The start of December brought wind and sleet to Hogwarts. Drafty though the castle always was in winter. But the castle was never as bad as the dungeons and Theo knows this for sure. He glares at the book on his lap. To say he feels absolute shit would be understating it or perhaps an exaggeration? In any case, he hates the fact that everything just seems to be falling into place for his brother but it's all in shambles for him.
He's tried getting closer to Neville, but all his slow advances have resulted in the shy Gryffindor retreating into himself. What makes matters worse is the fact that Neville knows about his feelings because Harry couldn't keep his damn mouth shut. It pains Theo to know that the person he loves is alive but seemingly hates him. If he's honest he'd rather have Neville not remembering him rather than hating him. But the memory of that time is just as terrible as the memories after the blond's death.
So much has happened, too much and Theo doesn't know how to cope with anything. He's always been terrible at emotions or sympathising with others, it's the reason he feels so drawn to that Gryffindor. He's everything that Theo could hope to be but that he ultimately never will be. Neville's death left him in shambles, he was disoriented and didn't know what to do with himself anymore.
Now Theo is struggling with getting the point across that he loves the insecure and shy blond. He knows Harry means well, but sometimes that idiot could ruin his meticulously thought-out plans. Harry means well and it's also the very reason he does things such as this.
Theo constantly stresses himself out, he always has to plan things out. Conversations, Homework and his emotions, as weird as the last one sounds. Theo hates the unpredictable and the unknown. He hates everything about that type of shit. Perhaps that's the reason he more often than not comes over as rude.
He always hides these thoughts behind an uncaring mask of a cheeky bastard. He tries to pretend there aren't issues, that he isn't obsessed with perfection. But all that pretending often leads him to his ultimate breaking point, Theo doesn't cry often but when he does you know it's serious. Then you know that you should've been more attentive and have picked up on his anxious ticks.
Theo tends to close in on himself and refuse to talk to the people closest. He takes a book and just fidgets around with it but at the same time, he reads fast and quickly moves on to the next. He's read almost all the books from the first four rows at the library, his reading is almost unhealthy. His thirst for knowledge is almost boundless, people think of him as this perfect pureblood and he, therefore, strives to accommodate this image of himself. People have forced him into being the person he is.
"Why are you glaring at that book? What has it done to you?"
Theo jumps slightly, his wide eyes meet Blaise. The dark-skinned Italian looks at him amused. Theo sighs, he forgot over the years just how close he used to be with this particular Slytherin. It's quite embarrassing if you think about it. After the battle of Hogwarts so much changed, Blaise returned to Italy while Theo stayed with Neville in Britain. They had tried keeping their friendship working but then Theo had to go into hiding with Harry and then Neville died. And then....then everything was different, Theo lost himself as he went around. Going from one relationship to the next, trying to find someone like Neville again. It had hurt so much, Harry could relate but not fully heal him, they didn't have enough time. And now that they are both back in the past...well... Theo isn't quite himself, he tries but without Neville, he hardly thinks he will ever return to his normal self.
But Neville seems to be afraid of him, he after all still hasn't found his inner bravery, the very one Neville showed all throughout their seventh year.
"It's nothing." He curtly says.
"Do you think I believe you? You're clearly upset and I want to know why."
Theo glares at him. "I said it's nothing! So just leave me alone, Blaise!"
The Italian shakes his head as he scoops Theo into his arms. Theo lets out a low growl of surprise. He's not used to being so...manhandled anymore. He hates feeling so fragile.
"Care to explain now?" Blaise grins flashing his white teeth. Theo rolls his eyes but sighs in defeat, knowing Blaise he won't stop bugging him until the beans are spilt.
"A lot's been going on lately and I don't know how to cope with all the recent changes and developments. For one the person I'm crushing on knows about my feelings and it's been quite awkward. Another thing is the fact that Harry can be so annoying sometimes, especially when everything's working out for him but not for me. I'm not sure what to do to get my life in order or how to tell him. We usually tell each other everything no matter what. As much as I love him I can't always bring myself to tell him everything and in the long run, I'm afraid of damaging our friendship." He takes a few deep breaths.
Blaise lowly hums and nods, holding Theo close. Oddly enough Theo finds it comforting. "You seem quite troubled."
"You think? Now, I could not tell, please indulge me." Theo dryly says as he glares into those deep brown eyes. Their so truthful and Theo, against his better judgement, relaxes.
Blaise laughs softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "As I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted me," Theo rolls his eyes again, "You don't have to tell Potter anything if you aren't ready and I'm pretty certain he wouldn't expect such a thing from you. Mind telling me who has caught your fancy?"
Theo hums thoughtfully. "Well, only if you ask Lovegood out for Yule." He smirks at the other Slytherin, who grunts.
"Not a chance! She would totally say no."
"Last time I checked, she would agree to go. She's a great person and even if she denies she would make it up to you in one way or another. That's just the type of person Luna is."
Blaise sighs. "And since when have you been talking to her?"
"I haven't but I know from how she interacts with her friends. She's open about her opinions and doesn't sugarcoat things. I'll tell you if you ask her out."
With a sigh, Blaise places the brunette back on the ground and motions him to follow. Theo smirks, Harry isn't the only one who can play match-maker. Harry doesn't have to know everything about him and maybe this thought will relieve some of his pent up stress, he can tell Harry his woes once he's ready.
The duo make their way out of the common room and up to the library, searching for Lovegood. They can ask for her once they get there. They walk up the stairs in silence until Blaise breaks it and with that breaks through Theo's thoughts. It's not like this hasn't happened often. "Why are you so adamant about getting us together? You've changed over the summer, I'm not saying it's something bad. You just seem less uptight and more open, may I ask what happened?"
"To tell you the truth, last year I was in a secret relationship that unfortunately didn't work out and Harry was the first to ask me. We kind of bonded over the loss and entered a relationship, it was...not meant to be. We stayed friends and just continued to build that bond over the summer, I suppose he helped me come out of my shell to some extent. I've so much to thank him for. You shouldn't judge him prematurely."
"If that's the case, then why are you wearing the Potter stinks badge?"
Theo laughs. "Ask Harry. He loves to make fun of himself and through that make fun of his haters, I wear that badge with pride, thank you very much."
Blaise grins. "I see, so Potter is that type of person. He's been a great influence on you, don't let his friendship go."
"I'm not intending to, but fights can't always be avoided. Quarrels are part of any type of relationship. Now go ahead."
Blaise chuckles and enters the Library first, closely followed by Theo. He looks around and quickly spots a group of Ravenclaws, amongst them the long-haired blond. If Theo were any other person he might've considered dating her for real, not like last time. He still regrets having messed such a kind girl over. He very much destroyed any type of happiness she could've had. She only wanted to help and he went and did something like that. And worst of all he just left her to deal with the consequences on her own. He has to remind himself that that's in the past and not the current present.
He watches as Blaise leads Lovegood somewhere more private, he quickly follows and the group of Ravenclaws do the same. So much for staying private, Theo knows that this is quite out of the blue, but what do you expect with a friend like Blaise? Theo can only relish in the fact that he has Blaise back, but the proximity is quite unusual to him. He also wants to clear his conscience about what he did to Luna, he wants her happy and he was truly in love with her, but he was also afraid. Too afraid to face the consequence of his actions.
"So... I wanted to ask you something. If not for Theodore..." Theo takes a sharp breath in at the name. He hates it! So many, too many memories that are rather left unspoken. No one should know! Nobody, he hates that name with such a passion and not many know about this, just Harry and Neville...well in the past future that is.
"Would you like to go to the Yule ball with me? If no one has asked you yet."
There is no reply as Lovegood lunges herself at Blaise with a wholehearted laugh. Theo can help but smile, despite his aching heart. He's happy he remembered his friend fancying the girl, the blond who's constantly bullied by her peers outside of her small friend group. Perhaps this is something he has taken up from Neville but he isn't sure.
"So, is that a yes?" Blaise smiles amused. Theo bumps the air with his fist, that's a score.
"Of course it is. I didn't think anybody would ask me."
"Fourth years are allowed to ask younger students to join them. I'm looking forward to taking you to the ball." Blaise smiles brightly, almost too bright as though he just won the best prize in the world, so to speak.
"Me too. I should get going back to my friends." Her voice takes on a dreamy tone, her soft eyes smile at Blaise.
Said boy nods and makes his way to Theo as Lovegood returns to her place and her friends giggle and squeal.
"There, done that. Now tell me, who do you fancy?"
Theo looks around and shakes his head. "Not here."
They walk back down towards the dungeons. Suddenly Theo falls to the ground, another person falling beside him. Blaise howls with laughter at the two on the ground.
"Sorry, Theo! I'm in a hurry. I think I might have found a clue for the second task."
Theo rubs the back of his head, which he hit on the ground, much to his dismay. "Be more careful next time Cedric. You have a knack for bumping into people, you already did that in the forest while we were running towards the clearing. And not to mention when you ran into that branch"
"Well, that wasn't my fault! And you didn't warn me! It was far too dark to see."
"Yeah whatever, Harry should be by the black lake or inside his common room."
Cedric shakes his head. "I'm not looking for him... But I got to go! See you around!" With that, the older teen scurries off.
"Since when are you on first name basis with Diggory? Is he the one you fancy?"
Theo's eyes widen. "Oh, gods no! Harry would kill me if that were the case, and besides Cedric's by far too insecure, we would not be compatible at all. Besides Cedric and Harry are already in a relationship with each other. No, the one I fancy is Neville Longbottom. But..."
"But what? Have you asked him?"
"I've tried, but he's spectacular at avoiding people, if he doesn't want to be found, then there's no hope of finding him. Like at all." Theo sighs softly and shakes his head, Blaise on the other hand chuckles softly.
"Seems as though you've caught them hard."
Theo groans, "Who are you telling that? I'm fully aware, thank you very much. So, you're going to Yule with Lovegood? Told you she'd say yes."
Blaise nods with a fond smile. "Indeed, that you did say. But essentially, yes, I'm going to the ball with Luna. She's adorable when she gets excited, did you see her eyes sparkle? Or the way she skipped back towards her friends?"
Theo smiles and chuckles to himself as he silently listens to Blaise gushing about Lovegood, at least now he won't repeat the same mistake as last time. Luna will get what she truly deserves, she can finally be happy and he won't have to interfere the way he did before. He smiles, he did something right on his own for once, without Harry's help at that. And that feels great!
....
Harry currently sits in Transfiguration class on Thursday, it's the end of the lesson; they have finished their work; the guinea fowl they were changing into guinea pigs are now shut away in a large cage on Professor McGonagall's desk (Neville's still has feathers); they copy down their homework from the blackboard "Describe, with examples, the ways in which Transforming Spells must be adapted when performing Cross-Species Switches". The bell is due to ring at any moment.
"Now before you leave the classroom, I have something to say to you all. The Yule Ball is approaching - a traditional part of the Triwizard Tournament and an opportunity for us to socialize with our foreign guests. Now, the ball will be open only to fourth years and above - although you may invite a younger student if you wish -"
Lavender Brown lets out a shrill giggle. Harry cringes and holds his ears trying to shield them away from the gruelling sound.
"Dress robes will be worn," Professor McGonagall continues, "and the ball will start at eight o'clock on Christmas Day, finishing at midnight in the Great Hall. Now then -"
Professor McGonagall stares deliberately around the class.
"The Yule Ball is of course a chance for us all to - er - let our hair down," she says, in a disapproving voice.
Lavender giggles harder than ever, with her hand pressed hard against her mouth to stifle the sound. Harry can see what is funny: Professor McGonagall, with her hair in a tight bun, looks as though she has never let her hair down in any sense.
"But that does NOT mean," Professor McGonagall goes on, "that we will be relaxing the standards of behaviour we expect from Hogwarts students. I will be most seriously displeased if a Gryffindor student embarrasses the school in any way."
The bell rings, and there is the usual scuffle of activity as everyone packs their bags and swings them onto their shoulders.
Professor McGonagall calls above the noise, "Potter - a word, if you please."
Harry faintly remembers this conversation, he sighs as he proceeds to the teacher's desk. Professor McGonagall waits until the rest of the class is gone, and then says, "Potter, the champions and their partners -"
"May I also ask a boy out to the dance? I know homosexuality isn't exactly tolerated in the wizarding world, but I was merely wondering. If I may not ask a boy then I would like to ask my first-year friend."
McGonagall looks him critically up and down before issuing her response, "Mr Potter, while there are no rules that say anything against asking out the same gender, I must ask you, are you certain?"
Harry nods adamantly. "Absolutely, there are already more than enough rumours about me flying around, it won't hurt anybody to add a bit of fuel to the fire." He smirks a bit before letting his expression turn neutral once more.
"Then who do you have in mind, Mr Potter?"
"Theodore Nott, I know for a fact that he won't ask anybody out himself. If that will be all, may I leave to go search for Theo?"
McGonagall dips her head and dismisses Harry. The raven-haired boy leaves the classroom and moves to find his brother in all but blood. As he walks around, it becomes increasingly more obvious that the girls are by far too excited to be asked out. He groans as he goes ahead and looks for his brother.
As he passes a few Slytherin girls, namely Daphne Greengrass and her friends, he stops in his tracks. "Have you seen Nott anywhere? I need to ask him something."
Greengrass turns around and nods. "Last I saw him he was in the common room with Zabini."
Harry quickly thanks her and rushes down to the dungeons, taking a mental note to talk to Cedric later on about Chang.
He reaches the dungeons and continues on his way. He's highly aware of the lack of portraits down here, he shivers at the devastating coldness of the dungeons. He sighs before he knocks on the door to the Slytherin common room.
After a short while he hears muffled footsteps, soon Draco opens the door and looks down at Harry with a sneer. Harry sighs.
"Is Nott anywhere around?"
"And why would you want to know?" Draco drawls as his eyes scan over Harry in his usual critical way.
"Unless, of course, you want me to ask you to the ball you'll tell me." Harry deadpans.
Draco takes a few steps back, clearly disgusted at the thought of going to the ball with a man. "And what makes you think that the Theodore Nott will want to go with you?"
Harry sighs, if Theo is anywhere nearby, then he must be fighting off a panic attack.
"Not another word Draco! I've told you not to call me by that name!" Harry shivers at the low growl in Theo's voice. The stoic brunette then turns to him with what seems to be a small smile.
"Why didn't you ask me earlier? And we need to give you dance lessons, you're still terrible."
"Gee thanks, I didn't notice, come on let's go. Also Draco..."
The blond turns to him with a glare. Harry sighs, he really messed this one up. "If in any case I might've hurt or humiliated you, I humbly and sincerely apologize. I know I must've messed up something. I meant what I said on the express. Just think about it and let me know once you're ready."
Theo takes his arm and leads them away with a proud smirk, he claps Harry on the back a few times.
....
The Thursday before the holidays Harry returns from dinner just to come face to face with an all too familiar sight, this is one of the memories that engraved itself into his mind.
Entering the common room, Harry looks around, and to his annoyance sees Ron sitting ashen-faced in a distant corner. Ginny is sitting with him, talking to him in what seems to be a low, soothing voice. The twins also listen in beside them.
Harry ignores Ron and Ginny while standing next to George.
Ron looks up at Fred, a sort of blind horror on his face.
"Why did I do it?" he asks wildly. "I don't know what made me do it!
"What?" Asks George.
"He - er - just asked Fleur Delacour to go to the ball with him," says Ginny. She looks as though she was fighting back a smile, but she keeps patting Ron's arm sympathetically.
Harry rolls his eyes at the redhead.
"I don't know what made me do it!" Ron gasps again. "What was I playing at? There were people - all around - I've gone mad - everyone watching! I was just walking past her in the entrance hall - she was standing there talking to Diggory - and it sort of came over me - and I asked her!"
Ron moans and puts his face in his hands. He keeps talking, though the words are barely distinguishable.
"She looked at me like I was a sea slug or something. Didn't even answer. And then - I dunno - I just sort of came to my senses and ran for it."
"She's part veela," Harry curtly says. He grits his teeth, what was she doing with his mate?!
"I bet you just walked past when she was turning on the old charm for Diggory and got a blast of it - but she was wasting her time." George grins while nudging Harry in the side.
Ron looks up. "Why would Fleur be wasting her time with Diggory? Knowing that jackass he'd probably have a blast. He's getting so much attention from the girls!"
Harry tries to keep calm, he truly does but finally, something in him snaps.
"Don't you dare speak that way about Cedric! He's nothing like that, so just shut up. You're just jealous that you aren't nearly as good looking as he is!" His eyes turn cold, then he stalks up into the dorm and sits down on his bed, taking out a notebook and scribbling down a few potions notes. This is his way of calming down, if he isn't around Theo or Cedric.
Harry closes his eyes and sighs, he can't wait for Yule.