"You look nervous so why are you nervous?" Scarlett asked me whilst I sat across from her in the random coffee bar. "I'm fine." "You're fidgety." "I can't sit still you know that." I lied as I sat on my hands but changed my mind putting them on the table and spinning my dad's ring around my finger watching it to avoid Scarlett's worried gaze.
"Okay spit it out? Have you knocked Lizzie up or something?" "You're so funny," I say sarcastically looking up at her finally. "Talk to me." She says nudging my hands with hers. "I need you to listen to me and not say anything until I'm done and you can't be mad at the other person either." "Okay?" She said slightly confused by me.
"You know how we did that thing?" "I'm very aware of it yes because it gets brought up at least once when we're together." "And Lizzie knows." She nodded again. "Well it's brought up a lot of insecurities and she's upset a lot about it and we're very temperamental and it takes a lot of reassurance. And then it causes a lot of ripples in our relationship and it's just not that great. Well the other night we had this little argument that blew up and I ended up sleeping in the coffee shop and she came in the middle of the night and we spoke. And. And I can't be friends with you anymore." I rushed out. She looked very shocked and then hurt and then upset and it was an intense minute of eyecontact.
"Lizzie asked you to do this." "You agreed not to be mad at the other person." "I'm pissed." "Scarlett." "No she wanted us to be friends we're friends and now suddenly she doesn't want that anymore because she's so insecure about herself that she's worried about you leaving her for me then that's her problem. She needs. "Don't," I warn her. I didn't want her to disrespect Lizzie. "She's my girlfriend." "Oh, I'm aware." She leans back in her chair. "I'm sorry," I say in a small voice putting my hands on my lap.
"Does she make you happy?" "Of course she does," I say frowning at her. "Because you don't look very happy right now." "Because I hurt you." "You haven't hurt me she's pissed me the fuck off." I felt like a child, I felt so small and lost and confused. Why the hell was I doing this? "I didn't want to just stop replying so I thought telling you in person was the best way." "I appreciate it but I don't accept it. I'm not just going." "You don't have a say in this, okay." "It's controlling." "it's compromising, it's not forever... You work together, you'll talk this out and it'll be okay." She wasn't happy with me or Lizzie. "I have to go. I have work." "Nell." "I'm really sorry," I say excusing myself and leaving quickly.
I dial a number on my phone. "Hello, is this Mr Martian?" "Yes." "Hi, I'm sorry for the short notice but I'm going to have to cancel our shoot today." "Oh, why?" "I have to go to the dentist, emergency appointment." "Oh well, can we reschedule?" "Yes, of course, I can stop by tomorrow morning if that works for you?" "Yes, 7 am?" "Perfect." I hang up and close my eyes, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I say to myself before opening my eyes and walking towards home.
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"How did it go?" Lizzie asked when I walked in. "Fine." "Fine?" I shrugged. "She called me." I sighed. "I told her not to be mad at you." "She was worried about you actually." "Me?" She nodded I pushed myself up on the counter. "I'm fine," I say tying my hair up. "You're meant to be at work." "I cancelled you always tell me I'm working too much." I defend myself. "You're not eating." "I eat." "You're losing weight, didn't even know that was possible. You've been miserable since last week. Do you want me to leave? Do you want to break up?" "I'm fine," I say smiling at her.
"I made lunch." "Not hungry." She gave me a warning look. I didn't have much of an appetite. "Angel." "Lizzie, please. I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap." "I leave in a few days." She called to me. "I know, I have work at 7 in the morning, do you think maybe you could stay with your sister?" "What?" "I just don't want to wake you." "I don't mind." "I do though. So could you." "We're still in a fight?" "No." "Nell please." I lay on the bed with my face pushed into the pillow.
"Eleanor." "Princess," I say rolling onto my front. "I don't want to be in a fight anymore. I miss your kisses, and cuddles and your smile and I miss you eating and laughing and." I pull her down to meet my lips and kiss her forcefully my hands tangling in her hair. I move one hand down the side of her body and move her body on top of mine. "Angel." "Shh," I say against her lips continuing to kiss her, I moved down along her jaw and then her neck sucking softly she moaned and rolled her hips. "Angel stop." "It's okay, we're okay." I encouraged her, I just needed a release and for her to stop talking at me about all this. "We're in an argument." "We made up," I say looking at her before leaning back in.
"I don't want to." She says and I lay back down on the pillow. "Eat something." She pulled me up our bodies back to being flush against each other. "I was trying to." She looked shocked for a moment. "Actual food with actual calories." She pushed my face from her neck. "Just let me make you feel good first," I whispered to her slipping my hand up her shirt resting it on her tummy. Her breath hitched and I felt her lean into my touch for a moment before she pulled away. "No," "No?" "No." "Okay." I respected the word no. "I want you to eat." "I want you to stop telling me what you want me to do," I say back bluntly.
"How did we get here?" She asked. "I'm not too sure," I admit. "I'm controlling you. I'm turning into him." "I've never done this." "What?" "Me and you, the relationship," I say. "I didn't want to lose it so I gave into you and I got myself hurt." "I hurt you." "A little." "I'm sorry." "Don't cry." I brushed my finger over her cheekbone. "I made you tell Scar you couldn't be friends with her." "I was the one who gave into it." "No, I shouldn't have suggested it." I pecked her lips. "I'll fix it, I'll talk to Scarlett and I'll apologise and I will make it up to you. Just please." "We're okay," I tell her. "I just don't want to mess this up. We're so good when we're good and I guess we're bad when we're bad. We just need to communicate and be more understanding than we have been. And I need to talk more. I can't just sit in silence." She nodded. "When I go back home I have an appointment with my therapist and I'll fix it all." "Just breathe," I say seeing her chest rapidly. "There you go." I kissed her slowly. "Please eat." "I'm not hungry, Princess." "Please. you've lost weight." "I haven't." "You changed your jeans twice this morning because they kept falling down." "I'll buy a belt." "Nell." "Let's go out for dinner tonight? We can dress up and reset?" I suggest. "Reset? Like not be together." "No, just reset our mindset. Just put all this behind us. Go back to our cute happy selves." I pecked her lips a few times.
"I'm going to fix things with Scarlett." She declares standing up. "Kiss," I say puckering my lips and she leant down to kiss me. "Catch me?" "Always, Angel." I smiled at her and let her go.
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LIZZIE'S POV
Scarlett blew up at me completely blew up and understandable too. I sat there whilst she screamed at me. "She's only 22 Lizzie. You can't control her like that." "I didn't mean to. I was just scared of her leaving." "You'll push her away if you continue like this." "I know. I nearly have." "She's young, she doesn't need this stress." "I know." "No, I don't think you do know." She snapped again, I have been here for two hours already. "She deserves better than being emotionally manipulated." "I didn't mean to." "But you did and she's too sweet to stop you from doing it because she cares about you so fucking much. She adores you, seriously loves you so much that she was willing to do this today to prove to you that she was all in with you."
"I'm sorry." "Lizzie you can't do this to her. You can't hurt her like this. She cares so much." She says calming down again. "She cares so much about your wellbeing, she understands the gravity of your anxiety, she really does get it and she hates seeing you so hurt. She called me when you guys were in Paris and she was sobbing down the phone because she didn't know how to make you feel better she was so upset by you hurting she got herself all worked up and she was rambling about all the things she could have done to prevent it. She blamed herself because she had a panic attack and she thought that she should have been focused on you. Do you understand how messed up that is? She is so consumed by you and all you are that she blames herself for something that's out of everyone's control." "I didn't know that." "No, you wouldn't because she hides everything bad in her life from you so you don't get stressed and overwhelmed and she carries it all by herself." I felt guilty. "And she has lost weight her hip bone actually bruised me when we hugged this morning. And she's definitely not sleeping because my team got an email from her at 4 in the morning and then again at 5 and 6 and 7. So hold her down and make her sleep, suffocate her if you have to. And force feed her. And just wrap her in a tight hug when you get home and tell her it's all going to be okay and that she's safe because she needs to hear it." "She should be with you." "You're missing my whole point there Liz." "You know how to look after how to treat her right. I didn't even notice she was losing weight until you said and I am with her every day." "She doesn't want me. She wants you."
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I walked through the door and imminently wrapped her in my arms when I reached her she tensed up as soon as I touched her but relaxed quickly in my embrace. "It's going to be okay," I whispered to her. "You're safe." She clung to me that little bit tighter. "I'm so sorry." "Baby." "Just let me hold you for a few minutes."
After our tight embrace, we pulled apart slightly. "Scarlett is really worried about you." "I ate. I had a nap." She says pointing to the lounge where a blanket was rolled up and an empty bowl of something sat. "Are we really going to be okay?" I asked her. "Yeah, we are." She said confidently. She ducked her head down to lay it on my shoulder and my hands ran through her hair. "I love you, Angel," I tell her. "Me too.
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After dinner, we walked through the streets and then there was a busker and Nell smiled. "Please." I looked around and there were people already watching us as we held hands. "People." "I don't care anymore." She tugged me. "I do." "We don't have to confirm it, we can just be two friends dancing in the street." She kicked her heels off. "Nell that's gross." "You walk barefoot to the car every party we go to it's like your thing." She says taking my hands and making me dance, I laugh at her but join in after a little encouragement. You wouldn't believe that this is her completely sober dancing in the street.
She spun me around and I couldn't stop smiling this is us, happy dancing around and not fighting and screaming and yelling and hurting one another. "I great reset." "Yes, I believe it is." She says smiling at me almost proud. She picked up her shoes and held them in her hand as we walked the rest of the way home, my feet started to hurt so I jumped on her back and she giggled but held me up easily. "You have lost weight." "I will eat more, just drop it okay. I was in a funk and I'm good now. I'll look after myself better." "Good because I don't want to come home to you and you wasted away at that desk." "I promise I'm good. It was a blip." I pecked her cheek. "Have you been taking your meds?" She nodded. "Have you?" "Yeah."
We got to the apartment and then we got straight into bed after changing, I made her wash her feet in the shower and she sprayed me with it and I screamed in shock whilst I was washing my face in the sink she had this cheeky look on her face when she was doing it. When we calmed down from the mild water attack we got in bed and I was hesitant at first to lay with her she was just on her phone.
"Can I see the pictures?" "What pictures? From Paris?" "No of Scar? They were really pretty." "Um." "Please." "Lizzie, they caused all of this." "Please, I love looking at your work." "I don't want to." "Please." She got her Ipad and pulled them up.
They were stunning photos, Scarlett looked flawless in them as always, it was hard for her to not look good.
And then I got to the ones I hated seeing being shot and I inhaled sharply. "I don't want to do this." She says sitting up with her hand out for the Ipad back. "I'm fine. She looks really beautiful in it." I said with a small smile on my face looking at her.
"I like the ring." She laughed. "What?" I asked innocently. "I like the ring it's a nice ring." I defend. "You hate those photos." "She looks amazing it's hard to hate them," I say. "But I do really like the ring." "You want the ring?" "I like it yeah." She got out of bed and went into a draw before coming back. "Have the ring." She handed me a small box. "So romantic." "I'm not giving it to you to be romantic. I'm giving it to you because I don't wear gold and I was given it by David." She says. "You should keep it." "I don't like the ring." She said with her eyebrows raised. "I couldn't tell him, I didn't like the ring, could I? He designed the damn thing." I laughed at her. "I don't want to wear it if you don't like it." I pout closing the box. "The ring is pretty it's just gold and I don't wear gold. It's not my colour. I wear silver." She says shaking her wrist at me with her different bracelets on it, including the forever bracelet. I smiled seeing the L shaking about. "Thank you." I smiled at the ring again opening it up. "You're welcome." "Can we put this away I've looked at these photos for way too long I'm starting to hate them?" "What is there to hate?" "The lighting is bugging me, the focus is slightly off, the angle isn't right." When she was pointing this stuff out I realised she didn't see the person in the photo she looks at the technical things like the lighting. She kept rambling about it and I kissed her discarding the Ipad as I crawled onto her lap.
"What was that for?" She asked with a soft smile as she gazed into my eyes, she had this sparkle. "I just love you so much," I tell her. "I love you too." "I'm here." "Me too." We rest our foreheads against each other. "I'm sorry." "We're moving on okay." I nodded. "No more bringing it up, it's completely fine... we're moving past it." "Communicate, love and respect." "Yes." She agreed. She looked over at the Ipad and reached for it switching the screen off. "You just excluded Scarlett." "I don't want Scarlett to watch us make out." "Oh, we're making out now?" "Yeah, we are." She pecked my lips pulling on my bottom lip, I chased her until she quit teasing me and let me kiss her, it started off slow and calm and then it heated up.
"Nell?" "Yes, princess." I bit my lip looking at her as she hovered above me, I got too shy to ask so I took her hand and lead it down to the waistband of my shorts. She danced her fingers along my waistband and I pushed my hips up to meet her telling her what I wanted without actually saying it. She kissed my neck sloppily. I wasn't so scared this time around, I knew she would treat me with respect and she'd stop if I wanted to and she's really gentle with me and last time she made me feel so good. "Please," I said before sucking on her neck nibbling slightly. "Please what? Princess?" I pushed my head into her neck. "Don't make me say it." Her hand smoothly slid into my shorts and her fingers lightly brushed through my folds, I gasped at the feeling. "This okay?" She asked as she did slow circles on my clit. "Yeah." I managed out. My stomach fluttered with each move she made, she sped up her movements and I pushed my head back into the pillow my mouth hanging open slightly. My hips squirmed and she used her other hand to push my hips down on the bed, the cold metal of her ring made me tense for a moment but I relaxed as I let out a loud moan as she slipped a finger inside of me. "You okay baby?" "Oh, Fuck." I reach for her hand on my stomach and intertwine our fingers. "Don't stop," I say when she slows her movements. She kept her rhythm going her thumb going back to circling my clit again. 'Fuck, Angel." "Princess." She kissed my forehead. "I'm going to." I didn't get my sentence out as she slipped another finger in suddenly and I squeezed my hand moaning again embarrassingly loud. "That's my favourite sound." She whispered to me. My breath kept hitching and I tried to keep it together, she sped up her pace and I couldn't control it anymore and released she kissed me softly slowing her movements down extending the pleasure I was feeling right now. She pulled away, our hands still laced together on my tummy, I moved our hands to rest on my forehead taking a few deep breaths.
She peppered my face with soft pecks. "You okay, Princess?" I nodded still coming down from my high. "Are you going to let go of me so I can clean up your mess?" I squeezed her hand tighter and she chuckled. I let my free hand trace the side of her body before I slipped my thumb in her waistband before making eyecontact with her. "I want to try." "You don't have to do that." "I want to." I tug her shorts a little waiting for permission. "Please?" She nodded and I let go of her hand and pulled them down, my eyes didn't leave hers. "What if I do it wrong?" She kissed my lips softly. "You couldn't if you tried." "Talk me through it," I asked shyly not wanting to do it wrong and make a fool of myself. "Of course, princess. Just relax." She rolled us over so I was on top.
I copied what she did the first time so I took notes out of her book and kissed down her body slowly, this sent me crazy when she did it. I got to her thighs and left a love bite, listening to her breath hitch and soft murmurs leave her lips made me squirm myself. A soft moan left her mouth, I peeked a look at her, her mouth hung open slightly. "Is this okay?" She nodded looking at me through hooded eyes biting her lip. She bucked her hips so I took the hint and ran a finger through her folds. She navigated my hand to her clit I hesitantly moved in circles. I mirrored what she did to me and she guided me through it moving my hands to where she wanted them. "Princess." I looked at her she pulled me up my hand still working her she kissed me hungrily. "Is this okay?" I asked shyly. "So good baby." "Are you sure because you can get me to do it quicker?" I cum a lot faster than this and now I'm worried she's not turned on. then her eyes rolled back and her breathing over more erratic. "Fuck." She said biting her lip, I kissed her and kept moving my fingers as she came undone under me, watching her was the best thing ever, the way she bit her lip, her eyebrows knitted together the soft moans leaving her mouth.
I moved down to go clean her up like she did with me but she cupped my jaw. "It's okay, we can shower in a minute." She pulled me back up to meet her in a kiss her breathing was still erratic I held myself up off her. "Lay with me." She whined pulling me down. I let my body lay on hers our legs tangling together as I settled down, she shifted slightly and I sucked in a breath at the sensation. "Sorry, Princess." She said kissing my head.
"Was that okay?" "So good." She says smiling lazily. I lent up to peck her lips. "I like makeup sex," I say in a teasing tone. "Oh, you do? Well, let's not make it a habit okay." "Deal." I sat up and her hands rubbed up and down my sides before resting on my thighs, I felt very exposed but I was also so incredibly comfortable with her. I stole her hair tie out of her hair that was almost falling out because of me and tie my hair up in a bun. "Shower?" She asked. "In a minute," I tell her running my hands up her chest and toned abs. My fingers glided across her hip bones and I frowned. "It was a blip, I'm fine. I ate a whole pizza and a bowl of pasta at dinner." She reminds me, reading my mind. I felt responsible. She was upset with me and that's why she wasn't eating. And she was stressed and that probably caused the weight to disappear quickly not that she had any weight to spear. "Blip, baby." She sung. "I'm sorry." "I'm an adult I should force myself to eat it's a basic human need."
"I go home in a few days." "You do." "But I don't want to." "You have work, Princess." "I could quit." "Oh yeah, I'm sure everyone will love that." "Would you?" "No. I can't wait to get rid of you." She said in a teasing tone and a soft smirk. I slapped her chest softly. "Kinky." "Screw you." "You just did." I covered my face with my hands embarrassed. Her hands moved up and down on my thighs and without my permission, my hips rolled against her. She moaned softly and I lowered my hands. "You can't do that." "I didn't mean to." I defend. "Sure you didn't, Olsen."
We eventually moved to the shower to clean up, I stayed in a little longer and caught Nell changing the sheets for us when I came back into the bedroom. "What are you pouting about?" She asked when she saw me. "You got dressed," I whined. "I did." She says confused. I dropped my towel and climbed into the fresh sheets. "What?" I asked innocently. "Tease." "I gave out tonight already. Get in bed." She climbed in and we cuddled, I eventually got her top off her and laid on her chest planting small pecks as we laid there.
"7 am huh?" "Yeah." She sighed. I looked at the alarm clock. 2:56. "Sorry." "Worth it." I let her fall asleep but I stayed awake taking in this moment, things felt better calmer between the two of us, that we could actually just be good for a while. And pleasing her wasn't as scary as I thought. It was actually really good being responsible for her being in such a vulnerable state. I eventually fell asleep my body tired from tonight's activities.
"Night Angel," I mumbled against her skin before pecking her again. Sleep, Lizzie, Sleep. I tell myself closing my eyes.