really listened to my endless rambling last night.
We ordered pizza and then got started decorating the house, we had music playing and it was fun not stressful. No one was shouting, actually we were shouting but the lyrics to Christmas songs so it doesn't count. We didn't argue, or walk away from each other we stayed in the same room helping each other. The giant herself picked me up so I could put the stair on top of the tree. I had to literally sit on her shoulders to do this. I was scared being up this high but her hands were on my thighs helping me stay in place and I knew she wouldn't drop me.
I stayed up here for a while and adjusted a few of the higher decorations on the tree and then we had a laugh getting me down because I was screaming as I slid down her body as she held onto my hands making sure I didn't just hit the floor. "You good?" "Yeah." I love having a tall girlfriend. Robbie would have been boring and got the ladder out and done it himself. Everything was done as a team with Nell and I liked that. I actually felt part of a relationship with her. The tree in the lobby did require a ladder though as it was really tall and I on Nell's shoulders wouldn't allow me to put the star on top.
It took all night, a bottle of wine, two pizzas and a tub of ice cream but we got it done. The whole house is perfectly decorated and ready for our first Christmas. "You know something?" "What?" She asked wrapping her arms over my shoulders as she stood behind me looking at the tree with me, I lean back into her chest wanting to feel closer to her now I had contact. "This is our first proper Christmas together." "It is." "And it's going to be perfect." "A lot of pressure there, babe." "It will, it already is," I tell her. She pecked my cheek and swayed us to the music. "Everything is different with you." "A good different I hope." "A blissful different." "Good."
"Christmas movie?" "You hate them." "But you love them. I can put up with it. I'm not a complete scrooge." I think she is resistant to actually liking and enjoying Christmas because Cassie isn't here. Or Ria or her dad and it's just not the happy family time of year she had, had in the past. But I hope she still enjoys the day as much as she can. We watch a film with our second bottle of wine of the night. This was definitely going to my head now.
"Angel?" "Yeah, Princess." "No more wine." "Okay." She set our glasses on the side table. "Tipsy?" "Yeah." She smiled at me amused. "Don't laugh." "I'm not, I love how much of a lightweight you are." I couldn't argue with her, I was a lightweight. "At least I'm a cheap date." She laughs at me. "Stop laughing." "Okay, okay. Do you want to go to bed?" "No." "I'll come up with you." "And leave me." She laughed again knowing it was true. She'd put me to bed and come down and clean up. "I have to clean." "Then I'm laying right here and you can clean," I say laying down. "Okay." She covered me with a blanket and stood up cleaned up our mess from decorating and disappeared into another space in the house.
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I woke up and decided to do some gardening, I probably won't have much time to come out here over the holiday so I set my sprinklers up to come on automatically. I have an app I can control them on so if it starts raining I can cancel it or turn them off, it was really cool. Nell was working today for a sweet family at the studio. The family used to go to her father for photos and now their children are grown up they found that the studio was open and asked Nell to recreate their old Christmas photos as a present for their parents. How sweet is that? So she was busy this morning and I had the morning off so I could just relax in my garden and indulge in caring for it, getting rid of all the nasty bugs and making sure every one of them is okay and happy little plants.
Nell comes home at around 2 and comes out to say hello to me before disappearing into the office to edit I assume. She likes to get them done as quickly as possible plus with everyone coming she won't have time. I head in not long after she got home and showered, getting ready to pick my mother and father up from the airport. My dad's staying in a hotel but my mum will be staying with us the whole time she's here. I can't wait, I've missed my mum so much and I have a whole week to spend with her. And Nell can get to know her more and it'll be a nice time. I get my mum to myself for a whole day before my sisters arrive I planned it that way. I want to take my mum out to lunch and introduce her to Nell's family without my crazy sisters around. Ease Annabella into it. Tony won't be here until Christmas Eve so she'd have to wait to meet him. I've planned a dinner with both our families so they can formally meet them. I hope they all get on. My dad will be there and I don't want him to bring up Cassie. Nell reacts differently every time her name is mentioned or she sees a picture of her. Some of the time she's fine others she freezes and pretends to be okay and sometimes she walks away and comes back moments later once she is calm and changes the subject.
We've spoken a little about Cassie since her passing and how Nell is coping. She's really going through it, all the loss in her life she's experienced it mustn't be easy for her. I think about it on the way to the airport. How much pain she'd been in yet she's still a beautifully caring person even when she's in a shit mood she is still amazing.
We woke up one morning and her face was like thunder I could tell she was in a mood and it was going to be lasting. But I had cramps from my period and she got me a hot water bottle made me tea and even made me pancakes for breakfast which she delivered in bed. She made sure I had everything I needed all day so I didn't have to get out of bed despite her being in a bad mood. You'd think someone who had been through that much crap would be a bitter person but Eleanor wasn't she was almost nicer because of it, more empathetic. She wasn't mad at the world she wanted to help and make the bad things disappear for everyone.
Like the time she pretended to be a pap for me because I was really anxious and she was there, front and centre all I could see was her blocking the cameras, blocking people from touching me and shoving pictures to sign in my face, she took the bad thing away. Or when she lays her hand on my knee before I can get too worked up. It's not just because she loves me she would do it for anyone. She helped Colin and Scarlett patch things up. She helps our neighbours all the time, it's like a community in the apartment block. She could have easily given up, easily turned her back on the world and flipped it off for being so cruel to her but she hadn't. The strength that girl has is amazing, is admirable, outstanding. She's a magical human being and I was so lucky to have her in my life.
"Hey, mum." I hugged her tight before putting her bags in the trunk ignoring the camera's flashing. "Hi, sweetie. How are you?" "I'm good. Excited about Christmas. Nervous actually." "Why?" She asked amused. "It's our first time hosting. Normally you do and it's a big responsibility." I wait for my dad to get in the back after putting his own bags away. "Very hospitable, Elizabeth." "Thanks," I say sarcastically. "And you're meeting Annabella and the boys." "It'll be fine I'm sure. They seem like lovely people. I mean if Nell is anything to go off it'll be okay." I nodded pulling off. I speak with mum the whole way back my dad threw a comment in here and there adding to the conversation but for the most part, it was mum and I catching up.
Matty signed them in and then we went straight to the house. I was taking dad to his hotel later. When we walked in I could smell gingerbread cookies baking and I smiled she's a real keeper. "Angel," I called out. "In the kitchen, Princess." She called back. I lead my parents through the house and earn a few compliments for how nicely decorated it was. Nell was just taking cookies out of the oven when we came in. She put them down and undid the apron before hugging and greeting my mum. "Mr Olsen." She nodded towards him. "Eleanor." He copied back. "Cookie? They're still warm." She offered a plate of perfectly iced gingerbread snowflakes. "Thank you, honey." "Sir?" He hesitantly took one. I took two and sat on the counter where she placed the plate beside me. "How was your flight?" "It was okay thank." "Do you really think you should eat both of those Elizabeth?" My dad cut my mum off. Nell coughed and turned around to the sink and started to clean the dishes. "David." "I'm just saying she's not doing ballet anymore she could at least watch what she's eating." I hear Nell suck in a breath but kept quiet. I asked her not to get involved in anything between me and my dad and she was doing just that. I put one of the cookies down and bit into the other but set that on the counter no longer wanting them. Nell came over to the plate and took three and ate them looking at my dad no emotion on her face whilst she spoke to my mum. Mum had a proud smile on her face as she spoke back to Nell not fazed by the fact she wasn't looking at her as she proved a point to my dad.
When she ate her three cookies she turned to me and picked my one up, holding it to my mouth I opened it and bit down. She kissed my cheek. "I love you, you're perfect." She whispered into my ear. I kissed her cheek in response and took the cookie from her.
"Are your mother's bags still in the car?" I nodded. "I'll get them and take them to her room." I tossed her the keys and she left. "That girl is so rude, she's changing you, Elizabeth." "David she ate some cookies. What's the big deal?" Mum said tired of my father already. "I'm just saying you don't bluntly deny a parent's wishes for their daughter." "What for me to be straight?" "Exactly." He snapped and I jumped. I wished Nell was here, as much as my mum protected me I only truly felt safe in Nell's arms. "You are ruining your life running around with this girl. She's a child." "She's 23," I say back. "And you're almost 30. Do you think it's normal? And she's a girl. You should be with a man. Someone who can provide for you." "She provides for me just fine." "She's a C list photographer." "With A list clients so just back the fuck off. She provides for me. She loves me she takes care of me and she makes me happy and I do the same for her." "It's not Normal Elizabeth. You are a grown woman running around with a child! Do you understand what that is doing for your career? It's ruining it. Taking away everything we have worked for." "I have worked for! me not you! I worked for it. And my career is just fine thank you." Nell came back in the room and looked between us all, I shook my head and she sighed going back to the sink.
"Eleanor?" "David?" She said back in the same crappy tone my father took with her. "How do you provide for my daughter?" "Believe it or not I have this thing called money. It's an amazing thing and it lets you buy things like food, water, shelter oh and heat and I love her very much and sometimes David. Love. Love is all you need but you wouldn't know that. Pardon me, I'm overstepping but it's because you're a wanker." Mum laughed before pushing her lips in a straight line at Nell's matter of fact way of talking and her lack of care for who my dad is. "I can ruin your career." He threatened. "Then do it." She narrowed her eyes at him. "Take me to my hotel." He says turning to me. "I'll drive." She says walking out not giving him the chance to object not that Nell would let him in a car alone with me after that.
Dad hesitantly followed her and the door slammed. Mum burst out laughing but I was anxious about them being alone together. Last time they saw each other Nell was punched a few times by him and blacked out. "It's not funny mum." "Oh, Liz, don't be annoyed at her. She was right." "I'm not mad. I'm worried. What if he hurts her again." "It was a one-time thing." I wanted to scream at her that it wasn't a one-time thing. That he hurt me all the time but I couldn't do that to her. "I love her, she's brilliant." "Yeah, she is." "Wanker... where is that from?" "Florence, it's a British curse," I say to her having heard Flo and Raffie both call people wankers before. "She's got balls I'll tell you that." I nodded picking up a second cookie and taking a bite. "I thought she would have said something sooner." "I asked her not to." "Why?" "I don't want her to get hurt. She'd go to the ends of the earth to protect me." "You know that?" I nodded. "You feel safe with her don't you?" "Yeah." "She's special Liz. She's the first partner of yours that truly sees your worth." "You think?" "I know, I've seen. She's special she is aware of how extraordinary you are. She knows what you deserve and she tries to give you everything she can." "I really love her mum." "I can see that." "It's scary." "That's when you know it's real." I nodded and took a deep breath shrugging my shoulders. "Take the whole plate," I smirked at her. "You're perfect the way you are Liz. Ignore your father." "I need to keep an eye on the cookies." I point. "I got it. You go have some quiet." "Thanks, mum." I take the cookies out to the garden and look out at my garden from the steps and eat some cookies. I think about the car journey with Nell and my dad. They'd probably argue, screaming at each other. What if he distracts her and she gets into an accident and she just never comes home. What if he threatens her and she gets scared and leaves me. What if she just doesn't come home? What if all of this is too much.
"Princess." I snap out of my spiralling thoughts at her soft voice and light touch on my knee. She was sat beside me. "What if he makes you leave me?" "I wouldn't leave you because of him. The only way I would leave you is if you asked me to if you were really done with us." "I hate him." "No, you don't. You love him because he's your dad and you only know how to love unconditionally." She wrapped an arm around me and I lent into her side. "I didn't think you'd come home. I thought you'd get distracted arguing and get into an accident." "We didn't argue bug." "You didn't?" "We spoke but it was calm and I was focused on the road." "What did you speak about." "Mostly the wanker comment." I laughed a little but my anxiety was too strong to allow me to continue. "We spoke about you." "Me?" "How incredible you are, and how special you are, and all the amazing things you've done already in your lifetime and how you make me feel and how much I love you." "You spoke he listened?" "He had a few comments but we didn't argue." "Did he disagree with you?" "No." "What did he say?" "That you deserve more than me. Someone who can finically provide for you and the lifestyle you have. That you deserve a man to love you and have a future with." "But I don't want that. I want you and you do provide for me and you are enough for me. You're more than enough for me." "You deserve the world Elizabeth and I intend to deliver that to you somehow." "You already do," I whispered through my tears. "We're having our perfect Christmas, so no more tears okay." She wiped my face dry with her sleeves clearing up my make-up to, getting foundation and mascara on her white top.
"No more arguments, I'll bite my tongue." "You had every right." "But a perfect Christmas is blissful and we're going to have that." She kissed my nose. "Pass me a cookie." I handed her one and she broke it in half handing me halfback and we ate our cookies before going inside and helping mum ice them. Mine was awful. Mums were really pretty and Nell got bored and just started to eat the icing. I see her eyes light up from the sugar and I take the bowl away from her and hand her a glass of water and a rice cake. "No more sugar," I warn her. She jutted out her bottom lip. "You're like a child," I say turning away from her. "At least my cookies didn't look like a child did them." She shot back. I gasped. "Rude!" "Just saying your linework is shocking. If you worked at the coffee shop you'd be fired pretty fast." She made mum laugh and I pretended to be offended. She wasn't wrong but she was only teasing me.
"You're being mean. I'm telling your mum." "She'll say the same thing, Princess." "Mum," I whined. Mum was too busy laughing and sneaking icing on Nell's rice cake. "You're ganging up on me." I fold my arm across my chest. "I'm teasing, Princess, your snowflakes are the definition of unique." I laughed at her tossed the icing bag on the counter. "You can clean," I tell her. "Like I always do." "Not true." "very true, miss I'll do it in the morning." "You didn't have to call me out like that," I say laughing standing between her legs as she sat on the island. "Love you," I mumbled against her lips. "Love you." She mumbled back our lips grazing before we pecked each other a few times.
"Rosie is coming tomorrow." She reminds me. "I'm going to lose my girlfriend to a 4-month-old." "We share a birthday we have this august 30th connection." "Dork." "Yep." Mum giggled to herself focusing on her cookies but still listening and observing us. My mum really like Nell, she liked the way she treated me and that made me happy, extremely happy, overjoyed.
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"Are you coming in the water mum?" "On one of them? No." She pointed at the paddleboard Nell was dragging across the sand. "They're fun and Nell will take care of you." "You two go. I'll sit with Anna." "Okay." I kissed her cheek and jogged down to Nell.
"Your mum likes mine right?" "Yes, she was just gushing about her to me. She's funny, she's sweet just Like Liz." I smiled. "Good, my mum likes yours." "Perfect, pick a date." "Don't tease about that," I warn her. "One day." "One day... Soon?" "One day, someday." "Just propose already." "It's been a year Elizabeth." "And the five years start in Feb." I warn her. I turn 30 in Feb and that means my baby clock is running out big time and I couldn't imagine not having children of my own, I don't want to pressure her into anything because Nell is only 23 but I want children with her. And I might not be fertile anymore I'm old. I'm getting older. "I'm aware." "Okay, so when are we talking? Engagement April wedding July baby-making August." I teased. "Someday." "Someday?" "In the next five years." She helped me up onto the board when we were deep enough and climbed up herself I reached for the paddle and handed it to her before laying down like I always did and shielded my eyes from the sun. She paddled us out by the rocks before I sat up and she sat down with me, we faced each other our legs kicking in the water.
"You said I could jump off the rocks." "I said cliff. This isn't a cliff therefore you can't jump on our beach." My jaw hung open. "Loophole." "I could do it." "You screamed getting off my shoulders yesterday." "Okay but I still did it." "Fine. Climb up there then." "Is there stairs or?" "Nope." "You go first." "I have to watch the board." She had a smirk on her face she knew I wouldn't do it which made me want to do it more but I couldn't bring myself to do it without her. "The has to be a backway up." "You really want to?" She nodded. "When Jr gets here we'll go up." "Really?" "Yes." I cheesed at her.
She kept her word, Jr came out to us with Nell's camera, she checked it over and made sure it didn't get damaged by the water and Jr climbed on the board with me whilst Nell was holding onto it in the water. "It's in sport mode so you'll click once and it'll take like 20 shots." "Why?" "You're becoming a beach girl, we're getting photographic evidence."
We swam to shore and told our parents what we were doing. Anna told Nell that she already told her to stop climbing up there a million times and Nell informed her that I had no athletic ability and we were taking the back route. My mum agreed with her and I was offended. "I do marvel training." "Sure you do sweetie." Mum patted my back out of pity. "I do! I can run." "Race ya." Nell took off in a sprint. "No fair!" I called before running to her she slowed down and took my hand as we slowed to a walk. She took me out of the house and around the back we hiked up a hill before we came out on the rocks at the top. You could see for miles from up here.
"Wow." "Beautiful isn't it." She says looking around too. "READY!" Jr called up. He was to the side of where we were going to jump. Nell stuck her thumb up and Jr got the camera ready. "I'm scared, it's high." "I told you." She held my hand. "I got you." "No." I pulled her away from the edge. "All you have to do is jump, push off the rocks and let yourself fall. "What if I don't come back up." "I'll be right there." "What if you don't come back up?" "I will, I'm a pro rock jumper." "Nell I'm serious people die doing this." "You wanted to do this. We can go back down." Mum and Anna were at the shore watching us. "No." I squeezed her hand as tight as I could and walked to the edge. "Ready." I nodded. "One." "Two." And we jumped and she didn't let go of my hand and we fell and she didn't let go of my hand and then we hit the water and she didn't let go of my hand. I pulled away first needing to swim up to the surface. I panicked that I wouldn't get up but then I felt hands under my arms pushing me up. "You're okay." She says quickly. I gasp for breath. "That was fun." "Yeah?" "Yeah." I nodded I was sure my eyes were wide. I held onto her and she kept us up as I slowed my breathing. "You okay?" "I think so, waters deeper than I thought." "It has to be so we don't hurt ourselves." "I don't like deep water." "I got you." "Don't let go." "You let go." "I got scared." "It's okay, I had you." She holds onto me with one hand her other brushing my hair off my face. "Jr's coming with the board, you want to get on with him." I nodded. She helped me up and then held onto the bored with on arm, I held her hand as I sat there she didn't care. Jr showed us the photos.
"I can't believe I did that." "Neither." The pair say in unison. "Am I that useless?" "On the beach yes," Jr said. "But hey I couldn't act in front of a camera and memorise lines." He tried to make me feel better. "You got her?" Jr nodded. "Don't do rock your board. She won't like it." Nell warned him. "What like this." And he rocked the board, Nell did it once but I trusted her. I gripped her hand tighter and she pushed herself up to take Jr's legs out with her spear hand and he went into the water. "What was that for?" "I told you." She warned climbing up I had hold of the camera. "Pass me the paddle." "No." 'Jr don't be a dick." "Come and get it." She gave him a look equivalent to my head tilt and he handed the paddle over. "See you at the shore." He says swimming off. We took a leisurely paddle back.
We had dinner with Annabella and Jr and then headed home. "Your beach is beautiful." "We're very lucky, it's been in the family for generations." "Firstborns?" "Yeah, but it was going to be Cassie's. We all have property so it just felt fair." "That was nice of the three of you," Mum says. "What's going to happen with it now then?" "Um one of us will take it on. Probably Jr as he's the only one that's here full time." "Would you not want it?" "Rightfully it's his, he's the oldest so it's only fair... I don't think it's the property for me." Because of her memories there. If she doesn't have to go into the house she won't. I understood and mum dropped it talking about the rock jumping we did.
When we got home we put a Christmas film on and ate the cookies and settled for the night, after showers of course I had sea salt in my hair. I braided Nell's hair for her whilst we watched the film and she fell asleep pretty quickly after that. Mum looked over at the two of us with a fond smile. "What?" "Nothing." She says looking back at the TV. "You've not been this content in a while, it's nice to see." I smiled to myself, pecked the crown of Nell's head and continued to watch the film.