Harry
Los Angeles – June 7th, 2019
After Audrey left, after Harry ran her out of his house, he just felt miserable. It wasn't like he didn't want her around, because he wanted her around so badly. He missed her so much. He just couldn't handle seeing the disappointment and disgust in her eyes when she looked at him. He couldn't handle facing that, so he didn't. He would just sit there and wallow in his own misery if it meant he wouldn't have to disappoint her any further. The less she knew the better.
Harry walked toward the living room and plopped down on the couch, feeling miserable and pathetic. The look in Audrey's eyes haunted him, making him feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet. She was the love of his life, a girl that was so in love with him that she'd been willing to stick around through just about everything, but he wasn't too entirely sure if that would hold up after today. He didn't deserve it.
Harry sat there dealing with all of this inner-turmoil, and hated himself even more when he felt the itching in his blood for the drug. He didn't even realize how his fingernails were absent-mindedly scratching against the palms of his hands, causing sore patches on his skin. His body was calling for it, needing it, aching for it. And he didn't have it in him to resist. He immediately pulled out the small box he shoved it all in when Audrey was there, staring at its contents. He knew he didn't have any will-power. His body was screaming too loudly for it.
Three lines later, Harry sat with his head draped back against the couch, his body feeling numb and he hated that he loved it so much. But the high made it feel like his problems were a million miles away and it was just an overall intoxicating feeling he couldn't pass up. The energy he felt flowing through his veins was too good.
Harry's eyes shot open when he heard a boisterous knock at his front door. He scoffed to himself, hoping that if he didn't answer it, maybe they'd just go away. But then he heard the loud knock again and he stood up from the couch, moving toward the foyer.
"Go away!" Harry bellowed.
"Open the door, Harry," he heard Niall's stern voice.
"Fuck," Harry said under his breath as he turned quickly, going back into the living room to gathered up all the drug paraphernalia. He put it back into its little box before tucking it away in a drawer in his coffee table.
Niall's knock once again startled Harry.
"I don't want to talk, Niall! Go away!" Harry said, grabbing a gray hoodie from the couch that had the word DAMN. written across it. He quickly threw it over his head and slipped his arms in before walking toward the foyer again.
"Harry, I have your key. You might as well open the door," Niall threatened, causing anger to flood Harry's whole body.
"God damn it," Harry grumbled to himself, catching a quick glimpse of himself in the mirror on his way to the door.
He did not look good, that was apparent. Even he could admit that he had let himself go during the past week. He hated fighting with Audrey. It really took a toll on him.
Harry really didn't want to see Niall – especially since he knew that Audrey had to have been the one to send him over after their fight – but Niall was making it pretty clear that he wasn't going to just go away.
Harry's bare feet padded across the tiled floor toward the door and he quickly unlocked it before turning back toward his kitchen. Niall pushed open the door and shut it behind him. Harry heard his footsteps coming closer to him as he dug in the refrigerator for something to drink. He pulled out a beer, closing the door behind him. His eyes registered the stern look on Niall's face before he popped open the cap of the beer, taking a long swig.
How long would Niall allow him to ignore him before he took the hint that he didn't want him there?
"It's barely noon, Harry," Niall said evenly.
"But that's the least of my worries. Isn't it, Niall?" Harry snapped at him. Niall sighed, running his fingers through his hair.
"What are you doing, Harry?" He asked quietly.
"It's really none of yours or Audrey's business," Harry scoffed, clenching his jaw tightly, hating this completely. Niall wasn't going to let this rest and Harry didn't want to deal with him at all.
"That's where you're wrong," Niall said matter-of-factly.
"As far as I am concerned, you two can fucking ride off into the sunset on your god damn high horses," Harry scoffed, taking another swig of his beer, walking away from Niall toward the living room.
"Really, Harry?" Niall scoffed back at him.
"Yeah, fucking really," he said, plopping down on the couch. Niall was seriously blowing his buzz.
"Is what Audrey told me true?" Harry heard Niall say from behind him. He shut his eyes tightly, wishing for Niall to just vanish into thin fucking air.
The numbness in his body was now just aggravating him. In all honesty, he wished he could be sleeping, but as he watched his knee involuntarily bounce, he knew the drug flowing through his bloodstream would never allow it.
"Harry—" Niall demanded.
"I'm not feeling well right now. Maybe you could come back later," Harry said sarcastically, taking another swig of the beer.
"Tell me right now, Harry. No bullshit. Are you on drugs?" Niall demanded, standing in front of Harry in a flash.
"Define drugs. Because I am pretty sure I consumed some caffeine at some point today. Caffeine's a drug, innuit?" Harry sniped, trying to get under Niall's skin like he was getting under his.
"Cocaine, Harry. Cocaine," Niall spat at him.
"Hmm," Harry breathed, taking another pull off the bottle.
"You're on it right now," Niall said matter-of-factly.
"Like I said, it's none of your business," Harry told him.
"Where is it?" Niall asked as he began looking around the room, opening the drawers on Harry's coffee table.
"Get the fuck out of here," Harry scoffed, getting up as Niall ripped open the drawer that held the box with the coke in it.
"Is this it, Harry?" Niall asked, taking the box out.
"Fuck, Niall," Harry growled, grabbing for the box.
But Niall backed away just in time to keep it out of his reach. Before Harry had another chance to lunge for the box, Niall opened the top.
"God damn it," Niall sighed, shaking his head.
Harry knew he disappointed him in the exact same way he disappointed Audrey and it tore him apart. He didn't want to deal with it. He just wanted him gone.
"Just get the fuck out of here, Niall," Harry said, snatching the box from his hands, tucking it back in the drawer.
"No. You're not going to run me out of here like you did Audrey. It's not going to be that easy, Harry," Niall told him sternly.
"Well, then you can just stand there looking like a fucking wanker then," Harry scoffed, making a move to walk past him.
"No. We're going to talk about this," Niall said, gripping Harry's upper arm to stop him from leaving.
"The fuck we are," Harry scoffed, shaking out of his grip.
"I know it's Jeff who got you into it and who keeps supplying you," Niall pointed out.
"You don't know anything," Harry snapped.
"I know you're about to lose everything, Harry," Niall growled at him, his eyes full of anger.
Harry took a deep breath. He knew he meant Audrey. He knew he was putting a huge strain on their relationship. He said horrible things to break her down, to make her leave. Why should Niall's words be a surprise to him? But it hurt. And he didn't want to hurt her. He just couldn't stop.
"What the hell are you thinking, Harry? You think this is okay? You think this is something you can handle?" Niall yelled at him.
"I'm fine," Harry growled.
"Clearly!" Niall yelled sarcastically.
"Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?" Harry yelled at him.
"Do you want me to call your management? If I have to get Irving involved I will, Harry," Niall threatened. Harry narrowed his eyes at him, feeling nothing but hatred in those moments.
"You're a fucking wanker," Harry spat at him.
"No, I'm your best mate," Niall said firmly, standing his ground.
"I don't need your help!" Harry yelled at him.
"Unfortunately, you do. And I'm not going to just sit back and watch you ruin your life," Niall said as he moved past Harry to walk to the front door.
Harry felt relief watching him leave, but he also knew in the back of his mind that it wasn't over. That the real fight had just begun.
Audrey
Los Angeles – June 7th, 2019
Audrey sat on Niall's couch with her head in her hands, tears still stinging her eyes. She was afraid of what might happen with Niall, with Harry. She was afraid of everything. She'd never seen Harry like that. And he never talked to her that way. It was like a knife to her heart.
She had no idea how bad his addiction was or what it was going to take to get him help for it. She tried to be optimistic, but her pessimistic thoughts took over when she realized it was Harry who needed to want to get better. They could all beg him to leave it alone, but he needed to want to get off of the drug instead of everyone telling him to.
When Niall's lock clicked and the door opened with his return, all the air fled from her lungs as she looked up to see her best friend's defeated face. She knew with just one look at Niall that Harry tore him down like he did to her and it broke her heart further. The emotion Audrey felt was overwhelming and she dropped her head in her hands, crying once again.
"Audrey..." Niall breathed, making his way over to her.
She felt the couch cushions move as he sat next to her, placing his hand on her back.
"We're going to get him help," Niall cooed, running his hand up and down her back.
"What happened?" Audrey asked, looking up at him with her tear-filled eyes.
"He... he told me to get out. I-I found his... his stuff," Niall told her, swallowing hard.
"Did he... did he say why or... or how long?" She asked, hoping he was able to get some answers from Harry.
"No. It was a very short, one-sided intervention," Niall said with a sigh.
"God," Audrey whimpered as she shook her head, letting fresh tears break through.
"We're going to get him help, Aud. Even if I have to get Irving Azoff involved, we're going to get him help," Niall told her reassuringly.
"Is it—is it that bad?" She stammered, her watery eyes looking into his saddened ones. A part of her was still hoping he wasn't that far gone, but deep down she knew he was.
"Aud, he needs help," Niall breathed lowly.
"This is... God, I can't—" Audrey cried.
"You need to tell me everything, Audrey. When did you find out? How long ago?" Niall asked.
She looked up, trying to remember, trying to answer him as best she could.
"March. It was when... when I surprised him. When I flew out here, I surprised him. I found some then," Audrey told him.
"Shit," Niall breathed, running his hands down his face in a distressed manner.
"He told me it wasn't bad. He told me Jeff just gave him some – that he only did it on occasion. He let me flush it," she explained optimistically.
"Aud, he's bad. This isn't something that just happened. This has to have been going on for a while," Niall said, looking at her with a sympathetic face.
"I-I remember one time last June on tour... I overheard Jeff telling Harry he got the 'primo' stuff. I had no idea what it meant at the time. Now I do," she informed him, just realizing it in that moment.
Harry's erratic behavior that day made so much more sense in hindsight. And his impotence in bed that night. But looking back, he wasn't like that on most nights of the tour – the ones she was there for anyway. She wondered how much he was actually doing back then.
"Oh, god," she cried, her heart constricting painfully as she thought about Jeff.
"This isn't your fault," Niall told her.
"I could have prevented this," she cried, burying her face in her hands again.
"Audrey, there's really nothing you could have done to prevent something like this. It was Harry's decision to do it," Niall said, trying to comfort her.
"No, I could have," she told him firmly, thinking about the first time she met Jeff.
If she said something about what happened at the club with Jeff, then Harry might not be friends with him still and Jeff wouldn't have supplied Harry in the first place. Audrey would still have the same boy she always knew, instead of the wrecked, strung-out version.
"Audrey..." Niall breathed as he rubbed her back.
"Niall, I-I could have. Jeff... he... he hit on me," Audrey choked out.
"What?" Niall looked at her questioningly.
"The first night I met him. He... he tried to feel me up in the VIP booth while Harry was in the bathroom," Audrey told him, feeling sick over it.
"What?" Niall asked more firmly, his eyes widened.
"I-I could have told Harry," she said, shaking her head, dropping her eyes away from Niall.
"You didn't?" Niall asked, horrified.
"No. I just... I didn't want to make a big deal about it. I just... I didn't want to— Harry and I were barely together. We were only together for like a month at that point. I didn't want to mess that up," Audrey cried.
"Audrey..." Niall breathed.
"I should have told him," Audrey said, dropping her head into her hands as her tears came out harder than before.
"This is not your fault, Audrey," Niall told her, wrapping his arms around her back, squeezing her body to his.
"It is. It really is," she cried.
"It's not. And we're going to get him help. I promise you," Niall told her.
"I just want him back," she cried.
"We'll get him back, Aud. He still loves you, okay. Even through his addiction, he still loves you. It's going to be okay," Niall comforted her.
She knew something like this wasn't going to make Harry forget he loved her, but she didn't want all of this to come between them. She wanted so badly to be able to help him through this. He just needed to want her to. He needed to want anyone to help him and they'd be there in a second, in a heartbeat. She needed more than anything for him to get better and she would do everything in her power to see to it that he did.