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⇒ Star Lost Restaurant
2:30pm
"Felix, babe relax," Minho sighed, shaking his best friend's arm; dormant on the table, and frowning at the flared nostrils that he got in response. "I took you out to help you get shit off your mind, not to sit and think about it... Try talking about something- something that you love- baking? Tried any new recipes lately?"
"Min," Felix mumbled, idle gaze finding his thighs, and arm still unwilling to move despite Minho's touch against it. "Yes, I agreed to go out with you today, but that doesn't mean that it'll automatically make me okay," he paused when the waiter came up to their table, finally, and Felix couldn't help but chuckle at his best friend's hesitance to express verbal interest in the employee's visuals.
The unfamiliar male had some of the most youthful features that he had ever seen in a worker at such place, yet something about his walk and eyes just held some level of adult-like maturity. And it was more than obvious that Minho was taking his precious time to analyze each and every carving on the stranger's face to know whether he could make a move or not.
Noticing the customers' reluctance, said male giggled, bending an index finger up to his lips as he glanced down at his notepad. "My name is Jeongin," he started, still laughing, "and I am not a minor."
"O-oh," a flustered Minho answered, relieved, scratching his nape out of embarrassment. "I- we- I didn't mean to be so obvious... You just look so cute- uhm... young? Adorable... in a non-creepy way..."
Felix chuckled at the deep shade of pink tinting his friend's cheeks, and Minho's seemingly endless and almost incoherent stammering was enough confirmation that he could go ahead and make the order for them both. "I'll have the Japchae," he pointed at his menu, scoffing jokingly at the thankful look that Minho sent his way. "And I'm guessing same for Minho?"
"Minho?" Jeongin sang teasingly, taking the man's obvious interest as a green light to nudge his shoulder. "Same for you?"
"Y-yeah," Minho sighed, too flustered for his own good. "And just water will be fine for me to drink..."
"Alright," Jeongin nodded, jotting down the conclusion of both males' orders and, flashing Minho a light wink before going over to the back of the counter. But that employee had to maintain heavy breaths as he walked across the floor of the restaurant because damn; the third day on the job and he already had a hot guy taking a liking to him. It felt good, to be honest, and Jeongin was not against the idea of writing his own little Wattpad story with a random customer from work.
Back at the table, Felix was frowning again, fiddling with the edge of his napkin and munching on some peanuts that Minho had practically forced him to eat, considering the new knowledge that he hadn't consumed anything substantial for the day.
"Minho," he whined as the older scolded him, burying his face into his palm. "I just haven't had much appetite, okay? Dealing with everything plus having to take care of Kai alone isn't easy, especially as I don't have my own vehicle... B-Binnie hasn't been home in two whole days, Minho, and I still haven't gotten enough courage to tell Chan what really happened yet..."
"Felix," Minho sighed empathetically, pausing to think of the most plausible advice for such a situation. "Changbin needs space, and that's understandable... He's hurt, and no offense but... I know how he feels, okay? I know what it feels like to have someone you love, stop loving you... So his pain is understandable... He'll come back when he's ready, okay?"
Felix hummed, nodding guiltily and not even certain that he could swallow the chewed-up nuts in his mouth. So he brought his napkin forward to spit it out, wiping his lips soon after. "I get it," he mumbled, tears prickling his eyes though he was so reluctant to let them out. "I- I understand..."
"Y-yeah, and with Chan, I mean, you have nothing to lose... Yes, you obviously need time before trying anything out with him but, it's him that you fell for, right? So why push him away? You and Bin's breakup would just be for nothing then," Minho spread a pained, faint smile, running a hand through his hair. "Why don't you tell him this afternoon, hm? I could watch Kai so that you two could have more privacy, and you know, not worry him too much?"
"I guess so," Felix pursed his lips in thought, not able to come up with any form of excuse to oppose Minho's suggestion. "Thank you, Min."
"Of course."
-
⇒ Blueprint Apartments
5:45pm
"Where's Kai?" Was Chan's first question as soon as he walked into Felix's apartment, and the latter's reply that the toddler was with a friend was enough to raise his anxiety even more in that smaller space. Chan did not want to be alone with Felix, and rationality, he couldn't help but assume that the younger had only set up that meeting to discuss the near clashing of their lips.
And yeah, Chan did not want that. He wasn't ready for the reiteration of one of his favorite yet most hated moments, as it'd only urge the feeling that he was struggling to simmer down to start boiling and overflowing to all parts of his body again.
Yes, overflowing, because the feelings that he claimed to hold for Felix were nurtured in his heart and, when they became too fed up with that secluded space, they'd just topple over, swimming down and up; a perfect example being the very reason for his body's sudden willingness to kiss Felix that one time.
So Chan feared that, but with the obligation to be polite, he took the seat opposite to Felix's on the dining table, finding the layout of dishes on its surface to be quite comedic since it was more than clear that neither of them had, or would have appetite anytime soon.
"So what- what exactly do you want to talk about?" He cleared his throat, spinning his fork idly in the plate of warm pasta before him. "Seeing that Kai isn't here... I think it's safe to assume that there's something you want to discuss?"
Slightly bothered by the man's formal jargon, Felix cleared his throat, sipping on his water to rid any dryness that'd cause a crack in his voice. "I- Changbin and I broke up," he spoke quickly, closing his eyes after the sounding of the last word but, questioning whether or not his speech was too fast for Chan to decipher since a rather awkward silence surfaced between them directly after.
But quite contrary to that thought, Chan had heard every syllable that Felix had let out. And the way that they were delivered to his heart was sort of bittersweet, but more on the bitter side.
Way more bitter than sweet.
Because yes, Felix was single, finally. He'd no longer have to feel guilty when flirting and, he'd no longer have to take someone else into consideration when planning a date but, at the same time, it had to be his fault.
And sitting there, thinking back on their very first meeting, Chan closed his eyes to observe the replay, like a movie behind his eyelids, of Changbin and Felix's relationship, well, past relationship; how the latter was always so bubbly and protective when it came to his boyfriend and, how Changbin never failed to display his love and affection for both Felix and Kai.
That hurt.
He ruined that.
So Chan sniffled, brushing a finger underneath his eye to wipe one tear that had escaped but, growing startled at the feeling of equally damp cheeks against his palms. He was crying; broken and split as if he was the main victim in that situation. Then, only to add insult to injury, said male thought about his son, not even able to smile at his mind's repainting of the toddler's giggles and grins whenever he was around or would talk about his best friend- father figure.
So Chan's presence as an addition to their lives did not only hurt the man that he grew to love, and another that he barely knew, but he hurt his son. His son.
Chan broke down, sobbing into his hands and even confusing Felix with such an empathetic display.
"Chan," Felix called, worried as he stood from his seat to near the older's side. "Chan- why are you crying?"
"I'm sorry," Chan sniffled, sitting up to wipe his tears as he was not willing to appear so vulnerable for a moment longer. "I- I'm sorry for everything," he apologized, dreading the unbendable fact that he had to expound. "I-I'm sorry for coming in between you two... I'm sorry... I'm really sorry..."
"Chan," Felix pursed his lips, fighting to keep back his own tears. "You- don't blame yourself... you didn't do anything-"
"Yeah, I did. If I wasn't so- so selfish, then he probably wouldn't have gotten jealous and... You two wouldn't have broken up..."
"Th-that's not why we broke up..." Felix confessed, hesitant to go further yet still continuing since hiding didn't seem to make sense in a situation like that. But then again, after comparing the possible outcomes of telling Chan that he had fallen in love with someone else, with that of simply leaving things as they were in the older's mind, Felix honestly was tempted to settle on the second.
But he didn't.
Because just as he was about to exhale and say it, the whisper of Chan's sentence that he might be in love with him replayed like an echo in his ears, and he could not help but smile softly at it. Because there was still a chance- no matter how much time it would take or, how many tears would be shed in the process, there was still a chance that his breakup was not in vain.
"It was because I fell for someone else," he stated smoothly, proud of himself for not stuttering. "So don't blame yourself for that, Chan."
"Oh," Chan hummed, blowing his nose into a dry napkin. "So it has nothing to do with me whatsoever?"
"Well," Felix started, but as soon as his tongue lifted to sound exactly what his heart had been screaming for the past time, his teeth bit down on it, unintentionally, but with the thought that skidded into his mind directly after, he could safely conclude that those molars had a mind of their own.
Because pondering on that piece of logic, Felix could only thank them for interrupting his speech, as that was probably the only way to be snapped back into his senses.
That was the only way to get his head out of the clouds to think ahead and, to really look at and analyze how life would most likely turn out if things were to really work out between him and Chan.
Because he fell out of love once.
So who was to say that he was not capable of doing so a second time?
Who was to say that he was not capable of hurting Chan, unwillingly, as he had done to Changbin? Who was to say that yet another important person would be ripped out of Kai's life so spontaneously?
Nobody.
And standing there, thinking about it all, and even regretting his introduction to that very confession, Felix had to gulp thickly to keep his knees from bending. His head suddenly ached and, unknowingly, his grip tightened on Chan's shoulders.
"Felix?" The older snapped him out of his trance, utterly puzzled by the younger's wide eyes, gazing down at one spot on the floor, as well as his dry, quivering lips. "Felix, are you okay..."
"Y-yeah," Felix lied, shifting to wipe his eyes and cheeks. "I- I was just thinking- I- I miss Binnie... a lot- I- he was my everything... But an argument got the best of us... And so... yeah."
"I-I'm so sorry," Chan mumbled, feeling less guilty, thankfully, and skipping over Felix's statement about loving someone else since he did not want to get his hopes up, and the latter part of the younger's admission seemed more important.
Standing to cup Felix's cheeks, he stroked both thumbs over the freckled skin, leaning in to kiss his forehead and hoping that that move wasn't too forward. "I'm really sorry... and I promise to be there for you, okay? Whatever you need, let me know... And of course, Kai too... If you all have to move out, then you can even move in with-"
"Chan," Felix stopped him with a light giggle, flattered and charmed by his offers, "you don't have to. I'll be fine, okay? This'll all blow over one day..."
"Okay," Chan hummed, sitting back down and watching as Felix made his self comfortable on the other side of the table. But then silence settled again, even more awkward than the first since they were both staring down at their thighs and fiddling with their fingernails like children.
So Chan soon became tired of it and, though it was most probably insensitive considering Felix's state of mind, he wanted, no, needed some form of closure as to how and why they were both so emerged in the deed of kissing that they almost did it.
His heart needed to know why, or rather, if something was there, that could grow in the future.
"I think we should talk about..." he started, voice trailing off unintentionally. "I- we're yet to talk about how we almost... kissed..."
"That was a mistake."
Ouch.
No hesitation or even a stutter? Gosh, Felix. So there was really nothing?
No, of course there was, but Chan didn't need to know that; for his own good and for the avoidance of a repeated situation with Felix's indecisive and gullible heart, he did not need to know the truth behind the blonde's cold sentence.
"W-what?" He stuttered, hurt and clearly unwilling to believe. "Us almost kissing was a mistake..."
"Chan I- I don't really want to talk about that right now," Felix looked down, chewing on his bottom lip and wishing that Chan would just give it up for the sake of both their sanities. "I'm not in the best state of mind to talk about it... I almost cheated on Binnie, and now we've broken up..."
"So it is my fault?"
"No."
"Felix, I- you're not making any sen- When is Kai getting home?"
"Tonight," Felix sighed, exhausted, dreading the fact that he had to store so much food away. "You want to pick him up later?"
Chan wasn't willing to push any further, so he thought that a low, "Yes please," would do as a response.
"You want some food to go with too?"
"Sure..."
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[A/N]
1. What do you think about Felix's logic on keeping his feelings to himself?
2. Do you think that Chan will try to develop a relationship with Felix now? Or do you think that Felix will push him away?
3. How do you think Changbin has been coping?