Thankfully, Taeyeon didn't mention what happened at the wedding anymore afterwards. They had gone home soon after Minho left. Taeyeon had been quiet and visibly in a bad mood, but he didn't seem to want to have an argument. The next day it was all like it used to be.
Only his mother approached him the next time they met to talk about it. She pulled him aside when Taeyeon was talking to his father.
"Jisung, I know you didn't mean any bad but you shouldn't be close to Lee Minho out of all people. You're married now. People might get the wrong impression", she said quietly but insistent. "Mrs. Kang even asked me if you have some connections to him."
Jisung knew this would happen, but he couldn't help but get offended. "What does it matter what Mrs. Kang thinks about me? I just wanted to dance, that's all."
His mom gave him a don't rebel against me look. "Jisung! It wasn't only Mrs. Kang, a lot of people were saying worse things. A married man shouldn't have that much fun dancing with another man, especially not someone like Lee Minho."
"What were they saying?", Jisung asked.
"That doesn't matter." She avoided his gaze.
Jisung knew exactly what people were thinking. These people seemed to think that someone couldn't enjoy themselves with someone without having a relationship with them. Well, their prejudices were very selective though. Had he danced with Hyunjin or Jeongin, or even Changbin, they probably wouldn't have said anything.
He wished he didn't care about it, but it bothered him. He knew the next time he'd go to a party everyone would have their eyes on him and wait for him to make another mistake. He'd just wanted to have some fun.
His mother sighed and patted his shoulder. "Just make sure it doesn't happen again." Then she went back to the dinner table.
On Friday he met up with Hyunjin and Jeongin. Seungmin and Felix were still on their honeymoon.
Apparently, nothing had happened between the two at the wedding. When Jisung asked about their dancing together, Hyunjin just laughed and said there was no one else available to dance with him but Jeongin, and Jeongin just shrugged and gave Jisung a sad smile. Jisung really had to get the boy alone to talk to him cause this was a hopeless case.
"You really made yourself the talk of the day, though", Hyunjin grinned, but there was some worry behind his cheerful expression.
Jisung rolled his eyes and threw his head back in annoyance. "I really just wanted to have some fun. Taeyeon didn't want to dance."
"How come Lee Minho always finds you, though?", Jeongin wondered.
"Twice. We only met twice. And I think it's just a coincidence, he probably likes annoying people and including them in his scandals."
"I don't know, I've never seen him with anyone else, really. He wasn't even invited to the wedding", Hyunjin stated.
"What are you trying to say?" Jisung gave his friend a taxing look.
Hyunjin raised his arms in defense. "Nothing. I'm just saying it's interesting."
Jisung kept glaring at him until Jeongin got between them.
"Let's not talk about this, this is stupid. Obviously Lee Minho is just some asshole that can't keep his nose out of other people's business."
Jisung nodded and felt consoled when he saw Hyunjin nod, too.
"Why didn't you two go on a honeymoon, by the way?", Hyunjin asked him.
Jisung shrugged. "Taeyeon said he was busy with work and couldn't get away. Honestly, I don't mind. I don't know what I would do alone with him for such a long time anyways."
"What do you mean?" Hyunjin raised his brows. "He's your husband."
"Yeah, but I..." Jisung wanted to say that he just married Taeyeon so his parents would leave him alone, but it somehow felt embarrassing to say it out loud. And his friends probably wouldn't understand him anyways.
"It's just... we haven't known each other for that long and sometimes I don't know what to do with him..."
His friends nodded understandingly.
"You really did get married fast. But you're gonna get to know each other quickly", Jeongin said encouragingly. Jisung doubted that, but he couldn't say that.
"And you're such a cute couple", his friend added. Jisung withstood the urge to make a disgusted expression.
"I really can't imagine getting married", Hyunjin stated. "I don't want to go through that process of getting to know someone and then having to live with them forever. What if I end up hating them?" You got it right, Hyunjin. That's exactly the problem, yet you don't see I have it. "Hopefully, as long as my modeling and acting career go well my parents will leave me alone about marriage."
"Maybe getting married to someone you already know would be easier", Jeongin suggested with a thin voice.
"Yeah, but who would that be?" Hyunjin pulled a face.
Jeongin and Jisung sighed simultaneously.
Hyunjin looked at them. "What?"
"Nothing", Jeongin said and quickly changed topic.
On Saturday, Jisung took his mom shopping - very tiring and very boring - and on Sunday, he had lunch with his brother - very awkward and very annoying, but he dragged it out for long enough to not have to stay home with Taeyeon for too long.
On Monday he decided to have a self-care day and took a bath and applied several lotions and masks after, then spent the rest of the afternoon writing. When Taeyeon came home, he was watching something on TV and only absentmindedly waved at him.
After the other got changed and washed his hands, he sat down next to Jisung on the sofa. He placed a hand on Jisung's leg and asked: "How was your day?"
It wasn't unusual of him to ask about Jisung's day in that tone, but he usually didn't touch his leg. Now Jisung also noticed that he sat closer to him than he normally would. He looked at his husband surprised.
"My day was good. How was yours?"
"Oh, it was okay." He stretched and then put his arm around Jisung's shoulder. Now this was getting weird. "But let's not talk about that."
He gave Jisung a smile as soft as he had never seen it - Taeyeon was not the person to show emotions - and started threading his fingers through his hair.
Jisung was kind of dumbfounded and didn't know what to do. Sure, he liked skinship but he didn't feel close enough to Taeyeon for this? And since when was he even that affectionate? He somewhat appreciated the kindness he showed, maybe he had noticed that Jisung had been a bit off recently, but their relationship really wasn't like that.
When Taeyeon's hand wandered down to his nape and he started leaning in, Jisung started to panic. This wasn't supposed to happen. They had a solely platonic relationship, even though they were married, and why would Taeyeon suddenly want to change that? He considered running away, or telling Taeyeon to stop, but he didn't want to ruin their relationship. After all, they were married and when he got married to him he had expected for this to happen anyways. Just that after the kiss at their wedding ceremony nothing had happened ever again, so he'd been glad he wouldn't have to deal with that part of marriage.
He really didn't love Taeyeon. He wasn't even sure if he even liked him at all. But maybe you didn't have to be in love with someone to kiss them. It was all just a kiss anyways. Nothing that would change his life.
While he was still thinking, Taeyeon's lips were already moving against his. Jisung was mostly fighting against his own urge to struggle out of Taeyeon's grip. He tried really hard to return the kiss.
It wasn't really that bad. Taeyeon was a good kisser. He just didn't really feel anything, it just felt ... empty. And when he let everything go and just focused on kissing he could see the face of - OH MY GOD.
"What's wrong?"
Jisung had suddenly jumped back to the other end of the sofa, pushing away Taeyeon in the process, and was breathing hard.
"I just ... felt a mosquito bite me and got shocked", he tried to explain himself, still out of breath.
Taeyeon looked like he was considering whether to believe him or ask more questions.
"I just remembered I need to check the meal plan for this week. Let's continue this another time."
He almost sprinted away, quickly trying to find something to distract himself with.
After that night, things like these became a more common thing between them. Jisung got used to Taeyeon giving him kisses when he left for or returned from work, they sometimes made out, Taeyeon would be more touchy than before. It was all okay, just another part of married life that he had to deal with. And it wasn't really that bad, after all he hadn't made out with someone in a while and now this was the only person he could make out with anyways.
Just that every time it happened, he felt a little more empty...
On a Thursday night, he was sitting in a restaurant with Taeyeon, waiting for his in-laws. Taeyeon had come home from work earlier just for this meeting and was busy with his phone the whole time, leaving Jisung bored.
"Did you get permission to build that new petrol drilling platform in Wilmington?" He barely ever asked about Taeyeon's work because he wasn't interested in it, but he wanted to fight his boredom. And the man had been talking about this stupid platform for days.
He realized that he hadn't really talked to anyone in a few days, at least not a real conversation. His friends were all on vacation right now.
Taeyeon was immediately interested. "Yes, we did. Honestly, it wasn't much of an act. Usually authorities don't even check the documents. They already know our company anyways. The mayor has been to several of our events."
Jisung: "I thought they put guidelines in place to make sure the platforms aren't damaging the environment too much and stuff."
Taeyeon smirked. "Yeah, so people are quiet and don't demand them to stop drilling petrol. The politicians don't really care about this. Most of them have connections to someone from the fossil fuels industry anyways. They benefit from us."
"So they're lying to them?"
"Yeah, but it's to make them feel better." Taeyeon shrugged. "In the end people don't really care, they just want to feel better knowing that something is being done."
Jisung knew of practices like lobbyism and bribery in the industry. After all, his father's business wasn't any different. But now he suddenly felt like this was wrong.
"But if fossil fuels are really that damaging to the planet ... isn't it wrong that we still build new platforms and everything...?"
Taeyeon had a disbelieving expression on his face. "Jisung, do you know that fossil fuels are what pays all our luxury? Do you think we could live in such a big house otherwise? Do you think we could have staff that cooks and cleans for us? We would probably live in a small apartment and you would have to cook every day. Maybe even go to work."
That was true, and Jisung knew that. Yes, no matter how immoral it was, he would never give up his wealth for anything.
"But Lee Minho owns renewable energy and he still has a lot of money. Why can't we do that?"
Taeyeon looked at him as if he'd just mentioned a forbidden name. Then he took a deep breath and said: "He has a lot of money because renewable energy is a new thing. A lot of people invest in it because they hope to make a good deal. But just like all new innovations, this one is gonna die out soon. The stocks will collapse and Lee Minho will sit there with nothing. Believe me, no one who has power supports renewable energy taking over fossil fuels. The world won't change, no matter if it's the right thing to do or not."
Jisung stayed quiet. Taeyeon was probably right. If all people in power were involved in the fossil fuel industry, no one would be interested in giving up their wealth just to save a planet they wouldn't live on in a few years anymore anyways.
"What about other industries? Like the fashion industry? Wouldn't it be interesting to invest in that?"
Taeyeon snorted. "The fashion industry mostly runs with fossil fuels, too. It isn't any better for the planet. And if you're so smart, why don't you start your own business? You can earn money and I'll stay at home and enjoy myself."
That made Jisung shut up. He knew he was dependent on Taeyeon, and he shouldn't be ungrateful for being able to live such a comfortable life.
Taeyeon turned his attention back to his phone and Jisung was studying the menu until his husband's parents finally arrived.
"Hi, Jisung! Hi, Taeyeon!" They gave each other cheek kisses - a habit that Jisung hated - then they all sat down.
"So, did you study the menu already?", Taeyeon's mom asked.
"Not yet", Taeyeon replied.
"Yeah, I already decided what I'm gonna get", Jisung said at the same time.
Everyone was staring at him judgmentally. Jisung felt discouraged. No matter what he did, it was always wrong. What did they expect him to do while he was waiting?
"But I don't mind waiting", he quickly added. The others turned their attention back to the menu.
Once they had all ordered, Taeyeon's mom got to more important business. "Jisung, did you have someone change the curtain in the living room already?"
He hadn't, and he didn't know how it was that woman's business what he did with his own house's interior, but he smiled and replied: "I'm on it."
"I want to come over with Taeyeon's grandma on Sunday and I think it would be best if it would be fixed by then. My mom has a good eye for such things."
Well, that was also a nice way to tell him to expect visitors on the weekend. Great. Now he had to get everything ready last minute. Jisung felt annoyed at his mother-in-law for telling him so late, but he was even more mad at himself for always procrastinating on things that needed to get fixed and then facing difficulties because of it. He could have just called a repairman as soon as he (or more like Taeyeon's mom) noticed the curtain rail was broken.
"Don't worry, Mom, we'll get everything ready in time", Taeyeon said with a calming smile.
Jisung felt a bit consoled by his husband's words, but then he remembered that he was just saying that to comfort his mother. It would still be his job to get everything ready, and he would be blamed if something didn't get done.
Jisung hated phone calls. He'd never had to call strangers before he got married. It felt so weird. Most of the time he didn't even know what to say, so he had Seungmin send him a text he could read from during the call.
"Soyeon, don't make such a big thing out of everything", his father-in-law intervened. "The kids can fix things on their own, they're old enough." He smiled at the two and Jisung felt a little bit better.
His father-in-law was definitely the one he liked more, though he was also not much better than any of the other men in this upper class society. He was business-oriented, money hungry, intolerant to any behaviors that weren't the norm in his eyes and ambitious. But at least that meant that his focus was mostly on Taeyeon, and Taeyeon was the perfect example of what he thought a good son should be like. As he was just making clear right now.
"Look at my son. He managed to get the deal to build a new drilling platform all by himself. Soon he'll be able to take over my whole business if he continues like that." He laughed contently, holding his fat belly and patted Taeyeon's shoulder. His son just smiled politely.
Yes, Taeyeon was the perfect son to his parents, just like Jisung's brother was to his parents. And he was just ... Jisung. A disgrace but they accepted him as long as he did what they wanted.
The evening continued with a more friendly ambience after Taeyeon's dad had directed the conversation to Taeyeon's business successes, and Jisung started to feel a bit more comfortable, even getting a few compliments from Mrs. Go on his way to lead his household.
Still, even when they drove back home, Jisung couldn't fight off that feeling of not being enough. Of not having been enough for anyone, ever... And he knew that he would now have to dedicate his whole life to being exactly that.