"I have something, but it won't last long," Gaius had said. "We'll need to be fast."
Now, all she has to do is wait. Merlin and Gaius should be coming.
Night had fallen. There is no light except for systematically placed torches.
Gwen waits with a cart to carry Merlin out of the castle. She wears moveable clothes and a cloak to hide her face.
They had stolen Arthur's keys, her and Morgana, which wasn't too hard. He was still unconscious, after all. Uther had gone to bed, and no one else was there. The chances of waking Arthur up were slim, and even if he did, he'd agree with what they were doing. He'd want to help.
She's just outside of the dungeon, waiting impatiently. Morgana had distracted the guards, and is now waiting out of the cave exit from the castle, with horses.
Everyone is restless. What if something goes wrong? No. That's not an option. They have to save Merlin. Leaving him to die isn't a choice. He means too much to all of them. Sweet. Innocent. It's unjust to execute him, and, more importantly, it would break Arthur, Gaius, Morgana, Gwen and countless others. He may just be a servant, but he is really so much more than that, isn't he? No one knows why, he just is.
***
Gaius sneaks to the cell where Merlin is, asleep. He breathes a sigh of--
Merlin bolts up and turns to Gaius. Gaius jumps. Merlin hurries to the bars, wrapping his hands around them. Tears fall down his cheeks as he smiles with relief.
"How's Arthur?" he asks.
Gaius is uneasy. Is this Merlin, or Sigan pretending to be Merlin?
"Are you Merlin?" Gaius asks, voice breaking a little.
"Yes," he breathes.
"I'm afraid I can't trust your word."
"But, Gaius, you know me. You can trust me."
Merlin wouldn't say that. He'd understand. He wouldn't need Gaius to know it's him. Just Gaius being there is good enough.
"Hello, Sigan," Gaius sighs.
The cruel smirk twists Merlin's features. "How did you know?" he asks.
"Like you said, I know Merlin," Gaius replies, cryptically.
The strange thing (well, one of them) is that the tears still seem to be falling from Merlin's eyes. They never halted when Sigan revealed himself.
"Arthur's okay," Gaius reassures the real Merlin. The Merlin crying those tears of grief. That lessens the tears, but they don't stop.
"Why are you here?" The sound of Merlin's voice being so cold towards him shocks Gaius to his very core.
"Don't concern yourself with that," Gaius mutters, before continuing quietly to whisper a spell.
"What are you doing? What are you saying?" Sigan asks, tearful eyes narrowed.
Gaius repeats the spell, with more force. He searches for the ounce of magic he can wield, and uses it all. Directs it all at Merlin.
"What ar--" Merlin breaks off, as he falls, unconscious to the ground. Not even that halts the tears.
***
Gaius and Gwen carefully place Merlin's body on the cart, covering it with a sort of sack, and Gwen wheels him as Gaius follows. They head to where Morgana should be.
A pair of guards walk ahead, coming towards them.
"What are you two doing?" one asks.
"Seeing as my usual help is trapped in a cell," Gaius answers, "I asked for Guenivere's help."
"What's in there?" the other asks, pointing to the cart.
Gaius pauses. "A body. In my line of work, that's to be expected. I can't save everyone. I thought it best to remove the body from the castle."
The knights nod, before moving to the side to let them pass. Gwen lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding.
"That was close," she whispers. "Lucky you're a physician."
Gaius chuckles. "Yes, I suppose so. I have excuses for carrying bodies around."
After a few minutes of walking, Gwen's arms and legs begin feeling unbearably stiff and achy. She wonders how on Earth she'll be able to ride a horse this sore.
They manage to get out unnoticed. Morgana is waiting with two horses.
"Sorry, I couldn't manage a third," she apologises.
They lug Merlin onto the back of one of the horses, again, covering him with the sack.
"We must hurry," Gaius urges. "We may not have long." He glances nervously at the body. He then proceeds to climb onto the horse in front of Merlin, as Morgana and Gwen mount the other horse. And then they ride out of Camelot, ignoring the knights standing guard, and just continuing on, unopposed.
***
Merlin feels stuck. Somewhere. He can't decipher where. He's just stuck.
One thing is clear: He almost killed Arthur. And he knew he was doing it. He was trying to stop it, somehow, but he had no idea what to do.
It's dark. Or is it? Is it light? Is it... anything? Is it nothing? He can't decide.
But it doesn't matter. Because he almost killed Arthur. He hurt Arthur, nearly to the point of no return. And that in itself hurts. It doesn't matter to him that he's stuck in this... nowhere place, seeing and hearing and sensing, but not really at all. It wasn't him. But it was. He felt it, he experienced it... but he wasn't in control. It was like him, his essence, his soul, was tucked away in the deepest part of his mind. Somewhere he couldn't make decisions. Somewhere he had no control. Somewhere he couldn't escape from. He tried... but what was he meant to do? How could he take back control? How could he get rid of Sigan?
He couldn't speak. All he could do was... cry. How useless. What was he meant to do with that? Even still, he couldn't stop himself violently sobbing in his mind. And he felt tears. His tears. Real. His own. Not Sigan's. Merlin's.
Hope.
What a dangerous thing.
What a cruel, cruel thing.
Even if you had no way out... you still held on to some sort of irrational hope, which only gets eradicated when you know it's over. There's no more time. There's nothing to be done.
"Arthur's okay," he hears entering his ears. But it wasn't really him hearing them. It was someone else. He was just in the background. In the subconscious. Remembering.
Even so, it gave him relief. So much relief... But it didn't stop him from weeping like a newborn baby does when it enters the world. It didn't stop the tears falling. He could feel them still-- Well, Sigan could.
It was like experiencing the world through the body of another, even though it was his body. Experiencing the world almost in third person, as an outsider. The noises he hears, everything he sees, everything he tastes, smells and feels is a secondary experience, almost.
He doesn't like being trapped.
Alone.
Pathetically sobbing.
Arthur's okay, he remembers.
But there's no way out.
There was no Arthur to help him out of it.
There was only nothing.
There was only living life in another's shoes.
Suddenly, he sees no more. Not that he was concentrating. Every image had been invading his mind as if it were his own sight, but now... it stopped.
He feels a presence get closer.
He tenses. If he even can tense.
Merlin, the voice calls, tauntingly. But it's not really speaking. Merlin doesn't know how to describe it. Maybe... Oh! Like the druids communicating with their minds... but in one mind.
Sigan, Merlin replies.
He can see the smile now, on the sorcerer's cruel face. Or Cedric's face, which is the only other face Sigan held in Merlin's eyes.
What happened? Merlin asks, confused by the sudden loss of sight and presence of Sigan, no longer taking control of the body.
Gaius knocked you out, Sigan chuckles. He doesn't trust you anymore.
He doesn't trust you, Merlin spits.
Merlin can almost see the shrug. Same difference, Sigan says. We are one.
We are not! Merlin shrieks, appalled. You are controlling my body. There is no we. We are far from being one. You're just using me as a vessel!
And your magic, Sigan cackles. I'm in control now. With my magic and yours combined, we'll be unstoppable.
You, Merlin spits. You will be. Not me.
But they'll think it's you. And that's the best part.
Gaius knows. Arthur knows. A few memories, experiences not really his, come to mind. And Gwen and Morgana, he realises, but he keeps it to himself. Gaius couldn't be doing this alone, and they'd insist on helping, wouldn't they?
They know he's not himself. So, what are they doing? Rendering him unconscious and sneaking out of Camelot? Maybe.
When he wakes up, Arthur won't be there. Arthur will be in his bed, probably, aching and feeling horrible, all because of Merlin. And what he'd said...
"I'm-- sorry," Arthur croaks at Merlin. The real Merlin. "I failed-- you."
I failed you.
Even with Merlin killing him mercilessly, he thinks he failed Merlin? No. Merlin failed both Arthur and himself. He couldn't forgive himself. He couldn't stop it.
He was weak.
And he had cried then. That was all he could do. It only made him hate himself more. All he could do was cry? What kind of advantage is that? A shitty one, certainly.
"It-- wasn't you. Rem-- member..." Arthur smiles weakly. "Remember-- that."
Even so, he hadn't stopped it. He let it happen. He feels so guilty, it feels like it's eating him up on the inside. He feels terrible.
He feels compacted. Trapped in a tiny space. A space smaller than anything, because everywhere else, Sigan had taken. Merlin only remained here, in the deepest, darkest part of his own mind, because where else could he hide?
I failed my prince, he thinks. I failed my Arthur.
***
He wakes up in his bed. He feels like shit. His throat hurts like hell, but it feels such a relief to consciously breathe again.
He is alone. His room feels empty. He had gotten used to Merlin being there more or less when he woke up. Without him here, he felt oddly incomplete. Without Merlin giving him, and sometimes force-feeding him when he wasn't really in the mood, breakfast. He is very hungry. How long has it been? What had even happ--
And then it hits him worse than a blow to the stomach.
Merlin.
Sigan had nearly killed him. He was so sure it was the end... yet here he is. What had saved him? How was he alive? He was sure, and he was accepting that it was going to be his last breath, and he was glad it was with Merlin, even if he was the one killing him. That didn't matter. As long as he was there, as he always is.
But he isn't here now. And there's a void in Arthur, one always there when he's not around. Even though he wouldn't admit it, he's near useless without his servant. His friend.
Where is he?
Arthur should search for him. He wants to. And, he's just about to get up (or try to) when someone enters his room.
"Ah, Sire! You're awake," he says, gleefully. "The king will be happy to kno--"
"Where's Merlin?" Arthur croaks out in a hoarse voice. It takes so much effort to speak, and it hurts so badly, but he can't help himself. He needs to know where Merlin is.
The man looks a little stunned.
"Where is he?" he wheezes. "And who are you?"
"I'm your manservant," he says.
"You are not!" he replies, incredulously, trying to speak in a tone that almost destroys his throat. He then goes into a fit of coughs. "Where's Merlin?" he repeats, his voice so quiet and almost unrecognisable.
"Merlin is... gone."
Arthur lets this settle in, before he feels the need to ask, "Gone how?"
"He was put in the cells--"
"He was what?" Arthur shrieks. Despite his speaking ability currently lacking, he somehow manages it.
"Put in the cells. He nearly killed you, Sire!" the man answers, as if it's obvious.
"But you don't understand!" Arthur coughs violently. "He-- He--" His voice is giving out. Oh, no. Not now. He needs someone to know. "Possessed!" he manages. "Not-- Merlin. Sigan."
"It doesn't matter," the man sighs. "He escaped. No one has found him yet."
Arthur breathes a sigh of relief, all too obvious.
"Gwen and the Lady Morgana have also disappeared," he adds.
So they must have broken him out. Arthur would bet that Gaius helped. Which must mean Gwen and Morgana know he's possessed. Arthur breathes another obvious sigh of satisfaction. The servant frowns, wondering how on Earth this is good news.
When an awkward silence falls, and Arthur just sits trying not to move his neck too much, the servant says, "I'll go get the King."
Arthur merely nods, causing him a spasm of pain to run through him, while the man hurries out to notify the king that his son is now awake. The servant returns with Uther looking relieved behind him.
"You're awake," Uther exclaims, stunned.
Arthur just smiles, because nodding causes too much pain and talking is like trying to speak with a grater down your throat.
Uther lets out a long breath. "How are you feeling?"
"Not very good," Arthur croaks. Immediately after, he interrupts Uther to ask, "Where's Merlin?"
"Unfortunately, he escaped."
"Unfortunately?" Arthur laughs, huskily. "It's great new."
Uther frowns. "I know you care for your servant, but he tried to kill you."
"No, he didn't."
This only confuses Uther more.
"He's possessed."
"He has magic. That's crime enough, even if he is possessed."
"He's possessed by Sigan!" Arthur makes an attempt at yelling, resulting in him coughing. "Sigan, that sorcerer." Now's the time. Does he lie to his father, or does he tell the truth?
Is Merlin worth the risk? Does his father deserve to know? Should he help Merlin hide such a secret? If Uther found out, the betrayal he'd feel... Would it be better to tell him? Would it be easier? Is magic really evil enough that he'd sell out his best friend?
Arthur only has seconds to decide.