Nathan showed up to Josie's house, almost surprised to see she was ready to go. More surprising, though, was the scowl on her face when she opened the door, glaring up at him.
"Am I late?" he wondered, perplexed, rubbing his neck.
"No, you're on time," she reassured him before unwrapping the scarf from her neck, looking him directly in his eyes, .
Nathan didn't understand the issue, his eyebrows knitting together as he looked at her.
His eyes raked her over in the mini skirt and button up blouse. He could see the hickeys he'd left on her neck as he made his way up, and he bit his lip to prevent himself smiling.
"So you think this shit is funny?" she wondered.
"Do I think what is funny?"
Josie glared lasers into Nathan, her lips pursed as she placed a hand on her hip. She knew that he had noticed the hickeys. There was no other reason for the goofy ass grin that suddenly touched his lips.
"These fucking hickeys?"
Now, Nathan fell into a fit of laughter, and Josie wasn't a bit amused as she huffed out a breath.
"I didn't think they were funny, Josie. However, your reaction to them is hilarious."
"Well I don't find anything about this funny. I am a grown ass woman and you will not be marking your territory like I am some teenage girl."
Nathan didn't make any reply to this statement, instead reaching his hand out for hers. The fact that he hadn't said anything didn't pass Josie by.
"You look nice, Josie."
"Mm hm."
Nathan chuckled. He had never met a woman with such a strong reaction to hickeys. He hadn't even meant to leave them. He was just in the moment, just as she must have been not to notice him leaving them.
Josie locked the house up and Nathan led her to his car, helping her in before he walked around. When he got in, he glanced at her, still chuckling under his breath before he pulled into traffic.
Josie just rolled her eyes and sat back to enjoy the ride.
It told Nathan something that she didn't ask any questions about where he was taking her. Whether she knew it or not, it signified to him that she trusted him, even if only slightly.
He took her Nuxa Bar and Grille, glancing over at her before he got out. "Have you been here before?" he asked her, and she smirked slightly as he took her hand. She didn't answer the question, but it was soon answered when the hostess recognized her and greeted her by name. She then looked confused momentarily as she bit her lip before asking, "Whose usual table?"
"We'll do the outdoor bar," Nathan answered, looking down at Josie for a moment.
The hostess led the two outside and to the bar. When they sat down, Josie just smiled over at Nathan and he shook his head.
All this time, they had been frequenting the same bar. He could have run into her any number of times. He could have glanced over her a million times and never have known it.
"I really like their burgers," she explained. "And the cocktails aren't half bad either. I come with my sister usually on Saturdays when she's free."
"You mean that I could have met you much sooner?"
"Possibly. But I think we met just when we were supposed to."
Nathan didn't understand why she felt that way. If he could have met her months, even years, sooner, he would have gone out of his way to do just that.
The bartender came over and took their orders, and Josie's eyes trailed to the water. She hadn't seemed tense before, but suddenly, she seemed far more serene just looking at the water.
"How long have you been modeling?" Nathan asked.
"Started when I was twenty-one. I was doing a favor for a friend, and the photographer liked me. He asked me to do another shoot for him. I was a little hesitant, but he talked me into it, and before I knew it, I was working for other photographers. Turned out that I really liked it. It's not always the easiest work, but I couldn't imagine doing anything other than what I'm doing now. I'm just grateful that I can do something I love to sustain myself. I mean, the modeling is the bonus, but the yoga, I'm all about that."
Nathan could see the passion in Josie's eyes. He knew then, that like him, she had no plan B. Nothing else that she would have been doing if she wasn't doing yoga. He liked that about her, that she wanted it and she went for it.
"How old were you when you knew that you wanted to play baseball?" she wondered as their drinks came.
"I don't remember," he admitted. "Probably about three or four. That's when my father put me in a little league. I'm sure it's something I asked for. When did you take up yoga?"
"Birth," Josie joked, laughing as if she had told the funniest joke. Nathan admired her smile as she tossed her head back. "My mom was so West Coast. Such the Californian, so concerned about fitness. Sometimes, I just sit and look at old home videos of us doing yoga when I was a baby."
"So you really started yoga at birth?"
"Pretty much." She grinned at him. "There are poses you can put a baby in. I would spend my summers and weekends in her yoga studio. All her students loved me. You would never imagine all the little trinkets they would bring in on Saturday mornings knowing that I was coming."
A sigh escaped Josie's lips as she reflected back on her childhood. Her eyes again drifted to the ocean, and she stared as if she could become that water. As if she could immerse herself and have no more troubles.
"When did you come to Florida, then?" Nathan wondered.
"When I was fourteen. I don't think I ever fully adjusted until recently. I found out all the family I have is right here, and I think for a long time I was afraid instead of embracing it."
"Why were you afraid?"
Josie said nothing to that, staring back at the water. He could tell that he wasn't going to receive an answer to that. At least, not right away.
"Did you play any other sports as a kid? You know, just for the fun of it?" she wondered, still looking over the water.
"I still on occasion play a little basketball and some football. I tried soccer once, and it wasn't for me."
That put a huge smile across Josie's face. "At least you've tried it. My family is big on soccer."
Nathan could tell that Josie was listening from her detailed responses, but he could also tell that she was partially somewhere else. She seemed so far away while she was sitting right beside him, and he decided that wherever she had gone in her mind, he was going to let her stay awhile as their food came. He asked for boxes and their check.
Josie had become so involved in her thoughts once Nathan stopped speaking that she hadn't even noticed that he'd boxed their food up until he reached for her hand.
"Why are we leaving?"
"You're not here, Josie."
"Oh, no, Nathan-"
"It's fine, Josie. We can try lunch some other time. In the meantime, why don't we just head back to your place where we'll have our privacy," he suggested, and she nodded.
He took her back home, and she was silent the whole way there. She took him inside and took the two boxes to put into the refrigerator, asking him to sit on the sofa and make himself comfortable. She brought two bottled waters to the front and sat on her recliner cross-legged.
"Josie?" he asked.
She looked up at him, seeming to be a little more with him mentally. "Yes?"
"Why were you afraid?" he asked again.
Josie said nothing for a few heartbeats, looking him in the eyes. "For a long time, I never made peace with my parents' death. It happened so suddenly, one moment they were there, and the next they weren't. I spent my whole adult life so afraid that everyone else I loved was going to leave me that way too. I was afraid to get close to people. And I ruined a lot of otherwise healthy, good relationships that way. I've pushed so many people away from me when I should have been holding them closer. And I guess I pushed them away because I was afraid to cling."
Josie looked down, fiddling with the hem of her skirt as she took a deep breath.
"I visited California this summer, and I stayed there for a couple months alone. I turned off my phone except for a couple hours every day when I would talk to my parents and my best friend. I found myself there, I found my center. And I came to realize that I had allowed the inevitable to take its toll on me. I was such a control freak. No one would expect a woman who does yogic meditation to be so anxious. So preoccupied with death instead of life. But my parents were taken from me much too soon. I guess when I went back to California, I just kind of realized that I can't spend my life obsessed with death. We're all going to get to the other side someday in some way. But in the meantime, I'm going to have to live. And that's what I've been doing since I discovered that. I'm living. My parents would want me to live."
Nathan had heard the whole and took in everything that had been said. But he was a little confused about something.
"If your parents died, how were you talking to them on the phone?"
Josie had forgotten that she and Nathan were just getting to know each other. She had never revealed this part of herself to someone so soon. Getting naked and opening her legs had never been an issue. Baring her soul had.
"I came here with my godparents. I call them my parents. When you see me with them, you'll hear me refer to them as any variations of Mom and Dad."
"I see."
There was silence between the two for a little while. Nathan was sure that he could get more out of Josie, but he could see that it was taking a toll on her, and he didn't want to pull it all out of her at one time.
"So that was your mom who came in this morning?"
Nathan sighed and brushed his hair forward with his hand. "Yea. That's my mom. Love her to death, but she knows how to strike a nerve."
"And ruin a good time," Josie muttered.
"I wasn't expecting her this morning. We didn't have any plans together. Lately, she's been just a little more dependent on my presence. I want her to find a hobby. Preferably a man, but a hobby is good."
"Your parents aren't still together?"
It was Nathan's turn to sigh. He looked up to the sky for a moment as he sat back and brushed his hair forward some more.
"My mother is a widow. My father died when I was eight. Since then, she'd put all of her energy into me. It wasn't something I really noticed when I was a child. We were all we had. But the older I get, I notice and I mind. I need her to get a man and stop using me as a proxy. She means well and I love her to death. But all that energy has to go somewhere else. I'm a grown man. I can do everything she did for myself. I want her to be with someone who will take that energy gladly or find something productive to do. Normally, when she pops up like that, I'm home alone so it's not as bad. But this morning, I was more irritated than usual about that."
"Could it be because you had a hard dick?" Josie suggested, getting up from her chair and sauntering over to him.
He looked up at her with a seductive smile on her face and her hand reached out for his. He took her hand and followed her to her bedroom, watching as she pulled a box of rubbers out of her nightstand.
This was the easy part for Josie. She was secure in her body. She enjoyed the admiration it received and the pleasure that came from being near another body. She hadn't been prepared to open up to Nathan and wasn't sure how he got that out of her.
Her fingers slid over his rugged chest before she moved to pull his t-shirt up and started on his belt.
Once he was completely nude, she opened a condom and put it on for him before pulling him down on the bed and climbing atop him, still in her skirt and blouse.
Nathan looked up at Josie, looking so at ease atop him. He wondered what had made her decide to keep her clothes on. He wasn't complaining because she felt good on top of him either way. But he did enjoy the sight of her naked glory.
Josie put Nathan to sleep and left the bed to go and clean herself up before she went to heat up her food and she stayed in the kitchen.
She tried to center herself. It had been a long time since she'd talked about her parents to someone. She missed them every day. She wasn't sure anyone would ever understand how it felt to be dropped off and three hours later, have the principal pulling you aside to tell you that something was wrong. She had lost her entire world that day. Even sometimes, making plans was hard for her. There had been so many plans for that day.
Josie finished her burger and made her way back to her room, sitting in front of her oceanic wall and she began to meditate. She didn't want to go back to that place. She had made it, she was here, and that was what was important.