MARY
"Why didn't you really text me back?"
We hadn't been in the car for more than five minutes and Ian was already putting me on the spot. Clearly he didn't believe my story about Lexi being the reason I didn't get back to him and frankly, I didn't expect him to. Ian was smarter than that, and for some reason he seemed in tune with whatever was going on inside my head. Sometimes, it seemed, even better than I did myself.
"Did you not want to go out?" He glanced over at me and I was caught off guard by how vulnerable he suddenly looked. I was positive that I was just a passing infatuation for Ian, but the way his eyes took me in almost had me believing more. He dragged his gaze back to the road but I continued to stare over at him, a little thrown off guard and trying to decide how honest to be.
"Ian, it's not that simple--"
"It's just a yes or no question Mary." His jaw twitched into an easy smile, easing some of the seriousness out of the situation. "It's a simple as it gets really."
I knew that I must've been frustrating him. I was in a weird place and Ian Malcolm suddenly showing interest in me was just making it all the weirder. I couldn't help question his intentions along with mine. Every time I'd seen Ian out he'd been with a different girl; he obviously wasn't lacking for female companionship. I just didn't understand what about me appealed to him. Even I could admit that my life was a big mess right now. How could he not see that?
"Ian I--"
He flicked his head back over to me and I got sucked into the intensity of his dark blue eyes. "Yes or no Mary?"
My gaze fell down onto his full lips and all I could do was picture was myself kissing them. "Yes," I murmured in a daze, completely under his spell. The corner of his mouth rose and his eyes softened a bit as my pulse started to catch up with my thundering heartbeat. It was so loud I was certain he'd hear it.
"Yes, you didn't want to go out with me, or yes, you wanted to go out with me?" he teased with a crooked smile.
I ducked my head, unable to look at him as I admitted this. "The second one," I whispered.
"Then why didn't you?"
Looking down at my hands in my lap, I stared at my now bare finger. The engagement ring that Matt had given me was now sitting on my bureau at home. I hadn't put it back on since I found out about him cheating and I knew I didn't plan to anytime soon. The thought of that hurt. I turned my head and looked over at Ian, my eyes glistening with the tears I wouldn't let fall.
"I'm a mess," I admitted, shaking my head. I attempted to laugh but it didn't come out right. "You don't want any part of this--"
He cut me off. "You're wrong about that Mary. I wouldn't be asking you out if I didn't want any part in it."
I shook my head again and actually smiled briefly at the irony. I was at one of the lowest points of my life and suddenly Ian Malcolm was interested in me. It didn't make any sense. I leaned my head back against the headrest and stared out the front of the car.
"For so long I saw my life was headed in one direction. You know? I never stopped to think. I never paused to consider what I wanted. What I really wanted." I shook my head. "Now that it's all fallen apart, I feel like I can finally have that chance. It's like the universe has forced me to really consider my next move." I stared back over at him and shook my head again. This time I didn't have the same control and a single tear escaped.
"I'm so afraid that I'm going to make the wrong choice," I admitted in a small voice. Ian quickly turned his head towards me and flashed a reassuring smile.
"I know things seem confusing for you right now Mary, but I'm pretty confident that you'll sort it all out in time. And I don't want to add any pressure; I'm not in any rush. If you need me to back off I can."
"Why?" The question was out of my mouth before I even realized that I was asking it but Ian didn't answer me as he pulled up in front of the house and put the car in park. I watched him lean forward and rest himself against the steering wheel. Finally he looked over at me and shook his head in disbelief.
"Is it really that impossible for you to believe that I like hanging out with you?"
I unbuckled my seatbelt and shook my head in denial. "No, but you don't even know me..."
Ian pushed back from the steering wheel and turned his body towards mine. "I don't know you? Mary, I've lived in this town pretty much my whole life and so have you."
"But we never--"
"Spoke?" A smile lit up his face again and he slowly shook his head. "We spoke that one time. Do you remember my graduation party?" I nodded, not believing that he remembered that night as well. I had played it over in my head a few times, recently even more, but I never imagined Ian remembered that brief encounter we had.
"When you came into the garage, you looked so timid, almost like you were afraid I was going to bite you. It was kind of cute." My blush deepened and I felt Ian's eyes as they traveled over me.
"You were so shy. Almost...fragile. I remember it not making any sense to me." He ducked his head down and stared at his hands. "Everyone had heard your story; it's a small town." He shrugged his shoulders and looked up at me unapologetically.
"I remember overhearing my mother say how you were practically raising your sisters and that you were taking care of your dad all on your own. It was impressive. But when I saw you there that night you looked...meek."
I cringed. Meek wasn't a word anyone wanted to hear in regards to themselves and it stung twice as much coming from his mouth. Ian shook his head and let out an embarrassed laugh as I clenched my jaw, failing to see the humor.
"I'm fucking this all up. Jesus. You'd think I'd be better with words considering what I do!" He shook his head and tried again.
"Mary, I just saw this girl who was obviously strong--"
"Ian, I just did what I had to do--"
"You seriously think most kids could've done what you did?"
I rolled my eyes and rested my elbow against the window. "I didn't have a mother Ian. I didn't have a choice."
"Mary, some kids grow up with two parents and have it just as bad. Everyone doesn't handle things as well as you did."
"Well?" I snorted. "Have you met my sisters? Erin is some robotic machine who is currently going through some sort of break down, and Lexi?" I let out an incredulous laugh. "Lexi just told me that she screwed Erin's best friend and is running away instead of dealing with it. The two of them are bigger messes than I am and you know who's responsible for that? Me!"
"Are you kidding me?" Ian laughed.
I scowled back at him, not finding any of this at all funny, and defensively crossed my arms in front of me. Ian twisted his body and leaned in closer to me. The cool scent of his aftershave washed over me and I fought myself from indulging in its inviting smell.
"Mary, you raised two grown women who are having the same type of problems that any other grown women have. None of their issues can be put on you. Christ! Is that what you think? You actually walk around blaming yourself rather than commending yourself for the fact that Lexi and Erin had a childhood because of you?" He shook his head in disappointed astonishment and I suddenly felt very small. I didn't know what to say.
"That's what I saw that night in the garage at my graduation party-- A girl who didn't know how strong she was." He lifted his hand and curled it around the back of my neck. My skin responded to the feel of him and I stared up into his eyes.
"You were hiding behind Matt and I thought you were better than that."
My heart almost melted. All of my reservations and insecurities flew out the window as I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his. I didn't think things through first. I didn't weigh my options. I just acted in the moment and it felt like the right thing to do.
Ian hesitated for a half a second before his hand tightened around my neck and his mouth opened to mine. He was inviting me in and I wasn't second guessing myself. His lips were soft and his tongue applied just the right amount of force to take lead. He was an excellent kisser and that didn't surprise me at all. I was sure he was excellent at many things.
I breathed him in as I wrapped an arm around his back and pulled him closer. The sudden urge to feel him against me was growing and I knew I was entering dangerous territory. It'd been a long time since I just kissed someone. With Matt our kisses always led to sex, they had for a long time now, but that couldn't happen here. I wasn't ready for that.
My mind started spinning, fighting with my body that was only following its natural instinct to continue on. He did feel good. Ian placed his other hand on my face and I suddenly felt centered. He slowly peeled his lips from mine but stayed just a few inches away from my face.
"I'm not in any rush Mary," he assured me. His lips reached forward and brushed against mine. "Take your time."
Butterflies burst through me as he let me go and my skin continued to tingle where his fingers once were. I tipped my head, not believing what I had just let transpire and battling the desire coursing through me that was pushing me to let it happen again. I didn't know what this all meant but in the moment I didn't really care. I fumbled for the door, peeking over my shoulder to thank him for the ride.
"Just promise me you'll pick up the phone next time." He flashed a crooked grin and I smiled shyly back at him.
"I'll pick up," I promised and as I got out of the car I knew somewhere deep inside me that I would. I liked being with Ian. I shouldn't over analyze it. I was only twenty-two. I had my whole life in front of me.
I walked up to my front door, feeling change in the air all around me. The possibilities were endless and I only had myself to think about. I smiled as I put the key in the door and heard Ian pull away when I finally got it open. I was just about to walk inside when a familiar voice stopped me.
"Looks like you're doing okay."