Essence
Pulling my eyeshadow palette from out of my vanity drawer, I continued to do my makeup as I listened to Tracy speak to me over FaceTime. We made sure to check in with each other at least every two weeks. She wanted to make sure I was healing properly and wanted me to know that if I ever needed somebody to talk to, she was there. I appreciated her help and guidance throughout all of this.
"My main focus is your mental health." She said, and I paused from doing my makeup so she could see that she had my attention. "I know right now you're focused on music, but I want you to prioritize yourself. Self care and self love is extremely important especially after everything you've been through."
"And I understand that completely, which is the main reason why I've been focusing on music so much, it gives me peace of mind. I've also been writing my thoughts down in a journal, like you suggested, and it's been helping me process my emotions."
"Are you still having those nightmares?" She asked, and I hated to admit to her that I was. I wasn't sure why I was having nightmares all of a sudden, but I wanted so badly for them to stop. Each time, it was the same thing, my fight with Jeremiah.
"Yeah, I am and it's starting to affect my sleep schedule. I have things to do throughout the day, so I can't spend the day sleeping, but I can't seem to go to sleep at night."
"You know what?" She spoke with a thinking look on her face. "Why don't you call me whenever you have a nightmare and I will stay up with you and we can talk about it."
"You want me to call you at three in the morning?" I asked her in a disbelieving tone. On the weekdays she had to be to her office for seven in the morning. There was no way she was going to stay on the phone with me that late when she had work the next day.
"If that's what it takes. If you walk me through the nightmare and talk about what you're feeling at that very moment when everything is fresh, you might be able to sleep afterwards."
I wasn't sure if Tracy's idea was going to work or not, but at this point I was willing to try anything. We talked for a little while longer and she shared a few more techniques with me that would help me sleep before we ended the FaceTime. After putting the final touches on my makeup, I headed downstairs to see what Eli was up to. It's been a month since he's been back home and he still hasn't said why he was back. Whatever the reason was, I was happy it brought him here. This month gave us a chance to do something that we didn't get to do last time he was home. A chance to talk, actually talk without any arguing and I felt like I finally had my brother back. He was even helping me out music wise, something I've been wanting him to do for a while now.
"What'chu doing?" I asked Eli as I passed him on my way to the kitchen. He was sitting on the couch with his laptop. As I turned the corner, I saw a pound cake that my mom baked for me sitting on the kitchen counter. My birthday was tomorrow and she knew that pound cake was my favorite. I grabbed a plate and a knife so I could cut me a slice.
"Aye, come look at this." Eli said from the living room. I grabbed my slice of cake before making my way over to him. "You saw this?"
He had the computer on youtube and the screen showed that he had pulled up the song that I uploaded on there. A month ago I put the song out and it had a hundred and fifty thousand views already. I was surprised by the numbers, but I figured they were only like that because people were nosy as hell and wanted to see if the song was trash or not since it had my name attached to it. That was fine with me though. As long as they continued to run those numbers up, I didn't care, I welcomed all ears.
"Yep, I checked it last night. That's crazy right?"
"Hell yeah. This song was a really good choice to put out as your first single. And Delani did his shit with that cover." He said as he scrolled through the comments. His statement about the cover art made me remember something. So, I ran upstairs to grab my laptop before running back down and flopping on the couch next to Eli. As soon as my computer came on I went straight to my emails.
Delani was supposed to be sending over another cover art for the song I was going to upload this month. I decided I would put out one new song every month for twelve months straight. Last month it was It's Not You and this month it was going to be Better Days. I had a handful of songs that I recorded in the studio and I had to do something with them, so why not.
"Wow." I said once I opened the email. The design and detail of the cover was beautiful. "Look at this, Eli."
"That's hard." He said, admiring the art. Eli was the one who recommended Delani to me and I was thankful for the suggestion because so far, Delani didn't disappoint. He was an amazing graphic designer. "Okay. So since you're really doing this, let's talk."
"About?"
"About plans for your career." I liked the sound of that, my career. "I think you can go far E, but you need a team. All those famous music artists that you know and listen to, they didn't get where they are by themselves. You got somebody who can produce your music and someone who can design your graphics, but soon you're going to need more than that."
"More like what?"
"Well, for starters, you're going to need a manager. Someone who has connections with people in the industry who can negotiate deals for you and help you build your brand."
"I can't afford a manager let alone an entire team." I said, starting to feel a little overwhelmed. I guess I didn't really think all of this through, I didn't have a strategy in mind. I was legit winging it.
"Essence, managers get paid a percentage of your earnings as an artist, so they don't get paid until you get paid. You don't pay them anything upfront." He said, placing his laptop to the side. He was in full business mode. "Listen, I have someone in mind who would be perfect for you. If she's willing to meet with you, then the two of you can get a feel for each other and see what happens. This could be what you need to get to the next step. She lives in Atlanta though, but there's a lot of opportunities in ATL."
"Eli, wait, just stop. You're saying a lot right now." I said, setting my laptop to the side as well. How the hell did we go from admiring the cover art for my single to talking about me relocating to Atlanta? This was way too much business talk for one day. "I hear what you're saying, but imma need a minute to think everything over. This is a lot to take in and I really wasn't planning on leaving the city."
"I'm not trying to overwhelm you, I'm just trying to help." He said as he eased up a bit. "I know more about this business than you do, so I'm trying to point you in the right direction. Take as much time as you need to think."
I knew he meant well and everything he was doing for me was appreciated. Hearing him say all those things just made everything feel a whole lot realer. I was actually chasing my dream and this shit was going to be tougher than I thought. I told Eli I would think everything over and I was, just not right now. Instead, I reached out to Maya and Morgan because I felt like getting out of the house. My car was fixed, but I still didn't feel like driving. Due to the nightmares and me not getting any sleep, I was feeling a bit sluggish. I was laying across my bed on top of the covers when Maya called to tell me she was outside.
"Do people even go to the movies in the daytime?" She asked as she pulled out of my driveway. It was a little after 3pm and the movie didn't start until 5.
"They have movies scheduled to show in the daytime, so somebody's watching them." I said, pulling my phone out to text Morgan to tell her we were on the way. "The way I'm feeling, the movie might end up watching me."
"I'm definitely stopping at the dollar store to get some snacks because this theater is not about to finesse me." Maya said, and I agreed. There was no reason why a small box of candy should be five dollars.
We made a quick stop at a dollar store that was close to Morgan's house and we grabbed so much stuff that I doubted we would even be able to eat everything. I made sure to get some of Morgan's favorites as well and since my birthday was tomorrow, Maya decided she would pay for all of my snacks. Five minutes later, we were pulling in Morgan's driveway.
"Here she goes with that damn camera." Maya said as we watched Morgan make her way to the car. She had her camera held out in front of her as she talked to it.
"Hold on vlog." Morgan said as she opened the backdoor. "Why is she driving? I want to actually make it to the movie theater. Essence, I know you got your car fixed."
"Y'all both say the same thing yet y'all still get in the car with me." Maya pointed out and it was the truth. I think we just liked the adrenaline rush we got from almost dying. It was a thirty minute drive to the movies, so in the meantime, we decided to play a little game.
"Okay. You see the guy in the car next to us?" Maya asked as we approached a red light. "I want you to repeat those lines to him."
"I don't wanna say that stupid stuff." I pouted.
"You have to." She insisted. I looked back at Morgan and she just laughed while pointing her camera at me, she was still vlogging. I rolled my window down and tried to get the attention of the white guy in the car. He looked at me confused but still rolled his window down as he adjusted the glasses on his face.
"Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be fine print. If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you." I said in my best flirty voice. The guy looked even more confused than he was before and I quickly rolled my window back up. Maya and Morgan thought it was so funny.
"Go, press on the gas." I said, my face covered in embarrassment. The guy was still staring at me from his car. He probably thought I was crazy.
"It's a red light." Maya protested. "Look at his face. Yeah, he definitely thinks you're retarded, for sure."
"It wouldn't be the first red light that you ran." I told her, but she remained still as her and Morgan continued their fit of laughter. A second later the light finally turned green. They were laughing now, but they wouldn't be in a second because it was my turn to give them something stupid to do. After making Maya get out of the car and twerk on the hood for thirty seconds at the next red light and making Morgan throw back five shots of the Hennessy that Maya kept in her backseat, we had finally made it to the movie theater.
The movie we saw was called King Richard, it was the story of Venus and Serena Williams and it was actually pretty good. I was able to stay awake throughout the whole thing, so I was glad. I was sleepy as hell since I had been up since three in the morning.
I planned to head straight to bed as soon as I got home. If any nightmares occurred, I was going to take Tracy up on her offer and give her a call.
Maya dropped Morgan off first before dropping me off at my house. Once inside, I started for the stairs, but something in the living room grabbed my attention. I paused for a second as I stared at the little girl sitting on the couch. She looked like she could be about two or three years old and was the cutest little thing. I was just confused about who she belonged to.
"Eli!" I called out as I took a seat on the couch next to the little girl. She was so preoccupied with watching the cartoon that was playing on the tablet in front of her that she didn't even look up at me.
"Wassup?" He asked, popping his head out from the kitchen.
"Umm, whose child are you watching and why the hell did the parents think it was a good idea to let you babysit?" I asked, looking from the child to him. Eli had no experience whatsoever with kids, they were better off watching themselves. So, as far as him babysitting - zero out of ten, would not recommend.
"She's mine." He said calmly as he handed her a cup of juice before heading back to the kitchen. The last thing I was expecting was for those words to leave out of his mouth. And the fact that he was acting like this wasn't a big deal was blowing my mind even more.
"Elijah!" I yelled, getting up from the couch and following him to the kitchen. I watched as he put together a snack for her, putting peanut butter on Ritz crackers and cutting up a few apple slices. He was in full daddy mode and it was weird as hell. I felt like I was in an alternate universe. "What the hell are you talking about she's yours? How? Since when?"
"I'm not sure if mom and dad gave you the birds and bees talk, but when a man and a woman ---"
"I'm glad you think this shit is funny Elijah, but there's literally a little girl sitting on our couch right now." I said, interrupting him. "Make it make sense to me because I've never seen this child before. How do you become a father overnight?"
"Look, all of this is a shock to me too, alright? I wasn't expecting this shit, but since the DNA test came back and she actually is mine, I'mma do what I gotta do."
"So that's why you came back home again." I said, putting two and two together. "Does mom and dad know?"
"They're about to find out." He said as we heard them coming through the front door. I couldn't wait to see their reaction when they found out that they were grandparents. The fact that Eli was a dad was something that would take a while to get used to. I had so many questions. All I could say is good luck to that child, she's going to need it.
Kennsley