You, Me, and the shadow chapter fifty-four
RPOV
"What? No. What are you talking about? Aunt Tatiana is Queen. We're not supposed to take over for a while. We're not ready." I babble out quickly, the slight panic rising in my voice.
"It's true, Dearie. I've abdicated. You and Dimitri are now our reigning monarchs, just like the prophecy said you would be." Aunt Tati adds, stepping forward and laying her hand gently on my leg, resting near the end of the bed.
"Of course, I will remain on hand to aid you and carry on as your advisor, we don't expect either of you to step into the role straight away, especially after what you just went through, but it's true. As of yesterday morning at nine pm, I relinquished my title to the both of you."
What? I'm Queen? What?
My brain is running at a mile a minute as I try to fathom the fact that I'm now Queen, and Dimitri is my King. I must look ridiculous as I sit there Frozen on the spot staring into space, but I can't help it. Because seriously. What the fuck?
"Roza. You're starting to give me a migraine." I hear Dimitri's voice break through my internal turmoil as he snaps me out of it.
Turning around to look at him with wide eyes, I'm still in shock. The annoying thing is that he looks as cool as a cucumber. He's not stressed at all. I don't get it.
"I'm giving you a migraine? I'm having a full-on coronary. How can you be so calm about this? You're the King, Dimitri. Aren't you even the slightest bit freaked out?" I ask him, completely bewildered by his response to the news.
"I figure that it was going to happen eventually anyway, so what's the point in stressing over it." Shrugging his shoulders and then looking deep into my eyes as he raises his hand to caress my face, he continues.
"What you don't seem to understand, Roza, is that I would literally walk through hell and back with you if that's what you needed. This isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things when we have just ended a war that has spanned all of known history. Plus, we are as ready as we will ever be. This is what you were born to do, Milaya, and I will do it with you, by your side, like always."
He is so impassioned in his speech that I can't help but believe him. Nuzzling my face into his hand, I close my eyes, take a deep breath for a second, and then let all my fears out.
"But what if I'm not ready? What if I make a shit Queen?" Looking down, I release an unsteady sigh as a tear escapes my eyes. "What if they all hate me? I don't exactly have the best reputation. What if the people don't accept me being Queen?"
"Roza." He sighs, tone full of empathy as he lifts my gaze to meet his and sweeps his thumb across my cheek, wiping away the few tears that have trailed down it.
"You will make an excellent Queen. The people will love, respect and revere you just like I do, just like everyone in this room does. You are ready, Milaya."
"How do you know? I have no idea how to do it. I don't know how to be what everyone needs me to be." I ask, looking at him like he holds all the answers in the universe because to me, he does, and he always will.
"I know because when you stepped out onto that field before the battle, our men were afraid; they were apprehensive, but you stepped out in front of them and gave them something to fight for. You impassioned and invigorated them with words alone, and in those moments, you were their saving grace. You were the light that they followed......
I know because you prepared this entire academy for a full out war. You planned an entire battle strategy and did so with skill, wisdom and forethought. You included those with experience in your decision making, and you took advice and direction when someone made a rational point or logical idea. You saved millions of people within the span of a single night, and you avenged all those lost lives that came before......
You proved yourself a leader worth following. You proved that you are so much more than what anyone needs you to be, and you achieved all of that by just being your amazing self without even trying. So imagine what you could accomplish when you really put your mind to it. And even if it does take us a while to get the swing of it, who cares? We have an eternity to make a difference and learn. But I don't think it will take us too long."
I can't help but stare at him in astonishment. My breath caught in the back of my throat as more tears fall. Well, shit.
There is nothing I could say to compare to that, so I do the one thing that my instincts tell me to. I lunge forward and catch his lips with my own, kissing him with all the love, desperation and gratitude I feel towards him, and he returns it with just as much vigour.
I really can do this. With Dimitri by my side, I can do anything.
Hearing someone clear their throats, we pull away from each other and look in the direction of the interruption, only to see everyone trying to avert their eyes away from us.
"Should we leave you two alone and come back later or what?" Eddie asks, looking very uncomfortably at the ground.
"No." I say, at the exact time as Dimitri says, "Yes." With a smirk on his face and his arms making their way around my waist. I tap his hands away and elbow him slightly in the ribs before focusing my attention back onto our family and clearing my throat.
"No. It's fine. We will have time for ourselves later." I emphasise my point by sending Dimitri a knowing look, causing him to grin and remove his hands from me, much to my chagrin.
I expect to have a lot of fun later, but for right now, there are things I need to know.
"Anyway. Moving along. What's happened since the battle, other than what you've already told us? And when can we get out of here? I'm starving." I whine dramatically, making everyone chuckle and turn their full attention back onto Dimitri and me, seeing as we are no longer in a compromising position.
"When aren't you hungry, Rosie?" Christian asks with a sigh as he observes me with a strange expression on his face, causing me to scrunch up my eyebrows in confusion. "Are you alright, Chris?" Worry was evident in my voice, making everyone look between us in their own state of bewilderment.
Christian looks at me, then at Dimitri, that unidentified emotion still present on his face. "Yeah. I think I am. it's just." His voice is quiet and reserved, something I'm not used to when it comes to him.
"It's just what? You're not having side effects from the blood, are you?" I ask, not even knowing what they could be if he were. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with him.
He just shakes his head slowly, but doesn't elaborate.
Turning towards Ed and Lissa, I show them my concern. "How long has he been like this?"
"He's been quiet since you were both carried back. He's just stayed outside your room the whole time." Lissa explains, looking as confused as I feel.
Focusing my attention back on my brother, he looks fine. He doesn't have any visible injuries, and he seems healthy, a little sleep deprived maybe, but other than that, fine.
"Chris? What is it? Your starting to scare me."
Did my blood have some sort of reaction? Have I broken Christian?
I feel Dimitri's hand move to rub my arm soothingly, but it only helps slightly.
"I felt it." Christian finally says, but his voice is quiet and sad.
"Felt what?" I enquire uncertainly.
"Everything." He closes his eyes and drops his head before he continues. "I felt the moment you saw Dimitri get stabbed. I felt the pain. I felt the power. Everything." Oh, god. I Broke Chris.
I don't know what to say. I didn't even think that it would have affected him, but clearly, he's struggling. I mean, I know what it felt like, and he would have only had the residual feelings, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well, that's a lie. There are some people I would wish pain on, but that's neither here nor there.
"Christian. Come here." I command him gently, and I watch as he walks towards the bed slowly until he takes up the spot Baba was in a second ago as Baba moves out of the way for him.
"Chris. Look at me." He timidly lifts his head until I see that he is lightly crying, so I lean forward and throw my arms around him in as tight an embrace as I know he can handle. "I'm so sorry you had to feel any part of that. I know it must have been intense, but it's over now. It's done. You never have to feel it again, OK?" I feel like a mother trying to comfort her child.
I feel him shake his head slightly against my shoulder as he takes in a deep breath.
"No, you don't get it, Rose. I'm not upset for me; I'm upset for you." He pulls away from our hug until we are at arm's length, but I'm even more confused than before.
"I've known about yours and Dimitri's feelings for each other for a while. I know that you two share a love that no one else could ever fathom, but I honestly had no idea. When you saw the dagger go in." We both seem to cringe at the memory, but clearly for different reasons. "I never thought that amount of pain was humanly possible to endure. It's like the earth shifted. I'm sorry that YOU had to feel it."
Oh. Before I can respond though, he continues.
"It's like you were prepared to set the world on fire, and when the power hit, it felt like you could. It was a lot to take in, but I know what I felt was nothing compared to what you were feeling. I'm so sorry, Rosie. I'm so sorry that both of you have had to go through so much for us all. I'm sorry that no one else will ever truly understand. But I want you to both know that I get it. And thank you. Whatever either of you needs of me, you will have it, from this day to my last."
I'm a little taken aback because I was not expecting that. I thought he would have this big existential crisis, not this. But I'm so relieved and immensely touched by his sentiment, and I can sense that Dimitri is too. But I don't exactly know what to say. This is new for mine and Christians friendship.
"EEERM. Thank you?" I guess, a bit at a loss as to what else to say. At least that gets a small smile from him though.
"Look, Chris. Don't feel sorry for me about what you felt on the battlefield; it was a means to an end, and I have Dimitri right here; I'm fine. We're fine. I would go through it all again, a million times over if it had the same outcome. It was worth it, no matter the pain it caused. And I don't expect anything from you that you're not willing to give. I just want my brother by my side, that's all."
He looks up at me for the first time since he came to the bedside with a smile on his face, nodding his head. "I can do that."
"Good. Now come here, you dickhead, and don't you dare ever scare me like that again. I thought I broke you." I say with a chuckle and receive one in return as he throws his arms around my shoulders. "Not yet, Rosie, but you still have time." He states, sounding much lighter than he did before. Flicking his ear, I don't respond because I'm just glad he's back to his type of normal.
After a moment, I pull away, and after exchanging a subtle, understanding nod with Dimitri, he walks back over to where he stood before, between Ed and Liss.
"Right. Now that that's cleared up, we have shit to handle. Could someone ask the doctors when we can get out of here? And can someone get us fresh clothes and some food? These clothes smell like a two-day-old battle. I need to speak with Baba, Mum, Uncle Pavel, Aunt Tati and Mama Al." I reel off the things we need, and I watch as everyone nods.
"Of Course, Rose. Come along, Mark, Children. Our Queen has spoken." Oksana says, indicating to Adrian, Lissa, Chris and Eddie whilst throwing me a wink and a smirk.
"Hey. I'm not a child." Adrian pouts out, crossing his arms in defiance. Oksana just looks him up and down, raising her eyebrow until he releases his arms, looking sheepish. "As I said, come along, children."
I can't help the giggle that escapes my mouth as each of them comes to give both Dimitri and me a hug before following Oksana out of the room. She really would make a great mum.
Once it's only the seven of us remaining, the atmosphere in the room changes as my face turns serious, sitting up straighter and clearing my throat.
"Ok. Hit me with it. What's the damage? How many did we lose?" I ask no one in particular.
"Eight hundred and eighty-two out of a total of ten thousand nine hundred and forty-three fighting, moroi included. The dead consist of one hundred and twenty-six moroi and seven hundred and fifty-six dhampir. It may seem like a lot, but compared to how many strigoi we faced, the numbers are remarkably low." Mum announces, sounding every bit the seasoned guardian that she is.
She's right, of course, but that doesn't dimmish the fact that nearly nine hundred people lost their lives under my command. Sighing and trying to avoid the dark pitted feeling deep in my stomach, I ask my next question.
"What about wounded? How many of them?"
"Pretty much everyone had some form of minor injury, be it scrapes, minor bites or bruises, but infirmary worthy injured numbered one thousand and three. Most have already been discharged, but no one has left the academy as of yet. Everyone has been waiting on you two to tell us what to do. Our people face an unprecedented time with no strigoi left to fight or defend against." Baba adds, and I know he says that because some dhampir will undoubtedly not want to return to guarding.
The statistics are actually outstanding compared to what they could have been. But I know it will take me a while to accept so much loss.
Casting my mind back to the fight, it was difficult to see so many bodies lying lifeless on the ground.
"Where did you put our fallen? I doubt the academy has suitable facilities to house that many dead." Dimitri asks, drawing my attention back into the room. It's a good question. Every life lost deserves a proper funeral.
"They are in a makeshift morgue in the basement. Those with families or willing charges already have transport arranged for later today. We aren't sure what to do about those without. We don't have sufficient space here for burial, and arranging alternate locations could take weeks. They deserve better than that." Alberta says, looking downcast and a little pissed off.
She's right; they do deserve better. Their charges should take responsibility for their lost guardians.
"Yes, they do. I want a list of names of all those moroi who refuse to accept their guardians remains for burial and ensure their remaining guardians are removed from their service. They won't be needing them now anyway. Also, we will arrange for a cremation service to be held here tomorrow for all those that remain." I declare, receiving nods of approval in response.
Letting my mind travel back to the battle, everything plays out in my head. There was so much loss, so much death. I feel sorry for the strigoi in a way. Most of them wouldn't have chosen that, but at least they are at peace now.
That's when it hits me. Shit. Shooting out of bed like lightning, avoiding all the confused looks I receive, I shout out, "Where are the unconscious wounded?" I receive bewildered looks in return, but no answers, so I ask again louder this time.
"Where are the unconscious wounded?"
"Roza? What's wrong?" I hear Dimitri ask, sounding worried. I know that the block is still on my memories, which I'm thankful for.
"I'll explain everything after. Just please tell me where they are." I say, focusing on Baba and Alberta for an answer.
"Erm, they're down the corridor in bay two. What's this about, Rose?" Alberta announces, sounding even more confused, but without answering her, I run out of the room and down the corridor, hearing them follow me as I do.
He'll still be asleep because of the compulsion. I promised him I'd go back for him.
Shit.
Ivan.