I finally had the courage to call Nell after the fifth talk with my sisters this weekend. "This caller is unavailable." "She's blocked me," I say pulling the phone in my ear. "Maybe she's on the line." I shake my head. "Her phone always rings... She always answers her phone that's how everyone gets in contact with her. Because she gets busy and she doesn't answer messages so if it's important you call her." I explained. They nodded listening. "She hates me." "No, no we're not doing this." Ash stopped me.
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We went to the coffee shop. I was hoping to see Annabella but she wasn't there. We sat at my table and, table seven. Ashley was smiling at me. "What?" I asked not understanding why she was smiling at me. There was nothing to smile about today.
My strawberries have a bug infestation, my friend blocked my number, now Annabella isn't here. "Lavender tea and a blueberry muffin." "A flat white and a black coffee." I turned quickly as she set the dishes down off of her tray. "Nell?" "Anything else?" She asked ignoring me. "Eleanor." She turned to walk away. "Eleanor!" "Yes?" "Do you have a minute to talk?" She looked around at the busy store. "All the time in the world and a pet unicorn." She said sarcastically. "Give me an hour?" I nodded. She forced a smile before going back to the counter.
"She remembers your order that's cute," MK says. "She remembered yours too," I note. "It's going to be okay." They say in unison. "Or this could end in more tears." I sigh out and pick up my mug sipping it slowly before breaking off a piece of my muffin. We sit and chat for a while but I try and plan what I was going to say to Nell.
Her mother came in and I waved to her and she smiled. Somethings wrong. I watched her talk to Nell they both looked serious. Wait what was Nell doing here? Something had to of happened. Annabella handed her a set of keys I assume the store keys before leaving swiftly. Nell touched her head with the palm of her hand before running her fingers through her hair.
"Somethings wrong," I say. "Liz you're just nervous." "No with Nell's family. Something is going on. She shouldn't be here and she's not due back until Thanksgiving. And Annabella always works Wednesday." "Maybe they had a change in schedule." "Nope," I say. "She doesn't like it here. She only comes back if she has to come back." "Lizzie, it's been a month since you guys spoke a lot could have happened." "Clearly because she's here."
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The rush had died down and I approached the counter. "Come through." She says nudging her head as she counted some change out. I slipped through and went to the backroom she took me to when Robbie attacked me here. I sat down and waited for her. She came through eventually. "Hi," I say suddenly feeling shy. "Hi." She said grabbing water and sitting down. "Are you okay?" I asked. She nodded. "Yeah." "What about your family? I saw your mum come in earlier." "Yeah, they're fine. What's wrong?" She asked. "Nothing." "So you brought me in here to talk to you about what exactly? Sorry for being so blunt I have a lot to do."
"Did you block my number?" She nodded. "Why?" "Because you didn't want to talk to me so I made it easy for you." "You sent your mum to check on me?" "I was worried. Your sister said you were really upset. You were alone and I was thousands of miles away." "Thanks." She just shrugged.
"You kissed me. And then refused to talk to me." She says bluntly. "It was embarrassing." "You didn't even give me a chance to talk to you about it." "I was mortified. Just ruined yet another thing." "If you let me talk maybe you would have been a little less freaked out. I tried to tell you we were fine and you just wouldn't listen." "Because you were just saying it to be nice." "How would you know that?" "Because it's what you do." I threw my hands up and she rolled her eyes. "Why are you even here then?" "I came to get a tea and a muffin." "There are millions of coffee shops why this one?" "Because I like this one... You can't block me from a coffee shop." I snarked.
"Are we done? I have." "Shit to do. I get it." I stand up and go to leave. I don't really know what my intentions were. "Cassie's sick." "Huh?" I turned to face her she looked really concerned. "How you sometimes get sick, Cassie is sick. That's why I'm home." "What happened?" "I'm not sure, she won't let me in the bedroom. And mum is too stressed to fill me in. I'm not being cold with you because I'm mad about what happened between us. I wish the aftermath was a little different but I'm mad at you. I'm just really tired." "Can I help?"
"You should go back out to your sisters." "Let me help." "There's nothing you can do." "What about the studio at New York and your work is it taken care of?" "Considering I'm here? No." I sit back down. "What can I do to help?" "What makes you feel better?" "You." "I flew out here and nothing." "She might just need time." "She's been like this for two weeks. They've upped her meds she's speaking to a therapist every other day. Nothing is working." "It's hard to break the cycle, the more tired she is the worse control she has over her emotions and it continues." I knew she knew this.
"How long have you been in LA?" "I got her this morning." "And you're working already?" "I sat with Cass for like two hours and then went to work. Someone has to." "This place could run itself... Go home sleep and then tend to Cassie." "I'm only here for 24 hours." "What?" "I have work. I can't afford to have time off when my business is picking up." "You have a studio here." "This was mine and dads and then I left and it was dads it's not mine I don't want any part in it."
"I do want to talk about the kiss, Lizzie. And about what you said." "You have enough on, you don't need to deal with my teen crush." "It's not dealing with it. I want to talk about it." "Why?" "Because you cut me out of your life without a second thought to what I wanted or felt. I want to talk about it." "I know what you're going to say." "I really don't think you do." We make brief eye contact. "Have you been sleeping?" She sighed. "Cassie will be fine. You're allowed to sleep." "Every time I sleep my phones rings and it's another problem. So I avoid it." "That's not sustainable." "I got to go." She says standing up and placing her water on the table.
"Do me a favour?" She turned to look at me. "Unblock my sisters and Scar... They're riding my dick about it." "I can't." She just walked away. I frowned and took a second to process before going out my sisters were still waiting for me, I took a seat. "How did it go?" "She has stuff on we didn't get to talk." "Did you ask her about the blocked numbers?" "Yeah." "So?" "She's not unblocking you until we've spoken." "Why?" "I don't know, MK." I snapped at her stressed. Knowing she was stressed, stressed me out.
"What happened back there?" Ash asked putting her hand on mine. "Cassie's sick... Like how I get sick and Nell isn't sleeping and she's only here for 24 hours. So unblocking you right now is the last thing on her priority list." Sounds of plates and mugs smashing made me jump and I looked over Nell was standing looking pissed as a waitress just dropped two trays of dirty dishes in the middle of the store.
"She's going to lose it," MK whispered. The whole coffee shop was quiet. Nell knelt on the floor and started to pick up the broken porcelain. She paused and stood up. "We're closing." She announced. "Bills are covered please everyone make their way to the front door. I'm sorry for the inconvenience." She says calmly. Her eyes glazed over. A waitress went over and she shrugged them off. "GET OUT!" She snapped. "Everyone get the hell out of here!" "I'm going to talk to her." MK stood. "Let me."
"Nell." I made her aware I was approaching as everyone left. "I'm sorry." "Can I help now?" She nodded slowly. "Come on." "We're taking the car," I announced to the twins pulling Nell out. "I need to lock up." "Where are the keys?" "In the office." "I'll text Ash." She nodded.
I drove us to her place, she fell asleep I wanted to talk to her about what was happening. Was there more to the story? "Nell, we're here." "Huh?" She sat up properly still pouting. "We're here." She nodded rubbing her eyes with the backs of her hand. I unbuckle my belt "Before we go in there's. a lot going on right now." "What?" I tilt my head listening. "It's dads anniversary today." "Oh, Nell." I reach for her hand. "So mums just very emotional and Jr is MIA and Anthony is drunk and he's not nice when he's drunk so I would avoid him." "I can't believe I've been stressing you out whilst you're dealing with this." "It's fine. Tony drinks sometimes he loses his job because it, moves home makes everyone's life hell for a few weeks, dad pays for rehab and he gets a job after and the cycle continues. Honestly, it's normal." I squeezed her hand. "The house is a mess so sorry." We sit for a second. "Okay." She says to herself like she had been giving herself a little pep talk before going inside.
"Stay close." She tells me before pushing the door open. "Mum?" Anna appeared at the top of the staircase she had been crying and she was wrapped in a blanket. "Elizabeth's here." "Oh." She quickly wiped her face. "Your brothers in his room." She nodded and reached for my hand pulling me along with her, I stayed close as we walked the halls until we reached Cassie's room. She knocked lightly before going in I went in with her still holding her hand. "Cass?" She spoke softly as she did with me when I was getting worked up. "Leave me alone." Nell let go of my hand and sat on Cassie's bed. "I said leaving me alone what don't you understand?" "Lizzie's here." Cassie sat up slowly. "Hi." I waved stayed by the door. "If Tony sees her." "Let me worry about Tony okay." Cassie nodded. Was he really that bad? "Do you want anything, water? Food?" "I don't want to get out of bed." "I'm not going to make you do that...But you need to eventually." "No, if I do it-" She was already panicking. "Okay, shh." Nell soothed her quickly. "I want you to leave." "Cass, I came here to help you" She sounded defeated. "I don't need your help! You don't even care! You never have you've acted like he never existed!" "I'm hurting too Cassie. We just deal with it differently." "Oh please." "Cassandra." "Just leave me alone and take her with you."
Nell got up and left. "I'll bring you something to eat up." She says before closing the door. We heard movement on the middle floor. "Shh." She said to me taking my hand. "Nelly?" "Yeah." She called back. "What are you doing home?" "Checking on Cass." "She hates you." "I'm very much aware of that." "Everyone does." "Okay, Tony. Go lay down, okay." His door slammed shut. She waited a few moments before leading me downstairs.
"Any luck?" "Nope, I'm going to make her something small to eat and I'll try again." "Make her some soup. The recipe is open." Nell nodded and I went to look at the cookbook, I helped prep, Nell was quiet the entire time, I could see her thinking hard but I didn't know what to say. "Ahh! Tony! Please!" Nell dropped the knife and took off sprinting up the stairs skipping a few, I followed behind her and got to the room in time to see her pulling Tony off of Cassie, I run to Cassie and wrap her in my arms, her nose was bleeding but she looked to be okay.
Nell slammed Tony against the wall. "Never fucking touch her again!" She warned holding him in place. He pushed her off him clearly being stronger than her but she went back for him. "You don't fucking do that! She's a kid! Get the hell out of this house now." "You can't make me do shit. You're not even part of this family anymore. You should have gone with fucking Ria." I shield Cassie's ears from his harsh words. "You don't go anywhere near her. You need to get help." He shoved her and she stumbled but caught herself. They went downstairs arguing and there was banging. I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Cassie, Lizzie are you okay?" Anna asked coming in. "He hit me." "Oh, my baby." She crawled to her mum and held her tightly. "You know he struggles, he didn't mean to hurt you." "It scared me." That broke my heart. She was shaking like a leaf her breaths uneven.
"Get the hell out of the house!" Nell screamed. I stood up and went to go. "Lizzie come here, sweetie," Anna asked me. "Close the door." "But." "She's okay." She didn't sound okay. She was seething with rage and he wasn't clear-headed either. I sat back on the bed and waited. The shouting stopped and then there was a slamming of the door. "Now?" Anna nodded and I rushed downstairs.
"Did he hurt you?" I asked holding her wrist. She pulled away from me. "I'm fine." She says holding her hands up to keep me from touching her and walking into the kitchen. "Nell." "I'm fine," She said again but added a forced smile this time. "Cassie was scared." "Mum shouldn't have had Tony here like that." "She wants to look after her kids." "There's no looking after him." She picked up the knife and began to chop the vegetables for the soup. "Eleanor." "Are you okay?" She asked locking eyes with me like she just realised what I had witnessed. "I'm fine, I'm worried about you right now." She didn't say anything and continued to cook. She took a bowl of soup up for her mum and Cassie.
"I'm heading out now." "Can't you stay?" Cassie asked her eyes all doe-like as she begged for her sister. "Oh, now you want me huh?" She teased. "Please." "I have to go but I'll borrow a car from a friend and drive up at some point." "That's a two-day drive." "Someone is passing geography." "Can't you get a flight?" "Nope, believe it or not, Cassie I had to dip into my rent to fly out here this week." "Sorry." "I'd sell the apartment for you, bug." She pecked her sister's head. "I love you, but I gotta go." "Thank you for coming Lizzie." "Anytime."
"If he comes back call me." "I will, honey."
"No case?" I asked. "Nope, just my camera." She picked it up from the counter and we walked out. "Need a ride?" "Please." I drove her to LAX. "I can pay for your flight back here." "No, it's okay. Ria's sister's boyfriend will borrow me the car for the week." "2 days of driving each way." "She's worth it." "But I could just" "We're bearly friends right now." I completely forgot about that whole situation until right now.
"Do you have the energy to talk about it now?" I asked. "My brain is fried. But I don't want you to think I'm mad at you or that I think any differently of you." "But I kissed you and told you I had feelings for you." "You technically didn't tell me, you shouted it at MK down the phone." "Right." I blushed not my greatest moment in history. "I wouldn't have let it change us you know." "But it changes everything, I crossed a line." "Scar and I kissed we're friends. Or was until I ghosted her." "She's pissed by the way." "Yeah, I've had emails from her." "Emails." "Yeah." "Really showing her age there." We both chuckled. "It didn't change anything for me, Elizabeth. You're my friend and I would have loved to keep you in my life but you made a choice. As long as you're safe and okay that's all I care about." "You care too much about people," I tell her in a factual tone. "Maybe, but it is what keeps me going."
"Did you want to talk about what Tony said?" I asked her carefully. "That was mild for him." "Or what Cassie said?" "Also mild." "It hurt you though. I saw it on your face." "Of course, it hurt. My dad was my world and he wouldn't want us at each other's throats on his anniversary. Jr is missing doing God knows what with God knows who. Tony has relapsed. Cassie can't leave her room." "And you're trying to hold everyone together." "It's what dad would have done." "But you're not your dad. You're his daughter." "Exactly and the only one able to keep this family put together." "Maybe let them figure this one out alone." "Cassie would have been hurt worse if I wasn't there. I shouldn't even be leaving her right now." "Then why are you?" I asked bluntly. "Because I hate it there, without a dad. I hate it. I hate pretending like life is perfect. Like I don't miss him like I'm not hurting. I can't grieve there it just makes me worse. So I'm being selfish." "That's allowed," I tell her. Turning into my estate. "What are you doing?" "Change of plans." "Lizzie I can't miss my flight." "You can fly home with MK and Ash." She shakes her head. "I'll pay." "No." "Please." "No, Elizabeth." "Eleanor, I've been a crappy friend I want to help." "I have work." I rolled my eyes. "You can use my computer to edit." She narrowed her eyes at me.
"ID miss," Matty asked Nell. She handed her ID over and he signed her in before letting us through. "I'm mad at you." "When are you not?" I teased as she pouted crossing her arms over her chest. "Can we forget about the past few weeks?" "I said that the night it happened." "Okay," I say. "So?" "Yes, Lizzie." I smiled and nodded.
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I lay on my bed as she changed, her back had developing bruises on it. I frowned she was bent down to pick up the top she dropped as I stood up and walked over to her. My fingers brushed over her back. "It's nothing." "He did this when you went down after him." "No." "Then who?" "He did it when I arrived this morning." I sucked in a breath. "It's nothing." "It's not, nothing. You were so firm with Robbie and you're letting it slide like it doesn't matter." "Lizzie he's my brother. I'm not letting it slide there's just not much I can do about it until he'd sobered up." She tells me, moving from my touch and pulling the top on followed by a hoodie.
"He's done this before. That's how you knew with me isn't it." "Lizzie." "No, I was so nice to him." She cupped my face. "He's never hurt me before." She made me look her in her eyes. "What changed?" I bit my lip after as it began to wobble. I didn't like the thought of her being hurt like I was hurt. "Dads not here to protect me anymore." She whispered. I wrapped her in my arms her head ducked down to rest on my shoulder. "I'm okay." I nodded still not letting go. It felt weird her knowing I liked her and she was still this affectionate towards me. She was acting no different to normal. "The twins have gone bed," I tell her. She came up to shower after we ate and the twins helped me clean up before going to bed themselves.
"What do you want to do?" She asked me. "Stay like this for a while." She moved her head so it was resting on top of mine and she swayed us a little. "I missed you," I whispered to her. "I missed you too." It's been almost a year of knowing her and she's probably one of my closest friends despite the hiccups we've had, she's someone I trust with my life, I trust she'd treat me like a person.
"Can we lay down?" She mumbled. "You tired?" "Yeah." She pulled away slightly to look at me, I nudged my head and we climbed under the sheets. She moved a pillow into her side and I laid my head on it. "You don't like physical contact all that much do you?" I asked her. She's always put a blanket between us or a pillow, it was only really when I hugged her that it was truly physical contact between us. "Not my favourite thing in the world, no." "Why?" She shrugged. "Was you hurt?" I asked looking up at her she was looking at the ceiling. "No, not like your thinking." "What happened?" "Trust is broken and it never really heals." She says vaguely dancing over the answer. "I'll try my best to not break your trust. I know I disappeared but I was always going to come back, I couldn't be away from you. you got me hooked." I joked and she chuckled. "We should get some sleep." I nodded.
We didn't end up sleeping right away, we spoke about the kiss and my feelings. She listened like she always did, not judging me and talking me down. It was kind of weird to talk to her about it because the feelings were directed at her but she was such a chill person that she made it easy to talk to her. She said no one would care if I chose to date a girl. My fans love me. I said I wasn't really sure what I felt completely. It was all so confusing. was I just attracted to her because she was nice to me and saved me from Robbie? Or did I actually like her? It was too confusing and talking about it I went through loops and twists trying to work it out.
She spoke to me about her dad for the first time. She told me how she felt how hard this year had been for her. She doesn't think she's processed it because she was too busy taking care of her siblings and she feels like she failed at doing that because Tony relapsed but I explained to her it wasn't her fault. She was worried about where he was so she texted him and he sent her his location and she chilled a little after that. I told her I think this year it's her turn to be selfish and to look after herself. She's only 21, she can't carry the weight of her family's grief forever it's not her job to do that And she can't act as the boxing bag for her family either. They all take lashes at her whenever they're upset and she's expected to take it. But it hurts her.
We eventually settled to sleep and I was content. The day was awful but I made up with my friend and that was important for me. She even unblocked our numbers. MK will be happy. Though she's currently pretending to be mad at Nell. Nell told her to grow up and then continued to eat her dinner. She wasn't as smiley and happy as she normally was and she checked her phone every few minutes, I could see her anxieties bubbling but she didn't go into a meltdown. I was glad the twins went to bed so we could actually talk. I think we'd be okay, I just needed to get over myself and stop assuming what she's thinking because it's not helping us.