Lizzie and I were having breakfast on the beach, it was really tranquil out her and after yesterday it's what we both needed, just peace. Mum took Cassie to school and Tony went with her to avoid him being alone and relapsing, leaving Lizzie and me alone at the house. We both had to work today but at least we had some time this morning to just be still with each other.
"Thank you for yesterday," I said nudging her with my elbow she smiled at me. "We're a team, you drop everything for me all the time, the least I could do is skip training to make sure you're okay." She says. I still was adjusting to asking for help from her when I needed it. Yesterday I needed her comfort and she gave me that without hesitation. And we actually had a good day despite Tony being Tony..."Want me to drive you to the studio?" She asked me after we sat for a while. "Please, if you have time?" "Yeah, we're not meeting until 1 so I can drop you and head straight there." I nodded. "Thanks." "Mine or here tonight?" "You're going to go to dinner with Scar tonight." I remind her. "Can't you come?" "Nope." "Why?" She whined. "Because Scarlett is your friend and I can't tag along everywhere." "You and Scar are friends too." She pouted. "We are but we don't want to be that couple." "Why not, I want to be that couple. Let's be that couple." I chuckled. "I'll be home waiting for you my love," I say. "Home? My home" I nodded clarifying and she smiled again before pecking my lips.
"We should start getting ready," I say picking up the breakfast things. I reached my hand out to her when I stood up and pulled her to her feet. "How's your back?" "A lot better actually." "Tell him not to push you too hard, I don't like seeing you in pain." She nodded and tucked herself under my arm as we walked up the steps to the house.
I cleaned up the kitchen whilst Lizzie showered and then I went in and she started getting ready. Once we were both dressed and presentable for the workday we got in the car and she drove me to the studio. "Love you, see you tonight." I pecked her lips. "Here take the key." She handed it to me. "Don't want you waiting outside for me to get back from dinner." "Thanks." I slipped it into my back pocket with the rest of my keys. "Love you." She said smiling. "Eat please." "Yes, Mum," I say rolling my eyes as I closed the door facing away from her.
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I finished up my last shoot of the day and the studio door rang. I went to the reception to answer it and was surprised to see mum and Tony. They never come here. Mum feels the same way about the studio as I feel about the house. This Studio was a proper set-up, with a reception and waiting for area three different studio rooms with different lighting and props and backdrops. Plus a viewing room so families could come in a see all the photos and then pick which ones they liked best. This is how my studio in NYC was before I sold it and downsized to just one room.
"Hey." I greeted them. "Hi," Mum said hugging me. "What are you guys doing here?" "We had sometime before we had to pick your sister up from Nora's so we thought we'd pop in." I nodded, I could sense there was something else. "You think maybe we could talk?" Tony spoke up. I looked at my mum and she gave me a pleading look. "Yeah, I need to finish cleaning studio 3 so we can go there," I say and mum smiled at me. "Yeah." He walked through knowing his way around this place. "Thank you," Mum said hugging me again. "Just hear him out okay." I nodded. "Are you girls staying over again?" "No, we're staying at home," I say casually. "When do you go back?" "27th... our flights at 7 in the morning." "Will you stop by for dinner again, it would be lovely to have you both over." "I'll have to talk with Lizzie because we're both pretty busy until we head to the city." Mum nodded.
"Nell?" She called when I turned away to go talk to Tony. "Yeah?" "I am sorry about the other week... I didn't mean to reduce your feelings." "I know." "And I'm so happy you told me." I nodded chewing my lip not really knowing what to say. "I'm proud of you for taking these steps, letting us back in." "I did it for Lizzie, no one else," I say bluntly. Mum nodded. "It's still a big step for you Nell. After your dad." "Mum." I wanted her to stop talking. "You have to say it at some point, bug." "I can say it." "Can you?" "Dads dead. He died." I say with no emotion. Mum seemed shocked. "Can I go talk to Tony? Because I'm running out of understanding." "Yes, go, go." She waved me off taking a seat behind the desk.
I went into studio three and continued cleaning waiting for Tony to start speaking. "I'm really sorry about yesterday." He says. "Sorry isn't going to cut it. You threw a liquor bottle at me and my girlfriend." I say bluntly. "I know." I couldn't look at him already feeling the anger rushing back. "I want to get better." He admitted. "But it hurts when I'm sober... I miss dad." "I miss him too. I'm not throwing my life away because of it. I'm fighting to make him proud. He wanted us all to be happy and successful by our own definitions." I tell him. "You did that. You were happy in Washington, you had an amazing job that you loved and you flushed it down the drain I tried to help and you walked away from that too. I miss dad but I'm trying to do right by him so the pain is worth it. So one day when I see him I can hug him and I can hear him say I'm proud of you, bug." "Dad has always been proud of you... you're the golden child, perfect grades, perfect life, perfect brain, perfect scores, talents, creativity, you shared his hobbies and talents. You built this business together. He's been proud of you since you opened your eyes." "I'm not perfect. And dad has been proud of all of us. He was proud of you too Tony." "He put me through rehab 7 times." "Because he cared about you because he saw your potential. You have to want it too we can't want it for you." "I want it." "Then get better, stop drinking, even the occasional one. Go straight sober. Tony, it's what you need to do to maintain the life you had." "It's easier said than done."
"I know. I'm not undermining the gravity of your situation. Truly I'm empathic towards you. You had the strength to do it before you just need to find that strength again." "I'm all fought out." I chuckled and wiped my face dry with my hands. "Me too but we have to keep going." "Why?" "Because dad would want us to. He'd want us to keep going, he wouldn't want us to be stuck on his death forever. It hurts, some days it's worse than others I get it. I promise Tony I do but you have to take back some of that control and just deal with it. Not with alcohol just really deal with it. Face on looking it in the eyes. Because if you don't we'll be back here next year having the same conversation. And the year after that. And so forth because it's not helping you, it's not fixing anything it's just masking over the pain you're in." "When did you get so mature?" He teased. "When I went out on my own."
"He was proud of you, you know that." He says sitting on a stool. I ignored him and finished exporting photos to my hard drive. "You don't have to keep proving yourself because he was proud of you. Every time you went on stage, when you got into Stanford, when you opened this place, when you went to NYC, he was proud of you and nothing is going to change that." I focused my eyes on the loading line and followed it to distract myself from my emotions. "So if you need a day off from holding the world together take it. The businesses will be there when you get back. We'll manage for a while, Lizzie will be okay. You need to put yourself first from time to time." "Me working is putting myself first." "No, it's not, you work so much to pay for Cassie's school." "I work so much because it makes me feel connected to him, doing something we did together every day makes me happy." "Other things have to make you happy Nell." "Not much these days, Tony," I say and he sighed.
I felt his arm wrap around me and I tensed him. "Sorry." He retracted his arm. "I know," I say. "Can I have my little sister back now?" "I never went anywhere." "I pushed you away." "Are you going to try?" "I am." "Then I guess you can be the older sibling again." He pecked the top of my head and ruffled my hair. "Can you tell Lizzie I said sorry?" I nodded. "And I am going to do this Nell. For you and Cassie and to make something of my life." "I really hope you succeed, Tony. I'm rooting for you."
I turned the computer off and packed my bag up. "Nell?" "Yeah?" "How on earth did you manage to bag Wanda Maximoff AKA Elizabeth Olsen." "Honestly?" He nodded. "Not got a clue." We both laughed, it actually felt kind of nice to laugh with him again. We had a long way to go but I believed he would truly try this time. "How is the relationship going?" He asked genuinely interested. "We have our moments, mostly because I'm being a moody bitch. But for the most part, it's good. She's amazing, so attentive and caring and she's so cute." I gushed and he smiled at me as we walked out. "I'm happy for you." "Thanks."
We all exit the studio and they wait for me to lock up. "How long until your car?" Tony asked and I showed him my phone. "We'll wait with you." I nodded and we sat in the car with the doors open as we wait for my car to arrive.
Princess
hey baby, just waiting for a car now then I'll be on my way to your place. Hope you're having a nice time with Scar.
Tell her I said hi.
She said Hey!
I've had wine...
Oh, have you now?
I'll have your PJs waiting for you
How are you getting home?
We took a cab to the place
Can I have one of your hoodies?
Do you want me to drive to get you?
Is your car at home? I can drop Scar off at the hotel
Yes princess you can.
Yes please! I'll text you when we're nearly done.
You're the best Angel. <3
Can I have the green one?
Okay princess, just call me
Yes, you can have whatever one you want.
I pocket my phone when my car pulls up and I closed the door before kissing my mum goodbye and thanking them both for waiting for me. When I got to Lizzie's I got her some PJs out and her make-up removed putting it on her bedside ready for when she comes in here so she didn't have to mess around. It was already pretty late.
Whilst I waited for the call to go get the girls I changed into some sweats and grabbed something to eat from the fridge sitting in the lounge with re-runs of friends on. I love friends it was such a comfort show of mine and with the conversations I've had tonight, I just wanted something easy to watch.
Lizzie called about an hour later asking me to come to get them as they were finishing up so I did. I drove Scar to her hotel and walked her in before driving Lizzie home. She was only mildly tipsy. "You got everything ready for me." She gushed immediately stripping off to put the clothes I laid out for her on, no longer caring if I saw her body or not. I was happy she was getting comfortable with me now.
"How was dinner?" "Really nice, I'm glad I went." "Good," "How was work?" "Okay, busy," I say climbing into bed. "Is everything okay?" "Yeah," I say smiling at her. "When we're in New York again Scarlett wants to hang out with Colin and us... Another double date." "Okay, sounds good. We should try the new Indian place on 57th." I say. "Yeah!" She finished wiping her makeup off before getting comfy beside me.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I nodded. "Just spoke with Tony and Mum." "Oh." "No, everything is okay. Don't worry." I assured her. "Just ironing a few things out." She leant up and pecked my cheek. "Mum wants us to go over for dinner before we leave. I said I'd talk to you... I don't think we have matching evenings free." "We don't?" "I mean we do after like 7 but who wants to go all the way to Malibu at that time to come all the way back here." "Ture... We'll work something out in the morning, my brain is fuzzy." "That's the wine." I chuckle.
"Do you still love me?" She asked looking up at me her stunning green eyes gazing into mine. "More and more every day," I say leaning down to peck her lips softly. "You'll tell me if you stop loving me right?" "I don't think it'll ever be possible for me to stop loving you." "But if you do." "I'll tell you," I say softly. "I want to take care of you." She tells me. "You take care of me every day." "You take care of me." "That's how relationships work, it can't be one-sided or the person will burn out. We take care of each other." "But I'm older." "So?" "I should protect you." "You protect me," I assured her. "How?" "When my name was in the media you protected me from it." I give her one example. "I love you." She whispered. "I love you too, Bug." "So much." She added and I smiled down at her before adjusting her so her head fell into the crook of my neck her body almost entirely covering mine.
We lay still for a few moments before we both traced patterns on each other's skin, I slipped my hand up her hoodie and let my fingers dance up and down her spine and she drew shapes lightly on my arm. She fell asleep first which was rare, I'd normally wake up in the night and she'd still be awake overthinking things. It was nice to see her so calm and peaceful, fear not bugging her she was just still in serenity as I hold her against my chest our legs tangling together. I've never been one for physical contact but with Lizzie it was different, she made me feel safe and loved with each touch. And knowing how much it meant to her too only made me want it more, knowing she was happy and content when we were close was enough for me to give into it alone.
Eventually, I let the exhaustion of the day take over me and fall asleep with my princess in my arms safe and sound.
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"Bye Scar." She hugged me tight like I'd disappear when she let go, I looked at Lizzie and she smiled softly at me I hated hugs but I raised my arm to hold her back. "I'll miss you." "I'm here for like 5 more days." "Your point?" She sassed squishing her face into my neck. "Okay, enough please," I say pulling away. "Sorry." She said sheepishly before hugging Lizzie just as tight though she was more accepting of it. We were at the airport with Scarlett saying goodbye, she was the last of Lizzie's friends to go home. It was really late at night and I had, had a long day jumping between the coffee shop and studio as well as driving Lizzie around between training and meetings. I don't know why she couldn't drive herself but she asked me and as everyone says I just can't say no to the princess.
We watched Scar walk to check-in before she turned around to wave at us and then we walked back to the car. There were a few paps so we just walked close to each other, I kept my head down and my face was then covered by a baseball cap I was wearing and Lizzie had her sunglasses on despite it being nighttime to protect her eyes from the flashes. I opened her car door and let her in before going around the other side and driving us back to her place.
"Todays been a long day." She sighed when we pulled off. "Yeah, it has." I agreed, yawning trying to keep my eyes open to focus on the road. "What time do you have work tomorrow?" She asked me. "I don't I have classes tomorrow." "I forget you're still in school... I'm so old." "You're not old." I defend her. "I am! I'm like a million years only then you." "6." "And a few months." "And a half." "So old." She said I flicked my eyes over to her and her eyes were wide as she spoke the realisation that there is an age gap between us sinking in for her.
"Why the hell are you with me?" She turned to me and I flicked my eyes to look at her and back to the road. "Because I fell in love with you," I say simply. "But I'm like expired." "You're not expired!" I laugh loudly. "I'm almost 30." "Baby, you just turned 29, you're not nearly 30." "And you're a baby." "I'm 22. I'm not a baby." I defend myself now. "This isn't going to work." "Sure it is. That's why you're my sugar momma." "No, I'm serious." I wiped my face clean of my teasing expression noticing the change in her tone. "Why wouldn't we work because of our age differences?" I asked her softly wanting her to explain out loud so she could process. "Because... Your so young you should live your life and I'm old." "Firstly stop calling yourself old. You're not old." I say cutting her off. "Well I'm older and we're at different points in our lives. What if you want to just keep us like this for a while but I'm ready to settle down. I was engaged." "I'm not a child Lizzie. I don't want a casual relationship. I'm with you because I see a future with you." "No." She shakes her head, I pull over so we could actually talk because not seeing her was bothering me and I kept looking over to her and off the road and I wouldn't be responsible for an accident.
I turned in my seat to face her when I switched the car off, I reached over for her hand. "Look at me, Princess." She was chewing her lip and looking out the front window. "Princess," I say whilst reaching up to brush her cheek in an attempt to get her attention. She looked over at me. "I want a future with you, I want a house and a wedding and kids and I want to have routines with you, I want to grow old with you baby. I'm all in and I'm scared as hell too. Because if you decide you don't want me I'll be heartbroken. But I at least want to try this with you." It was scary how invested I was because we had only been dating a few months but what I was saying was true. "You're just saying that." "I wish I was then I'd be less scared," I say honestly. "I wish I was lying to you and that I haven't thought about where we're going to live, how many children we'll have, how will we spend our evenings, what we're going to dance to at our wedding. I wish I hadn't thought about this but I have and I've pictured it, you and me and the future I've had dreams about it. I want this Lizzie. I'm not going to mess you around. I want to settle down. I want the future. I want you." Woah...I hate talking about things. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
"I want you too." "Good because that would have been pretty sucky if you didn't." I chuckled trying to calm my own nerves about admitting all that to her. I've never moved so fast in a relationship. I've never really had a proper relationship. I wasn't the type, I'd hang out with people, yeah but I was never in love, I never picture a future with them, I never introduced them as my girlfriend or boyfriend, I never flew 3000 miles to visit them knowing I'll see their perfect smile. This was a fast pace and I was falling in love with her more and more, I was growing attachments that I promised myself I'd never allowed myself to do again because of what I've lost in the past. I don't want to be hurt again but with Lizzie, it was too hard not to fall in love with her. It was impossible to stop myself from falling. "I'm sorry." "Why are you apologising?" I asked her tilting my head in confusion. "I always do this. I freak out and you have to do this." "I don't have to do anything. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't." I tell her. "I don't deserve you." She whispered, I lent in ghosting her lips. "You deserve the world and more, my Princess," I tell her before kissing her slowly.
We eventually calm down and I finish the drive home, her hand was laid on my thigh and I didn't mind she needed the reassurance and that was completely fine with me. Matty handed me the clipboard to sign in. "This is getting boring." "Community policy." I roll my eyes and Lizzie laughed. "There's got to be some rule on you seeing me like 20 times a day for two weeks where I can stop signing this?" "No." He said as I handed it back. "I stopped asking for your ID Eleanor Wren Hastings." He teased and I faked gagged at the use of my full name. "It's creepy that you memorised my full name. No policy on that?" "Nope." We chuckled before I drove through and up to the house.
I parked in the garage and we cut through that door into the house. I went straight to the bathroom to get changed and ready for bed too tired to do anything else. When I stood in the mirror taking my make-up off Lizzie came in and stood behind me her arms wrapping around my waist. "Hey, Bug," I say and she responded by pushing her face into my back. "Tired?" She nodded. "Go to bed," I tell her still wiping my face. "I'm waiting for you." She mumbled back. "I'll be there soon, you're falling asleep." She moved around to my front squeezing in between the counter and my body her arms going around my neck her eyes closed as she laid her head back down. I giggled at her silliness before resting an arm on her back keeping her flush against me as I finished up. She periodically kissed my neck and shoulder whilst I did this. "Dad wants to meet my boyfriend." She mumbled. I raised my eyebrows. "I know." She said looking at me before climbing up my body like a child so I held her. I carried her into the bedroom and sat down on the bed with her. "Borrow Colin for the day," I say unbothered, at least I know Colin will be respectful to her and he knew boundaries especially since he was in a relationship with Scarlett, Lizzie's best friend. "I don't want to go." She whispered getting upset. Flashbacks from her birthday played through my mind and my stomach twisted.
"Then don't go," I say simply not wanting her near him anyway. He clearly upsets her, what he did in the past was unacceptable and I don't want her around that type of thing. "I have to. He'll get mad." Do I bring it up now? Do I wait until we've both had some sleep? "You said something on your birthday," I say running my hands through her hair as she laid against me. "Oh gosh, what?" "Something about your dad." She pushed off my chest to look at me and we both searched each other's eyes for more information. "I don't want to talk about it." She says after a few moments. I pushed her hair off of her face tucking it behind her ears before cupping her face in my hands. "Overstepping," I say. "Nell." She whined. "Does he still hurt you?" She tensed in my arms. "no." She said in a small voice. "Liz?" "Not like that, not anymore." "Not like that?" "It's not that bad." I wrapped my arms tightly around her. "If he ever touches you again." "There's nothing you can do." She whispered her tears falling onto my shoulder. No child should be scared of their own father." "Stop." "Okay, princess." I rocked us whispering sweet nothings to her until she stopped crying.
She stood from my lap. "Where are you going?" I asked she picked up her phone and put our song on and I smiled. "Dance with me." She said extending her hand and I took it and we swayed slowly around the bedroom, sharing sweet kisses every so often. "Catch me?" "Always." She smiled softly at me so I returned it. "I'm so in love with you Eleanor Wren Hastings." "I'm so in love with you, Elizabeth Chase Olsen," I say back.