Day 70
"I wasn't-" he didn't let me finish, he just grabbed my arm and pushed me inside.
"Shh, I don't need to hear it." His rough voice reaches my ears as I stop myself from falling as his forceful push had knocked me off my feet.
He got inside and shut the door behind him, I could hear his footsteps getting closer to me, not wanting to face him I stay still, looking towards our Livingroom, not giving me a second to speak, he pulled me towards him by my hair. Tears had long made their way down my face. The smell of the alcohol in his breathtaking over my senses as he held me against the wall.
"What were you trying to do?" he whispers calmly in my ear, taking a generous breath into my hair that was in his hand.
"n-nothing" I choke through my word as fear takes over my entire being.
Please stop, I can't do this again.
I beg him with my eyes, but the only thing in his was anger.
"Don't lie to me!" his hands found their way to my throat, holding tightly, so tightly. I could only sob as the air slowly left my body.
He doesn't like it when I fight back.
"Why do you make me do this?" his voice breaks as he looks at me with a sad expression over his face before pushing me to the ground.
"You know I don't like it when you flirt with other men." He mends down towards me and his fist connects my cheek, the force making my head hit the floor. I start to feel the slow thick blood on my cheek as the tingling numb feeling takes over. But there's more to come, it never ends with just a punch "you know when you do shit like that you hurt me!" he yells, emphasizing the word 'Me' as if I'm the one hurting at the moment.
I'm sure he is, I did hurt him. That's why he's reacting like this, it's my fault.
"You don't care about me!" I groan as his foot connects with my stomach. I can only groan, I'm not allowed to make any louder noise, it would disturb the neighbours.
"You make me feel horrible!" and another kick.
"You make me do this shit! It's all because of you!" and another.
His breaths were ragged, loud, fast. I couldn't dare look at him, I could only lay there, hands covering my head, a shaking body, listening to his footsteps, trying to predict his next move, but no matter how many times I tried, his actions always caught me by surprise.
"what else do you want?" his voice is close, but not as close, he sounds sad, upset, almost agonizing. "I love you, and I care for you. I provide for you and you still go out there and flirt with others" he's close, I can feel his bearing presence over me, his hand softly caressing my hair, as if a was a vintage doll, ever so fragile. It's the way he is, he makes me feel slightly safe, then- he kicks me right in the stomach, knocking the air out of my lungs, I can't hold it anymore, I sob and cry, as quietly as I can. The pain shattered all over my body, but mostly in my heart.
"No one will ever love you like me!" and hit after hit, I become numb to the unbearable pain, I could feel the bruises painting over my body, the blood seeping out of the cut on my face and lip decorating my face as if I was his canvas that lacked some red. Calm, familiar... normal, strange things to feel in this situation, but honest nonetheless.
Get up.
I have to, I always have to get up and make him feel better. I move my hands away from my face and slowly open my eyes to find him sitting on the sofa beside me, head down in his hands, elbows on his knees, his baby blue shirt had become a darker colour from his sweat, his body was shaking.
It's my fault, I have to fix it.
So I sit up and crawl over to him, my body too weak to carry me. I take his hands in mine, his cheeks had streams of tears, his eyes guilty, how could I not love him, how could I be mad at him. He was forgiven before he even asked for it because I'm sure he will, he always does. He's good, better than anyone ive ever had, he feels guilty, he knows he did something bad, and he always makes up for it. I feel a sort of relief because now he will make up for it, and it's always good, he's always so loving and caring... until the next time.
"Sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my fault, it's all my fault. You're right, I shouldn't have smiled at him. I won't ever do it again, okay?" he couldn't look at me, it broke my heart, the way he looked so fragile. "Baby, please look at me. I'm sorry. I love you, and I only want you. Why would I ever want anyone else?" I give him a genuine smile, as his eyes catch mine, tears still streaming down both our faces. He squeezes my hands and slowly guides me onto his lap, his hands wrap around me as he tucks his face into my neck, laying soft kissed on my skin. A sigh leaves my tired body, and I simply put my head on his shoulder, enjoying his comfort.
"I'm sorry, love. Let me clean you up."
Shit!
I wake up with a gasp, frantically looking around me.
Where is he-
for the third time in a row, I had once again been awoken frightened by my own mind as it played back memories in dream form. I had assumed that it was Daryl's outburst that triggered my mind to bring back all the terrifying memories I had been desperately trying to avoid.
I took a breath of somewhat fresh air, with the disgusting scent of the dead. It was a worm day, too hot to be dehydrated. Which I was.
My body had regained its strength sooner than I had anticipated, which I was extremely grateful for. I had spent most of my time alone scavenging in some town I had come across after leaving the farm. I spent three nights and two whole days in the town, looking through the stores and messing around with random things.
I also did a lot of writing, I wrote everything that had happened since the day before finding Merle, it felt like ages ago, yet it was only 10 days time.
I found many resourceful things and some useless things, but most importantly -and my personal favourite finding- was an instant camera. It was brand new! with perfectly good batteries, and about 300 films that all ended up in my pack; including a sharpie marker.
When I got out of the store and finally headed my way out of the town and into the dry sunny woods that smelled of wooden old houses filled with tea leaves.
I walked further into the woods enjoying the peace and decided to try out my new camera. I had found myself in front of an abandoned car, with the sun shining through the trees, it was a beautiful scene, all for my enjoyment.
As the film came out of the camera and started developing, I turned it around and wrote on the back of it with the marker.
"Day 70 of the apocalypse, never been better!"
After a minute, the picture was fully saturated and clear.
"Jeez, I really do look like crap. Damn forgot to smile"
Smile...
Looking closer at the picture, it almost looked like I had greenish eyes.
Probably the photo.
Since it was still very early in the day, I decided to find some kind of water source to get cleaned up. And on my way there, I would hunt for whatever I could, as well as eat the dried-up food that I had found.
***
I was so lost, not physically, but mentally. I genuinely didn't know what I wanted, for the first time in my life, I was in control, no one was there to tell me what to do, or restrict me. which is why I didn't know how to deal with freedom.
What do I want?
Do I want to be with the group?
Do I want to stay on my own?
Hours had passed, but I had finally heard the faint sound of moving water, which I had started following. I had also caught a total of two small squirrels by luck. Definitely not skill.
Finally reaching the small waterfall, I started washing my hands clean and eventually washing my face with the cold water. The soft water brushed over my dirty skin, awakening my senses, the water slowly dripping down my face, down to my neck and onto my maroon shirt.
But suddenly a loud horse whined from above me. followed by the rustles of the bushes and the grunts of what I had assumed was a walker who was falling down the hill landing in the shallow water. I quickly hid behind the bushes beside me, hoping the walker wouldn't see or smell me. I didn't want to kill it, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to.
I watched closely as the walker stayed still for a couple of minutes, which was strange, they always moved until you killed them.
Slowly the walker struggles to get up, holding its side, and desperately trying to get out of the water. That's when I knew, it wasn't a walker.
The man was holding his side and grunting in pain, it seemed as though he was injured on his side. Splashing water as he aggressively stepped out of the water.
I didn't know what to do, I didn't know if I should approach the injured man or leave him be.
I remember the advice that I had given to Morales.
"Don't let your guard down. Don't trust people they're the real threat."
I decided to mind my own business, and not show myself. I planned to wait for him to leave and then get back to my business. The man cut off a part of his sleeve and sued it as a tourniquet around his waist.
Smart.
I was watching carefully, almost admiring the man's capability to stay calm and on track to save his own life. Until the bush beside me rustled, making the man turn around and reveal his face. In that moment, I was completely oblivious to whatever was making the noise beside me, the man's face had taken away all my attention.
I quickly stood up from the bush and walked forward to get a better look at the man, who had also seen me.
"Elleanore?"
Shit
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Wattpad is deciding not to work, I've edited this chapter a few times yet the unedited version keeps publishing, I've given up.
I've also gone in and edited/changed some things in the earlier chapters, nothing major.
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