Audrey
New York City – November 20th, 2018 - Flashback
"Audrey, hey," Harry said cheerfully as he answered her phone call on the second ring.
"Hi," she said quietly as the sick feeling in her stomach festered inside of her.
"How are you? I miss you," he told her.
"I, uh..." Audrey said, unable to find the words she needed to say.
"You didn't call last night. I was getting kind of worried," he pointed out.
It was true. She didn't call, but it was because she fell asleep early. That was before she saw what she saw, causing the sickness in her stomach.
"Harry..." Audrey breathed out uneasily.
"What is it, babe?" He asked, sounding a little concerned.
"Are you... are you cheating on me?" She blurted out, figuring it would be best to be upfront.
"What?" He choked out.
"Are you seeing other women, Harry? Are you hooking up with other people?" Audrey asked, more demanding. She needed to know – either way, she needed to know.
"Audrey, no. No way," he said defensively.
"Okay, then please tell me who this brunette is that you were spotted with two nights ago," she choked out, looking at a picture of her boyfriend with a mystery woman at a club.
"Audrey..." Harry sighed.
"I never put much faith into what the paparazzi posted about you because it was always so ridiculous, Harry. But I can't help but draw conclusions after seeing you with this girl," she explained, feeling like she might break down at any moment, entirely fearful of what he was about to say or admit to.
Imagine her surprise when she opened Twitter to find her and Harry's name trending. That's when she found out why. She was bombarded with pictures of her boyfriend dancing all too closely with another woman at a club. It wasn't until she saw the picture of the woman sitting on his lap, and the multiple pictures of the two of them leaving the club together that she began to really worry. She didn't want to believe it, but the proof was staring her right in the face.
"Audrey, we're just friends," Harry sighed, sounding stressed out over it.
"So, you leaving the club with her... what? Concluded in you going back to your place to play a heated game of scrabble? Or what, Harry?" Audrey asked sarcastically, feeling the anger boiling up in her body.
"We didn't even go back to my place, Audrey," he said, raising his voice on the other end of the line.
"What the hell did you do?" She snapped, feeling like she was about to lose her mind.
"We met up with Jeff and some of the other lads at another club. That's it," Harry explained, but it wasn't enough for her to let it go.
"So you and this girl... you just... you went to some other club?" Audrey asked, trying to get more information out of him.
"Yes! I swear. It wasn't just the two of us either. She had about three mates with her, including a guy," Harry explained, denying it out-right.
"God damn it, Harry," Audrey growled out lightly.
"Audrey, I swear!" Harry pressed.
"You... you do this and... and you make me look like a fool, Harry. You make me look like a fucking idiot," Audrey said as her tears began to fall.
"Audrey..." He sighed heavily.
"I'm sitting here on the other side of the country looking like an idiot while you're out drinking and dancing with other women at clubs. I'm your girlfriend, Harry. You have a girlfriend!" Audrey yelled, getting angry with him.
"Audrey, I'm sorry," he breathed quietly.
"Did you ever stop to think how I'd feel when the paparazzi post pictures of random girls hanging all over you? Sitting on your lap? How would you feel? How would you feel if I was sitting on another guy's lap?" She asked as the tears slid helplessly down her cheeks.
"I would fucking hate it. Aud, I'm sorry," he said again.
"How is this happening again? Again! You told me, Harry... you told me this would never happen again," she cried, letting her anger out with her words.
"It didn't happen again, I swear! I swear it, Audrey. I'm not cheating on you," he said adamantly.
"I just... I don't... God, Harry. I just... this distance... it's too hard," she cried, feeling like her heart was breaking all over again.
"Audrey, please. I'm so sorry. Just, please. I promise nothing happened," Harry begged.
"We've barely seen each other in the past two months, Harry. And you're not even working. How is this going to work between us?" She asked, feeling the emotions breaking her down.
"Audrey, please. I'll make it up to you. I'll fly out for Thanksgiving to be with you and your family. I'll stay for a month if I have to. As long as it takes," he told her, trying to fix the situation.
"And what about after that? How's it going to work, Harry?" She asked again, unsure that it would.
"Please don't give up on us, Aud. Please. We've made it this far. I promise I'll be better," he pleaded, sounding so desperate.
"I just... I need some time to think, Harry," she told him, knowing that more space wasn't what their relationship needed, but it was something that she was going to need to try to work through everything that happened.
"Gahh, Audrey," he breathed and she could hear the cracking of emotion in his voice.
"Just... I need some time," she told him again.
His end of the line was silent and Audrey realized if she was going to make a clean break, right then was the time.
"I've got to go, Harry," she said quickly.
"Audrey—" Harry interjected, but she didn't deviate from her plan.
She ended the phone call before he had a chance to talk her out of it. They spent Thanksgiving and Christmas apart that year, on separate sides of the world. It wasn't the first crack in their relationship, but it was the one that nearly broke them. It was just enough to let the pain settle in and begin building walls between them.
Harry
Los Angeles – November 20th, 2018 - Flashback
Harry sat on his couch, Audrey's words looping through his mind.
"How's it going to work, Harry? I need some time..."
Harry never ever in a million years would have thought he'd hear those words fall from her lips. Not Audrey. Not his Audrey. He couldn't lose her. And god, he knew what it looked like. He knew exactly what it looked like. But he would never cheat on Audrey. Ever. Not after everything that happened on tour.
The girl he was dancing with at the club... she meant nothing. He only danced with her, and then they went to another club to meet up with Jeff. Plain and simple. And to be perfectly honest, Harry was pretty sure Jeff was the one to hook-up with her that night.
Harry tried calling Audrey back, but she turned off her phone. There was nothing he could do, short of buying a plane ticket to New York right that second and showing up on her doorstep. But that would go against her wishes of 'needing time'. He was so conflicted. And he felt so raw and dismembered.
As it beat heavily in his chest, he felt like someone took a knife to his heart. It was a pain that wouldn't go away until the problem was fixed. But he didn't have those kinds of options working for him.
Harry's phone rang as he squeezed it tightly in his hand. He jumped from the invasion of noise and almost had a coronary thinking it could be Audrey wanting to work things out. But it wasn't. It was only Jeff.
"Harry, what's up, bro?" He heard his friend's American accent.
"Not— nothing, mate," Harry sighed.
"Come and party," Jeff told him cheerfully.
"I don't know. I'm not really feeling it tonight," Harry said quietly. He honestly just felt like wallowing.
"What!? Styles, get off your ass and get the fuck to my place, pronto," Jeff yelled at him.
"Mate, seriously though," Harry sighed.
"What's going on, man? Girl problems?" Jeff asked, noticing his shitty mood.
"Aud flipped out about that girl we were with the other night," Harry told him truthfully.
"What the hell did she flip out about? What was there to flip out about?" Jeff asked with a laugh.
"I don't know. I was dancing with her and there's pictures of her sitting in my lap and of us leaving the club together," Harry said, shrugging his shoulders.
"You didn't fuck her. I did," Jeff laughed menacingly.
"She doesn't like—" Harry said, getting cut off by Jeff.
"Give me her number. I'll set her straight. I'll let her know it was me who took her home," Jeff said, letting out a boisterous laugh.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Harry told him. Audrey pretty much loathed Jeff.
"Come on," he insisted.
"No, mate," Harry told him.
"Well, come over. The least I can do is get everything off your mind," Jeff laughed, sounding as if he didn't really care how Harry was feeling.
"I just... I don't know," Harry sighed.
"Harry!" He yelled over the phone.
"God damn it. Fine," Harry said, finally caving in.
"Right on," Jeff cheered.
"Yeah, yeah," Harry grumbled.
"Get your ass up, shower, and do all that shit that'll make you into the man I know, and then get over here, bro," Jeff told him quickly.
"Yeah," Harry sighed. He didn't want to do any of that, but maybe it wouldn't be bad to get his mind off of everything for the night. He could come up with ways to make it up to Audrey tomorrow.
"I'll see you, man," Jeff said finally.
"Yep," Harry said before pulling the phone away from his ear, ending the call.
It didn't take long to pull himself off the couch and make his way to Jeff's. He knew if he didn't go, Jeff wasn't going to leave it alone, so he caved.
"Harry!" Jeff shouted as Harry walked into his living room a half an hour later. Harry hadn't realized it was an actual party, but he figured the more the merrier.
"Can I get you a drink? What do you want? Tequila? A little rum and coke? Vodka tonic?" Jeff asked, throwing his arm around Harry as he guided him toward his kitchen.
"I guess a vodka tonic," Harry shrugged.
"Good choice, my man," Jeff said with a sly smile as he went to prepare the drink.
Harry pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking to see if Audrey had called, but it was all wishful thinking.
"Is she still mad at you, bro?" Jeff asked, looking down at Harry's phone and then up at him again.
"Uh, yeah," Harry sighed, nodding somberly.
"I'm telling you, you should let me call her – clear the air, you know," he offered.
"She won't take my phone calls, she sure as hell isn't going to take yours," Harry told him.
"I'm still not quite sure why that girl hates me so much," he said, smirking mischievously.
"You can't win them all," Harry said with a shrug of his shoulders.
"You're right," he chuckled, handing Harry the drink.
"Time for you to relax and let yourself have a good time," Jeff told him as they walked out of the kitchen.
As Harry mingled through the gathering of people, he couldn't help but notice that everyone was having a much better time than he was. Normally, he would throw himself into the party, but Audrey had him so messed up, so on edge. He just wanted the ache to go away. He just wanted to make things right.
"Yo, Styles. Come here," Jeff said, pulling him into one of the back rooms of the house where a few of Jeff's friends sat around a small table.
He registered immediately what was sprawled out in perfect little white lines on the table.
Cocaine.
"Come on, man. You need a pick-me-up," Jeff told him as they made their way toward the couch.
As Harry sat down, he snuck another look at his phone – just in case.
"Seriously, man. You need to forget about your worries," Jeff told him.
"I can't exactly do that when that girl is my whole life," Harry said, feeling a little bit of annoyance bubbling up.
"See, that's your problem, man. I understand you love her, but she shouldn't be the reason you're breathing, bro," Jeff said, smirking at Harry with that smarmy smile he knew Audrey hated. And in that moment, Harry could actually see what she despised in him.
"Let me give you a little something to help you loosen up a little," Jeff said, motioning for the girl beside him to hand him the small mirror with pre-separated lines of coke on it.
"Nah, man. I can't," Harry said, waving his hand through the air.
"Come on. What's it going to hurt? You just might have a little fun tonight," he pressured.
"Jeff, I don't think—" Harry started.
"Stop thinking and just do, Styles," Jeff told him. Harry sighed, realizing that arguing with him was going to get him nowhere.
And what would it hurt? A few lines weren't going to kill him, right?
Audrey
Manhattan – August 1st, 2019
Audrey sat there feeling almost numb as she thought about all the turmoil they went through back in November. Her faith in Harry during that time was certainly tested.
"When that happened, Audrey – I swear... I swear on my life that nothing happened," he told her, looking distressed.
"What instance are we referring to? Just so we're all on board," Dr. Woulfe cut in.
Harry turned to her, looking almost horrified that he would have to say it aloud. Audrey felt the stinging pain in her heart all over again, even though they had long since worked through the issue.
"I'm not able to help if I don't know what it is we're talking about," the doctor coaxed Harry.
He nodded, before his vision dropped down to his hands and he took a deep breath, releasing it raggedly.
"I uh, I... Audrey and I had been living apart – I mean, we always lived separately, but we were... we were literally across the country from each other, sometimes across the world for months at a time," Harry said, looking over at Audrey momentarily, as if he were looking for her to cut in and help in the telling of their bottled-up and buried history.
But she sat there almost paralyzed as he began to clue the doctor in on everything that happened between them. He explained the girl on tour, in which it seemed like the doctor was already privy to, but then he went on to tell her about the girl in the club, and Audrey was forced to hear all of it all over again.
"Uh, we just... the uh, the communication was lacking back then between us and uh, with... with the paparazzi following me at every turn, it was like a recipe for disaster, I reckon," Harry said as he rubbed at the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact from both Audrey and the therapist.
"What happened next?" The doctor asked.
"I uh, was spotted out at a club with some girls. Well, one girl in particular. And it ended up on the internet. And... and Audrey... she thought I... that we... that I was going behind her back—" Harry continued.
"Were you?" The doctor asked.
"No. Never. Not in a million years. Not after the first time," Harry said, shaking his head furiously, still avoiding all eye contact. The doctor nodded her head and waited for Harry to continue.
"The first time? With the girl on tour?" The doctor asked.
"Yeah. Uh, yeah. It was just... it was a big issue. And it led to us being apart for a little while," Harry continued.
"Like a break-up?" The doctor asked for clarification.
"No, not a break-up. We were just apart for longer than usual. We needed time apart. She needed time from me," Harry said, sounding heartbroken, which pulled at Audrey's very core, causing her throat to tighten as she silently choked up.
"It was... it was just really stupid. It was stupid. That whole time in my life was stupid and I regret every second of it," Harry finished as he subtly clenched and unclenched his hands together in front of him.
From where Audrey sat, she could feel his discomfort – his frayed nerves, because it was exactly how she felt. She'd just been blown out of the water by the bombshell of finding out that Harry had been using for seven months of their relationship – over half a year of her not knowing who he really was. He fooled her. He fooled his family. He fooled the world. And it seemed like the only person that truly knew all sides of him was Jeff. And the thought of that made Audrey sick to her stomach.
"Harry—" Audrey choked out, having to clear her throat in order to find her voice again.
Harry's sad eyes looked over at her, waiting for her to speak.
"There's something I need to tell you," she told him, tears welling in her eyes as she thought of the secret she needed to finally share. She held it in for so long. It was eating away at her.
She watched as Harry's face fell into a look of horror – or the closest thing to it. Audrey's gaze dropped down to her hands, feeling the weight of how hard it was to face his big green, wondering eyes.
She could have prevented this all. She could have been his savior long before all of this happened.
"Audrey—" She heard Harry's shaky voice.
"I'm sorry," she said as her tears began to slide down her cheeks, her emotions hitting her fast.
"Audrey, god. What—what is it?" Harry choked out, sounding scared.
If it hadn't been for her shifting slightly in her seat, she'd have almost forgotten that the doctor was still in the room. Audrey's eyes caught her concerned ones, moments before she looked back into Harry's. He looked fearful of what she was going to say.
"Three years ago... when I... when I met Jeff. Do you remember that night?" She asked him.
Harry's brows furrowed in confusion and Audrey was sure he hadn't been expecting her to bring up his friend, whom she hated.
"Yeah. What about it?" He asked carefully.
"Jeff—he... he came onto me that night, Harry," Audrey told him, wiping at her tear-stained eyes.
"What?" Harry asked, looking at her even more confused than before.
"He... when you were in the bathroom... he came onto me," Audrey repeated.
"What do you mean?" He questioned, looking almost scared.
"He... he told me I was beautiful and that you were lucky to have me. And that I looked like a 'good girl with a naughty streak'," she told him.
Harry looked at her carefully, taking in all the words, before she watched his face fall as a disbelieving scoff came out of his mouth.
"That's just how he is, Audrey," Harry said, ready to shrug it off.
"You didn't see the look in his eyes, Harry. You didn't see the way he was looking at me, okay. Like... like I was a piece of meat. His hand was on my bare thigh, for Christ's sake – going further and further up my thigh actually," she said, getting agitated.
Audrey watched what the words did to him. She watched as he looked away from her, staring at the wall, his jaw clenching and unclenching, his breathing getting slightly heavier. His reaction was exactly how she knew he'd react – it would have damaged his friendship with Jeff and at the time, she didn't want that. At the time, she was clueless of the future – of what would happen to Harry with Jeff by his side. And their relationship was so new at the time, she didn't want anything to ruin it.
Audrey let out a quiet cry as her emotions bombarded her. She held so much guilt. She could have prevented so much.
"Audrey..." She heard Harry's softened voice. She looked up into his concerned eyes and felt broken.
"I'm so sorry, Harry," she cried.
"Why are you apologizing, Aud?" He asked, his brows furrowing.
"I-I could have stopped you. You... you wouldn't have... you wouldn't have gotten back on the drugs," she cried, knowing in her heart that she was partially to blame for all of this.
"Don't do that, Audrey. Don't put this on yourself. This was me, okay. This was me. I did this to myself," he told her.
"But, I could have—" She stammered.
"No. Just, no. Don't do that," he said, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"Audrey, you saved me, okay. I don't want you to shoulder this. You saved me and I am so grateful for you. You mean everything to me, okay. Just please... don't do that," he said, grabbing the sides of her face so their eyes were forced to connect. Audrey nodded her head lightly.
"Thank you," he said quietly, before he pressed his lips quickly to hers.
Audrey squeezed her eyes shut, trying to remember back to when her heart didn't feel this kind of burden – when the rush of love got her heart pumping instead of the feeling of pain pulling her down. She wanted to go back to that so badly. She needed things to be okay with her and Harry.