Every day was the same. Wake up, remember my sad reality, get taken out to bite innocent people, go back to my cell, then curl up in a ball and fall asleep, praying for both the sake of me and the humans that I wouldn't wake up the next day. That never happened, of course, but it was the only thing that bought me sleep.
Zion had tried talking to me, as did Alia. I ignored them, or rather, I couldn't face them. Not after everything I'd done. I couldn't bring myself to answer their queries, their concerns. Perhaps that made me an asshole, considering what I'd done to involve both of them in this mess, but I just... couldn't.
I was weak.
After what felt like weeks of this, I finally came to accept that going to sleep and hoping for death simply wasn't going to cut it, nor would ignoring my friends. There was no way out of this situation, unlike Zion had insisted -- by death or otherwise. But what gave me the right to turn a blind eye to my friends, because of my own cowardice? Nothing. Nothing gave me the right.
So, when Zion asked me a tentative, 'are you okay?' one day, I finally answered.
"Yes, I'm fine."
Choppy, and maybe a little curt, but it was a good start. I could basically feel Zion's relief at the sound of my voice, the relief of knowing I hadn't entirely lost myself. Across the halls, I saw Alia's figure perk up as well. The sight hurt my heart.
"Kyra--" Zion said, his voice heavy with an emotion I knew all-too-well nowadays. Anguish.
He remained silent, but that one word had conveyed everything. His relief that I was still here. His anger towards Azriel. His frustration at the situation, of the injustice it bought us. The hope that was beginning to dwindle.
Silence filled the halls, a silence so much louder than before.
"I'm glad you're okay, Kyra," Alia offered, and my heart wrenched. Her words were so sincere, so understanding. She should be yelling at me, berating me for getting her involved in this mess. But she wouldn't, and that was what hurt the most. "Zion told me what they're doing, what... he's doing..."
Her voice trailed off. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to chase away the azure eyes that floated in my mind, trying to dissolve the sensation of flesh under my teeth as I turned humans into beings not even the werewolves seemed to accept. Cursing them with the same fate that had been thrust upon me -- a worse one at that.
"Alia?" I asked, hearing the wariness in my own voice. The pain, the guilt, and hunger were beginning to catch up to me. I swallowed. "Alia, why aren't you angry at me? You haven't said one damming word to me, not once. So... why?"
Silence. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for the long-awaited tongue-lashing, the berating that was long overdue.
"Why would I be mad at you, Kyra? You were deceived."
Her words shattered my heart in two. For the first time in perhaps weeks, tears formed in my eyes. "No, I did this," I insisted, voice breaking. "I ignored Zion's warnings. I gave in to my selfish desires to involve you in this world. In my stupid, little imaginary world, I really believed... I really believed we could still be friends. Hell, I even envisioned us having picnics at the forest's edge. But now look at us!"
"Kyra--"
"It's all my fault!" I yelled, voice cracking with anguish. The tears were rolling in rivers now. "It's my fucking fault, Alia, and you're just too much of a sweetheart to say it. Please, just yell at me--"
"Kyra, stop." It was Zion. I could see the golden torchlight gleaming in his dim, green eyes. "Blaming yourself won't help the situation we're in, you have to remember that. We must keep our heads up and our hopes high, else we'll never get out of this mess--"
"We're not getting out of this mess, Zion!" I snapped, "Don't you get it? This is our life now. They're drugging you up with wolfsbane, something that will kill you in good time, because of me! And it won't be long before they drug Alia, either!"
Silence. I instantly found myself wishing I could suck the words back into my mouth. I was in no place to lash out at them, especially when I was the reason they're stuck here. I opened my mouth to apologize when that blood-curdling scrape sounded down the hall.
We all stilled. I looked between Alia and Zion, though I couldn't see anything more than their silhouettes against the dark. Zion shook with fear, and the sight made my stomach lurch. Of course, the Wolfsbane injections were starting to wear him down. Alia, fortunately, had been put in silver bands. Not chains, I knew, but simple bracelets that seemed welded into her skin.
We listened as stark footsteps filled the halls, the the marching drumbeat of our fates. I knew who it was before he even appeared before the cell door, that grin wide and pleasant as usual.
My eyes shot to his hands, looking for any needles, and I sagged with relief. No Wolfsbane, for now. Zion was safe. Zion was safe--
"Kyra, I believe you will like what I have to say," Azriel purred. His voice made me nauseous, but I fought to keep my chin high as he continued, "The people of the court have started to worry about your absence. You will now be free to come up and roam the court for a few hours."
My heart accelerated. This... this would be my chance to find help, to escape! However, any building hope I had guttered at the sinister light in Azriel's eyes.
"Do not get so excited, my dear. I still have full control over you, as well as what you say. You won't be able to leave the court grounds without my say-so, nor will you be able to tell anyone about... this."
He motioned towards the cell. The blood drained from my face, and I wanted nothing more than to sink to my knees and scream my frustration. I was trapped. Wholly trapped, forced to do this man's bidding. The moment I thought there was an opportunity to escape, it was snatched away by him -- it always was.
"You're a bastard," I hissed, giving him a cold glare. I couldn't glean his reaction, not with the shadows cast across his face, but his tense posture told me enough. For some reason, he didn't like when I insulted him, or insisted that I didn't love him.
"In saying this," he continued, his voice slightly edged, "you will be required to go out into towns and make Upsilons there. People are starting to get suspicious, and we can't risk bringing any more humans onto the grounds."
There was a controlled edge to his tone, a deadly calm. I suppressed my shivers.
A cold chuckle rumbled from his throat. "Don't be so sullen, my dear. This is your chance to see the sun again, so I wouldn't take it for granted."
There was that edge again, that warning. But why was he threatening me if I could do nothing against him?
Before I could think up an answer, the bars to my door were being slid aside, in so there was nothing separating me and the man I'd once loved. Something primal rose up in me, a fear that begged me to scramble backwards, to lash out and hiss. But I didn't do any of that, I wouldn't allow him the satisfaction.
That was until he extended his hand, and every muscle in me leaded. I couldn't move, couldn't so much as think as he caressed my cheek, his touch rooting me to the spot. I could feel Zion bristling somewhere in the back, a rage akin to the one roiling in my own gut, silenced by the magic he used to control me.
He gave me a pout. "What's wrong, dear? You look like you wish to slap me."
"Fuck... you..." I ground out, struggling against those binds. With whatever little bit of me I had left, I lifted a stiff hand and swiped him across the face.
It wasn't the slap itself that had impact -- in fact, I was barely able to move my palm. Fortunately, there was un upside to being kept in a place with no nail clippers, allowing me to easily scratch up the bastard's face with my unkempt talons.
Azriel stumbled back, shocked. I sagged in relief as he lost his grip on me, and I was able to stand on my own again. Carefully, in disbelief, he palpated his face, hot blood running between his fingers. Shock and hurt alike flashed through those azure eyes, then anger. He opened his mouth as though to say something, but I beat him to it.
"I will escape this place, you sick fuck!" I spat, feeling the venom on my own tongue. "I will escape. Alive or dead, I will get out. I will get out and you know it!"
Azriel's face schooled into indifference. Then, he chuckled, shaking his head. "Dear, dear Kyra," he muttered, like a parent scolding their child, "it seems that flaming temper of yours makes you forget that I have control over you, and always will."
The iciness of his tone made my blood run cold. Just then, those binds seized both my legs, making me rigid. Azriel smirked, though it didn't meet his eyes. "Now, come with me, dear."
Against my will, my legs walked, following the man who'd doomed us all. The man who'd doomed me. I tried to toss a glance back towards Alia or Zion, hoping I could catch their eyes, but Azriel was quick to lock the muscles in my neck and keep my gaze forward.
That fiery confidence birthed by Azriel's appearance began to wane, and with it panic took its place. Faces of those I'd damned flashed through my mind, with those pleading eyes and horror-stricken faces. I didn't like to think where they were being kept, or how they were being kept. I wondered if they too slept on cold cobblestones at night, living on nothing on mildewed air and mouldy food. Or worse... what if they were being abused?
I shook my head of the thought, feeling slightly ill. I slid my eyes to the man at my right, his hands in his pockets as though he didn't have invisible claws holding me. He hadn't made a move on me -- not in an intimate way at least. But maybe that would change. Who's to say he wouldn't get impatient with my constant rebellion? He had full, utter control over me, and he could do what he wished. Even... even...
A whirl of wind to my side, and a real fist was tugging on my chin. My eyes widened as Azriel's face appeared before mine, azure eyes caught between pain and anger.
"Do not think for a second that I'd ever do anything like that to you," he hissed, hands shaking slightly. I blinked -- had I said my thoughts out loud? How had he known what I was thinking? He blinked at me for a few moments. Then, slowly, he removed his grip on my chin, clearing his throat.
"I'm-- I can hear your thoughts shooting down the bond," he said, and my blood iced over. Was that another part of this sick bond? That he could hear my thoughts as well?
He winced. "Only when you say it like that. Sometimes, I can hear nothing. Other times you're practically yelling at me."
My hands shook. I didn't even have the privacy of my own damn thoughts. I had nothing, nothing left for myself, not even my own mind.
'Calm down, dear', his voice rumbled.
I whirled to him but, sure enough, he remained still. 'This is how the bond works', he said again, his voice like a lover's caress. Bile rose to my throat. 'I didn't know when to tell you. Apologies, my darling.'
I stood there for a few moments, silent.
'Get the hell out of my head', I snarled, giving him a look almost as lethal as my words. His face was once again trained into that of neutrality, though something flashed through his gaze. Before I could figure out what, he turned on his heel and resumed walking again, forcing me to follow in toe.