Chan woke up early on Christmas morning to prepare breakfast for the house, Minho and Jisung as his accomplices. He learnt to knock or open the door ajar and yell into their room to wake them up after walking in on them naked under their sheets. Luckily, the blanket usually covered what mattered.
The three of them prepared chocolate chip pancakes which proved to be harder than it seemed. One large bowl of batter wasn't enough for a family of 9. Between spilling batter on the counters and losing pancakes that stuck to the pan, they were reminded why they rarely ate them. They had just wanted a typical breakfast.
"Han, stop stuffing your face with the chocolate chips, you look like a chipmunk," Chan teased, waving the spatula at him. The younger man acted like he wasn't being seen the whole time.
"It wasn't me." Jisung spun around like a deer- well chipmunk caught in headlights, eyes wide and cheeks puffed. He was mixing the batter from his seat by the kitchen island and frequently sneaking the sweet toppings.
Minho giggled. "Let him be, he's cute."
Chan prepared to argue with him but relented. It was Christmas morning, he didn't need to play father today. He ruffled Jisung's hair affectionately.
"Fine, you can have some. But make sure there is enough for the pancakes alright?"
Jisung nodded and went back to working with the batter. After many failed attempts, they were able to gauge how long they needed to cook it for it to be perfect. They still nibbled at the salvageable pancakes as they were peckish and didn't want to waste so much.
At some point, after the last batch of batter was made, Jisung decided to try and cook some. Minho stood behind his boyfriend, lifted him slightly with his arms around his waist. Chan sat on the counter chair and watched them fondly. He did secretly adore how smitten they were for each other.
Chan wanted his members to find someone one day, even if it was hard considering their occupation. Minho and Jisung finding it with each other was a blessing. It had never really been a secret. Every member showed affection to each other in their own way, but it had always been different between those two. Their chemistry was different.
"It's going to burn..." Minho piped up, bouncing him.
"No, it's not! Trust me, Jagi." Jisung tilted his head to come face to face with his boyfriend. They seemed like they wanted to kiss but then glanced at Chan who looked away quickly.
"I am completely blind to whatever you do next," Chan said wistfully, spinning around in his chair. Now if he heard a smooch, no he didn't. But he did smell the burning of a pancake.
~
Minho and Jisung went to fetch the members downstairs and Chan naturally gravitated upstairs to Lex's room once they were done preparing breakfast. She hadn't slept in the same room as him last night but said she would tonight. It didn't seem like she was forgetting what happened in Kobe any time soon.
Even though they had been granted protection by the Yakuza unit located in Australia, their celebrations and festivities were not shared by Lex, who had become a shell of a person since what went down in Kobe. The blood on her hands overwhelmed her at points. She wasn't sure if that made her a good or bad person.
Chan reached her door when he heard muffled voices on the other side. She was talking to someone. He had a conniving urge to eavesdrop but shook it off. No, he respected and trusted her. He knocked on the door and the talking ceased.
"It's open!" Lex's voice called out.
Chan twisted the doorknob and opened the door. On the bed was Lex scooted up to where her pillow should be and near the bottom was Seungmin, both in their pyjamas. They both greeted him with a good morning and Merry Christmas.
"Merry Christmas. What's up?"
"Seungmin and I were just talking about..." Lex trailed off, though it seemed to be more like she was embarrassed to say it rather than searching for an excuse.
"The shit that went down in Kobe. That's all." Seungmin finished her sentence and Chan could tell he was nothing but sincere. He had a good radar of being able to identify whether his members were lying to him, whether he called it out was another question.
"Yeah, don't worry, I trust you guys," Chan reassured, earning a generous smile from his girlfriend. "Just letting you know that breakfast is ready."
"Oh heck yeah." Seungmin scrambled off the bed and raced out of the room, his baggy shirt flowing behind him.
Lex snickered then hopped off the bed carefully, walking up to Chan. In her tank top, old scars and new scars were all visible. The fresh ones were still red but not welting anymore. Against her skin tone, there were still white scars littered across her arms.
She wrapped her arms around his waist. "Hi."
"Hey, you doing alright?" Chan wrapped an arm around the back of her neck and the other around her waist to avoid her wounds. It became their compromised way of hugging after she had screeched at him.
"Better since talking to Seungmin. But that's every day, better but never good. My head's been so fucked ever since then." Lex said truthfully, perhaps the most honest she's been so far. Except she had blurted almost everything to Seungmin and he did the same.
Seungmin had executed his first kill on that battlefield too, the only person he had even attacked. Then he had fled from the field, going to hide until it was all over. He had felt like nothing but a scared little boy, but he couldn't do it. It explained why he was practically unharmed by the end. Jeongin had tried to avoid it too and he nearly got gutted for it.
"Yeah, that's understandable." Chan kissed her head a bunch. "Remember we're here for you. I know what you did wasn't easy, it won't be for a while. But don't let it consume you. You still have your life ahead of you."
That man did too*, she thought. But she had to remind herself that he would've killed Chan if she hasn't stepped in. She took in a deep breath. "I just need to keep telling myself that."
Chan lift her head with his fingers under her chin and kissed her on the lips. "I love you, Lexy."
She sighed. "I love you too, "Chrissy."
With a last kiss, they went to leave the room together. The smell of chocolate pancakes was enticing her too. They could hear the other members shouting festivities to each other. They had reached the top of the stairs when she stopped.
"Oh!" She exclaimed suddenly, freezing. "Merry CHRISmas. Chris Mass."
Chan laughed merrily, entwining their hands. "Genius, Lex."
~
"There could've been more chocolate chips..." Felix commented as he dragged his fork across his pancake to cut it. Since he only had one working arm, he ditched the knife. Almost everyone offered to cut them for him but he insisted on being independent.
"Yeah I know right, it's crazy how Chan ate them all," Minho gushed dramatically, staring at Chan like he was insane. The leader glared at him hard, raising his eyebrows threateningly.
"Ugh, fine it was me," Minho remarked, reaching for the syrup. Still not the truth but at least Chan wasn't under the bus anymore. Naturally, he defended Jisung. Anyone else he'd throw under the bus, but his beloved boyfriend? Never.
"Still delicious though," Changbin praised, covering his mouth as he chewed. There was a murmur of agreement.
What took 3 hours to make was gone within 30 minutes. Though it had been worth it as everyone was full and satisfied. They remained around the table for another hour, chatting and reminiscing. It was a nice change and something they needed.
Christmas day was perhaps one of the last days they would have together at HQ before they relocated to a new faction. It was a place built under the city, away from the public eye. Their business seemed to have been running for a long time. It was worth it in the end, if it meant they were protected. It was all Chan wanted, to protect his members when he couldn't. But it was a big change to what they were used to.
Their Christmas celebration was going to run the whole day but it was up to each of them if they wanted to join or change activities. Even through everything, the majority of them did Christmas shopping while in Japan and few did last minute shopping. Lex felt ashamed she hadn't actually bought them anything. It had crossed her mind maybe once then left and never came back. She didn't want to accept gifts while she was empty-handed. It felt wrong to and she thought she didn't deserve them.
Lex wore the Christmas hat low on her head, barely sitting above her eyebrows. As if it would prevent her from being seen. Chan thought she looked cute with her hair out and the hat pulled over it. Minho wore the foil ring Lex had gifted him back at the orphanage. He had even shown her the ring when she joined to prove his loyalty. The sentiment was sweet but short-lived. Lex still seemed to be distant half the time, blocking out everyone at random moments. They were all aware it was still the aftermath of Kobe, and was patient with her, as with Seungmin.
Presents that were kept hidden in their rooms or suitcases were brought out in the morning. They had put their flimsy Christmas tree up but it was only for display. Now as they sat around it, present names were called out and passed around. Lex started to feel relieved when none of the gifts had her name on them.
Until the last present was handed out. Chan and Minho shared a look while the others started glancing at her. She picked up on it when it had been quiet. When she looked up, her cheeks warmed with shame. Had they noticed she hadn't bought them anything? Could they stop staring at her?
"Lex, we have something to show you. Come on," Minho announced, extending a hand to her.
Lex hesitantly accepted his hand without a word. What was happening? The others began to follow them as she followed Minho to the back door. She felt like she was being led to her execution. Chan wrapped an arm around her, causing her to relax her tense shoulders. Surely he wouldn't want her dead. What was she even being paranoid for? She trusted them.
When they reached the backyard door, Chan covered her eyes with his hands. Lex squirmed slightly, disliking the feeling of having one of her senses cut off. She stayed calm but screwed her eyes shut even more. There was rustling from around her, indicating the others brushed past her.
"Okay, open."
Lex sighed as he dropped his hands. Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened when she saw what they were standing around. A brand new Ducati motorbike. It was a shiny black and accented by orange markings. It was much more modern than her sabotaged one. It was beautiful. She was stunned, her gaze fixed on the bike.
"Is that... For me?"
"It's all yours." Jeongin grinned, handing her the keys that he had kept in his pocket.
They had all planned it right before leaving Japan after hearing about what happened to her bike. Chan was pleased to hear that every member liked her enough to agree to put in money for her new motorbike. They had been paid handsomely for their heist and owed it to Lex. Their ally, Jae, helped them find a good manufacturer. It took a while but paid off. Seeing her reaction was worth it.
Lex stared at the keys in her hands, contemplating whether she should accept it. The motorbike was beautiful beyond relief, the thought of riding it sparked a flame that had been extinguished within the last few weeks. Yet, she couldn't take it.
"I can't accept this guys." She glanced at each of them. "It's amazing, I love it, really. But I can't."
"Of course you can, it's a gift to you," Chan responded cheerily, flashing her a dimpled smile.
"It's too much... I didn't even get you guys anything." Her previous relief about getting nothing now felt shameful. They had bought her a gift, a great one, and she hadn't gotten any of them anything. Not even Chan, who was eying her in anticipation.
Minho scoffed. "Pfft, we don't care. We wanted to do this for you so, you better accept it."
There was a chorus of agreement and it was hard to refuse again. Lex's gaze flickered between the keys and the members. Was it as tough of a decision as she was making it? With a small smile, her hand clenched around the keys. Then she surged forward and hugged both Chan and Minho, once again grateful for each of them.
"Thank you," Lex murmured with utmost sincerity. The members started to join in, wrapping their arms around the growing circle. Soon they were engulfed in one big hug. "This is really sweet guys. I appreciate it."
"Don't mention it. We're just glad to have you." Minho ruffled her hair.
They all stepped back and she was able to look at them all individually. She sometimes had trouble showing her appreciation for things. But she was damn well going to try for them. The thought behind the motorbike was beyond anything she ever expected.
Whether it was luck or global warming, they were awarded a cool summer day. It was overcast outside and looked to be on the edge of sprinkling. It wasn't snow but at least they could enjoy Christmas hats and sweaters without sweating pools. Everyone went it, after hugging Lex individually. Then it was just her and Chan, who cupped her cheeks in his hand.
"You like it?"
"I love it. It's amazing. I'm excited to ride again without possibly dying," She said playfully, feeling lighter for the moment. The thrill of riding her motorbike hadn't dawned on her until now. How freeing was it to ride on a cool night? Speeding down high ways with the wind brushing her face.
"I'm glad. I know you love to, and that last bike needed an upgrade."
"It... Yeah. Thank you so much. I can't thank the others enough either."
"You deserve it." Chan kissed her on the lips. She visible relaxed her shoulders again, slumping against the kiss. It had become common for her to randomly tense up. But being with Chan was comforting. Especially at night.
"I'm sorry I didn't get you anything..." Lex mumbled with her cheek against his chest. They had bought her a motorbike and she had nothing in return. Not even for Chan.
"I don't care." He squished her cheeks together, earning a glare. "I just like you."
"I'll make it up to you some time."
"I know you will."
They walked back inside hand in hand. They pulled out a karaoke machine that had been collecting dust in a supply closet for who knows how long. Lex thought the only one they had was left behind at their hideout. It gave her a little hope to know she could hear each of them sing. There had been little she found interest in lately, so this was a highlight. She loved all their voices, especially Chan's.
Seungmin excused himself at some point and disappeared down the stairs. They continued their rendition of charades, earning laughs, cheers and curses. Seungmin appeared at the top of the basement stairs again, a brown plush tucked under his arm. When he sat next to Lex on the other side, she recognise it as the one she had given him months back, which felt like years already.
"You liked that a lot?"
"He had one like that when he was young," Jeongin blurted out. How many times had he seen a similar puppy plush on Seungmin's bed in his family home?
Seungmin stared at him, but it wasn't with an ounce of embarrassment. "Yeah, I did. It means a lot to me."
"So to you, it's like Gyu," Changbin piped up, referring to his beloved Munchlax plush.
Seungmin smiled kindly at him. "Exactly like Gyu."
Felix sat next to her, leaning his good shoulder on her. He smiled warmly at her and she returned it. They watched as Seungmin and Chan sang their hearts out for All I Want For Christmas. In addition, Changbin and Jisung were having a blast ripping open the Christmas crackers. Soon, everyone had their own paper crowns.
Felix turned to her, his face serious despite the orange crown atop his brown hair. "Have you been okay?"
"Hm? Yeah, fine." Lex took a sip from the bottle in her hand.
"Really? You're the only one drinking at 4pm." Felix glanced at the cider in her grasp. He wasn't judging, merely concerned. She hadn't participated in anything either, simply observing them with mild interest.
Lex looked at the label of her drink as if forgetting it was alcohol. In truth, she hadn't even thought about it. The fridge had been stocked with it. "And? Usually I abstain from drinking so this isn't a big deal. It's Christmas."
"Lex..."
"Just feel guilty that I didn't get anyone anything." She shrugged. Not the whole truth, but enough to convince him. Since when did everyone care? She was starting to think she was the main character.
"Aw, it's okay. We understand." Felix reassured, believing her too quickly. It was a blessing and a curse at times. "Besides, you get us random things on regular days. I'm just glad we could all spend it together."
"It's my first celebrated Christmas... With people I care about I mean," She muttered softly, scratching at the label on her bottle.
"Really? That's right, I forgot. Well I hope it's bett-"
"Felix! Catch." Minho bonked a beach ball at Felix's head. It bounced off his face once and fell to his lap, leaving an unamused Felix staring behind.
"Don't bully him because he's got one arm." Lex spiked the beach ball back at Minho which he couldn't dodge in time. This started a fight where random items were thrown at one another.
At first it annoyed her, but it started to become amusing. Lex shielded Felix from pillow attacks while he cheered her on. Hyunjin charged at her with a sleek cushion which she tried o avoid by backing up, only to trip over the coffee table and land on Changbin. The day proved to be a fun time for all of them.
Their dinner was a feast that they had prepped days in advance. Since joining the gang, Lex had become well fed. She vowed to never take food for granted. Full meals and real food was something she rarely had at her motel. Mainly because she didn't know how to. But she was going to enjoy every bite of it.
~
"Honey," Chan whispered. Lex was asleep in front of him, laying on her healed shoulder to prevent her forearm from chafing. She had stopped drinking early, so she went to bed sobered up. They had partied well into the night, singing and playing board games while intoxicated. Twister was a mess and a half when they were too heavy-headed to balance properly. Jisung had attempted twister and ended up squashing Hyunjin underneath him.
Everyone else was knocked out and most likely would be until midday. Meanwhile, he was wide awake and being conscious longer than everyone else was bound to make him hungry. And what did he like to do when he was hungry at midnight?
"Honey, honey, honey," Chan repeated, starting to shake her gently. Lex groaned then stirred in her sleep.
After a moment, her eyes pried open and she was glaring at Chan from them, his nightlight providing minimal lighting but enough to see each other. Was he watching me sleep? Weirdo.*
"The fuck? Were you calling me honey?" Lex rubbed at her eyes. Well for once she wasn't getting a nightmare, it had actually been a dreamless sleep but she wasn't mad. What could provoke Chan to wake her up at this time?
"Yeah..." Chan placed his hand on her cheek and caressed it with his thumb. "Sooooo, the thing is, I'm hungry."
"Mhm, what's that got to do with me?" She grumbled, scooching closer to him.
"Any ideas?"
"Bro, I can't even think right now..." She groaned. After she rolled onto her back, she gasped suddenly, making Chan flinch. "Maccas! Oh man, the answer to my problems is a good cheeseburger right now- No! A McFlurry."
"So you'll come?" He squeezed her cheek, grinning widely. He knew he could count on his partner in crime.
She sat up, yawning. Of course she would. It had been ages and to feel the same happiness she did the first time was not an opportunity she'd pass up. "I need anything to make me feel normal again."
"Well you have me and Maccas. That's two meals for you?"
Lex blinked then smirked. Chan being confident in himself was encouraged. "Hell yeah, you are."
~
"Lex?"
"Hm?"
"You just finished that whole thing without saying a word." Chan observed the way she had blankly eaten through her food, staring into nothing out of the front of the car. At some point, she had zoned out while they were silent.
She blinked and glanced at her lap. "Guess I did."
Chan stayed quiet but was watching her with concern as he slowly nibble on his food. He knew what was up. The same thing Seungmin was going through. The man had come into his office one day to confess it to him. He knew that was what the two of them were talking about together a lot.
"I know what you're going to say," Lex said suddenly as if reading his mind. She was still staring out the front. "You don't need to bother, I know it myself. It's just going to take time before my mind believes me."
"Yeah, okay. Remember, we're here for you."
"I know. Thank you." Lex faced him, a small smile playing on her lips. "That cheeseburger was bomb though."
Chan laughed, offering her some of his fries. "You even taste it?"
"Not really, but mmm the aftertaste." Lex snickered, accepting his offer. Chan loved sharing his food with her. Chivalry wasn't dead.
With her attention on Chan, they were able to hold a conversation and talk like they used to. It wasn't returning to normal, but it was a step closer. When they finished their main meals, Chan insisted she get out of the car before dragging her to the backseat where they cuddled for a while.
Lex sat on his lap, resting her head on his shoulder. Some of her intrusive thoughts returned but she focused on Chan rubbing her shoulder and back. She started eating her McFlurry quickly when it started to melt and Chan wrapped his arms around her. She was exhausted. It had been piling up on her for a while.
"Up for blasting some music?" Chan whispered. He handed her the apple pie he bought for himself but decided she should have. She had been eyeing it so she happily accepted it.
She kissed his chin. "Only if you're singing."
"You know it." Chan winked then bluetoothed his phone to the stereo.
They drove down a different road home for a joyride, blaring Christmas carols. Lex's favourite was Chan singing All I Want For Christmas. He rested a hand on her thigh and sang his heart out, tilting his head from side to side. It was hard not to jam with him when he was doing his best to create a cheery mood.
Lex had heard it enough times to know the lyrics. On the barren roads, they held hands over the shift stick while singing together. She knew it was going to take time, but she had people around when she never did before. Seungmin, Minho, she had trusted people.
~
Published: 4th January 2022
Happy New Years! Hope everyone had a good holiday.
Also I just realised I asked you guys for your bias despite this being a Chan fanfiction *facepalm*