This Is What Makes Us Girls - Lana Del Rey
August 9, 2021
Once Harry pried his cell phone from my hand, everything happened so fast. He bolted out of the door, I watched him drive off, Vivianne woke up and was greeted with the same mess that I was, and Niall delivered a coping mechanism in the shape of tall flute glasses and citrus champagne.
We surrounded the kitchen island, pouring and repouring glasses that contain 99 percent alcohol and 1 percent juice. Niall and Viv relive the night before, their skin buzzing to get back on stage.
"It just felt electrified." Vivi let out a satisfied sigh.
Her brother nodded. "Yeah, if you lit a match, the room would have exploded."
Vivianne pointed a stern finger in my face, but her eyes drooped a bit. "You're coming next week, right?"
She tried to seem intimidating, but the way her finger slowly lost shape and her words slurred together made me just chuckle and shake my head.
"Of course I'll be there. Wouldn't miss it for the world."
"You said that last time." She whined.
A knock on the door saved me from any more guilt from Viv. I waved at them to refill my glass once more as I opened our front door. Niall made a face, and I let out a laugh, which halted once I saw who was standing on the other side.
Three small, brittle, older women stood there, hands carrying buckets and supplies.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
The shortest of the bunch smiled before she spoke. Her coarse jet-black hair was pulled back into a slick bun.
"Mr. Styles sent us to clean your flat."
My brows kissed in the middle of my forehead. I shot a look back over my shoulder, V and Ni both have the same expression as me.
"Mr. Styles?" I repeated, slower than her.
In unison, the three ladies nodded once, somewhat robotic. The front runner spoke up again.
"Yes ma'am. I am Mary, and this is Lorine and Nan."
Over her shoulder, Lorine's chin lifted. "Mr. Styles wished us to tell Vivianne that he apologizes for leaving his mess this morning."
My ears became hot, hot, red hot. Even when he isn't around, Harry still grinds my gears and makes his way under my skin.
Yes, yes, Harry, send all of your apologies to Vivianne, who was sound asleep through your whole temper tantrum over a silly piece of metal, while I found it in my room.
I haven't even had time to think about why it was in there in the first place.
I didn't realize that I was standing there, my jaw clenching and unclenching until Nan snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Ma'am? Are you Vivianne?"
I shook my head, scoffing. "No."
"Are you Alice?"
I refurrowed my brows. "Yes..." I dragged out.
"Well," she said. "Then this is for you."
Nan held up a white envelope, extending her arm out to me. I see the messy handwriting on the front, my name scribbled there like whoever wrote it was in a rush as always.
"It was sitting on your door mat when we arrived." Mary spoke.
I slowly took it from Nan's slender, wrinkled fingers that are painted with chipped maroon nail polish.
"Uh- c-come in." I waved a hand, my eyes stilled on the envelope.
They filed in one by one, and I turned over my shoulder and down the hall after grabbing my refilled glass. The sounds of a vacuum drowned out the buzzing in my brain. I sat on the edge of my bed, the thick, white paper in my clenched hands.
Slow and steady, I peeled it open. A groan erupted from low and deep, deep, deep in my chest.
Every week, like clockwork. $5,000 in American dollars tucked neatly between a coarse envelope with 'Alice' written on the outside in chicken scratch. I pull the fifty $100 bills out, rifling through them quickly before putting them back, minus a few hundred.
I swallowed, the orange juice masked the vile taste in my mouth.
I tucked the envelope deep in my bedside drawer with the rest of the emptied ones. I don't let myself think too long about where the money comes from, or else I end up spiraling. About a year ago, the first one arrived without warning, and ever since I get a heavy envelope without question.
Under my bed, I grabbed my stash of cheap vodka I keep for emergencies.
The bottle is about empty.
I down half of the champagne flute and filled the rest with the acidic liquid.
Some people are glass half full, while others are glass half empty.
I'm glass completely full, at all times.
I stirred it around with my pinky, and headed back to Vi and Ni.
The vacuum sound grew louder when I opened my door, and when I got to the living room, there was already progress. I went around the ladies and into the kitchen. The two of them spinned around on the island stools when I sat back down.
"Was that-" Vivianne started.
I whipped the bills out from behind my back, fanning myself with them.
"Who wants to go shopping?"
In sync, Viv squealed while Niall groaned.
"Oh c'mon Ni. She needs an outfit for our next show!" She chastised.
He rolled his eyes. "So I can be you two's personal chauffeur? Nice try mates."
"I'm telling the twins to come."
"I'm in."
He pushed off the counter and swiped his keys, already out of the door.
Vivianne and I ran down the hallway to our rooms, and within seconds were dressed and ready to go. I have on my usual outfit consisting of flared leggings, chuck 70s, a tank top, and my favorite men's button down.
I held it up on the hanger before me, and pressed it to my face. It still smells like dad.
I grabbed my purse and sunglasses off the entry table, and waved goodbye to the cleaning ladies. "We'll be back soon!" I sang as we were already down the stairs.
I didn't tell Niall that Marion and Reese weren't going to make it until we were already pulling into the bank's parking lot.
They have a meeting with their modeling agent today, so I didn't even bother reaching out to see if they could come. Just sent a reassuring, encouraging text because they've been sweating over this for days.
"Thank you, Niall!" I sang as I climbed out of his car.
He responded with a grunt.
The glass door of the bank felt chilled beneath my touch. I deposited the cash, silently thanking the universe that I didn't receive a skeptical look like I usually do.
I mean what should I expect? Workers see me walk in once a week with a wad of the wrong currency on the dot.
I slid back into Niall's backseat, fitting my card back into my purse.
"Why do they always give you dollars when they know you live in London?" Viv asked as Ni pulled away.
I leaned myself between the two front seats, pointing in the direction of the shops.
I shrugged. "I haven't really thought about it."
I lied. It keeps me up at night.
"It's just weird that-"
"I know, Viv. I know."
"I'm just saying that maybe you should look into it. That could be dirty money, Alice."
I hopped out of the car the second it was thrown into park. I can't have that conversation with the bubbly champagne shooting straight to my head. I also can't take thinking about where my only form of income is coming from.
The ground dissolved beneath me and now I'm walking through water. The door rang with a chime when we walked in.
"well, if it isn't my favorite rockstars!"
Larkin's shop is our go-to whenever we need an outfit. We met at a pub a while back, and she's been my personal shopper ever since. I shot Larkin a look when she walked out from the back.
"Oh, you too Alice." she sent me a wink, pulling us three into a strong hug.
Her arms are littered in tattoos, her black hair falls down her spine as she leads us through the store. Ni found his seat at the front, playing on his phone like a child.
I drag my hands along the luxurious clothes hanging perfectly along the wall. The silks and chiffons feel buttery beneath my fingertips, melting in my palm.
Today's Top Hits plays through the store radio, replaying what seems like the same three songs that have small-brained society in a chokehold.
"What are you looking for ladies?" Larkin asked. "Can I get you guys anything to drink? A glass of wine?"
Vivianne's ears perked up. She grabbed us each a glass from the back while we browsed. At this rate, I'll be hungover by dinner time.
Larkin and Viv pulled clothes and clothes, throwing them in my arms. Once I couldn't hold anymore, they pushed me into the dressing room without question.
The next hour played out like a montage in a romcom. I walked out in something, and they both shooed me away. Niall rolled his eyes when I'd ask for his opinion. He quickly became tired of it all.
We topped off the bottle, giggles filled the store. I ran out of clothes, "nothing looking perfect" as Vivianne said when I walked out in each outfit.
Something that I love about her. She cares about everything. It used to drive me crazy, how passionate she is about things, but I've come to appreciate it. She shows that care and love towards me, and I hadn't felt that in a long time before I met her.
I redressed in my clothes and walked out from behind the curtain. I caught a glimpse of Niall looking like he is in Hell right now, but was shoved back into the dressing room by Larkin with something new.
"Just... try this on." She said, shutting the curtain between us. "It isn't out on the floor yet, but the second I laid eyes on it, I knew it would be perfect for you, Al."
The material is soft in my hands. I held the small dress up to me in the mirror. I slipped it on, spinning in all directions to see how I look. The orange pattern is a sun bursting across my torso. It clings to my figure like it was hand stitched specifically for me.
I grabbed my wine glass and pushed back the curtain with full dramatics.
"Whatta ya think?" I sang.
Both of their heads shot up, jaws sewn to their shoes. I stood there, no response. A twinge of insecurity trickled down my back, but disappeared instantly when they both let out a consecutive squeal that led to Niall covering his ears.
"Alice Carter O'Hara." Vivi stomped each word of my name into the ground. "If you don't get that dress right now, I might have to kill you so that I can bury you in it."
"And I'll be her partner in crime." Larkin chimed in.
"Well," I spin around, looking back at the mirror. I drag my hands down the dress, feeling every curve and dip in my body. "I might just have to get it. Can't risk dying before seeing you on stage." I turned back around, a devilish smirk appearing on both mine and Viv's faces.
They let out another squeal, and we all cheers'ed our glasses in success. With a pep in my step, I changed back into my clothes. Larkin already rang me up at the counter by the time I was dressed.
"You two finally done?" Niall asked from his chair in the corner. He looks like a sad child being dragged around to stores by his mother. Poor thing.
"Yes, Ni." Viv said. "Don't get your knickers in a twist."
I heard a slap from behind me, and when I turned back Niall was rubbing the side of his head with a winced look.
"And don't make that face at me again." Vivianne scolded.
"Hey," Larkin yelled. "Take the fighting outside, will ya?" she pointed at the glass doors with a sharp finger.
I couldn't hold back a laugh when they both sighed and sulked out of the store.
"They are like children." she said, shaking her head as she swiped my card.
"When they are together, yeah. Nightmare fuel." I responded. "But they are my best friends."
She looked up at me while pushing the bag across the counter. A warm smile brightened her face. "You guys are the best. Truly."
I nodded sincerely, spinning on my heel towards the exit.
"Hey," she called out. I turned over my shoulder. "I slipped something extra in the bag." she said, eyeing what's in my hand.
I let out a sigh. "You treat me too good, Larkin. Too, too good."
Niall and Vivianne's bickering could be heard from the storefront. I can't even tell what they are arguing over, but I roll my eyes and wrap an arm around each of their shoulders and pull them towards the car.
Viv got in the car, but I stopped Niall before he could.
"Ni," I said. He looked over his shoulder at me. "Thank you. For putting up with us for the past few hours."
"It's whatever." He shrugged.
I know he hates feeling used. I place a hand on his arm, looking him straight in the eyes.
"I'm serious. Thank you." I repeated. "How about we go to a pub tonight. I'll tell the twins to come. You can invite some friends." He narrowed his eyes at me, so I continued. "I mean, it's three o'clock, which means it's five o'clock somewhere. Plus me and Viv are on track to getting absolutely hammered, so why don't we make a night out of it?"
He shrugged again, this time in agreement. "I guess that could be fun."
"You guess? C'mon party master, it's Saturday!"
"Oh shut up." he huffed with a smile, pulling me into a hug.
"Thank you again, Ni." I said into his chest.
I press the gratitude into his mind so that I don't threaten our friendship. Niall means the world to me, and I would never do anything to hurt him. He hasn't had the best luck with relationships, so I can't allow myself to even think that I ever treat him the way he has been in the past.
Niall deserves the world and more. Everyone in my life does.
"Anything for you, Al." he said. He pulled me back to look at my face. "Really. Anything."
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I hope you enjoyed this chapter!!
Painting a picture of all of Alice's relationships for y'all, let me know if any of it even makes sense lol
Next chapter is going to be fun;)
Sending all my love <3<3<3