Once he stood at the gates of Minho’s residency, he already regretted being so impulsive.
It had taken him two minutes to look up the place and it didn’t take long to get there by Uber. None of the household staff had dared to ask him where he was going when he had stormed out of the house, though they might have already contacted Taeyeon by now.
But now he was here and he wasn’t really sure what to do. How should he explain to Minho that he fled from his husband and the first person he thought of going to was him? After not talking to him for almost three months? And before that, he first had to get in. Minho might not even be home right now.
Exactly at that moment someone stuck his head out of the gate house. Thankfully, he seemed to see on his clothes that he was not some beggar or something, though irritated by the travel bag on his side.
“Sir, can I help you?”
Jisung looked up, thoughts running through his head, before cramming out his wallet and pulling out his ID card.
“I’m Han Jisung. I need to see Mr. Lee. It’s urgent.”
Interestingly enough, the man didn’t ask any more questions after hearing his name, and just pressed the button that opened the gate. That was typical of Minho to be so careless with his security. Normally you would only let someone in if their visit was announced or after getting permission of the house owner.
Either way, this made things easier for him. He walked inside, taking a deep breath now that the first step of the whole ordeal was done.
Minho’s garden was huge. Like, their garden was big, but his was basically a park, full of small trees, tiny paths and benches and pavilions everywhere. He even spotted a couple of bird houses.
And behind that, barely visible from his point of view, a white villa protruded over the trees. It had golden touches on the windows and roof gables. And, just like Minho had proudly told him, the whole roof was covered in solar panels, apparently able to provide all needed energy for the house.
“Sir, do you need a ride?” The man pointed to a car parked by the gate house.
“No, thanks, I will walk.” He really didn’t want to sit in a car with a stranger that was wondering what he was even doing here right now. And maybe walking would help him get better ideas on how to explain his situation to Minho. Besides, the garden looked too beautiful to not walk through it.
“Alright”, the man said hesitantly. “Then please follow the main path right here.” He pointed to a small path that followed the route of the broader gravel path made for cars. “Someone will be waiting for you at the entrance.”
Jisung bowed to show his thanks and then started walking. Minho’s garden was really beautiful. He had always thought the other was joking when he said his garden was better than Central Park but, though not quite as big, at least in Jisung’s eyes it really was. He found a bunch of cute little fountains in Greek style, more bird houses and even some cats sleeping on benches. For a moment he forgot about all the worries buzzing through his head.
But only until he finally reached the veranda of the majestic house, where a maid was already waiting for him. He felt his anxiety rise.
“Good morning, Sir Jisung. How are you today? Please come in.” At least her voice was beyond friendly, and she didn’t call him by Taeyeon’s last name. He was starting to wonder if Minho had told his staff how to act if he ever came by.
“Please take these slippers”, the maid continued once he had stepped inside. “Sir Minho is already waiting for you in the lounge.”
So Minho was home. Jisung’s heart dropped into his stomach. He wasn’t sure if this fact made him relieved or nervous.
Once he had changed his shoes and put down his bag, the woman led him down the hall to a room with a large double door. She opened the door and announced: “Sir Minho, Sir Jisung is here.” Then she closed the door and Jisung was alone with Minho.
He had been looking down until the door was closed, but now he looked up and saw Minho sitting on a dark red sofa in the middle of the room, a light version of his characteristic smile on his face. He raised one eyebrow questioningly.
That was all it took for Jisung to break down. He threw himself on the floor right in front of Minho and started crying uncontrollably.
“Minho… Minho, I…” He couldn’t manage to get out a full sentence. It was like all the pain he had gone through the past few months was spilling out of him right now.
“I just… I can’t do this anymore.”
“Hey.” Minho gently put a hand on his shoulder. His voice was soft as velvet. “What happened?”
“Minho, I…” Jisung started grabbing onto the fabric of Minho’s brown pants to pull himself up and hug the other’s knees. He felt Minho move back instinctively, but he didn’t stop the younger from holding onto him as if his life depended on it while he continued sobbing.
After a short moment of hesitation, he started threading his fingers through Jisung’s hair with the hand that had originally held his shoulder. He stopped for a second when Jisung’s weeping got significantly louder at the first touch, but continued when he realized the other cried harder because he felt consoled, not because he didn’t like it.
It took a while until Jisung had cried it all out. He had probably never felt that much comfort ever since he had grown out of the age where parents show you open affection, so there was a lot he had to let go of.
Once he felt like he was done, he sat up, rubbing his eyes and hesitantly looking up at Minho, slowly starting to get embarrassed about his sudden outbreak.
The other had a soft smile on his face, and just waited for him to talk.
“I just can’t do this anymore, Minho.” Jisung started sobbing again, hiding his face in his hands. “Whatever I do, it’s always wrong, and everyone talks bad about me, I mean I did everything to make them stop believing these rumors but I don’t think they even want to. They all just hate me, and Taeyeon says it’s my fault but it’s not, I mean I never did anything wrong.” The words kept spilling out of his mouth. “And now they want me to have a child, and Taeyeon wants me to meet this horrible guy that spread rumors about me even though he knows how I feel and-“
“Jisung.” Minho put his hand back on Jisung’s shoulder to calm him down. “Relax. It’s okay. You’re here now.”
Jisung tried to take a few deep breaths, focusing on Minho’s hand on his shoulder, knowing the other was there. “You need to help me, Minho!”
“How?”
“Let me stay here!”
Minho’s expression hardened.
Jisung looked at him pleadingly. “Please.” Tears started brimming in his eyes again.
“And then?”
“What do you mean?”
“What happens then? I let you stay here and then? Will you get a divorce and turn your back on your family?” He looked at Jisung questioningly.
The other buried his face in his hands again. “I don’t know. I mean, I can’t do that. I don’t know what I should do. I just need someone to help me right now.”
“Jisung, you know this will affect me, too, right? People are already turning their backs on me, I can’t get business deals passed anymore because people think I have an affair with a married man. If I keep you here, you know what they will think.” Minho’s face was serious. “And you think they won’t look for you here? Let’s face the truth, this will be the first place they’ll go to, and if they find you here, we’ll both be fucked.”
Jisung looked at him with glassy eyes. “So you won’t help me?” He sniffed.
Minho’s expression got a bit softer when he looked at him, but hardened again quickly. “I will give you 3 days. 4 days max. Till then you’ll have to figure out what to do next. I think I can keep them away for that long.”
When Jisung didn’t say anything, and just kept staring at him pleadingly, he added: “Of course, I will help you after, if you have a plan. But you can’t just hide here forever. This is no solution, neither for you nor for me.”
He ignored the tears that started running down Jisung’s cheeks again and got up. “But first you need to rest. C’mon. I’ll have someone prepare a room for you and in about an hour we’ll have lunch. You still have a lot of time to think.”
It hadn’t taken more than five minutes for a bedroom to be prepared for Jisung. Minho seemed to have guest rooms ready at all times.
Now he was lying in a large soft bed, buried in pillows that smelled at least slightly like Minho and could finally let his feelings run free.
He cried into the pillows while hugging them. This time it was a silent cry, a cry of relief, knowing that he was safe, at least for now.
Now that he was here, he realized how much of a toll these past months had taken on him. He couldn’t remember feeling this safe, this comfortable, in the last three months, if not ever since he got married.
He could still feel Minho’s hands threading through his hair. It was such a small gesture, but it meant more than any kind words that someone could have said. Taeyeon had never comforted him when he cried, he’d never even hugged him. He would always just leave the room.
It wasn’t like Minho didn’t want to help Jisung. If he could, he would have let the younger stay with him forever. He had been worried about him the whole time they hadn’t met after New York.
But he was a free spirit and had always been. As much as he liked Jisung, he didn’t want to tie himself down to caring for this man for who knows how long. He knew Jisung well enough, even after the short time they’d spent together in NYC. He was the kind of person to stay dependent on whatever person provided him safety and comfort. Of course he was sure Jisung liked him, otherwise he wouldn’t have come here. But he worried that if he kept the other here for too long, he wouldn’t find the strength to pull himself up again. He needed to find his own way to go as quickly as possible. And of course Minho would be there with him.
He also hadn’t been lying. All these rumors really had affected his business. At almost every meeting he had to explain that he had never had anything with Jisung, and not everyone just believed him like that. Not even talking about all his friends that asked him exactly the same thing.
In the eyes of all these wealthy fossil fuel company owners he might be immoral and not care about what others thought about him, but in reality he wanted people to see him as a good person, not someone who made out with married people.
It was definitely not Jisung’s fault, but he couldn’t change anything about it either. If he kept Jisung here, people would forever hold this against him, claiming that he had taken him away from his husband. No one would care if Jisung’s husband was the toxic one, what mattered was that he was respected in this society and Minho wasn’t. And people already hated him enough for rivaling with fossil fuel industries.
If he was being honest, he also was a bit frustrated that Jisung had come to him now, after avoiding him for weeks, acting as if their friendship they had built in New York had never existed. Not that he had expected it to be any other way, but it still hurt. The other had never taken any risk to ruin his reputation on his costs, but now that he needed help Minho was the person he came to.
And then there was this small salty feeling in the back of his chest that kept trying to come to the front that he had tried to warn Jisung many times before, and the other had never listened to him. He had knowingly put himself in this situation. He really didn’t want to blame him for not being able to escape the toxic environment he grew up in, but if he thought of his own history…
He put the letter away that he hadn’t really been reading anyways and got up to get ready for lunch. At least for now he should provide Jisung the comfort he needed, so that he could finally find the strength to get himself out of his situation. Hopefully things would be different after that.
When Jisung entered the dining room a bit later, the table was already set and Minho was sitting on one end of it, clearly patiently waiting for him to arrive. He noticed that every seat on the long table had one setting, as if Minho wanted Jisung to have the freedom to choose where he wanted to sit.
He chose the chair right next to Minho, he felt the most comfortable next to him, and smiled at him shyly. “I’m sorry for being late.”
Minho just smiled back. “It’s okay. Let’s eat.”
The maid that had welcomed him at the door this morning put the dishes on their plates. Minho called her Mina, and it seemed like they were really close based on the conversations they had. At least compared to the relationship with staff that he was used to at home. But it seemed like Minho to not be a big fan of hierarchy in his own house.
“Thank you for letting me stay here”, Jisung said quietly after Mina left, Minho assuring her that they would be able to put the desserts on their plates themselves later on.
He wasn’t good at saying thank you. He really wasn’t. At least when it came to being genuine. But he felt like Minho deserved to hear it, no matter how uncomfortable it made him feel.
The other just smiled again and acknowledged it with a wave of his hand. It seemed like he wasn’t the kind of person that liked being thanked. How fitting.
After a short moment of silence, Minho said: “Changbin called me and said that they already called him to ask if he knows where you are.”
Jisung looked up quickly.
“Don’t worry. He told them you can’t be here because he’s with me in New York right now. They won’t believe it forever, but for now they should leave us alone.”
Jisung breathed out in relief. Of course he could trust in Changbin.
“I really hope he doesn’t get in trouble because of me”, he said quietly.
“He better not.” Minho’s face had gotten more serious. “You know I care about you, but he’s my best friend. I won’t let him be hurt by this.”
“I know…” Jisung’s voice was barely audible. He knew Changbin’s parents were really strict. That was why he hadn’t been able to talk to the other ever since he came back from New York.
“But don’t worry too much.” Minho’s face had gotten soft again. “He cares about you a lot, I know that. He would do anything to protect you. And he’s smart. They won’t be able to expose him easily.”
“How is Changbin even still allowed to talk to you?”, Jisung asked. He’d been wondering about this for ages.
“Well”, Minho smirked. “I’m very charming, you know?”
Jisung rolled his eyes.
“And his parents have known me ever since we were little. When my parents were on business trips, I stayed at their house. During the time my parents went through a divorce, I cried in Changbin’s mom’s arms every night. They may not agree with what I do, but they can’t cut me off completely.”
Jisung gaped. “Your parents are divorced?”
“Yeah, but that was long ago. I was seven. And they still live together.”
“Wait, so no one knows they’re divorced?”
“Nope.” Minho shrugged. “Bad for the business, you know?”
Jisung didn’t know what to say.
“That must have been hard for you.”
“Back then, yes. And maybe that’s part of the reason why it was so easy to let go of them when I started my own business. But honestly? It just becomes normal after some time. They were still nice to me, both of them, and they usually didn’t fight much after the divorce process was over.”
Jisung started thinking about his own parents. He had never wondered whether they were in love with each other. They were nice to each other, subtly affectionate. And they were his parents. Of course he had always assumed they were in love. But now he started thinking that maybe they were also just an arranged couple, like him and Taeyeon, and they just happened to get along fairly well.
“I think there are different ways of people living together”, Minho said as if he could read his mind. “And I don’t think you always have to be in love to be in a relationship. As long as you find a way to make it work. If two people want different things, that’s when it stops working.”
That was true. In the beginning, living with Taeyeon hadn’t been that bad. It was just that after some time they had different expectations for each other and their own lives as well.
“And can you please eat your soup now, before it gets cold? I only asked them to make it because I thought it would make you feel better after all the crying you did.”
It was nice being with Minho. He felt comfortable.
Generally it was comfortable living with Minho. The other had told him that he could roam around the house as he pleased, there was nothing there he shouldn’t see, and normally he would have never done that in another person’s house, but for Minho he knew that he really meant what he said. And it felt good to know that the other trusted him enough to not feel like he should hide anything from him.
Minho sometimes left the house to go to his office, but most of the time he worked at home and they always ate together. He didn’t pressure Jisung much on finding a solution to his problems, he mostly just focused on letting him enjoy his time here. He joked around with him a lot and sometimes it made Jisung forget that there was a dark cloud beside him at all times, just waiting to consume him.
He spent most of his days in Minho’s library, reading books. It calmed him down to focus on other people’s fates rather than his own. At night he usually watched TV with Minho. They had a similar taste in movies.
He knew he should think about what to do next, but he didn’t care to waste his time on it. There was nothing he could do. The only person that could help him was Minho, and he understood that Minho didn’t want to do it because it was too risky for him.
He couldn’t ask his friends for help. They wouldn’t understand him and just send him back to his husband. His parents would do the same anyways, but with a good scolding.
Getting a job… well, he had no experience, and who would even take him with the reputation he had? Even then, he would never be able to find something that could pay him an apartment. Apart from that, he didn’t even know how to do chores. He would literally die out there.
Every night he woke up from a nightmare of him sleeping somewhere under a bridge, feeling cold and people standing all around him, pointing at him and talking about him.
The days went by quickly. Soon it was already the night of the fourth day. Minho had talked to him at lunch, asking if it would be okay for him to leave the next day, and Jisung said yes because he didn’t want the other to have to shelter him for any longer. He didn’t want Minho to get mad at him or think that he didn’t appreciate all he’d already done for him.
Still, it hurt that this would be his last day with Minho. He had already gotten so used to the other’s company, to his jokes and dry comments, the daily TV nights, the meow sound his phone made whenever he got a new message… He wouldn’t dare to admit it, but he had already forgotten that he had ever even had another life than this. But this night it all came back to him.
Maybe that’s why he told Minho he wanted to spend some time alone after dinner and then sat in the library all by himself, staring at a book but not being able to focus on the words at all.
“Why are you sitting on the floor when there’s chairs all around?” Without him noticing, Minho had opened the door and come in. He sat down next to him.
“I like the floor. Makes me feel grounded.”
Minho smiled and pushed a strand of hair out of Jisung’s face. Jisung couldn’t help but lean into the touch, but it was over way too quick.
“Why did you not come watch TV with me tonight?”, he asked gently.
“I… I just wanted to think.” Jisung couldn’t look at him.
“And? Did you decide what you want to do?”
Jisung nodded. You could say that.
“Will you tell me?” Minho looked at him expectantly.
Jisung shook his head.
He could see the worry in Minho’s face. “Why?”
“Trust me on this.” Jisung put his hand on Minho’s knee calmingly. “I will be fine.”
“Will you contact me?”
Jisung nodded. Maybe one day.
He could see in Minho’s eyes that he wanted to probe him more, so he tried to distract him.
“I don’t remember Harry Potter being this boring.” He lifted the book in his hands.
“You’re only saying that because you started reading it right in the middle”, the other pointed out. Jisung really had just opened the book on some random page. He had never intended on reading it in the first place.
Minho leaned back against the armchair behind them. “So you’re not gonna watch TV with me tonight?”
Jisung shook his head again.
“Want me to stay here then?”
He was glad Minho had asked. He would have never brought it over himself to ask.
He nodded.
“Okay.”
Minho stretched out his legs, getting comfortable on the floor, and pulled out his phone to scroll through his social media.
Jisung pondered over it for a bit, but it was his last day with Minho, so he leaned to the other’s side and slowly rested his head on his shoulder, giving him enough time to stop him. Apart from that time when he had held on to the older for dear life while he was crying three days ago, Minho had never been one to show physical affection.
But he didn’t seem to mind, slowly starting to thread his fingers through his hair again. Jisung closed his eyes for a bit, just enjoying the comfort he might never get to feel again.
“You know, he never stayed with me when I was feeling down”, he said after a while. He didn’t have to specify who he was.
“It’s okay. You’re safe now.”
Yes. He was safe now.
The next morning he woke up with a bitter feeling. Either way he managed to get himself out of bed, packing his bags which he didn’t the day before and got ready for breakfast.
“You’re really not gonna tell me what your plan is?”, Minho asked.
Jisung forced a smile. “It’s a surprise.”
After breakfast, he got his things and got ready to leave. Minho was standing in the door, seeing him off.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the gate?”
“I like walking. Especially in your garden.” He didn’t want to give the other more opportunities to ask questions.
Minho sighed. “Okay.”
Then he spread his arm and let Jisung embrace him in a tight hug. Jisung didn’t want to let go, maybe if he didn’t let go he would never have to leave. But after a while Minho gently pushed him away.
He smiled at Jisung affectionately. “This is not the last time.”
Jisung tried to hide his doubtful expression by smiling back. Then he breathed a “bye”, and turned around, leaving behind him the house that had provided him the most comfort he’d ever felt in his life.